You're amazin', just the way you are.

So, the past couple of days have been really great, I'd say. :)

Spring Break is over, but, it was really fun! I got to sleep a lot (which is always appreciated), do some watercolor painting, read, draw, worked on cosplay stuff, sewed a skirt, worked out a lot, started attempting/learning handstands, and saw lots of awesome friends <3 OH, and got to wear SHORTS and cool clothes! I'm so excited for warmer weather, it's not even funny. I used to love cooler/cold weather, but something switched in me, and now I loooove the warmth, and feeling the sun on my skin, running around barefoot.. It's so nice!

But, back to school today. I guess all good things must come to an end. However! It wasn't totally awful. We got back three project grades, and I got A's on all of them, plus two of them were kept to show at the accreditation program the design department is going through right now. Basically if they want to keep your work, that means they really thought it was well designed conceptually and the craft was really good too. All around, it's an honor to have your worked kept, so that was verrrry exciting to hear! I didn't know how I was doing the entire semester in that class, but, now I'm feeling pretty confident.

Today was technically an easy day though, just one class, and I got to hang with Cheryl all day. However, tomorrow will be my official first long day after break, 11 to 6. Buh! Oh well. That only happens twice a week, and the last class is Cartooning so that's never too bad. Our teacher is out for surgery/recovery, but we have an alumni freelance illustrator coming in to teach us through the next project that is due. We're working on fantasy illustrations, and I drew out of the hat to draw an evil fairy/pixie/elf as well as we have to draw a beast/animal of some sort to compliment the character. It's a pretty fun project, but the class isn't a throwaway class by farrr -- he asks a lot of us, lots of drawing, lots of practice, lots of detail. It's good though, it helps me get further in drawing and get better.

I've also been having a lot of fun with photography lately! I've got some photoshoots with people booked, portraits and what not, and I'm really excited to experiment more and take more pictures. Photography is truly a passion of mine that's completely run wild since I've gotten this new camera -- I'm very glad and grateful to be able to expand on it. I'd love to get all sorts of cameras though -- vintage ones with unique features like actual film, or cool light leaks; underwater cameras; telescopic cameras; polaroid cameras, etc... It'd be hard to find the more older/vintage ones, but, they always create the COOLEST photos. I'll post some pictures up here at the end of one of my favorite photographers I found on deviantART who really inspires me with my photography. Her style and photographic point of view is truly what I'd love to get to one day. :)

Earlier today I was watching MTV's True Life, and the episode was about being deaf. One of the guys on there was sooooo cute, he was a high school student who'd been deaf all his life, but got a cochlear implant so he could finally hear. He was walking around drumming on things and rustling the leaves, and just listening to things, really taking it all in. He seemed so wide-eyed and like a baby hearing all these noises for the first time. He could finally listen to music and hear people's voices, though he didn't really understand speech necessarily and still had to work on talking. He'd speak in sign language saying how he feels like a whole new person though, and how happy he was.

The BEST part though was when he saw his girlfriend for the first time after his surgery -- she opened the door and said hi, and they hugged, and he asked her in sign language to say his name. "Christopher," she said, and he just BEAMED, and then hugged her really tightly. She was crying, saying "You can hear me, you can hear me..." He said later on how when he heard her say his name, his heart was pounding really hard, and how much he loved and adored the sound of her voice... and then when they left each other, they held the "I love you" sign language symbol up to one another.

IT WAS JUST SO DARN PRECIOUS.

It really made me tear up, as well as think about how much we take for granted. See him drumming on things and just taking in the simplest of noises, or looking around when he heard a door close trying to figure out what it was, was so fascinating. Can you imagine going without hearing, or sight, but then regaining it? Wouldn't you just want to take in everything and just soak it up? You would feel like a new person. It's like closing your eyes or shutting off your ears for a really really long time; but opening them to see a beautiful sunrise, or a loved one's face. Or opening your ears to beautiful music, or the sound of rain, or laughter. It'd be such a beautiful way of thinking and life if we could all just take in daily life with that sort of simple appreciation and gratefulness. I just felt so inspired!

I've just been feeling really blessed by God lately, with a peace in my heart and mind. Even though some things in life have been rough or hard lately, I always know He has my best interest in mind. No matter how much temptation tries to knock me down, I step off of it and become stronger through God. Sometimes I get anxiety about the future, what will or won't happen, but, I really need to give that up to God instead. He's done so much for me, and given me so much, how could I ask for more? I hope everyone else takes time to stop and realize just even that; God will always have what's best in store for you. <3












Here are some images from that photographer I mentioned earlier. :) She's shot such stunning work!

The Battle.

I hate when I think I'm feeling really happy and lovin' things, when it all comes to a crashing halt and I get really upset, or really depressed, or really bitter. I realize that if I don't invest my joy and time into the right things (like, uh, Jesus, and my FAITH for example...) I'm only deceiving myself for the meantime. Yeah, things of this world are great and lovely and beautiful -- but, what am I TRULY investing myself into?

I've just been focused on cosplay and losing weight, school, drawing, reading, wanting to do this and that and go here and there, and hang out and plan things and yadda yadda yadda... but, I get caught up in the muss of life that I don't even realize true joy and treasure lies in Christ, and God's love... why can't I get that wrapped around my mind?

:/

It's so hard. I've been feeling a lot of anxiety lately about my faith. Things just haven't been going well, and I'm finding that I'm very disappointed and ashamed of myself. Things with my boyfriend aren't going well, we're struggling with temptation, and it seems to be a barrier we're just not breaking through yet.. We're both on totally different plans of understanding/experience with relationships, so it's hard to overcome these sort of obstacles. Sometimes I just feel like screaming and letting go of it all, of any relationship or thought of dating ever, ever again... but, I know I can't do that. It's not the right thing. It came to a point in the relationship where it almost reached that, but my heart and soul felt heavy and were hurting; it would've accomplished nothing, it would've been giving up and falling into impatience and selfishness just because I couldn't fight through the obstacle. The last thing I want to do is give up on a relationship just because of things that we can have healed by God, and grow stronger through.

It's all just really difficult sometimes... I'd been single for a while, so now trying to change my mindset to focusing on God in a relationship as well is a whole new ball game. I'm still learning things. My past relationships never had so many obstacles, or painful/tense conversations, or breaking down and crying to one another -- however, none of my other relationships never had praying together, or attending church together, spiritual discussions or trust and loyalty. With a strong committed relationship, there comes maturity and truly understanding the person, not just having butterflies in your stomach, or some warm and fun crush that fades with time. It's really really hard, but, at the same time, extremely rewarding. It's a roller-coaster of emotions and growth, but, we're slowly trucking through.

I think progress is being made, it's just hard right now... Purity and strength in Christ is so hard to maintain in a relationship, when the world is screaming at you to do otherwise.

I fell on my knees tonight in the quiet of my room, and just cried and prayed to God about it all. It was one of those prayers where I didn't really remember what I said, or if I even understood what I said, or if I even said anything, but just felt my heart overwhelm my body to the point where it brought me down on my knees-- so I hope God understood and heard me through the silence...

This poem is for all Christians or non-Christians alike, struggling with sin. Christians, we know of sin, and what Jesus did for us. Non-Christians may not, but they always are deceiving themselves.

We all fight the same battle -- but some of us have the souls and strength to fight against it.

Are we fighting?

The Battle

Like a banshee, the world screams;
or like a thief holding out treasure that gleams;
enticing, promising, luring us in,
killing us slowly from the inside with sin.
Crying and gasping, reaching for air,
we yearn for a deceiving joy that's not there.
False hope and false gods clutch and keep our heart,
strong souls waver, weak ones never to start.
With glazed eyes and weak minds, we slowly tread;
lifeless, listless, lethargic, we're nearly dead.
Deceived, in denial, living only on whims,
the more this continues, the more the Truth dims.
Fading from sight, slowly it flickers away,
like the cold night's darkness stealing the day.
Depleted and depraved, your smiles aren't real;
you feel convinced, but this isn't true Joy that you feel.
True Joy is the grace and peace only God gives;
for in you He longs to reside; or in you, He already lives.
Have you pushed Him aside? Do you leave Him rejected?
Filling yourself with other gods, but Him you've neglected.
We all fall short of the glory of God's love,
but instead of staring into the world, let us look above.
Set our eyes on His glory, grace, love and light,
and against the world He will help us fight.
Light breaks through the clouds; our strength returning,
light feels our eyes, but we're still desperate and yearning.
Confusion, curiosity and impatience settle in,
but alas, there comes an Answer as quiet as the whispering wind.
"Welcome back, My child, how I've missed you so;
take My hand, give Me your heart, and from there you'll know.
Child, don the armor of God -- wield My Shield and Sword.
stand firmly against sin, and fight for the grace and love of the Lord.

Pulled down.

I have phases where the world really pulls me down. Where I focus too much happiness in worldly things, in my relationships with people, in keeping myself busy with things that don't focus on God. I eventually reach an ultimate slump, a valley, where I just realize that there's nothing truly satisfying in this world like God's love for you.

I'm truly blessed with a lot that I'm extremely grateful for, however, there's hobby, no job, no person, no relationship, or no material item or possession that will possibly give you happiness like God's happiness.

It takes meditating on Him and time to myself to really refocus my mind again.

My prayer ...

"God, You've had a grasp on my life ever since I was saved by grace that I don't want to lose. But I always seem to wedge things between You and I: my relationships, my hobbies, school and future ideas. I get jealous, I get worried, I get angry, I get anxious, I get sarcastic, negative, bitter.... and when I feel "happy" it's only temporary if it's not finding happiness in You first. I just pray that You never let me forget that only YOU can satisfy my soul, and give me complete joy. Amen."

Laundry blogging.

This is the blog where I take a break from homework, but still need something to occupy my time while waiting in the laundry room.

Hmm.

So I'll write poetry!

Another Winter Storm

Not much to update,
not much to say,
except for another winter storm
is heading our way.

There are plenty of warnings
of the upcoming snow,
We get it by now,
but they act as if we don't know.

I guess this means more sleeping in,
with dorm time to spare.
Even if I'm locked in all day,
I don't honestly care.

I'll drift away in daydreams,
journal, blog, and draw.
Read a book, read my Bible,
and watch the snow gently fall with awe.

Eventually routine will settle in,
possibly another snowstorm or two.
I'm going to enjoy this time though, cozy and warm,
and I hope the same goes for you.

Winter Reminds Me (a poem made up of haikus)

Winter reminds me
of catching snowflakes on
our tongues; cold and sweet.
Winter reminds me
of icy windows, but warmth
from fireplaces.
Winter reminds me
of snug coats and cute mittens,
scarves caught in the wind.
Winter reminds me
of snowball fights and snow forts,
young kids, rosy cheeks.
Winter reminds me
that snow and cold shall soon pass,
melting into spring.


Winter

You can find me when it's cold,
when the last leaf of autumn falls,
when the humans snuggly bundle up,
or when the crimson cardinal calls.

You can find me among the shortening the days,
when the sun yawns and early it retires;
when the vivid white moon beams down into homes,
where people curl up and read near fires.

You can find me when with a fresh fallen snow,
when a white blanket dons Earth;
when dinner is warm, and family is near
when the holiday time is of the Savior's birth.

You can find me hanging on as warm days are near,
But, you see, I'll be slowly fading away.
For when the flowers bloom, and when the grass is green,
I'll have to return another day.

I'm always very inspired by winter and it's loveliness, even though it can be bitter cold sometimes. I like to find the warmth of winter, and capture it. I hope you all enjoyed, and thanks for reading!

Sunday isn't for the Superbowl.

It's for God -- and I've got a lot to say on Him this blog.

Today in church our pastor talked about the current events of Egypt's invasion. He further discussed and extended on that with Daniel's prophecy of rising empires in the book of Ezekial -- which means, the last empire to rise before the end times would be the coalition of European nations, and middle eastern nations, to eventually invade and conquer Israel. And how that's slowly happening bit by bit, and this invasion of Egypt, though is an indirect cause, is just the birth of that.

I would go into further detail, but, that's really all there is to it -- our generation WILL see the end times. We're probably living through them right now. This doesn't worry me because I'm a Christian saved by grace, but, it really hit me in the gut because I haven't been doing my share of sharing God's glory and having a passion to save the lost. I need to apply the Lord that changed my life to my daily life moreso, so people can see that. Can witness that, breathe it in, and understand it. I may show His love with my actions, or patience, but, I don't show His love by just talking to people and getting it out there bluntly. I need to do that more. I need to try harder to build my spiritual life up, for everything else to fall into place. I went down and prayed with Cheryl at the altar today about it; I want to be ready, I want to be prepared, and I want to be a Warrior of Christ, not just a weak Christian who gets by going through the motions.

Because of this mindset, getting on Facebook and seeing all these dumb posts and status updates about the Superbowl or Superbowl halftime really blew my mind -- it's pointless. A lot of things, even though they may be enjoyable to us, in the grand scheme of God's greater plan and picture, at pointless. Here today, changed or gone the next. But God NEVER changes... He's the One Thing that has always stayed the same, and will always stay the same. His Love, His Plan, and His Rule. That's extremely comforting, however, I myself have fallen into temptations of this world too much lately. There's a place for all of them, but, I easily idolize and daydream and lock myself in my own world, with no trouble, with plenty of happiness and love. I don't open my eyes to God and the rest of the world around me. I'm naive and selfish.

I don't want to rub anyone the wrong way. There is NOTHING wrong with enjoying the things of this world, there are many beautiful things about it. Art, expression, freedom, love, friendship, happiness, lovely weather, fun memories, family. But what we can't do, which is what I've done, is attach ourselves too much to this world that when the time comes, we wouldn't want to let go. We need to live here, but live for a Higher Purpose, for God's purpose. Always remember that nothing can satisfy like He can -- and once we invest in Him, he will bless our lives bountifully, and we'll have joy in both our worldly life and our soulful life. We'll have one foot here on Earth, stable, but our hearts and souls and eyes towards God and Heaven. Another thing I need to keep in mind.

I love a lot of people in this world, and love a lot of things about this world -- but I know that it won't give me that joy like God does. I also know that I need to prepare myself for the end times, to be witnesses and messengers to those that don't know God, win souls for Him. I'm very excited, but slightly nervous, to grow stronger. I always worry about slipping back, and drifting again. But, I do also know, that God won't let me fall too far without picking me back up.

Thanks for reading, I know it was a very serious blog, but, it needed to be written. My mind was pouring with things I needed to say.

I still wanted to post some pictures though to inspire you. God bless. <3

I only got four minutes to save the world.

Mood: Productive!
Listening: "Bleeding Love", Leona Lewis
Reading: Boy Meets Girl, Joshua Harris & Mockingjay, Suzanne Collins
Watching: Nothing yet! Gonna' start a new anime soon though.
Working on: Losing weight, design projects due, and new cosplays/cosplay planning!

Today was another snow day, and so is tomorrow! I'm wondering if we'll even have school on Friday, though I really really hope so since it's hip-hop! I love that class! *crosses fingers*

I slept in too long for my liking today ('til 1:30 *facepalm*) but, I still managed to get another page in my menu design done as well as scan in my new pictures for 365 days project and clean up the dorm a little bit. Me and Cheryl started a new group on DeviantART, titled "SaishuuOtakuShinjas" which means in Japanese (roughly XD) "Gathering Anime Loving Christians". It's cool, cause the acronym is "SOS" which means a cry/call for help or signaling for help, which is what we should always do in the quest to share God's glory; as well as what we should do, cry out to God, in need of help. The group will have any sort of uplifting artwork/encouraging artwork, or Christian themed artwork. I'm so excited to see this group grow! Plus it's fun being co-founder. :)

Today was also very memorable, because me and my roommate, Lara, got out of our dorms finally and romped around in the snow! But not just meaningless romping, no... we took an adventure to Ted's restaurant! It's about a 20 minute walk from our dorm, and it was night, with slick roads and snow everywhere and negative temperatures -- but, it wouldn't be an adventure if there wasn't a sense of risk! We made it though and they were open, and it was the best food EVER since we walked just to get it. It really made me feel grateful in general, though, for all the luxuries we have just to get to places conveniently. Americans can easily take advantage of all that kind of stuff, like cars, or even bikes, as well as the fact that everything is usually relatively close. It also made me grateful for the delicious, plentiful supply of food we do have here. Some people walk miles and miles just to gather water that's dirty, or to go to a town to get a loaf of bread that will last them the whole week. It really humbled me, even if it just seemed like something for fun.

Thought I'd share some of the pictures we took with you guys. It was a fun adventure!























So after we got back, I did some abdominal workouts and I'm feeling it! The gym is closed, so, I had to do some old-fashioned crunches, but, I'm very determined and stubborn to lose weight and get toned. I'm one step closer!

Tomorrow I plan on doing more homework, some drawing, and do even more cleaning/organizing around the room. Possibly go to the gym if it's open, if not, just do some working out here. It will be very nice when things get back in order again; I'm starting to miss the routine of classes and getting to go out to see friends and drive around and stuff. And I miss the warm sun!

Oh, I can't wait until summer.

But, snow is fun for now.

Enjoy some awesome pictures. :) Mattie & Cheryl got me inspired to start doing this for my blogs now, teehee.

This has gotta' be the good life.

So, this week has been nothing but one thing: SNOW.

SNOW.

SNOW.

Oklahoma got dumped with about one years worth of snow these past 24+ hours, but, it's not too bad... Snow is extremely beautiful and majestic when it's untouched and glistening in the sun -- it makes being cramped inside a little bit more bearable if I can just gaze at it from the window. Or romp around in it, catch flakes on my tongue, and make snow angels, of course...

:)

I plan on running around in the snow tomorrow and snapping pictures, but today has been nothing but being inside and working on design homework. We're designing menus for restaurants now, and the restaurant I chose was POPs -- which is this cute, retro diner on Route 66 in Edmond with an amazing landmark soda bottle outside, and a very modern/intriguing architecture design to the building. It also houses tons and tons of soda pop options, all available in vintage glass bottles. The whole atmosphere is very cute and endearing, and I'm excited to be creating its new menu! I may even see if they'd want to actually use it, and of course, that means payment. Sometimes it's handy being a design student: getting free lance money for projects I've done for actual clients is very nifty.



I've been doing pretty well on my 365 days project, though I'm still behind, I'm catching up. I can already see my art improving and becoming more fluid; I'm also accepting my challenges I made and working more with backgrounds, males, and different poses/perspectives. I'm very excited to see what this year has in store for me with my artwork; there's always room for improvement!

So!

Cosplay's been on the brain, and I've decided on my new cosplays for Tokyo in Tulsa.

Fire nation Katara.


& Sailor Jupiter.


I'm so excited for this con! Cheryl and Mattie and I will make some wicked awesome girl groups ;) Sailor Mars, Jupiter and Moon combo, as well as Azula, Katara, Ty Lee combo! I'm so excited, it's so much more fun to cosplay as a group. HOWEVER, I definitely need to tone down/lose some weight to make both of these looks successful -- Katara's midrif shows some, and Sailor Jupiter is way thin, and wears a pretty tight fitting outfit. I'd like to lose at least 20 pounds to try to get to these effectively, as well as tone down, get some abs! Haha, bring it on!

I've been listening to the song Good Life, by OneRepublic. The lyrics, in general, are saying to really take life in, what's there to complain about? Even when things go awry or wrong, we should embrace them almost. Pardon some of the cursing, he does say "bs", but, it's a really catchy and encouraging song in a sense.



"When you're happy like a fool, let it take you over; when everything is out, you gotta' take it in."