We are all fools in love.

"It would be most inconvenient because I have sworn to loathe him for all eternity."

I LOVE THAT QUOTE.
I LOVE THIS STORY.
I LOVE JANE AUSTEN.

I blame her for my main romance ideology, lol. And totally sappy, hopeless romantic mindset. And just everything. I blame her for all things. XD

I don't really have much else to say, except how much I love this movie (I'm watching it right now; I watched Becoming Jane earlier :O), I'm done with my homework for the night, and I'm really craving soda.

I'm probably gonna' draw Lizzie and Darcy together later as a 365 days project. I need to finish Ethan's V-Day present too. I hope he likes it >.< It's a couple drawings, and then a poster I designed with photos of us. Like a collage. And a nifty quote.
Heck, I'll just post that on here I guess. Why not.

I can't wait for so many things; Arietty, the book fair, spring, summer, conventions, friend times, warmer weather, shorts, summer dresses. I can't wait for blooming flowers, and time to laze about in the warmth of the sun. <3 I sometimes wish I could live in Pride and Prejudice times, where they had such beautiful, yawning fields of green, rolling mountains and hills, and lovely lakes and estates to walk around. I want visit a country like Ireland again, with such beautiful nature and raw beauty.

Here's to slowly escaping from winter and running into spring. :)

Snow!

I know it didn't end up being enough to cancel school or shut down the world or anything; but I still love seeing it! I can be a very traditional person sometimes, and if the winter doesn't have snow at least once, I don't feel like it's winter, haha. I don't mind cold weather if I can crunch through snow or see the glistening white blanket while I walk. I'm probably going to go take pictures later and meander around since I'll be done with class by six. <3

I've been doing well keeping up with homework and projects and stuff, and I like the feeling of it. Not feeling rushed or like I'm procrastinating; I found an amazing app on my computer for such, lol, called "iProcrastinate" and it's GREAT for project and deadline organizing. I love it! It's really made by procrastinators for procrastinators, lol.

So I think an AKON meeting is in need here soon, where we can have all proposed people going meet up at once, including the guys. It'd be a good idea to get a lot of logistics figured out; hotel, costs, etc, so we can start saving up and planning around the financial stuff. I'm pretty much considering all of May knocked out for me when it comes to getting ready and prepared, since I'll be traveling so much and with finals and stuff, so I'm trying to get things done ahead of time to save from stress. We should all figure out schedules and then see what works best for everyone to meet up and talk, even if it's just a short while :3 It doesn't need to be a big hang out thing or anything.

And I think Ethan is going to go -- he doesn't really WANT to, but he will go for us to not disappoint. He's a really selfless soul sometimes it's baffling. I mean, he doesn't want to let us down, even if he's not really wanting to go himself. It's really nice of him; and I can't really keep arguing like "Oh, well you don't have to..." because he knows how much we all want him there. So I'm just talking to him like he's going, lol. And considering him in all the plans. Even if I need to pay for his pass or whatever, I'll do it.

He really likes the idea of a stress-free convention. Where we can relax in the hotel more (movies, swimming, etc) and not be at the con 24/7. Where we don't feel constantly scheduled or rigorous; where we can see things without rushing, etc. And I like that idea too; last year felt so high-paced and stressful O.O And with easier cosplays this go around, and just more preparation, will have a really good year I believe. :)

I think I decided on a cosplay line-up for AKON though. I will be cosplaying, just nothing big:
- Advent Children Yuffie
- Ramona from Scott Pilgrim vs the World
- And possibly nothing else/just casual wear.

Other cosplays I had in mind that were already on my cosplay list (casual/comfy/easy):
- Yukiko from Persona 4


All I need for her is a long black, straight wig, and then just find/buy the clothes and modify them slightly.

Or Makoto from the Girl Who Leapt Through Time:



I doubt I will cut my hair by then; but if not, I'd either wear my Yuffie wig or find a cheap, short brown wig to wear.

I just love cosplaying x.x; Even if it's simpler cosplays. It's so fun to just change for a day and dress up and take on a character and their story. And even if I'm recognized or not, just being in cosplay is a lot of fun!

Siiiiigh.

I really really hate drama. I hate being such an emotional person, who overreacts, and sort of gets carried away.
UHHH. Glad it's all resolved though -- and hopefully, for good now. Me and Ethan had a really good talk about things we need to improve in our relationship and it all had to deal with communication; how often and how well we communicate, and how we communicate love to one another based off the system of the "5 love languages", which is different for everyone, and rarely do two people who are together have the same language.

Like, his language is acts of service or thoughtful gifts (handmade things, written notes, surprises, etc..) show him love. Actions speak louder than words, that kinda' thing. My language of love is physical touch -- holding my hand, rubbing my back, arm over the shoulder, etc, makes me feel loved and special. If you don;t know how to communicate that language of love to them, then you can't appropriately show love; and when you've been in a relationship a long time, and can't rely on the new found "tingles" anymore to show love and feelings, it can all be confusing. Apparently it's natural though; even married couples go through it. It's a job, it's work, and we just both got lazy for a while.

We're back on the right track now though. We're kinda' taking some time and distance away from one another though, not hanging out as much, he kinda' needs his space. The past two weekends we hung out everyday almost all day, so he lost a lot of "his time". Cause throughout the week he has work and what not.

JUST GLAD to have that over with. Whew. I hate emotions and drama.

But I do love getting out of school... So, I really hope we get some good ice/snow, cause I wanna' be snowed in! Yes! It makes me draw or read or do things I need to get done since I can't go out anywhere anyway. I do need to get some homework done though just in case we have class; so I'm not THAT person, haha.

I'm making progress on cosplays, slowly... I really want to get some money saved up though and just go at it. As well as save money for summer stuff.. I'm considering a second job. Or just putting my photography/design stuff out there a lot more. I need to get tons saved up for everything >.< New York, Florida, conventions... I may be going to Red River too with Ethan and his family. GAH. So much. I'm excited though, cause I LOVE traveling, and I haven't done it in forever.

I better get off and get to homework. Sorry for the emoness lately, but you guys are so amazing for always being there for me. <3 I have the BEST friends, I'm not even joking.

LOVE!

I'm such an idiot

I just wish I could keep my mouth shut sometimes
silence may say even more than what ends up blurting out
ugh

I just wish he'd talk to me, and open up to me more..

and now, Ethan thinks he's depressed... he thinks that's the reason why he can't seem to find passion or happiness anymore
he's stuck in this mindnumbing routine of work, eating and sleeping, with small hobbies on the side
he doesn't know
he's drained of happiness or inspiration, that he used to find was endless

and I just feel like I've failed him if even I, his girlfriend, can't make him happy
I can't be the only thing, but really, I can't even make him happy anymore?
why is he still with me then. I'm kind of pointless to him
my heart just hurts right now, and I do not know what to do

Little treasures!

So the antique fair this weekend was amazing! I found so many things, I'm so excited <3 I can't wait to go again whenever that is, haha.

Nothing better than finding good finds. I thought I'd share with you guys what it was I got!



I was super proud of finding those cameras! And excited that Andrew helped me haggle them down a bit. A Polaroid camera and a vintage Bentley SLR for just $10! Now, I'm gonna' try to see if I can get them to actually work, but if not, they'd make great decorations. I want to start collecting vintage cameras I think, I love them so much! <3



I also found a cute, vintage candy tin that has a carousel on it! As well as some fun jewelry/craft bags for $1 a piece that had some really cute things in it :)






The following pieces are some of my favorites; I got the bracelet for fifty cents, and then that peacock necklace for $4. The various pins and other things shown were for roughly 25 cents to - $1 a piece. :)





Overall, the vintage fair was so fun! I'm looking forward to the book fair next, and then the medieval fair, and then before we know it it will be summer time and conventions! It will be amazing. And then spring and summer weather! Aaaah, so ready.

I've decided I'm doing the Fab Ab February! Even though I'm starting late I'm gonna' try to catch up. Or just hang over a little into March to get the accurate amount of days. I think it's a great idea to slowly progress yourself up. I'm also trying to cook more food at the apartment and eat out less so I can have a healthier diet. It's also helping with budgeting and saving money and what not.

I'm slowly getting caught up on 365 days! Mattie, I drew those suggestions of yours and I love them! Haha. I'm gonna' try to experiment drawing some realism as well as landscapes or environmental illustrations too, so I can practice drawing other things than just people.

I'm working on Ethan's Valentine's Day gift; it's gonna' be a poster of a collage of images of us from our past year and a half together. I'm also going to burn him a CD and draw him something :) I'm not thinking that we're gonna' do something huge on Valentine's Day, if we just get to hang out and have a nice evening together that will be enough for me. I don't want to pressure Ethan into thinking he has to have some huge V-Day plan for me or anything. I need to quit putting him on some sort of pedestal. I just can't wait to see him! We're doing a lot better now, and I'm very excited. I'm getting better at giving him his space and not getting worked up or emotional; I'm dealing with only getting to see him on the weekends, but when we do see each other it's like we never want to leave, haha. So I guess it's worth it.

I'm off to work though -- I sure hope today goes well. As far as I know, I'm not working with "that guy" again... but I just hope the next time I do that we can be cool again. I may have to talk to him about it just so work isn't so tense. We'll see.

I love you all! <3 Stay lovely!

Feelin' better.

So today has been a lot better. Man, I had a lot on my chest I just needed to tell Ethan. I was so terrified he'd be angry with me or upset, or never trust me again -- but he wasn't even angry at all. I know I never really explained the story, but it's all resolved now so I feel a lot better. And there's no more tension there between us anymore. He's truly an amazing guy, absolutely forgiving and patient with me. Which is what I need, cause I'm a mess. D:

Anywhoodle.

I'm feeling a little better but I still have a throat tickly thing, or just upper respiratory bug. It's nothing super serious, just a crummy little bother thing. I've been drinking extra water all day to get plenty of fluids, and I'm going to bed early tonight to get enough rest. I can recover from things pretty well luckily.

So I'm so glad it's getting warmer and closer to spring! I can't wait to not have to worry about wearing tons of layers or jackets, or freezing. Don't get me wrong, I love winter fashion, but I love spring and summer warmth more! As well as all they entail: blossoming gardens and flowers, blue skies, beautiful climate, spring break and summertime, swimming, free time, memories and friends. I'm so excited!

Also, I randomly had a goal I set for myself.. I WANT to buy a lolita dress. At least one, this year. I don't care if it's name brand or not, as long as it really looks and feels like a lolita one. Sure, I can always make one -- but honestly, when will I ever find time? Between making cosplay making, work, school and other things, I don't think I'd want to try to tackle a lolita dress too. Besides, there are some already beautifully made lolita dresses that I just ogle everytime I see them.

I want a classical lolita style dress, simple and elegant. I'd probably wear it to church or tea-parties, or fancy events. I'd never be able to afford being a full-on lolita, but it'd be fun to have a couple dresses or something to indulge in every now and then :) They're just too pretty to pass up!

-coughs-

Guhh, I hate feeling sick, but I think I'm starting to come down with something. Mainly just a throat thing I guess. My throat feels tickly-ish and I've been coughing some. Headaches on and off, but nothing like body aches or just exhaustion. So maybe its's a weird throat thing. Huh. Anyway, I'll probably get some Emergen-C at the store today and just take it easy all day. Luckily I'm off, but I do work Friday and Saturday so I need to keep my energy up.

Yesterday was good, but when I got home I was sort of stupid and kept making myself sad. Ethan had talked to me hardly at all all day, except when I texted him a little in the morning. I'm getting used to giving him space I guess, I haven't been nearly as clingy but I don't even think he's noticing. He hasn't talked about hanging out at all this weekend, so we probably won't see each other just us until we see each other with the whole group on Sunday.. whatever, I guess. If that's what he wants.

I can't help but be down sometimes, but I tried to not post any depressing stuff yesterday. I hate burdening everyone with my problems, and Ethan doesn't like when I post negative, angry or sad stuff on Facebook all the time, so I'm trying to stop that too. I do that a lot though so it is a habit I need to end.

I just can't wait to see friends. I've been feeling lonely again, it probably doesn't help that Lara is never here either and when she is she's either locked away in her room or all over her boyfriend. I'm not as outgoing as they are, and it's really uncomfortable when they're boyfriend-y girlfriend-y I'm just a third wheel, so I just lock myself in my room. It sucks, I miss having evenings where we just hang out her and I, doing whatever.

I hope today feels like a better day. Yesterday probably didn't help cause it was so long, with a big test right at the end of it and two deadlines before that, plus homework to do in between. Today should be a lot more lax.

I started watching Clannad last night, I really like it! Key Animation has such beautiful work, it feels cinematic while I'm watching it. C: I also love the small dashes of humor they add to it, the whole series feels very real with how they incorporate the characters interactions with one another. It's a really cute anime, and I'm sure since I loved AIR so much, I'll adore this one too. <3

Here's to the weekend being soon! I can't wait to see you guys at on Sunday! I seriously need my girls! It will give me something to look forward to to get through work C: