tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5621411024912516872024-02-07T17:09:41.827-08:00Little Musings[ w i s h e s on dandelions ]Meghanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11284714645081293757noreply@blogger.comBlogger200125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-562141102491251687.post-55940037978814293282013-10-10T23:29:00.004-07:002013-10-10T23:29:50.718-07:00He was my person.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
Their first performance. I started crying watching Finn walk on and sing. It all feels so different watching it now.<br />
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I know it's just a television show, but I really connected with this show when I first saw it. Nerds and outcasts feeling like they can belong through a unified passion.<br />
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And Finn was the cool kid that broke the barrier between "social classes" in their high school. He accepted and loved them all even though he wasn't "supposed" to. He was the jock, the quarterback, but most of all? He was a charming boy with a steal-your-heart voice, dashing smile and heart of gold.<br />
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He was always my favorite character -- there were times I didn't like his character or the choices, but I usually always cheered Finn on. He was the team leader. He was their quarterback, and now he's gone. :'( He was seriously starting to steal my heart all over again and was the only shining light left about the show in recent seasons...<br />
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They did a really fantastic job memorializing him this episode though. And did it tastefully. Mainly the original/older cast sang who could be apart of it. They technically had Finn die in the show, which I thought was the only way they could do it -- allow the cast to grieve together, and have closure. Not force them to pretend "Finn" was off somewhere in the world happy and alive as ever when he was truly not. The episode even attempted its quirky sense of humor in small, tactful bits, but there was still enough genuine and raw emotion that it left me crying with an aching heart. What we witnessed was true grief, not just acting.<br />
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The hardest part was just how real it all felt. Hold close to those you love. Tell them you love them everyday, be fully with them when you are with them. Regardless... You never know when you'll lose them, or how soon. Even the young can die -- we're not invincible. As Rachel's character choked back sobs, whispering how "he was her person", it made me realize that Rachel's true actor was Lea Michelle, and Lea Michelle's true love wasn't Finn, but Cory Monteith; and Cory was gone. Lea and Cory were meant to be married in a year. Lea's person was gone now.<br />
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To me, he was Finn. And he will forever live on as Finn.<br />
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<br />Meghanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11284714645081293757noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-562141102491251687.post-40785251955302046522013-10-10T12:18:00.002-07:002013-10-10T12:18:20.995-07:00This isn't make believe.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Eyyy-oh.<br />
<br />
So, last night browsing Facebook I came across an interesting article. Some event or speaker is coming up on October the 19th - he wrote a book? - to discuss some "historical discoveries/confessions" he came across to try and prove that Jesus Chris was a fictional character.<br />
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My heart sunk when reading this because it hurt so much to see people so radically against Christianity that they'd seek this kind of information out... the man says how he doesn't want to "intentionally hurt Christians in this way, but the world needs to know this truth". Within the article though it actually doesn't mention "confessions" but just "discoveries" and anything nowadays can be forged.<br />
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It's just scary that belief and faith can be wavered so easily, and that people are regularly trying to point their canons our way -- he mentions how this could be the "end of Christianity as we know it". He was mentioning how for Christians that want "a sure fire way out", this will give them "closure". He's also targeting "Christians" that use Christ's name for wrong (like Westboro Baptist Church, and others).<br />
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He's basically saying how the New Testament was written by a bunch of Romans who wanted to create a story that would help "control" their republic more -- I.E.: talk about this peaceful Messiah who has a "turn-the-cheek" philosophy instead of one that teaches to fight back, etc... that it's "Caesar's Jesus", and they use the Christian philosophy as a tactic for government control.<br />
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Regardless of what he's saying, I still believe in Christ, and His sacrifice, and God's plan for us. Who knows what this man has to say at this conference. I honestly don't know if I should even read it or watch it. I may pray about that.<br />
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The Old Testament frequently hints to Christ's birth, there have been ancient discoveries made that prove Noah's Ark. The idea of the pure suffering or being sacrificed for the unclean is consistent -- sacrificial lamb, giving up Isaac to God, etc... I myself have had lucid dreams of prophecy within the Bible, within the lines of Revelations and the end of the Earth and being raptured. I've had dreams where Jesus is in my dream, and I'm hugging Him and walking with Him. I felt a true Presence there -- not just some figment. My personal testimonies pale in comparison to what some people have witnessed: like those close to death speaking to someone not visible in the room to other eyes? Reaching out and smiling and talking about going Home peacefully? Who do you think was there? A hallucination?<br />
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Why would God not fulfill His promise to His people and give us a path of salvation? How can we answer where we truly came from, where sin came from, why humans are the way we are, without eventually looking toward a Creator? Can we REALLY think that it all came from a spontaneous explosion in the sky? That all the minuscule and atomic details and parallels within life were just "by chance" or "by science", and not intelligently thought out? So yes, there is a God, a Creator. So... why would a Creator leave His Creation hopeless and on their own? To die and just be in darkness instead of have an Eternal Home? Like that Rob Bell video = EVERYTHING is spiritual. and EVERYTHING can relate back to God and most of all, Christ.<br />
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I've witnessed the transformative power of believing in Christ within myself, and others. If this is all based around some "fictional character", no one would have true Joy. It would some how be deluded and forgotten in due time. We'd waver and instead of coming back, we'd stay gone. We'd find a new way.<br />
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But there is a Christ. There is Eternal hope through Him. I KNOW it. I know they'll probably argue that the "brain is a powerful thing" and that we are all "tricking ourselves" into believing these supernatural feelings. Sure, whatever. But how can you feel something deep in your spirit and soul, uncontrolled by your brain if it weren't true? How can you feel like rejoicing every time you have a new brother or sister in Christ if we're meant to be selfish humans and not TRULY care for others' souls? How can "make-believe" send hundreds upon thousands into mission fields, or create martyrs for our faith?<br />
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I don't care what this guy has to say. He's going to approach everything from an intellectual, logical standpoint. Which is all good and fine, but something like faith and belief can't be defined or caged by logic and intelligence. Even those without intelligence or logic, if they have faith and spirit, it's TRULY there -- it's defined, and nothing can take that away.<br />
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I believe revival has never been more apparent in our World -- this is just a ploy by Satan to trip believers up in what their faith is. Honestly, upon reading that article, I felt rattled. I felt shaken and sad and confused -- and that wasn't even the full story. I attempted sleep but tossed and turned. But in my times of fret and doubt, Christ has a way of reassuring me all is okay -- in ways He knows I'll understand.<br />
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I remember stirring from a half-sleep and kicking through my covers, sighing with exasperation. My eyes opened but all I saw was darkness. Typical. I rolled over, trying to force myself into a comfortable position to sleep again, but my troubled mind would not feel comfortable yet. I hated that I read that, I hated that my soul rattled with worry and doubt. I hated that the sinful human in me was imperfect and was almost crying out to be shaken, to fall off the path and run the other way. I curled my fingers into the comforter and was about to burrow myself before my eye caught something in the room.<br />
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A single shred of light was coming through the window. With my half rested eyes, this light appeared bright and contrasted sharply against the swarming darkness. It was the middle of the night, but this light seemed as welcoming and calming as day. I peeked over the top of the covers, and a sudden comfort seemed to flood my soul as I stared at that light. I knew I wasn't dreaming, the entire moment was very real; but, I also knew that my window shutters couldn't have been <i>that</i> cracked to let forth such a beautiful shard of light.<br />
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<i>"My heart will sing...."</i><br />
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I sighed with contentment and rested my head my eyes growing heavy as I watched the light.<br />
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<i>"... no other name..." </i><br />
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A song played in my mind, as if lulling me to sleep. I smiled and let it take me. The light slowly disappeared but only due to my eyes slowly falling shut, letting my soul escape into dreams and peace.<br />
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<i>"... Jesus, Jesus."</i><br />
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Regardless of my sinful nature, I knew where my heart stood, and with whom it stood with. Jesus always spoke to me most through my dreams, through moments of vulnerability. This world may be confusing, imperfect and tumultuous -- but God's love is as simple and beautiful as a shard of light in total darkness.Meghanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11284714645081293757noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-562141102491251687.post-66842823703736588062013-10-05T00:32:00.000-07:002013-10-05T00:33:29.473-07:00Overwhelmed...<i>... but sometimes, maybe, that's a good thing?</i><br />
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I stop and look down at my scuffed boots on the rain stained concrete. It's October, and I feel it in the air: the pulse of fall is invigorating. The distant sound of rustling leaves, the smell of awakened coffee shops and pumpkin lattes. Collapsing into a warm bed on a cool day for a blissful nap. Reading yellowed pages by firelight, squishing pumpkin seeds in your fingers, laughter on your lips, dusk-time, sweaters, scarves. With a content smile, I keep walking.<br />
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I feel overewhelmed, constantly. By both good, and bad. But, is that so wrong? Is that so stressful?<br />
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How are people that aren't overwhelmed? What do they think about?<br />
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I have passion in my soul. Conviction in my being. Fire in my eyes. I'd rather get riled up and passionate than feel nothing. I'd rather be overwhelmed and busy and stressed than lacking anything to do. I'd rather be suffocated with inspiration and dreams than be left only shrugging my shoulders and curling my lips tight. I'd rather have sleepless nights than glazed eyes. I'd rather have an enflamed heart than deadness, dryness, emptiness. I smiled and clutched my bag to my chest, letting out a sigh.<br />
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aybe it's time to start embracing the stress, and embrace being overwhelmed - that's just proof that God is working in your life so actively that your body and mind and spirit are trying to keep up. Sure it's hard. Sure it can lead to many feelings; anger, depression, madness, confusion. But let's take each day at a time. Just as fall takes each little thing to become one amazing season: let's take each little blunder, each stress, each accomplishment to become better spirits shedding God's light.<br />
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It's good. It's a blessing.<br />
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Instead of dashing through the rain like all those around me, I closed my eyes and lifted my head -- <i>soak it in</i>, I felt Him whisper. <i>This is just the start of the best year of your life. Await My glory for you.</i><br />
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<i>I'm ready, God.</i><br />
<i><br /></i><i>- - - - - </i><br />
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<i>Excitement<3 i=""><!--3--><!--3--><!--3--></3></i><br />
<i>- </i>Cosplaying Ariel! & Emma!<br />
- Once Upon a Time and Korra<br />
- FALL<br />
- PUMPKINS<br />
- COSTUMES<br />
- Illustration show!<br />
- Sweaters!<br />
- Best friends <3 p="">- Cool weather<br />
- Most of all... God's work in my life!<br />
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I love all you ladies. Seriously, my best friends. :') And I'm so blessed to have you in my life. I hope everyone is having a blessed day!<br />
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<i><br /></i><!--3-->Meghanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11284714645081293757noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-562141102491251687.post-44182069877760842322013-07-11T13:56:00.005-07:002013-07-11T13:56:41.318-07:00You owe me a reason.This gif though sums up everything I feel at the moment that I really want to say.<br />
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Sorry for the cursing it has, but eh, that's honestly how I'm feeling. >____><br />
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How can someone be in a relationship for almost 3 years yet hardly acknowledge your existence? Compliment you? Surprise you? Hold you? Encourage you? Help you? Speak with you? ACT LIKE THEY FREAKING EVEN CARE???</div>
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How often does one have to go through this up and down, back and forth cycle? I'm starting to feel like a break-up would feel better than this feeling ever would...</div>
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:'////</div>
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I need to go pray and just be with God. I'm too sad lately... I'm sure a lot of it is stress driven and period related (sorry, TMI lol) but still. I have a lot to think about.</div>
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I'm tired of putting up a front.</div>
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I haven't been finding my true Joy in Him.</div>
Meghanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11284714645081293757noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-562141102491251687.post-89544754273847196892013-06-21T09:26:00.002-07:002013-06-21T09:26:30.925-07:00You're gonna' miss me when I'm goneI've decided to start looking into job opportunities/internships this summer so I can be prepared. I'll probably start off small, but we'll see where I can go.<br />
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Guys, I really want to pursue my dreams. No more slacking or wanting to play it safe.<br />
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It would be a dream to go after a character design/graphic design job for Disney or Nickelodeon. Or some sort of similar studio where inspiration is constantly thriving. Even if it's just an internship or a program, any opportunity would be amazing. I need to work on my character designing/storyboarding if I want to get anywhere within the Nickelodeon animation studios and do character design/concept art like I dream, but I have a pretty strong portfolio for design being built right now at least. So that's something. :)<br />
<br />
I can't wait for my life to start. You know, if I have to leave Oklahoma to do this, I will. I love all my friends and family, but nothing is totally tying me here yet. I have so much ahead of me and a bright future right at my hands. I'm going after it full force within this last year to get started.<br />
<br />
I'm going to start by entering art/design contests as much as possible; if you guys come across anything please let me know! I want to get my work out there, and challenge myself and design/illustrate within the spectrum of what I will be working in. Sometimes school projects are great, but sometimes they're not exactly what I want to do within my career. So I need to actively pursue and see what it is EXACTLY I excel at and then chase that down like crazy.<br />
<br />
Meh, I'm honestly in a bitter mood right now about a lot of things. Probably heightened by the fact I didn't get but 4 hours of sleep last night and have a full day ahead of me. I'm burning the candle at both ends this summer. I just hope I can make it and enjoy the summer. But, it has been worth it -- my portfolio is building and that's what matters. I'm going to excel and thrive.<br />
<br />
I can do this.<br />
<br />
I hope everyone else is doing well. :)<br />
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<br />Meghanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11284714645081293757noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-562141102491251687.post-50823255822843428872013-05-17T12:23:00.005-07:002013-05-17T12:23:47.704-07:00I could use somebody.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I love this song... Such a perfect song for my mood todayyy.</div>
<br />
<br />
I woke up today around 1:00.. I'm mad at myself for sleeping in but I just feel so tired from this past school semester. I think my body is trying to make up for it, but still. I need to get up at a normal hour tomorrow and then the next day.<br />
<br />
My parents want to know what I want to do for my birthday and I'm just like "meh, I don't really care". I honestly don't anymore, it's kinda' funny, how when I was little I always wanted a party or something big to happen. I guess that's a symptom of growing older. I also just don't like attention on me too much.<br />
<br />
I just really want my room to be finished. >.<<br />
<br />
I'm waiting to get my TV installed and then some shelving for my desk/study area so I can store stuff. I'm going to hang my pretty lights up today and keep unpacking and organizing. Eventually I want an area rug, new sheets/comforter, and hang up some new decorations. Some of which are past convention art I've bought I just really love among other things. :)<br />
<br />
I really want to make my room into a mini-sanctuary to just relax in. I"m storing a lot of stuff in the attic and man.. it's nostalgia going through some of it. It also feels good packing unnecessary stuff away so my room feels clean and organized. It does make me realize just how much I hold on to stuff, it's almost pathetic lol. But, also worth it when I'm going through my memory box and I come across something from elementary school that warms my heart. No regrets.<br />
<br />
What else is new... well, I've done nothing much else this week but sleep and unpack/organize, I guess. I worked two evenings, which was nice to have so many days off, including this entire weekend. Especially since that job is driving me nuts. I worked pretty hard on Tuesday, working circles around the two people there who went on smoke breaks together leaving me alone. Yet, the next day I get a text from the morning opener saying how we "didn't get anything done". Really? Even if he was joking, it was kind of a slap in the face. Jerk... Yep, ready to leave now especially. No respect there.<br />
<br />
I've been watching America's Next Top Model like non-stop. Oiiii.<br />
<br />
Hopefully, I can make the most of next week of it. Who knows what next week brings, and then the next is school again...<br />
<br />
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I need to do something to cheer myself up today. :'// I'm just in a down mood for some reason and I can't figure out why... Probably thinking too much.</div>
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<br />Meghanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11284714645081293757noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-562141102491251687.post-63475840236825679162013-05-11T23:58:00.000-07:002013-05-11T23:58:00.530-07:00Now that I see you... Man.<br />
<br />
Today's been kinda' disappointing.<br />
<br />
All I really did was lounge around, and then went to work. Work can be fun but still, I get home and am tired. I usually work circles at that place. And still am having to train people... I hope when I transfer to the OKC store I can work with Sable more.<br />
<br />
I got home and just wanted to watch my new Moulin Rogue blu-ray and pack/organize/clean... but our blu-ray player wouldn't play it, said it needed "an upgrade". I got so frustrated cause I spent like $13 on it. >:( I hope I can get it to play cause it's only blu-ray option so... yeah. I ended up just vegging on FB and kinda' pouting the rest of the night.<br />
<br />
Ethan got my hopes up this weekend, twice, about hanging out. I really, really hate that. Dude, just don't say anything to me don't let me get my hopes up. Or, here's a wild idea: surprise me and show up anyway. You know I always love your company, and would rather be WITH people than alone any day... Why be so distant thinking I "want that space"?<br />
<br />
UGH. I HATE MEN. -_- He just doesn't get me at all and it's getting really annoying...<br />
<br />
During work, on my Pandora station, "Part of Your World" came on. The Broadway version (BEAUTIFUL, btw). I lovvvvvvee love love that song. Well, of course people kinda' snorted when it came on. And when I said "don't you dare skip it!" I turned back to finish giving change to my customer and he was smirking and said "Oh, I'm only judging you just a bit, but honestly, judging you."<br />
<br />
I know he was being sarcastic, but it kinda' pissed me off.<br />
<br />
I mean, come on. What is so freaking wrong with loving Disney? Or cartoons? Or shows like My Little Pony? What's wrong with embracing innocence and childhood and dreams? People at school tease me, I feel like I have to hide who I am half the time... like people will pick up my key lanyard, see MLP on it, giggle a bit or sing the song or snort and joke about it. Like really? Get over yourselfs. Sorry I don't watch flesh-rotting zombies or incestual sex for entertainment (I'm looking at you, Walking Dead & Game of Thrones). Sorry that I enjoy bright colors, beautiful animation, lovely stories, powerful morals, life lessons, innocence, beloved songs, treasured memories... Sorry I daydream or sing while I work or hum "Go the Distance" or "A Whole New World" while I go place to place. Sorry my idea of fun is creating costumes from scratch, drawing, reading comics or watching animated movies from Pixar or Disney.<br />
<br />
Actually no, not sorry, they are the sorry ones. Losers.<br />
<br />
I'll just quit everything and be a character-actor, or even a janitor, at Disneyworld. I'd be totally fine with that... I'd belong there.<br />
<br />
*SIGH*, people suck.<br />
<br />
I got a 100 on my photography project (the Disney one, ironically lol). And my teacher said it was clear I was passionate about it... yeah, I really, really was. It was so fun. I felt like I was engaging in these stories I love so much... Part of me wonders if graphic design is right for me. I pray and hope it leads me to the job meant for me, my dream. Concept illustration for shows like Korra, or movies like Disney, high-end fashion/costuming photography for Disney or conventions...<br />
<br />
I'm starting to embrace I won't really ever grow out of all this that I love. Disney, childhood stories, cartoons, animation, comics, drawings, innocence, theatricality... And I'm okay with that.<br />
<br />
I AM FINALLY MOVED OUT. And living with my parents. I'm so happy to be in a peaceful setting... a sleepy setting, they go to bed so early and it's so relaxed here I want to go to bed way early too lol. That's good though.<br />
<br />
I'm gonna' try to jog/walk/run every morning this summer. Or at least get up and work-out somehow... just to stay active and start losing weight. I need to get back in shape. It's gotten bad.<br />
<br />
Ladies... never let go of your dreams. Or your youth. Don't let haters hate. Be yourself. Who cares what they think? We'll never see them again, most likely, and if we do, well, they'll just grow to love us or they don't need to be our friends. What matters is your opinion of yourself, and your friendships you already have. I'm tired of feeling like I have to put up a front, or that I can't be myself because I'm worried about what other people think. I'm so, so sick of that. I'm going to try to change that. I don't want anything to hold me back from being all I can be.<br />
<br />
Friendship is magic.<br />
<br />
Stay forever young.<br />
<br />
Change your own fate.<br />
<br />
Find your new dream.<br />
<br />
Discover who you truly are...<br />
<br />
Have a barrage of Disney and Big Four pics. Love you all.<br />
<br />
<br />
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<br />Meghanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11284714645081293757noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-562141102491251687.post-34539843271237660762013-04-10T00:42:00.000-07:002013-04-10T00:42:04.334-07:00Next to me.Today's been weird.<br />
<br />
I gave myself the day off up until 3 PM, from then 'til now I've been doing homework/projects... which is fine I guess, I'm used to it. I'm just ready for a full day's break, where I'm not thinking about homework all the time you know?<br />
<br />
I'm finally caught up on sleep too which is nice. I feel so sluggish though from poor diet. I get paid tomorrow so I can finally get groceries! Instead of eating crappy, cheap junk food and cold leftover pizz. Ugh.<br />
<br />
It's sleeting right now?! Really. I remember walking to the design building when it was muggy/humid/warm, that was around 3:30 PM -- and when I left around 10:30 it was FREEZING! Guh, Oklahoma. Make up your mind. Yep, 80% chance of freezing rain tonight and 60% chance tomorrow.. I wonder if that means school would be cancelled? That may just be the break I need. Let's hope so! (though it would suck, since I worked so long today to get my project done that's due tomorrow... whatever :P)<br />
<br />
Other than that...<br />
<br />
Well, me and Ethan have been weird lately. Idk. I just feel like I haven't been praying about the relationship. I've gotten lazy about it, worldly. I need to look into it spiritually, objectively. Is this what I really want, what's good for me right now, etc. I honestly don't know. I don't feel significantly lead to stay in the relationship but I don't feel significantly lead to leave it either. I just feel kinda' neutral about it right now.<br />
<br />
He just shared something on FB today that really bothered me. It was an image that talked about if you believe in what Obama does, you're a traitor, and if you voted for him for reason 1, 2, 3, and so on you're an idiot, moron, racist, etc... it was really offensive and insulting. Not to me personally, but I'm sure to tons of liberals/Obama supporters. Like seriously, it was hateful. I got really upset about it and tried to talk to him and say it wasn't showing love, but he just kept saying how "Americans should know this truth" and didn't see what I was saying. He even brought up how this stuff is "more important than cartoons and video games" which REALLY hurt because since he randomly brought that up, it sounded like he was saying that's all I believed in.<br />
<br />
I almost cried, I was so upset. I didn't talk to him the rest of the day.<br />
<br />
Idk. During that whole argument/conversation, I made a Christian playlist on Spotify and just bathed in God's worship. I need to be listening to this kind of music more often -- it really refocuses my mind and grounds me. Popular and secular stuff is usually nothing but empty songs singing about shallow things...<br />
<br />
*sigh*<br />
<br />
I just feel like if God came to me tonight and said, "Meghan, give up your relationship for Me right now," I'd not hesitate. I just feel so unattached to it right now, I feel unattached to Ethan right now. I guess it's a combination of just always being so far from him, as well as his physical and emotional distance from me. I don't feel anything from him anymore, so how can I possibly give to the relationship all the time? He'd rather share and post negative crap like that than talk about positive things, or share sweet things with me, or funny things with others. Like really?<br />
<br />
I guess that's a good thing though, I should never change that mindset, honestly. NOTHING should come before Christ, not even a relationship or being in love. Maybe I'd been too idolizing of it and wrapped up in it, and God is using this as a wake-up call/red flag to get my attention.<br />
<br />
My mood right now is just that God is the only one I can really lean on anymore. Not saying I can't lean on y'all, but, for true joy, I need to rely on Christ. I find myself getting so lonely often cause I can't see you guys or hang out with people or do things. I find myself getting bitter about things easily. I need to give that all up to God. God's right next to me, all the time.<br />
<br />
Which reminds me. MY NEW favorite song, Next to Me by Emelie Sande. Ugh, hits home. It's so good. It plays on secular stations, but I'm pretty sure it's singing about Christ/God. If not, well, I interpret it that way.<br />
<br />
It's 2:30, I'm tired and emotional and listening to Bring Him Home from Les Miserables. Lol why am I doing this to myself! :'P<br />
<br />
I hope everyone else is having a great week so far. It's halfway through tomorrow!<br />
<br />Meghanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11284714645081293757noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-562141102491251687.post-7990450630994696302013-04-08T22:27:00.001-07:002013-04-08T22:27:16.907-07:00Mirror.If there's any chance a human can cross into the Parallel, it's a slim one. From there, the chance of encountering your Mirror is exceptionally rare -- naturally the push and pull of life of the Real World and the Parallel keeps Mirrors and Beings from interacting.<br />
<br />
However, I was never one to stay within regular chance.<br />
<br />
I was in mid battle, Braden and Damian beside and ahead of me with blazing weapons and ferocious spirits. It was a normal game kill battle, trying to find dinner for the night. The sun had hit the horizon and twilight painted the sky -- overall, it was a beautiful evening. Still, quiet, lovely.<br />
<br />
However, seeing her, it all changed around me: sound was vacuumed away, everything grew still as if time had stopped, yet the sky rapidly bled into darker colors of night, clouds streaking across the sky. She stood on the opposite side of the forest, her head turned towards me as her body remained in motion of walking -- her eyes locked dead onto mine and I was frozen.<br />
<br />
It was truly like looking into a Mirror -- except, Mirror beings are always exceptionally beautiful in comparison to their counterparts. Opposite of my slightly wavy, mousier brown hair, hers was wild and luscious with thick waves, black as night and whipping around her face. Her complexion was perfect ivory and smooth, while mine was freckled and flushed with battle. Her lips wine red, mine were dried and chapped. Her eyes glowed the Mirror green color while mine flickered pale gray. And while I wore a tattered tunic and light battle gear, she was donned in a form fitting and elegant black gown that glittered like the night sky. She donned my face, my body frame, my eyes -- she looked like me, but was nothing like me at all.<br />
<br />
I was entranced by her poise, her grace, her utter beauty -- it was like looking at me, how I could be if I tried. However, I knew she was a supernatural being, Mirrors all are -- no real Being could be as beautiful, as regal, as stunning, and yet, Mirrors resembled the counterpart of all Beings. A twisted world, this Parallel was.<br />
<br />
She wore a small smirk as her gaze faded from mine. Slowly she turned away, and then, materialized. She vanished in almost the same instant I'd seen her, yet I had felt like we'd been standing there for centuries. My heart was pacing wildly in my chest -- what did this mean, that I saw her? I was terrified yet mystified -- I wanted to know more about her, but some part of me knew that I should completely run the other way.<br />
<br />
"Emmy, what's your deal?" I snapped out of it, whipping around to face a rather irritated Damian. Braden peeked over his shoulder, lips twisted in a confused frown.<br />
<br />
"Ah, uh, sorry."<br />
<br />
"We get 3/4 of the food tonight since we fought for most of it anyway while you stood there like a wide-eyed doe," Damian snarled, smirking and slinging the game bag over his shoulder. "Come on, let's get camp started before nightfall."<br />
<br />
"Right," I stated immediately. I let Damian walk by, but before Braden could as well, I latched onto his arm. He could tell something was wrong because I was shaking.<br />
<br />
"What's wro--"<br />
<br />
"I saw her, Braden..." I whispered, my voice trembling. "I don't know if she intended for me to or not, but in an instant during our battle, I saw her. My Mirror..."<br />
<br />
"What?" Braden hissed, trying to keep his voice low. He seemed panicked. "Well what does this mean?"<br />
<br />
I sighed. "I have no clue... I'm still so unfamiliar with this world. But I feel like, whatever it does mean, it can't be good."Meghanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11284714645081293757noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-562141102491251687.post-85006606688150180842013-04-06T22:59:00.005-07:002013-04-06T22:59:50.277-07:00Parallel SnippetI was caught again by a branch. My tunic was snagged and ripped, my pants cut up to reveal deep bruises and gashes across my skin. A hiss escaped through clenched teeth as I yanked my arm away, irritating my dislocated shoulder and shooting pain like lightening through my body. The pain dizzied me, and I fell to my knees.<br />
<br />
The forest was swirling around me now. The red sky was darkening, the trees blurring together. My vision hazed, but I heard a voice. Damian? Braden? Please, someone.<br />
<br />
"A pity, this is."<br />
<br />
No...<br />
<br />
Fear shot through my heart. I clutched my blade attached to my thigh and held my breath, remaining as still as possible. I allowed myself however to sink down completely, as if I'd finally allowed myself to black out. <i>Play dead,</i> Damian always told me. <i>In this world, your safest with eyes closed - they can't read your thoughts, they can't toy with you, control you: they can't tell if you're lying. </i><br />
<br />
<i>Play dead to stay alive.</i><br />
<br />
I wanted so badly to cry out in defeat when she drew closer, but I didn't. <i>Crack</i>. <i>Snap</i>. Branches breaking under her boots. She drew closer, I felt her ice cold breeze.<br />
<br />
I felt the world dim slightly even through closed eyelids; she must've been kneeling down next to me, her shadow casting across my face. I felt icy fingers grab my chin. I did my best to remain still as she inspected my face.<br />
<br />
"Tsk, tsk..."<br />
<br />
Any belief I was alive, she could control me. Dopplegangers were too powerful.<br />
<br />
"Too warm, too light; too innocent, too bright," she sighed. "Snuff her out in an instant, I will." Her presence faded. She was quiet; I didn't know what she was doing. She could be preparing to kill me; she could have left. Who knows.<br />
<br />
"Oh, oh oh. What have we here?"<br />
<br />
Who was there?<br />
<br />
I heard heavier stepping, brisk stepping and then a halt. Whoever it was was standing on the other side of me. When the figure spoke, my heart lifted with relief.<br />
<br />
"Emma... there's nothing here for you anymore."<br />
<br />
Emma's haunting laugh could chill blood. "Ooooh, but, Damian, dead she lies here... Important to me that most certainly is."<br />
<br />
"You're stronger without her around, so why does it matter? Shouldn't you be happy and moving on?"<br />
<br />
Emma was quiet. Another chilling laugh and then a scoff and she spoke again. "Curiosity is our binding trait."<br />
<br />
"Leave, Emma." Damian's snarl sent chills up my spine. I imagined his eyes: red, glowing, smoldering through her soul. Or, what she lacked of a soul.<br />
<br />
"Mmm, petty humans you protect now. Interesting, that is." She chuckled again and within a breath, the cold presence vanished with a nothing more than a light breeze -- Emma was gone, again, thankfully.<br />
<br />
I let out a cry of relief, my whole body heaving in breath. Damian instantly crouched next to me, a hand pressed into my lower back. "Are you alright?" he asked sternfully. I sat up, brushing back my unruly hair and letting out a heavy sigh. I was shaky, cold, uncomfortable and in intense amounts of pain - but, with Emma gone for the time being, I couldn't have felt better.<br />
<br />
"I-I'm fine."<br />
<br />
Damian took no less. He nodded firmly and stood up. "We should get going then." He would have almost walked completely away had my next action not frozen him in his place.<br />
<br />
For the first time since everything began, I started sobbing.<br />
<br />
The forest hung with silence. Birds stopped their flight, the wind in the trees stilled. As if the Parallel, even in all its twisted ways, found a moment of sympathy and respect for me. My body racked with sobs, shaking me from the core. "Why? Why? WHY?!"<br />
<br />
Damian remained standing, his back turned towards me, frozen in place.<br />
<br />
"I'm so.. I'm so tired of being hunted by her! I'm so tired of this place! I want to go home, I want my father, I want my family back... I want to be normal again! I'm tired of THIS HELL!" I hissed slamming my fist into the soil and grinding it between my fingers.<br />
<br />
"Sh-She's so vindictive, so snarling, so cruel.. I'm terrified of her, D-Damian, and she's the other side of me?! WHAT, in God's name, does that say about me?!" I shrieked. The pain and fear hitting me all at once left my body in banshee shrieks and howls, sobs and shouts. Everything that had happened... Learning the truth of my mother, losing Braden... Being so far from my father, far from hope to even save him... Failing time and time again, just as I did before entering this hell. It all rushed through me, escaping in horrendous sounds that shook the entire world of Parallel -- a lonely, forlorn and grieving girl stuck in a hellish world she didn't even ask for.<br />
<br />
Finally, I silenced. I grew numb, and my voice had left me. My face was wet and stained with tears, my hair a wind mess around my face and shoulders. My body throbbed with pain but I didn't care anymore. Pain was almost welcomed at this point.<br />
<br />
"Emmy." Damian's voice was heavy. I didn't say anything. He walked over to me, but stood behind me. Of course, he can't talk to my face.<br />
<br />
"I know, I know. 'Buck up, champ; get over it, chick, you'll be fine'," I mocked. I spat into the soil in disgust. "You haven't ever helped me, you won't, so why am I even breaking down in front of you. You're incapable of feeling that kind of emotion. Your mirror in the human world was practically a saint. You're nothing short of a demon, just as you've told me, if I've learned anything.." The hissing words leaving my lips tasted like venom -- they probably stung.<br />
<br />
At his silence, I hung my head in defeat and shame. I was through. I hit the final low -- my sweetness, my kindness, my patience and laid-back persona were shattered. No more doe eyed, smiling and friendly bookworm -- no. This was who I truly was: vindictive, cruel, cold. Poison to those around me, those who knew me. They did say the point of this world was to strip you of your preconceived notions; well, I sure had a ton of new notions about myself now.<br />
<br />
However, instead of him walking away, he stayed. He just stood for a while in silence, but then crouched down behind me. I felt his cold hands press into the tops of my shoulders.<br />
<br />
Before I could think more, or feel the guilt crawl into every vein, my body was forced backwards, into his arms, my back pressed into his torso, his arms encircling my shoulders and his chin resting on the top of my head. He held me there like that, still and silent. "Damian, what are you--?!"<br />
<br />
"You're a wonderful... wonderful.. human. You're radiant, warm, caring. Don't let this world poison you. Don't let anything poison you, Emmy." He craned his neck to where his lips were pressed into my ear. His whole body was shaking; what was going on with him? Where did this sudden burst of compassion, intimacy and closeness come from? I felt my heart racing -- <i>now, where did THAT come from?! I don't ... I don't .. do I?</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
As quickly as it happened it had ended. Damian released his embrace, his body was no longer shaking. However, when he stood up he instantly sunk back into the ground, his eyes completely whited out and his body still. I fumbled up to be next to his side, shaking him. "D-Damian?! Come on, wake up!" I cried out. <i>Please, you can't leave me either.. you can't... you --</i><br />
<br />
Tears stung my eyes. "Damian, come on!" I snarled.<br />
<i><br /></i>
His eyes regained their color -- glowing red, piercing, shaded. Damian acted as if he had just been reawaken into life. His chest propelled forward with a gasping breath and he stumbled to sit upright. He held his head and stared around in panic, as if confused to where he was. I remained kneeling next to him, but I reached up to grab his face with my face, forcing him to stare at me. "Damian, you're alright -- I'm here, but what happened--?"<br />
<br />
"Let go!" he scoffed, grabbing my wrists and shoving them down. He stood up irritably, brushing off his pants. "What are you doing, we have places we need to be." He forced himself pst me. I remained there, stunned. Annoyed, I shot up and whipped around, chasing him down and yanking his arm, stopping him.<br />
<br />
"Excuse me! You comfort me and then almost just die randomly and think waking up and acting like your normal butt-head self is going to make it all okay?!"<br />
<br />
He seemed disgusted, glaring down at my hand. Then, he looked up at me, annoyed but confused. "What? Comfort you? What's wrong?" I withdrew my hand; he was genuinely confused, as if nothing had ever happened. In the world of the Parallel it would make sense -- but for a moment, when he had been holding me, when I had been shaking his body back to life, I had phased my heart and mind into the human world. Attached, intimate emotion developed -- connections beyond just a companionship attaching me to Damian. When he held me... he felt warm. Human. Vulnerable, passionate, fragile, protective...<br />
<br />
<i>Where did that go so suddenly?</i><br />
<br />
"What?" He sighed irritably. I shook my head, rattling my thoughts away.<br />
<br />
"N-Nothing. You're right... we need to leave." He stormed ahead, abrasively stomping and gabbing on as always -- however, watching him, I felt something different. New, complicated, panicking, growing inside me like a virus, spreading like wildfire. What was this?<br />
<br />
Curse the human heart -- always full of secrets.<br />
<br />Meghanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11284714645081293757noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-562141102491251687.post-66861524175397646832013-04-05T23:34:00.001-07:002013-04-05T23:34:08.896-07:00Need opinions.I would post this on Facebook, buuuuut it seems more personal to us girls. :)<br />
<br />
I'm thinking of getting some body slimming wear... Like, shapers for torso/abdomen and hips, but they're a little bit more hardcore in the sense of they help assist weight loss. The ones I'm looking into are nude latex/spandex, but thicker, so almost like a thicker, second skin that holds everything in place and smooths, while cinching in your waist and slimming your tummy. It's not like corseting at all, nothing THAT extreme, but over the course of time there's long-term slimming. Losing about 1-4 inches in 30 days. Something about activating heat within those areas and "locking" everything to keep it engaged and always burning/tensing/working out. Like when you stand up straight and engage your abs when you walk, if you did that everyday all day you'd over time slim more and more. But it's really hard to constantly think to do that throughout a day. These just make that process faster and keep you engaged all day cause it's what you wear without having to really think about it.<br />
<br />
This will also help with my back. I've had horrible back/neck problems because of sitting at a computer all day. This helps keep my posture really tightened and accurate so my back problems won't be as bad. And so I won't have such horrible neck pain that almost immobilizes me.<br />
<br />
On top of that, I think it will help motivate me into losing the drastic amount of weight I want to... Like, I want to lose 50-60 pounds. I'm the biggest I've ever been, gaining drastic weight since college, even since like summer 2011... I've had no confidence in myself lately, guys. I know what you'll all say, "You're wonderful! Stop doubting! Great as you are! God's creation!" but I don't really hear it anymore. I don't believe it anymore. I just hear the negative voices my own mind is creating. I hear the stress and frustration telling me to eat my feelings away. I see all these pretty, petite thin girls and want to give up. I don't know. I hate to sound pathetic, but, I'm just being honest.<br />
<br />
I want to do something for myself to feel more confident... I KNOW my confidence and self-esteem should be rooted in God. Trust me. That's another thing I fight all the time, this negativity and stress of this earthly battle, but then also the positivity and light that God doesn't see me for what I look like but instead for my soul, spirit and heart. I'm a phenomenal creation by Him. I understand that, but sometimes it gets hazy.<br />
<br />
I'd like to do this for myself though. Get a little bit of that confidence back, that will then motivate me. But as stated before, my confidence and self-assurance should be in God. So, I'm gonna' start by praying about it first and then we'll see from there...<br />
<br />
Obviously this will be included with diet and exercise >.< There's NO way to effectively lose weight otherwise than just freaking hard work. :) But that's okay because it's super rewarding. I just gotta' get something to get me started you know?<br />
<br />
I do want your opinions though!<br />
<br />
http://www.hourglassangel.com/supreme-panty-shaper-by-amia<br />
<br />
That was what I was thinking of getting to start. :) Yeah they are expensive, but, they're great quality with great reviews, plus, I've always wanted one as nice as this. They'd do the job! So I believe it will be worth it. :)<br />
<br />
<br />Meghanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11284714645081293757noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-562141102491251687.post-28531176413953322562013-04-05T22:13:00.004-07:002013-04-05T22:13:47.510-07:00Spring cleaning.Oh, there's so much I want to do now that spring is here!<div>
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I want to organize and clean out my room... get ready to move out to my parent's house. I want to work on cosplay, shop for some cute spring/summer clothes, clear out my closet and knick-knacks, sell/donate some stuff to get some money.. Spring cleaning everywhere. :3</div>
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School has been ugh so stressful. What else is new? I feel like this semester has been the worst, but, every semester feels like that. There are just times I feel so defeated. But then other times, so successful and accomplished. Like Wednesday and Thursday were awesome. Wednesday I turned in a project and got a lot of other stuff done. I studied with Sable really hard, and our test on Thursday, we both DOMINATED it. It was so easy, I retained so much info D: </div>
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I was so happy and relieved. We rewarded ourselves with killing time at the mall and eating some yummy Chinese food. Then I found out my poster I designed was chosen for the production out of three options. I was so excited! And felt so proud. Tons of work was worth it. It pays off to work hard.</div>
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But now I'm back to "eh, down and defeated" mode.. there's this project due on Monday, animating two 30 second videos in After Effects. Thing is, the freaking teacher doesn't teach us anything. So not only are we responsible for doing the project, we're responsible for teaching ourselves the material. Plus the turn around on this was insanely short. We got it the class before Spring Break. Yeah. Dumb. There's no way we want to work on stuff over Spring break, and even if we did, we couldn't get far cause we'd have to check in with her first. So then we still only had about two week turn around time, which isn't enough honestly. For classes and the homework they assign and check-ins they require... ugh. Everyone is extremely stressed about it. Not just me. D: It's an elective class... so I just hope that if I totally bomb it, it won't blow up in my face and mess up everything... Uggggggh, please just let me get a C. I'd be totally happy and content with a C. Is that sad? lol</div>
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I CAN'T WAIT 'TIL THIS SEMESTER IS OVERRRRR.</div>
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I'll be taking summer classes but they shouldn't be as bad as these. I hope. LOL.</div>
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If anything, I'll have a break after this semester for about a month and then before next semester for about a month. Which is better than nothin'!</div>
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I'm so excited for so many things! Warmth, summer, swimming, hanging out with friends, bonfires, cosplay work, Tokyo in Tulsa, sleeeeeeeping in <3 and="" back="" cleaning="" div="" dresses="" life="" losing="" making="" memories="" moving="" my="" nbsp="" nights="" organizing="" parents="" shorts="" summer="" together="" weight="" with=""><div>
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So many things guys! We're almost there! We can all hang out together again soon! <3 div=""><div>
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"When can I see you again?" :)</div>
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OMG, I'm watching Adventure Time. Why did I never watch it before? It's so funny and ridiculous, hahahaha. Some parts are like, "eh, okay weird xP" but overall it's really funny haha.</div>
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Meghanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11284714645081293757noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-562141102491251687.post-71072722225836638262013-03-29T13:13:00.004-07:002013-03-29T13:13:42.442-07:00Magnet.She stood there watching him, as angry as a storm but as fragile as glass. He hunkered over his work table, fists clenching the sides until his knuckles turned white. He was silent, as always; his breathing slow, deep, hollow. The wind howled outside, the door rattled: it was cold, even for spring. She was frozen, paralyzed with concern.<br />
<br />
His work was strewn across the table, sawdust dusting his clothes. Bandages patched up his scarred, torn hands: it had been another long day, she knew that -- but even in his normal silence, this silence was piercing. Heavy. As if his simple, peaceful mind was troubled with gray clouds and snarling lightning.<br />
<br />
She stepped forward, gently placing a hand on his shoulder. He flinched and shrugged away, his gaze snapping to her from over his shoulder. His gaze was troubled, angered, annoyed, as if her fingers touched a raw wound, but they hadn't. It was meant to be a comforting touch: why did he act like it burned? She withdrew her hand, hurt. His gaze lingered away from her, and he straightened his posture with a blunt sigh.<br />
<br />
"What's wrong?"<br />
<br />
He didn't answer.<br />
<br />
Why was he acting like this? He started cleaning up his work table, dusting off the saw dust, organizing his tools. The shop was a messy place anyway, but as always, he organized and found order within the chaos. This went on for a while, in silence, as always. She leaned in the open doorway, hugging herself to keep warm. Her eyes watched him; guarded, cautious, swift. As if cleaning up and organizing was plucking away the thorns of frustration in his side. But why couldn't she? Why couldn't talking to her remedy him? Why couldn't her comforting touch and open heart calm his nerves, his frustrations?<br />
<br />
She pressed her lips together, remaining quiet. But as she watched him in the workshop this cold spring night, the scene morphed into something more -- a car on a road on a beautiful, warm summer day; green grass and spring scenery flying by, open blue sky above. He and she sat together in the car, laughing, talking, reveling in youth.<br />
<br />
He snuck a side glance towards her, she caught his eyes; they were happy, peaceful, content. In love. She laughed, <i>"What's that look for?"</i> she asked, smirking.<br />
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<i>"Oh, it's .. nothing,"</i> he brushed off with a breathy laugh. He always did this! She scoffed and folded her arms. Though frustrated, it was in a playful way. She remained smiling.<br />
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<i>"Seriously, what? Come on!"</i> She continued to whine, poke, prod, bother.<br />
<br />
He laughed and then sighed looking back over at her. <i>"You're just... really beautiful."</i> As he said this, his eyes were lit with the sun, and their beauty and warmth mocked nature's blue summer sky. His hair was whipping around his face from the open window, his smile soft and sweet. And she fell in love all over again.<br />
<br />
A blush crept across her face and warmed her cheeks, but her smile never faded. She simply leaned in and pressed her lips sweetly to his cheek, and with a laugh pulled back and they continued driving, hands entwined with the sun smiling down on them.<br />
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Like a crash, her mind and soul returned to her body. It was cold again, night. Th<br />
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eir hands were not entwined, he was not looking at her with warm blue eyes, but instead, his eyes were dark, hardened as ice. He was bitter and silent still, finishing up and turning off the light.<br />
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With a sigh he passed by her and only muttered. "Don't worry about it. Let's just go do something else."<br />
<br />
Even so, he kept walking, as if she weren't truly there. As if he didn't want to wait for her, as if he was okay if she never followed him. As if he was okay if she turned the other way, into her car and drove away, never to see him again. <b><i>As if when she were gone, his universe would go on.</i></b><br />
<i><b><br /></b></i>
And even so, as the magnetism between them were so great, she followed. Pulled in and drawn into his gravity, wondering if she may never escape.<br />
<b><i><br /></i></b>
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<b><i>"... let me recklessly love you, even if I bleed... you're worth all of me."</i></b></div>
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Meghanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11284714645081293757noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-562141102491251687.post-73040095495138651032013-03-26T22:05:00.001-07:002013-03-26T22:05:12.196-07:00Fire and Water.Hello guys!<br />
<br />
How's everyone doing? Easter is soon! I can't wait! I love Easter time. Going to church, soaking in the story of Jesus' resurrection and being reminded just yet again of His love. <3 and="" as="" at="" being="" break="" cold="" family="" friends="" hope="" i="" least="" m="" of="" p="" shows="" sick="" soon="" spring.="" spring="" the="" this="" up="" weather.="" well="" with=""><br />
I got paid today... nice paycheck! >:0 but, alas, it goes so fast... A good chunk went to fill my car up with fuel. Another chunk is gonna' go to groceries. And then I bought some boots I'd been wanting and searching for, and budgeting for. Still, they were like... $78 after shipping /sigh, I'm nervous cause I just want them to fit alright so it won't be a headache. And if they're durable and good quality they'll last a while so it'll be worth the money. I haven't spent good money on shoes/clothes in a while, so it feels nice. I just want them to be here already. :P<br />
<br />
So I have almost 1/3 of my paycheck to last me two weeks... I just gotta' budget and be tight with money. I can't wait to live with my parents again, ugh, saving will be so much easier. I don't have to chunk money towards groceries every week and a half, or eating out to get by when I don't have groceries... I still have to return the incorrect CD that Amazon store owner shipped me when I tried to order my FFVIII soundtrack, so, that'll get me about $20.... I'm such a penny pincher now >.<<br />
<br />
I may also try to sell some clothes/books/movies/etc... get some cash, put it into savings.<br />
<br />
/SIGH<br />
<br />
I have so much I have to do. Between homework, work, and my other graphic design job, I'm being run thin... I always have stuff going, or stuff I should be doing, I don't honestly ever get a break where I can TRULY relax. I think the last time I had that was the cruise. I feel like I haven't slept well in a month or more. I just nee da day to crash, relax, rejuvenate, treat myself and get my mind off everything. OR, get everything done I need to get done and then just have a heck of a time relaxing and having fun until the next round of stress boots up.<br />
<br />
I need to finish things outside of that too: birthday presents I owe people (not because I feel I have to, but because I WANT to, dangit), drawings, favors for people they've asked me, things I've promised, etc...<br />
<br />
I get so behind, I'm sorry guys :'// You all KNOW I love you, so if I can't pull through with plans or something like a birthday present right away, it's not because I'm avoiding you or just don't care, but because I'm genuinely THAT busy and overwhelmed or broke, lol. I may get one evening I'm allowed to have "open" and that's usually spent trying to recover/sleep....<br />
<br />
I can't WAIT until summer though. Even if I have class, I'll have a lot more open time.. so that'll be spent rejuvenating and being with friends and family.<br />
<br />
A lot has been going on; things changing soon. I'll be moving out, me and Lara won't be living together anymore. She broke up with Cody, that was pretty emotional and rough... I'll be moving into my senior year after this semester. Enrollment is happening next week, I gotta' figure out financial aid/FAFSA stuff. I just wanna' be a little kid again with no responsibility when everyone else takes care of you and you just have fun and be wild and imaginative. Ah well. I guess there are benefits to being an adult too, obviously. :P<br />
<br />
Ethan and I were kinda' insecure earlier this week... well, at least I was feeling insecure. Long story, but after Lara and Cody's break-up I got anxious and felt worried and started questioning Ethan's feelings. When I talked to him about it, he made me feel a lot better. He mentioned our chemistry, how it blended well and worked well together. Sure there were things we both want to change or work on, however, he's still happy just as I am.<br />
<br />
He mentioned our chemistry like fire and water, ironically, haha. However, he believes he's more like water and I'm more like fire. But this is what he said..<br />
<br />
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<i><b>"My even temper is like the water to your fire, but the fire keeps the water from becoming cold, unfeeling ice."</b></i></div>
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:') </div>
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Well... I guess I better get to work before going to bed... I love you all and I hope everyone is feeling blessed in their lives!<br />
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<br /></3>Meghanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11284714645081293757noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-562141102491251687.post-16116124347852855762013-03-03T22:41:00.007-08:002013-03-03T22:41:48.456-08:00Bright young women, sick of swimmin'.Today... was great. The weather was fantastic and beautiful. I slept in (through church unfortunately :'//), but, I feel rested finally, the first time this week. I almost finished laundry, I got groceries and ran errands. I finally got mini-Moleskins so I can FINALLY have a portable to-do list to check off and keep adding to. Is it dorky this totally excites me?!<br />
<br />
Naka-kon in two weeks or so. I'M SO READY. I'm ready for a con, for a weekend away with friends. For spring break in general, it's gonna' be fantastic. I asked for the day off after Naka as well, so I can have recovery time cause I assume I'm gonna' be working a lot over Spring Break. Ah well, money is good to have. :)<br />
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I can't wait 'til summer either... <3 a="" about="" and="" annoying="" are="" as="" at="" be="" but="" career="" college="" create.="" d:="" design="" do:="" do="" draw="" get="" graduating="" guys="" i="" it="" just="" last="" ll="" love="" m="" many="" me.="" my="" nbsp="" next="" o.o="" p="" paid="" pricey="" ready="" real="" s="" same="" so="" spring.="" start="" student.="" summer="" tedious.="" terrifying="" the="" things="" think="" time.="" to="" what=""><br />
I'm really excited this year is just gonna' be a personal development one. Over summer I plan on taking portfolio development class, possibly some Francis Tuttle digital painting classes/Photoshop classes, either hip-hop dance class or join the karate studio again. I can't wait to swim a lot, hang out with friends, go to Tokyo in Tulsa, take photos, learn more, experience more, all at home. I want to lose weight, get fit, be more seasoned and all ready for my final year as a student. :)<br />
<br />
Today was great, as stated, but I GOT NOTHING FOR SCHOOL DONE. O.O I just had no drive, haha. I ended up relaxing and taking it easy cause I haven't had a nice day like that. I'm just gonna' write up my to-do list and start fresh tomorrow. Ah, well. I'll just take each day as it hits me and not stress about anything. Something I'm trying to do more often. Give it all to God who will take care of me and keep pushing me.<br />
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Ethan and I watched Breaking Dawn pt. 2 together, haha. It reminded me of our evening out with the girls when we saw it XDD And how we were all freaking out. I snapped my head to him after it finishe and asked, "Well... WHAT DID YOU THINK?!" in our guy friends' typical style, he just kinda' sighed and smiled peacefully and laughed quietly and said "It was awesome..." Which is probably equivalent to "OMG IT WAS SO AMAZING AND I LOVEDDD ITTTT" to us girls. :3<br />
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I hope next week treats me well.. I gotta' do community service for that stupid alcohol incident -.-; Seriously irritated, but whatevs. I also have work for both jobs, and an upcoming project. I hope to get cosplay work done. I'm gonna' try going to bed at a decent time each night though to avoid being so behind on sleep again, and to rest my neck better.<br />
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I can't wait to cosplay Ariel. O.O I may do her instead of Snow White for our princess group. IDK yet haha, I just relate to her the most I think. Her hoarding of collectables and memories, her fascination, her daydreaming, her stubbornness, her desire to just love and be in love, to be a part of something grander than herself. :3 Ethan said he may be my Eric <3333 boy.="" fangirling="" gigglesnort="" i="" love="" p="" that=""><br />
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That's what's new in my book :)<br />
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Love you ladies! <3 p=""><br />
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<br /></3></3333></3>Meghanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11284714645081293757noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-562141102491251687.post-16909477011103333372013-02-14T23:00:00.003-08:002013-02-14T23:00:17.925-08:00Need to quit getting my hopes up.Today ended up turning out pretty crummy.<br />
<br />
On top of the school stuff I posted about earlier, work was just... awful. Worse shift ever no doubt. It wasn't really the customers at all, we didn't have any rude ones entirely. We were generally slow. However...<br />
<br />
We had about 25-30+ boxes that were delivered from the warehouse. Mind you, these boxes hold maybe... 60-80 movies each, sometimes more if they're thinner cases or video games. We had tonnnnnnns of video games, movies, boxsets, blu-rays, etc... the MOST I have ever seen come in at once. However, they were delivered YESTERDAY AFTERNOON. Our corporate policy is that all boxes are received and at least processed through within a day's time. With big deliveries like this obviously it'll take longer, but it's worked on every day, every shift, as much as possible until it's finished.<br />
<br />
The guy that was there when they were delivered -- we'll call him Jim -- was the shift leader. He had the WHOLE evening shift Wednesday night (which is 4-10 PM) as well as the WHOLE morning shift today (9 AM - 4 PM) to work on them. He could have most definitely at least knocked out a few and just started running stuff. we're not expecting them to all get done. But Andrew, the shift leader for today came in at 3 PM and... NOTHING WAS DONE. It'd been a whole day and a half and they hadn't even left the back of the store. When Andrew confronted Jim, apparently Jim just said "I'm paid to be here, I don't care if they tell us to get that stuff out at a certain time I'm not doing that s***" literally. He said this in a prideful, "jesting" way as if Andrew would find it funny, but he didn't; it meant that as Jim got to leave, Andrew and the evening crew (which was me and one other person) would have to get ALL of these received and processed by the end of the shift to get caught up on progress that should have been done already.<br />
<br />
It was TONS of work, guys. Seriously. It requires scanning each and every one, opening it and checking the disks to make sure they're there, opening and tagging them with security tags, sorting them out, re-stickering them, removing excess stickers and shrink wrap, re-shrink wrap them, sort them out by category, alphabetize and stock. It was hundreds and hundreds of stuff to go through. We stayed an hour longer than scheduled JUST to finish processing them. We didn't even get to get much stocked. We had to get everything situated neatly because we couldn't stay any longer.<br />
<br />
We wrote a letter to the manager complaining about Jim's behavior, we hope something will be fixed.. our manager is just so lackadaisical about employee relations and fixing problems. He's let this behavior go on FOREVER. This is NOT the first time it's happening, it's just the worst it's happened thus far. We didn't get to take breaks at all or even leave. The only way we got to even eat was because Aubrey's mom brought us pizza. And it was really sweet and good, but I just felt gross cause I've eaten nothing but cruddy food all week. Ugh.<br />
<br />
I weighed myself and haven't lost any weight since my last weigh-in two weeks ago. I'm feeling frustrated and defeated... it's probably because I'm bloated for monthly reasons, but also because I honestly caved and ate cruddy food and drank soda and tons of coffee cause I was just stressed and tired the past week and a half wanted to quit having self-control and being strong. I wanted that comfort back. Now I regret it of course, that's how it always works. I just wish I could burn off a good amount of weight to keep me motivated to push through...<br />
<br />
I just felt fat and ugly today and hated the dreary weather upon leaving work.<br />
<br />
On top of that, it's Valentine's Day and I honestly felt a little forgotten. Ethan didn't do anything for me. He didn't even surprise me at work or anything, he stopped talking to me halfway through the day... idk what I expected. One year (I thought it was last) I worked V-Day evening and he showed up at work with flowers and chocolates. I was hoping for that I guess. Almost expecting it. But nope... probably just working on commissions. Idk... He'd been sweet the past couple of days, pretty attentive too, I'd hoped even though we couldn't actually hang out tonight he'd do something... but instead, it's just been silence and being ignored. He said "we'll just make it up another day" but I honestly don't know how or when that will happen. I'm honestly really bitter with him right now and tired... I just wanted something from him you know? Not a gift or cheesy stuff, maybe just a visit. Is that so hard :/<br />
<br />
There's also just a ton of other stuff on my mind weighing me down... I really need to just pray to God to night to get all my frustrations and anxieties out... and get a good night's rest I think...<br />
<br />
I'm also emotional and moody cause of time of the month stuff, so sorry if I seem like annoying or whiny or bitter. I'll get over it, I just needed to vent.<br />
<br />
<br />Meghanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11284714645081293757noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-562141102491251687.post-76863849892772864482013-02-14T13:57:00.002-08:002013-02-14T13:57:08.438-08:00Valentine's Day + humility lesson.So today was our first critique day in photography. I go in feeling entirely confident, probably almost smug. I put my pictures up and feel like top dog, mine and maybe a couple other's have the best in the class, but I felt mine were just really dynamic and intriguing.<br />
<br />
I sit down, lean back, and put my hands behind my head, almost smirking. Critique would be a cinch for me -- I'd give the best critique in class, I'm used to this already, going through this process. I get it all the time in design in the harshest of ways sometimes. Critique rolls around and I'm speaking up, using big terms and pointing out things, giving critique the correct way.<br />
<br />
My teacher slows me down. "We haven't really discussed that yet so I'm not grading on things like composition." It stung -- I'm trying to give critique, they KNOW what composition is right? I kinda' held my tongue the rest of that person's work. I finally roll around and I felt like my critique was empty. He mainly talked about how I should print on glossier paper, and not at Kinko's. He didn't really say much good about my pieces, just asked me why I shot in certain ways. Others didn't speak up much either except for "I like it". I didn't know how to feel. My face felt flushed and red and as we moved on to the next person, I felt defeated.<br />
<br />
A handful of people who I thought had mediocre photos got better critique and praise. I felt defeated, but then, ashamed of how prideful I was acting and feeling. I lost all humility and got too attached with my work that it affected me personally. I'm so used to being detached from my work with design/illustration, but photography has been like my source of art recently. This is truly the first "critique" I've gotten. I've learned from it though -- I can't be too attached, I have to be critical and always making myself better.<br />
<br />
*SIGH* God will smack ya' down if you have too much pride, you know?<br />
<br />
I'm happy it's Valentine's Day -- a day to show love to EVERYONE not just your relationship partner. Keep that in mind, folks: it's about spreading love to everyone around you, your friends and family, not just boyfriend or girlfriend. I'm gonna' try to do that today, at work, when I'll be REALLY tempted to be bitter... I'm just bummed I have to work tonight. My co-worker told me there's a lot to do, because as usual, the morning crew did nothing. I'm really irritated. I'm considering turning my two weeks notice in soon.<br />
<br />
Transfer to the OKC store and work with Sable. >:P Screw this Edmond store, it sucks.<br />
<br />
Anyway on Valentine's Day, Lara left me a cute little gift -- a cupcake, cute socks in a cute little box and a handmade V-Day card :3 She's such a sweet roomie. Despite all my little problems here and there, I'm super blessed by her. Her consistent optimism and compassionate personality is inspiring. I wish I had time and energy and thought to do stuff like that for her and others -- I need to work harder on that kind of language of love with other people, gift giving and hand-made thngs. They mean so much!<br />
<br />
I can't wait 'til tomorrow~ I have the whole day off, which will be soooo nice <3 :="" a="" all="" and="" apartment.="" around="" as="" but="" can="" cleaning="" clue.="" cosplay="" crazy="" day="" did="" do="" done="" down="" drawing="" enjoying="" ethan="" for="" get="" getting="" got="" gotta="" have="" holds="" homework="" i="" in="" insane="" it="" just="" last="" like="" little="" m="" may="" maybe="" my="" myself="" night="" no="" nothing="" off="" on="" or="" our="" p="" plan="" probably="" room="" since="" sleeping="" slowed="" so="" some="" stuff="" t="" the="" then="" thing="" this="" through="" to="" tomorrow="" too.="" treat="" v-day="" wait="" want="" was="" week.="" week="" weekend="" well="" whatever="" work.="" work=""><br />
Naka-kon a month away! AAH! I can't wait! <3333 p=""><br />
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You all are fantastic and I love you! Have an amazing Valentine's Day. <333 p=""><br />
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These next two are two of the five pictures I had to turn in today :) They're the ruins out by Ethan's house.<br />
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<br /></333></3333></3>Meghanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11284714645081293757noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-562141102491251687.post-12267890611296974022013-01-25T23:51:00.000-08:002013-01-25T23:51:05.307-08:00XOXOSo... you wouldn't believe what I'm watching.<br />
<br />
Gossip Girl. Baaah!<br />
<br />
It's Lara's new favorite show (she has to have some sort of show to watch all the time, lol) so it's on a lot and I'll be in the living room working on stuff/chilling so I'll watch it with her. It's soooo full of drama, my word. It's all about the rich and elite, and all their money and fashion and success and titles, but all the drama and crap that "goes on". Lol, it just goes to show you, money and all that status can not buy you happiness. All the drama is ridiculous but slightly addicting, lol. Like, this isn't in my life thank goodness so I'll watch all this other drama in their fictional lives.<br />
<br />
Sure? Hahahaha.<br />
<br />
I just want Once Upon a Time and Korra DDD:<br />
<br />
I have tomorrow off! I'm so excited. These past couple of days were kinda' bleh, not the best. Work work work. I heard a scary story that the restaurant down the road from our VStock was robbed at gunpoint. :( Apparently it happened while they were taking the trash out which is scary because I used to do that like every night shift I worked... I never realized how dangerous it is since it's back alley kind of atmosphere. /shudders<br />
<br />
I just gotta' pray for protection and safety... For myself, but mostly for all those I love and care for.<br />
<br />
I'm so glad it's the weekend though! I'm gonna' hopefully get a lot done for cosplay tomorrow. As well as homework. Cause I work all day Sunday... gonna' work on some artwork too. :3 Busy busy!<br />
<br />
<b><u>To-Do list for this week</u></b>:<br />
<br />
- Grocery shopping!<br />
- Laundry<br />
- Catch up on 365 days :3<br />
- Cosplay work<br />
- Find a Bible study to start!! :)<br />
- Clean up room and organize<br />
- Homework and projects<br />
<br />
Also can I just say.. I really love photography. I'm meant to be a photographer, some how, some way, I know it. I fit right in in that class, the whole thing is fascinating to me! Did you know you can make a camera out of pretty much anything? Well, an enclosed dark space, a controlled light-source, photo paper and something to use as your shutter. It's called pinhole photographer and it's wildly popular :) You can literally make one out of a soda can and capture the photo by using tape as your shutter! Gonna' be a summer break craft experiment for me :)<br />
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Once I learn even more, I'm gonna' try to take as many classes as possible. Possibly even one over the summer. I want to get better and better! And then y'all have to be my models for pictures mmkay? ;D<br />
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I hope you all had an amazing week and have a wonderful weekend! I can't wait to see y'all ladies next <3 p=""><br />
<br /><!--3--></3><br />
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My new favorite spring/summer look... baggy off the shoulder shirts with shorts. Gonna' thrift me some big t-shirts like these to mess with and make cute and comfy :)</div>
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This is pinhole photography :) cool huh?</div>
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This one as well. you can see the rim of the cup/can it's in! One of the clearer shots I've seen of pinhole photography. Some photographers dedicate their entire life's work to solely shooting like this :)</div>
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<br />Meghanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11284714645081293757noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-562141102491251687.post-63647734336080228972013-01-13T23:20:00.003-08:002013-01-13T23:20:55.633-08:00Gonna' look forward in prayer!Decided that having anxiety isn't necessarily good. Well, no. It's NOT good at all.<br />
<br />
Instead, I'm gonna' be turning that anxiety into fuel for prayer. Fuel for positive thinking, and eventually, complete optimism. I'm mostly optimistic; but school and life has kinda' made me pessimistic and bitter. Even within a few minutes of just thinking of how GOD wants me to handle situations, I felt a lot more at ease.<br />
<br />
Mainly talking about design (as always, haha) and handling the people. The rude people, the people that leave me out, the fake ones. Even my closest friends in design that I want to reach out to. I'm going to pray for them instead of be closed off. Instead of be bitter or insecure about how Jasmine's treating me, I'm going to pray for her. Maybe try to reach out when I feel confident enough again.<br />
<br />
Y'all don't know how much she hurt me by just treating me coldly last semester :( I know you guys think from your POV that she was awful, rude, etc., but we literally hung out all the time. Even though she teased me a lot, was inappropriate and sometimes just out there and rude with her teasing, I considered her a friend. Heck, a close friend. I saw her more than I saw my parents, really, or even you guys and Ethan. We stayed up super late all the time working on projects. We were empathy partners essentially, pulling each other through. We opened up to one another about crazy deep stuff. The list goes on.<br />
<br />
Instead of withdrawing, I need to reach out. Find a way, somehow... I have something in mind. Even if we're just on talking terms again, when I feel like she doesn't totally hate my guts for whatever reason, I'd be fine. I'm not expecting things to go back as they were but, I don't want to entirely give up either. I want God to use this to help me get stronger in my faith of people, friendships and what I can do to love my enemies. I think it's all meant to be a test, that I just need to take head on. I'll have other friends on campus to lean on in weak moments or vent to, or talk to if my reaching out to her totally fails.<br />
<br />
But I can't just give up! What would Jesus do, right? :)<br />
<br />
I'm feeling so much more at peace now about school starting just thinking through all this. Of course, I'm a little anxious still, but eh, once it starts, I'll be used to it in no time, like old times... I have a three day weekend every week so that's a bonus ;) plus, I'm only taking 4 classes, three of which are project/design based, one is a lecture. But I have that lecture class with Sable!! I'm so excited, it'll be fun to have a friend in class again :)<br />
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Guys, I'm really sorry if I get negative so often. Please don't worry too much, I just have horrible mood swings. They usually aren't nearly as bad as I make them out to be >.<;; I know regardless you'll probably still worry, but whatever XD I love you all so dearly and am so insanely blessed <3 p="p"><br />
I got new clothes today! Part of my Christmas presents was a "shopping" day with my mom since, well, she is clueless what to get me clothes wise and she knew I needed new stuff to start school with. It's really nice actually having fresh new clothes >.< I love thrift store shopping/Goodwill shopping (trust me!!) but, it's nice having new items too!<br />
<br />
- Cardigans galore! = mint, blue/black w/ zippers, red (bargained!), white w/ black collar/detailing.<br />
- Simple fitted tank tops = gray, light blue and red<br />
- New black ankle boots (bargained!)<br />
- New black stockings<br />
- Two dresses = black and white striped cotton dress, A-Line (actually got this with a gift-card I got from Ethan's family), and an asymmetric, short-long cotton dress with mint colored under-layer and seashell pattern detail<br />
- Reddish-brown, faux-leather jacket (bargained!)<br />
- A nice faux leather blouse with embroidery/zipper detail = it reminded me of something from Final Fantasy *___* (it was a bargain, too!)<br />
<br />
Lol, half of that stuff was bargained/clearance/sale items, so, I guess it's almost like thrifting anyway. XD What can I say, I can never say no to bargains O.O<br />
<br />
Also, the 365 days challenge is going swell! I'm a couple days behind, not too bad though. I may try to post an art dump of each month onto my blog, haha. We'll see though. XD<br />
<br />
Fresh clothes, fresh attitude, fresh spirit, and fresh start to a semester. I can't wait to see what this semester has in store! :) Love you all and take care!<br />
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</3>Meghanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11284714645081293757noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-562141102491251687.post-5725900752764104282013-01-11T21:50:00.003-08:002013-01-11T22:27:27.658-08:00Honestly?This blog was originally written very bitterly and kinda' pathetically sad. But now that I've vented that out to myself, I'm gonna' change it up and make it more optimistic, lol.<br />
<br />
I do have anxiety about school though. My mom was talking to me earlier about it, and asked if I feel in constant turmoil there. Yes, and no. I love graphic design. I love illustration. The creativity, the liveliness, the fast-pace life style. I don't like the stress and sometimes, the people. Designers are a certain breed; a lot of them can be like me and Sable. Artsy, laid-back, mellow, friendly, insightful, hard-workers. Nerdy, geeky, goofy, creative, what have you. The rest I just notice, friendly or not, seem to only find fun in partying and drinking. Twice this week the design kids wanted to go to two different bars, and a drag show. Like, really? Why is that appealing? Drag shows are freaking dumb, and you probably won't even remember your Friday night 'cause you're hammered!<br />
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I think other things are fun, like: movie parties or marathons, laser tag, arcades, roller skating, bowling. Am I five, or am I more mature than they are? lol.<br />
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Honestly, I'm a little sad everyone's drifting or ending cosplaying :( I know it's y'all's life, but I guess i can't help but feel like it's bittersweet. I'm not ready to stop yet, I don't know when I will be. It's just... too much fun to me still, lol. I mean sure, it'll probably definitely slow down after this year. But I don't think I'll stop at all. Sable and I were discussing traveling to different cons to just go on Saturdays, just to see what they're like; and then spend the rest of the weekend or time there exploring the area. Like Colorado ice castles or mountains, or the beach :)<br />
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Once cosplaying does end though I def. want to focus on tables. Tables tables tables. I want to be a witness to this world, guys. It's such a lost world that others write off as unimportant. I want to be a witness within our community. I was so inspired by Vic that one Sunday at Izumicon, it was seriously a huge God moment for me. Through cosplay or not, somehow I am meant to witness with my talents and hobbies; and goodness sake, I'm gonna' do it. Tables will be the best way; but I'm also gonna' try harder through cosplay too. Just being genuinely nice. Idk, I'm going to pray about different ways to witness through cosplay and every day con goers.<br />
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I moved back into Edmond today, ewww. Being there just makes me anxious and thinking about school, and living with the "couple" again. I do like being on my own though, but, this will be nice to know it's my last semester.<br />
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I never did blog about the cruise, did I? that will need to be done eventually...<br />
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I'm so horrible at posting pics to FB I need to do that at some point.<br />
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THINGS TO DO!!<br />
- Plan cosplays for Naka & TnT<br />
- Start on cosplays O.O<br />
- SAVE MONEY AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE<br />
- Stay positive<br />
- Pray, all the time<br />
- Work harder in school<br />
- Expand my talents<br />
- Draw every day<br />
- Post pics to FB: summer pics (NY, Florida, cons, etc...) as well as cruise pics and throughout the year stuff.<br />
- Back-up computer<br />
- Sort through files on computer/organize<br />
- Clean up room, sell books, sell clothes, donate things<br />
- Work-out every day, somehow...<br />
- Thank God for all my blessings.<br />
- Take NOTHING for granted.<br />
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Also.......<br />
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I never thought I'd say it but....<br />
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.....<br />
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Adventure Time is growing on me.<br />
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/flails<br />
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<br />Meghanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11284714645081293757noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-562141102491251687.post-57436094623759693102013-01-03T22:06:00.000-08:002013-01-03T22:06:00.805-08:00His world will go on turning...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
Gah, this song. Makes me cry every time... Eponine :'(<br />
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Gah, that movie. I have never bawled so hard during a movie. Unbelievable.<br />
It was like a spiritual experience to I think, idk, hard to explain. Just the entire story of grace and love and compassion through all these horrible times and moments in their life. And then at the end, triumphantly escaping the miserable world into the joy and victory of heaven. I SOBBED VERY GROSSLY.<br />
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This week flew by; I hope next week doesn't, it's my last week on break :( But, it's been an amazing break in general, I can not complain. I've gotten to sleep a lot, I had the amazing cruise, I've hung out with friends and family and have just had time to rest and do what I want. I've had to do some homework for the Addy's, but it wasn't too much.<br />
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Is it sad sometimes I relate with this song quite often? Lolol it's like my go to sad song when stuff happens between me and Ethan. Or if I'm feeling lonely or forgotten. Pathetic, I know... but I'm always in my mind, imagining him next to me, or with me, because most of the time, he just isn't really there. "And now the night is here, and I can make believe he's here..."</div>
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Sometimes, I do think his world would go on turning without me. He seems to have all these other priorities that make him content and preoccupied... I just feel in the way or like an obligation. Idk if that's how it really is, but, of course, we all have our moments of being really down or sad or angsty. Sometimes I just feel like I'm on the outside looking in on his life, behind a window. I can't seem to really feel closer to him anymore; he's either pushing me away or not inviting me in. I don't really know how to explain it.</div>
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I just want to be noticed by him again. Feel special. I feel like Eponine, hiding in ragged clothes with dirt on my face, a hat shading my eyes, desperately wishing for that attention and compassion. </div>
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': |</div>
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Sorry 'bout that emo-ness guys. </div>
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But! I like to vent it all out here, to you all, as well as through drawing. Keeping it in has lead me down darker places before... but, putting it on here and getting it off my chest helps A LOT more. If you don't want to be down, just don't read some of my blogs lol :P </div>
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I can't wait til the Christmas party to see everyone again :) I gotta' finish some shopping but I'm almost done. I'm so excited, I hope everyone likes their gifts! I hope I can finish all my drawings by then too~~</div>
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I hope you're all having a wonderful break/day/evening/whatever. Love you all! <3 p="p"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
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Meghanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11284714645081293757noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-562141102491251687.post-54686496893210090752012-12-28T16:06:00.002-08:002012-12-28T16:06:44.976-08:00Review time! [December]Helloooo ladies!<br />
This was inspired from Cheryl's blog XD Cause I'm a copy cat<br />
But hey, product reviews are uber helpful! I love reading when y'all post them, haha. So I'll try to remember to do some too XD<br />
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Pantene Ice Shine Shampoo/Conditioner<br />
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<b><u>JAG PULL-ON JEANS</u></b></div>
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First I want to start off with my new favorite brand of jeans; JAG! I usually buy Gap since I'm picky with jeans and want good quality; however, I went with JAG this time, and I'm pretty impressed. They're slightly cheaper (in the $30-$40 range) so that's always a bonus. They fit perfectly if you get your right size, and flatter curves nicely; the kind I bought were pull-ons, so they don't have buttons or a zipper. They're essentially like jeggings, just way thicker, so they're not just tights. They have a control waist top which is GREAT for controlling the muffin top we all get sometimes XD</div>
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<b><u>PANTENE ICE SHINE SHAMPOO + CONDITIONER</u></b></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLwEjsPr6Cto2RalCeYYBxcDDt2xktJrayMVTUsMZntELSzhrOG-0zF_f7Suugq79WgN6U6F6ykVcwZ2UaH-7gMt3u8V28417aqE1laq2NDoo_AfQ2G7_D6qahkix8lwhtOMaAY0W3s4uV/s1600/rby-pantene-ice-shine-1-lgn.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLwEjsPr6Cto2RalCeYYBxcDDt2xktJrayMVTUsMZntELSzhrOG-0zF_f7Suugq79WgN6U6F6ykVcwZ2UaH-7gMt3u8V28417aqE1laq2NDoo_AfQ2G7_D6qahkix8lwhtOMaAY0W3s4uV/s320/rby-pantene-ice-shine-1-lgn.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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I try to mix up shampoos here and there, and I love the Pantene Brand. I went from moisturizing shampoo to this stuff, and I really like it! My hair feels super shiny and soft, and feels like it looks cleaner over a long span of time (I usually have to shower every day or else my hair seems oily; but this allows me to not have to wash my hair except every other day if necessary). I'm also starting to only use conditioner on the ends of my hair, which has helped a LOT with not having build up and gunk at my roots :)</div>
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<b><u>MAYBELLINE COLOSSAL VOLUM' EXPRESS MASCARA</u></b></div>
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<a href="http://img.dooyoo.co.uk/GB_EN/orig/0/6/8/6/1/686197.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://img.dooyoo.co.uk/GB_EN/orig/0/6/8/6/1/686197.jpg" /></a></div>
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I try to mix and match mascara here and there, Maybelline seems to do me well. I don't notice a huge difference between mascaras, but, I like Maybelline's because they have a huge variety of difference kinds depending on if you want volume or lengthening. I usually like to pair this with fake eyelashes for a super dramatic effect :)</div>
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<b><u>REVLON COLORSTAY LIQUID EYE PEN</u></b></div>
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Cheryl, this is the eyeliner I was telling you about -- I SWEAR by this stuff. Love, love, love it. I haven't used a different eyeliner since. I personally like the smokey brown or the charcoal black. Very deep, rich dark colors that last pretty much all day; I usually only reapply once and that's if necessary (for like cosplays/conventions with photos taken etc...) It seems to dry very well and doesn't smear. The only thing is, if worn day and day again it may "stain" a little bit; as in, not totally wash off. I've noticed even after a shower + using eye make-up remover, plus again in the morning, I'll still have some residue left. It usually doesn't both me too much; because when I want eyeliner, I KNOW it will stay on with this stuff.</div>
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<b><u>MAYBELLINE INSTANT AGE REWIND DARK CIRCLES ERASER</u></b></div>
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<a href="http://www.realbeauty.com/cm/realbeauty/images/cZ/rby-maybelline-under-circle-eraser-mdn-79327219.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://www.realbeauty.com/cm/realbeauty/images/cZ/rby-maybelline-under-circle-eraser-mdn-79327219.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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I'm pretty sure Mattie did a product review of this once XD</div>
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But yes! Oh man. I lvoe this stuff. I'm a girl that never likes to wear foundation or concealer; I HATE having too much make-up on my face, some days, I just wear none at all. However, since this stuff entered my life, my goodness, I love it. I love that I can just brush it on and blend it in and it doesn't need foundation underneath, it matches my skin so perfectly and blends so smoothly. It literally does erase dark-marks too, and acne/acne scars. I honestly have no complaints except that I wish it was a tad cheaper :P</div>
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<b><u>MAGAZINE REVIEW: SELF, DECEMBER 2012 ISSUE</u></b></div>
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<a href="http://img005.lazygirls.info/people/kaley_cuoco/kaley_cuoco_self_magazine_january_2013_0LZDYynp.sized.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://img005.lazygirls.info/people/kaley_cuoco/kaley_cuoco_self_magazine_january_2013_0LZDYynp.sized.jpg" width="233" /></a></div>
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I love this magazine! I honestly just picked it up because Kaley Cuco of Big Bang Theory was on it; however, I tore through it during bath and tea time. It has tons and tons of great tips for weight lost and healthy dieting, as well as practical and realistic dieting. It contains a diet plan that EVEN includes fast food/out to eat options (including Wendy's/Taco Bell, etc...) for the normal, every day diet, breakfast, lunch and dinner (obviously, the fast food options are only if you have to -- but it's cool they provide that option for lives on the go). There's also tons of weight loss tips, exercise routines step by step, and encouraging/inspiration facts and tidbits and testimonials to keep your mindset healthy a well. They also have segment on healthy financial living. It's all about being the best self you can be. </div>
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Downside is it is a "hip, trendy" magazine, so there is an article in there about sex and how it can keep you healthy, etc... as well as other cheeky stuff like that here and there. However, it's not bad at all compared to other magazines nowadays. I mainly just invest in the health/exercise portions.</div>
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<b><u>BOOK REVIEW: THOU SHALL NOT USE COMIC SANS: 365 GRAPHIC DESIGN SINS AND VIRTUES</u></b></div>
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<a href="http://www.peachpit.com/ShowCover.aspx?isbn=0132907232" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://www.peachpit.com/ShowCover.aspx?isbn=0132907232" width="238" /></a></div>
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This is probably my new favorite book (well so far, haha) it's so funny! But also, informative. I'm not all the way through it, however, I can tell how the rest will be just by the first few pages. The formula is a "sin or virtue a day" kind of thing, with small commentary on the overall problem. However, the sarcastic tongue in cheek style of writing is charming, and the first sentence in the forward is about being a graphic designer who dropped out of school after four weeks; however, he wrote this ENTIRE book of advice just from his personal experience. It's all about the basics of type, what to do and not to do. Some contradict each other, but that's what graphic design is all about; following and breaking the rules.</div>
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It's a neat little guide to have, even for non-designers, to use type and type design as effectively as possible, or as it's meant to be used. :) It is a little heavy on design lingo/terminology, but, I think it's worth a read for anyone into the subject.</div>
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Thanks for reading everyone! :D</div>
Meghanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11284714645081293757noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-562141102491251687.post-67100371336944773562012-12-26T17:04:00.003-08:002012-12-26T17:04:46.184-08:00Idk.*sniffles*<br />
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Ugh, I've been sick. It's been worse today; hopefully, this is as bad as it gets. It's stuffy nose, swollen head, sinuses inflamed, body aches, coughing, etc... Not enough to incapacitate you to a bed to keep you from work, but just enough to be totally annoying throughout your day.<br />
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I swear, my boss gave me the hours this holiday season he did as "payback" for being gone a week for the cruise. Black Friday, Christmas Eve, AND the day after Christmas. Like seriously? Worst days ever, guh. D: Oh well. The cruise was TOTALLY worth it. Uggh I miss the water, and the service, the fun, and feeling like a million dollars. I'm gonna' blog more about it later though, after I'm done editing my pics and sifting through all... 700 + of them. LOL!<br />
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Break is nice though, but of course, gotta' do some design work :P I'll rest when I'm dead, lol. They want us to submit for an awards show, so I have to go up to UCO and print on Saturday. After that, me and Ethan are going to Manheim Steamroller. My parent's got us tickets for Christmas. :) Just gotta' get through one more shift at work and then printing/finishing this stuff and Saturday night shall be wonderful!<br />
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I talked to Lara about my living situation, and she didn't seem as upset as I thought she would when I told her this next semester would be my last on campus. She was really understanding. I'm ready for a new start, and ironically enough, going back to my parents may help. It helps get the focus off of "crap, I need groceries and this house item and this house item" it gets rid of the temptation to eat out, it's quiet here, it's not so far away from everyone. I'll probably start looking for internships next summer and really get started growing up. I'm excited, but nervous! >.<<br />
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Christmas was so wonderful! Kinda' chaotic, I had my brother, his wife and my niece here. She's an adorable baby though, smiles and laughs all the time. Super cute. :) It was so great to have a big happy family here for the holidays; that's the first time in a while.<br />
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I got some really good, practical gifts this year: graphic design and illustration books/magazines, giftcards to Target and other stores for clothes/house stuff, etc... as well as things like socks, make-up, toothbrushes, nail-polish, etc. And some fun things of course, like a Wonder Woman lunchbox, a vinyl laptop skin and the Avengers on blu-ray :D Mainly just blessed for a loving family, fantastic friends, a wonderful boyfriend, a roof over my head and for Christ. Christmas really reminds me of all I cherish.<br />
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Things to look forward to:<br />
- New Years!<br />
- Manheim concert :)<br />
- A day off tomorrow @_@<br />
- Sleeping in :D<br />
- Drawing more!<br />
- Christmas party with FRIENDSSS!!!<br />
- More hours = bigger paychecks = present buying and clothes shopping and then saving for me :)<br />
- Quality time at home, in quiet, rejuvenating<br />
<br />Meghanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11284714645081293757noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-562141102491251687.post-40381414880321484102012-12-14T22:14:00.001-08:002012-12-14T22:14:54.280-08:00What an off day...Today has serviced a huge array of emotions.<br />
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First, feeling rather tired and stressed from moving out and finishing my last two finals for my online class. I literally didn't eat until four when I got at work, and even then, it was scarfing down stuff just to have energy.<br />
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Next, hearing the news of the Conneticut elementary school shootings... My heart sunk and I felt numb. The first thing I thought of was the terror on the children's faces... they're so young, they don't understand that. They shouldn't have to yet. They should be innocent and carefree; now they'll be traumitized and terrified. Next, I thought of the horror the parents must've felt, not knowing if their child was alive or not. That's probably the hugest fear of mine: knowing a loved one is somewhere of potential danger, like a shooting, and not knowing if they made it or not. I've had nightmares about it, woken up crying, had anxiety. Stuff like this doesn't change.<br />
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My heart is truly with all of them... my prayers as well. Honestly, the first thought I imagined was "there has to be a certain place in hell for this guy" or anyone who would do that to children. Then I felt sick, and upset with myself; I should be forgiving, right? How, how though... how easily can it be to forgive such a horrid, horrid man? I fought with myself all day about it; what is God's plan for this? I wanted to be just as angry and hateful and spiteful against this man, but another half of me drew me back. Fighting with myself on and off was exhausting.<br />
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I just pray that these shootings can be prevented in the future. Metal detectors in schools, more security in schools, etc. I'm sure there's always a way around things; but the harder we make it for the lunatics and criminals, the less likely they'll feel the need to fight back. Thus keeping children, and everyone, safe...<br />
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It makes me want to homeschool my future children though. Idk. I'd been considering it before, but now this, this... has almost pushed me over. It's comforting the idea of being able to be home with them, or have someone at my home or at a small church teaching them, not a public school with tons temptation, influence and apparently, threats of shootings. I know you can't withhold your children from danger forever, but... homeschooling seems like a good alternative. Rather than living with that constant anxiety and fear of "will they return to me today from school?"<br />
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As depressing as that sounds. Sorry guys. Just.. tons of emotions.<br />
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/sigh<br />
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On the upside of the day (I guess?) I'm finally done with school. I'm beyond annoyed how awful and badly this semester ended class wise; doing horrible on all my finals really set me off, and then having to work so much which kept me from studying. And the customers, oh, the customers.. I had to pray everyday before work and random times throughout JUST to remain semi-normal tolerancy. I can never finish a task or have a break without customers buggingbuggingbugging me, and honestly, most are kinda' snuffy/huffy/impatient. Very few seem thankful. Just cause we don't have something, they'll have a disgusted look on their face or like it's OUR fault. Good Lord. I'm a few bad customers away from walking out, seriously. I'm tired of it. I can't wait for retail Christmas season to be done.<br />
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The week couldn't have drug on MORE. I feel totally wiped after this semester. I hope my cruise will be relaxing and bring me rejuvenation to start again..<br />
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I feel like EVERYONE around me is getting engaged, is married, or is having babies. I just learned today Heather Maloney is engaged; like for real. I've been dating Ethan longer than those two are together. Everyone else is getting engaged or graduating finally or having babies and starting a family. And me? I just feel stuck. Stuck in college. Stuck with my living situation. Stuck in my relationship. I don't even know if Ethan wants to marry me; so what's the point, right? We're both still very happy; but it doesn't seem to be progressing at all. I just.. have so many questions. And feel confused.<br />
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I feel like Rapunzel; "When will my life begin?" I feel like Ariel, wanting to explore and find so much more beyond where I am.<br />
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I just want to break free. Be new. Recharge, refresh and break this cycle. Maybe this next year will be it for me, maybe, I will finally break free somehow.Meghanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11284714645081293757noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-562141102491251687.post-48861348896161245702012-12-11T00:42:00.001-08:002012-12-11T00:42:07.556-08:00One thing at a timeMattie, I'm watching Nanny Diaries and it totally makes me think of you... the sweet, smart, loyal and creative nanny of the spoiled rich people. Practically raising the child. XD It makes me miss you so freaking much D': I'm just like "OMG! This is what she's going through D:" and I want to FaceTime you or fly out and rescue you, haha.<br />
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It may be a more exaggerated version of your life, haha (considering you're in Maryland and not NY, and your rich couple you work for actually have important jobs, and many other differences @.@) but still.... Hey, you end up with Captain America too cause Chris Evans is the love interest ;D Cap x Black Widow?!?! Shwwatt?<br />
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But seriously, I freaking love this movie. I'd seen it long time ago but re-watching it is fun. Scarlett Johansson is becoming one of my new favorite actresses. She's so cute and quirky in this movie, and then she can be hardcore and awesome as Black Widow.<br />
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This movie makes me want to not be afraid to find myself. Learn more about myself. "being thrown in an unfamiliar world to truly understand our own"<br />
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Tomorrow is really my only day off this week, and I'm going to make it count. <br />
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ZE PLANS:<br />
- Getting up early... unfortunately<br />
- Wrapping gifts for family<br />
- Compiling notes for Personal Finance and History finals<br />
- Studyinggg D:<br />
- Working on finishing up my online class stuff... I sure hope I don't fail that dang course .-.<br />
- Working on scholarship posters for business department<br />
- Submitting business hours<br />
- Maybe even get some stuff moved out<br />
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I hope within all that I can have some down time and fun time. I really want to work on my Christmas drawings I'm doing for everyone, as well as maybe have some roomie time with Lara... I'm going to try to talk to her about everything with her and Cody and how this past semester felt for me. I feel like honesty is the only way to get things to change if I'm going to be living here another semester. I shouldn't quietly put up with it and expect change.<br />
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Tonight at work was my first night closing and running the store at night by myself! It's a lot more steps and a lot more to remember, and a lot more responsibility than opening in the morning honestly. Everything went well though! It didn't blow up, haha, so that's good. :P There were a few quirks with customers and complaints, however, that's normal. It's weird but kinda' cool finally being in charge. I deserve it; I've been there long enough.<br />
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Even though work is overworking me, I guess it's time to embrace change. Getting at least a few months in a leadership position at work will make it look good on a job resume, if anything. Also, now I can do "anything" there really, in the compass of calling shots and being in charge. I hated how he'd hire brand new people as the shift leaders and I had to technically work "under" them, but I trained them most of the time. It was so annoying :P<br />
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I can't wait to hang out again with everyone.. I am in so need of a friends day. Big party, hang out, whtaever. Whether it's the Christmas party or a girl's day in the future (I sure hope sooner than the Christmas party though) it will be well needed <3 p="p"><br />
I bought an amazing formal dress today from Goodwill for $10! First one I walked up to and first one I tried on, omg, it fit me like a glove like it was meant to be. It's simple and long, to the floor, a nice fitting green dress. The back has a pretty bow, it almost makes me think of Sailor Jupiter, haha. I'm gonna' wear it for the formal dinner on the cruise.<br />
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I can't wait, one week from now, I'll be drifting sweetly to sleep to the sound of the ocean entirely around me. In my element, out on the sea... school will be done, regardless of grades, I'll be FREAKING DONE for the semester and on my vacation.<br />
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SO READY!! O.O<br />
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PS:<br />
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I'm now trying to watch all the Chris Evans movies I can. He's like my new favorite @_@ /fans<br />
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Hellooooo.<br />
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<br /></3>Meghanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11284714645081293757noreply@blogger.com1