If there's any chance a human can cross into the Parallel, it's a slim one. From there, the chance of encountering your Mirror is exceptionally rare -- naturally the push and pull of life of the Real World and the Parallel keeps Mirrors and Beings from interacting.
However, I was never one to stay within regular chance.
I was in mid battle, Braden and Damian beside and ahead of me with blazing weapons and ferocious spirits. It was a normal game kill battle, trying to find dinner for the night. The sun had hit the horizon and twilight painted the sky -- overall, it was a beautiful evening. Still, quiet, lovely.
However, seeing her, it all changed around me: sound was vacuumed away, everything grew still as if time had stopped, yet the sky rapidly bled into darker colors of night, clouds streaking across the sky. She stood on the opposite side of the forest, her head turned towards me as her body remained in motion of walking -- her eyes locked dead onto mine and I was frozen.
It was truly like looking into a Mirror -- except, Mirror beings are always exceptionally beautiful in comparison to their counterparts. Opposite of my slightly wavy, mousier brown hair, hers was wild and luscious with thick waves, black as night and whipping around her face. Her complexion was perfect ivory and smooth, while mine was freckled and flushed with battle. Her lips wine red, mine were dried and chapped. Her eyes glowed the Mirror green color while mine flickered pale gray. And while I wore a tattered tunic and light battle gear, she was donned in a form fitting and elegant black gown that glittered like the night sky. She donned my face, my body frame, my eyes -- she looked like me, but was nothing like me at all.
I was entranced by her poise, her grace, her utter beauty -- it was like looking at me, how I could be if I tried. However, I knew she was a supernatural being, Mirrors all are -- no real Being could be as beautiful, as regal, as stunning, and yet, Mirrors resembled the counterpart of all Beings. A twisted world, this Parallel was.
She wore a small smirk as her gaze faded from mine. Slowly she turned away, and then, materialized. She vanished in almost the same instant I'd seen her, yet I had felt like we'd been standing there for centuries. My heart was pacing wildly in my chest -- what did this mean, that I saw her? I was terrified yet mystified -- I wanted to know more about her, but some part of me knew that I should completely run the other way.
"Emmy, what's your deal?" I snapped out of it, whipping around to face a rather irritated Damian. Braden peeked over his shoulder, lips twisted in a confused frown.
"Ah, uh, sorry."
"We get 3/4 of the food tonight since we fought for most of it anyway while you stood there like a wide-eyed doe," Damian snarled, smirking and slinging the game bag over his shoulder. "Come on, let's get camp started before nightfall."
"Right," I stated immediately. I let Damian walk by, but before Braden could as well, I latched onto his arm. He could tell something was wrong because I was shaking.
"What's wro--"
"I saw her, Braden..." I whispered, my voice trembling. "I don't know if she intended for me to or not, but in an instant during our battle, I saw her. My Mirror..."
"What?" Braden hissed, trying to keep his voice low. He seemed panicked. "Well what does this mean?"
I sighed. "I have no clue... I'm still so unfamiliar with this world. But I feel like, whatever it does mean, it can't be good."
Monday, April 8, 2013
Saturday, April 6, 2013
Parallel Snippet
I was caught again by a branch. My tunic was snagged and ripped, my pants cut up to reveal deep bruises and gashes across my skin. A hiss escaped through clenched teeth as I yanked my arm away, irritating my dislocated shoulder and shooting pain like lightening through my body. The pain dizzied me, and I fell to my knees.
The forest was swirling around me now. The red sky was darkening, the trees blurring together. My vision hazed, but I heard a voice. Damian? Braden? Please, someone.
"A pity, this is."
No...
Fear shot through my heart. I clutched my blade attached to my thigh and held my breath, remaining as still as possible. I allowed myself however to sink down completely, as if I'd finally allowed myself to black out. Play dead, Damian always told me. In this world, your safest with eyes closed - they can't read your thoughts, they can't toy with you, control you: they can't tell if you're lying.
Play dead to stay alive.
I wanted so badly to cry out in defeat when she drew closer, but I didn't. Crack. Snap. Branches breaking under her boots. She drew closer, I felt her ice cold breeze.
I felt the world dim slightly even through closed eyelids; she must've been kneeling down next to me, her shadow casting across my face. I felt icy fingers grab my chin. I did my best to remain still as she inspected my face.
"Tsk, tsk..."
Any belief I was alive, she could control me. Dopplegangers were too powerful.
"Too warm, too light; too innocent, too bright," she sighed. "Snuff her out in an instant, I will." Her presence faded. She was quiet; I didn't know what she was doing. She could be preparing to kill me; she could have left. Who knows.
"Oh, oh oh. What have we here?"
Who was there?
I heard heavier stepping, brisk stepping and then a halt. Whoever it was was standing on the other side of me. When the figure spoke, my heart lifted with relief.
"Emma... there's nothing here for you anymore."
Emma's haunting laugh could chill blood. "Ooooh, but, Damian, dead she lies here... Important to me that most certainly is."
"You're stronger without her around, so why does it matter? Shouldn't you be happy and moving on?"
Emma was quiet. Another chilling laugh and then a scoff and she spoke again. "Curiosity is our binding trait."
"Leave, Emma." Damian's snarl sent chills up my spine. I imagined his eyes: red, glowing, smoldering through her soul. Or, what she lacked of a soul.
"Mmm, petty humans you protect now. Interesting, that is." She chuckled again and within a breath, the cold presence vanished with a nothing more than a light breeze -- Emma was gone, again, thankfully.
I let out a cry of relief, my whole body heaving in breath. Damian instantly crouched next to me, a hand pressed into my lower back. "Are you alright?" he asked sternfully. I sat up, brushing back my unruly hair and letting out a heavy sigh. I was shaky, cold, uncomfortable and in intense amounts of pain - but, with Emma gone for the time being, I couldn't have felt better.
"I-I'm fine."
Damian took no less. He nodded firmly and stood up. "We should get going then." He would have almost walked completely away had my next action not frozen him in his place.
For the first time since everything began, I started sobbing.
The forest hung with silence. Birds stopped their flight, the wind in the trees stilled. As if the Parallel, even in all its twisted ways, found a moment of sympathy and respect for me. My body racked with sobs, shaking me from the core. "Why? Why? WHY?!"
Damian remained standing, his back turned towards me, frozen in place.
"I'm so.. I'm so tired of being hunted by her! I'm so tired of this place! I want to go home, I want my father, I want my family back... I want to be normal again! I'm tired of THIS HELL!" I hissed slamming my fist into the soil and grinding it between my fingers.
"Sh-She's so vindictive, so snarling, so cruel.. I'm terrified of her, D-Damian, and she's the other side of me?! WHAT, in God's name, does that say about me?!" I shrieked. The pain and fear hitting me all at once left my body in banshee shrieks and howls, sobs and shouts. Everything that had happened... Learning the truth of my mother, losing Braden... Being so far from my father, far from hope to even save him... Failing time and time again, just as I did before entering this hell. It all rushed through me, escaping in horrendous sounds that shook the entire world of Parallel -- a lonely, forlorn and grieving girl stuck in a hellish world she didn't even ask for.
Finally, I silenced. I grew numb, and my voice had left me. My face was wet and stained with tears, my hair a wind mess around my face and shoulders. My body throbbed with pain but I didn't care anymore. Pain was almost welcomed at this point.
"Emmy." Damian's voice was heavy. I didn't say anything. He walked over to me, but stood behind me. Of course, he can't talk to my face.
"I know, I know. 'Buck up, champ; get over it, chick, you'll be fine'," I mocked. I spat into the soil in disgust. "You haven't ever helped me, you won't, so why am I even breaking down in front of you. You're incapable of feeling that kind of emotion. Your mirror in the human world was practically a saint. You're nothing short of a demon, just as you've told me, if I've learned anything.." The hissing words leaving my lips tasted like venom -- they probably stung.
At his silence, I hung my head in defeat and shame. I was through. I hit the final low -- my sweetness, my kindness, my patience and laid-back persona were shattered. No more doe eyed, smiling and friendly bookworm -- no. This was who I truly was: vindictive, cruel, cold. Poison to those around me, those who knew me. They did say the point of this world was to strip you of your preconceived notions; well, I sure had a ton of new notions about myself now.
However, instead of him walking away, he stayed. He just stood for a while in silence, but then crouched down behind me. I felt his cold hands press into the tops of my shoulders.
Before I could think more, or feel the guilt crawl into every vein, my body was forced backwards, into his arms, my back pressed into his torso, his arms encircling my shoulders and his chin resting on the top of my head. He held me there like that, still and silent. "Damian, what are you--?!"
"You're a wonderful... wonderful.. human. You're radiant, warm, caring. Don't let this world poison you. Don't let anything poison you, Emmy." He craned his neck to where his lips were pressed into my ear. His whole body was shaking; what was going on with him? Where did this sudden burst of compassion, intimacy and closeness come from? I felt my heart racing -- now, where did THAT come from?! I don't ... I don't .. do I?
As quickly as it happened it had ended. Damian released his embrace, his body was no longer shaking. However, when he stood up he instantly sunk back into the ground, his eyes completely whited out and his body still. I fumbled up to be next to his side, shaking him. "D-Damian?! Come on, wake up!" I cried out. Please, you can't leave me either.. you can't... you --
Tears stung my eyes. "Damian, come on!" I snarled.
His eyes regained their color -- glowing red, piercing, shaded. Damian acted as if he had just been reawaken into life. His chest propelled forward with a gasping breath and he stumbled to sit upright. He held his head and stared around in panic, as if confused to where he was. I remained kneeling next to him, but I reached up to grab his face with my face, forcing him to stare at me. "Damian, you're alright -- I'm here, but what happened--?"
"Let go!" he scoffed, grabbing my wrists and shoving them down. He stood up irritably, brushing off his pants. "What are you doing, we have places we need to be." He forced himself pst me. I remained there, stunned. Annoyed, I shot up and whipped around, chasing him down and yanking his arm, stopping him.
"Excuse me! You comfort me and then almost just die randomly and think waking up and acting like your normal butt-head self is going to make it all okay?!"
He seemed disgusted, glaring down at my hand. Then, he looked up at me, annoyed but confused. "What? Comfort you? What's wrong?" I withdrew my hand; he was genuinely confused, as if nothing had ever happened. In the world of the Parallel it would make sense -- but for a moment, when he had been holding me, when I had been shaking his body back to life, I had phased my heart and mind into the human world. Attached, intimate emotion developed -- connections beyond just a companionship attaching me to Damian. When he held me... he felt warm. Human. Vulnerable, passionate, fragile, protective...
Where did that go so suddenly?
"What?" He sighed irritably. I shook my head, rattling my thoughts away.
"N-Nothing. You're right... we need to leave." He stormed ahead, abrasively stomping and gabbing on as always -- however, watching him, I felt something different. New, complicated, panicking, growing inside me like a virus, spreading like wildfire. What was this?
Curse the human heart -- always full of secrets.
The forest was swirling around me now. The red sky was darkening, the trees blurring together. My vision hazed, but I heard a voice. Damian? Braden? Please, someone.
"A pity, this is."
No...
Fear shot through my heart. I clutched my blade attached to my thigh and held my breath, remaining as still as possible. I allowed myself however to sink down completely, as if I'd finally allowed myself to black out. Play dead, Damian always told me. In this world, your safest with eyes closed - they can't read your thoughts, they can't toy with you, control you: they can't tell if you're lying.
Play dead to stay alive.
I wanted so badly to cry out in defeat when she drew closer, but I didn't. Crack. Snap. Branches breaking under her boots. She drew closer, I felt her ice cold breeze.
I felt the world dim slightly even through closed eyelids; she must've been kneeling down next to me, her shadow casting across my face. I felt icy fingers grab my chin. I did my best to remain still as she inspected my face.
"Tsk, tsk..."
Any belief I was alive, she could control me. Dopplegangers were too powerful.
"Too warm, too light; too innocent, too bright," she sighed. "Snuff her out in an instant, I will." Her presence faded. She was quiet; I didn't know what she was doing. She could be preparing to kill me; she could have left. Who knows.
"Oh, oh oh. What have we here?"
Who was there?
I heard heavier stepping, brisk stepping and then a halt. Whoever it was was standing on the other side of me. When the figure spoke, my heart lifted with relief.
"Emma... there's nothing here for you anymore."
Emma's haunting laugh could chill blood. "Ooooh, but, Damian, dead she lies here... Important to me that most certainly is."
"You're stronger without her around, so why does it matter? Shouldn't you be happy and moving on?"
Emma was quiet. Another chilling laugh and then a scoff and she spoke again. "Curiosity is our binding trait."
"Leave, Emma." Damian's snarl sent chills up my spine. I imagined his eyes: red, glowing, smoldering through her soul. Or, what she lacked of a soul.
"Mmm, petty humans you protect now. Interesting, that is." She chuckled again and within a breath, the cold presence vanished with a nothing more than a light breeze -- Emma was gone, again, thankfully.
I let out a cry of relief, my whole body heaving in breath. Damian instantly crouched next to me, a hand pressed into my lower back. "Are you alright?" he asked sternfully. I sat up, brushing back my unruly hair and letting out a heavy sigh. I was shaky, cold, uncomfortable and in intense amounts of pain - but, with Emma gone for the time being, I couldn't have felt better.
"I-I'm fine."
Damian took no less. He nodded firmly and stood up. "We should get going then." He would have almost walked completely away had my next action not frozen him in his place.
For the first time since everything began, I started sobbing.
The forest hung with silence. Birds stopped their flight, the wind in the trees stilled. As if the Parallel, even in all its twisted ways, found a moment of sympathy and respect for me. My body racked with sobs, shaking me from the core. "Why? Why? WHY?!"
Damian remained standing, his back turned towards me, frozen in place.
"I'm so.. I'm so tired of being hunted by her! I'm so tired of this place! I want to go home, I want my father, I want my family back... I want to be normal again! I'm tired of THIS HELL!" I hissed slamming my fist into the soil and grinding it between my fingers.
"Sh-She's so vindictive, so snarling, so cruel.. I'm terrified of her, D-Damian, and she's the other side of me?! WHAT, in God's name, does that say about me?!" I shrieked. The pain and fear hitting me all at once left my body in banshee shrieks and howls, sobs and shouts. Everything that had happened... Learning the truth of my mother, losing Braden... Being so far from my father, far from hope to even save him... Failing time and time again, just as I did before entering this hell. It all rushed through me, escaping in horrendous sounds that shook the entire world of Parallel -- a lonely, forlorn and grieving girl stuck in a hellish world she didn't even ask for.
Finally, I silenced. I grew numb, and my voice had left me. My face was wet and stained with tears, my hair a wind mess around my face and shoulders. My body throbbed with pain but I didn't care anymore. Pain was almost welcomed at this point.
"Emmy." Damian's voice was heavy. I didn't say anything. He walked over to me, but stood behind me. Of course, he can't talk to my face.
"I know, I know. 'Buck up, champ; get over it, chick, you'll be fine'," I mocked. I spat into the soil in disgust. "You haven't ever helped me, you won't, so why am I even breaking down in front of you. You're incapable of feeling that kind of emotion. Your mirror in the human world was practically a saint. You're nothing short of a demon, just as you've told me, if I've learned anything.." The hissing words leaving my lips tasted like venom -- they probably stung.
At his silence, I hung my head in defeat and shame. I was through. I hit the final low -- my sweetness, my kindness, my patience and laid-back persona were shattered. No more doe eyed, smiling and friendly bookworm -- no. This was who I truly was: vindictive, cruel, cold. Poison to those around me, those who knew me. They did say the point of this world was to strip you of your preconceived notions; well, I sure had a ton of new notions about myself now.
However, instead of him walking away, he stayed. He just stood for a while in silence, but then crouched down behind me. I felt his cold hands press into the tops of my shoulders.
Before I could think more, or feel the guilt crawl into every vein, my body was forced backwards, into his arms, my back pressed into his torso, his arms encircling my shoulders and his chin resting on the top of my head. He held me there like that, still and silent. "Damian, what are you--?!"
"You're a wonderful... wonderful.. human. You're radiant, warm, caring. Don't let this world poison you. Don't let anything poison you, Emmy." He craned his neck to where his lips were pressed into my ear. His whole body was shaking; what was going on with him? Where did this sudden burst of compassion, intimacy and closeness come from? I felt my heart racing -- now, where did THAT come from?! I don't ... I don't .. do I?
As quickly as it happened it had ended. Damian released his embrace, his body was no longer shaking. However, when he stood up he instantly sunk back into the ground, his eyes completely whited out and his body still. I fumbled up to be next to his side, shaking him. "D-Damian?! Come on, wake up!" I cried out. Please, you can't leave me either.. you can't... you --
Tears stung my eyes. "Damian, come on!" I snarled.
His eyes regained their color -- glowing red, piercing, shaded. Damian acted as if he had just been reawaken into life. His chest propelled forward with a gasping breath and he stumbled to sit upright. He held his head and stared around in panic, as if confused to where he was. I remained kneeling next to him, but I reached up to grab his face with my face, forcing him to stare at me. "Damian, you're alright -- I'm here, but what happened--?"
"Let go!" he scoffed, grabbing my wrists and shoving them down. He stood up irritably, brushing off his pants. "What are you doing, we have places we need to be." He forced himself pst me. I remained there, stunned. Annoyed, I shot up and whipped around, chasing him down and yanking his arm, stopping him.
"Excuse me! You comfort me and then almost just die randomly and think waking up and acting like your normal butt-head self is going to make it all okay?!"
He seemed disgusted, glaring down at my hand. Then, he looked up at me, annoyed but confused. "What? Comfort you? What's wrong?" I withdrew my hand; he was genuinely confused, as if nothing had ever happened. In the world of the Parallel it would make sense -- but for a moment, when he had been holding me, when I had been shaking his body back to life, I had phased my heart and mind into the human world. Attached, intimate emotion developed -- connections beyond just a companionship attaching me to Damian. When he held me... he felt warm. Human. Vulnerable, passionate, fragile, protective...
Where did that go so suddenly?
"What?" He sighed irritably. I shook my head, rattling my thoughts away.
"N-Nothing. You're right... we need to leave." He stormed ahead, abrasively stomping and gabbing on as always -- however, watching him, I felt something different. New, complicated, panicking, growing inside me like a virus, spreading like wildfire. What was this?
Curse the human heart -- always full of secrets.
Friday, April 5, 2013
Need opinions.
I would post this on Facebook, buuuuut it seems more personal to us girls. :)
I'm thinking of getting some body slimming wear... Like, shapers for torso/abdomen and hips, but they're a little bit more hardcore in the sense of they help assist weight loss. The ones I'm looking into are nude latex/spandex, but thicker, so almost like a thicker, second skin that holds everything in place and smooths, while cinching in your waist and slimming your tummy. It's not like corseting at all, nothing THAT extreme, but over the course of time there's long-term slimming. Losing about 1-4 inches in 30 days. Something about activating heat within those areas and "locking" everything to keep it engaged and always burning/tensing/working out. Like when you stand up straight and engage your abs when you walk, if you did that everyday all day you'd over time slim more and more. But it's really hard to constantly think to do that throughout a day. These just make that process faster and keep you engaged all day cause it's what you wear without having to really think about it.
This will also help with my back. I've had horrible back/neck problems because of sitting at a computer all day. This helps keep my posture really tightened and accurate so my back problems won't be as bad. And so I won't have such horrible neck pain that almost immobilizes me.
On top of that, I think it will help motivate me into losing the drastic amount of weight I want to... Like, I want to lose 50-60 pounds. I'm the biggest I've ever been, gaining drastic weight since college, even since like summer 2011... I've had no confidence in myself lately, guys. I know what you'll all say, "You're wonderful! Stop doubting! Great as you are! God's creation!" but I don't really hear it anymore. I don't believe it anymore. I just hear the negative voices my own mind is creating. I hear the stress and frustration telling me to eat my feelings away. I see all these pretty, petite thin girls and want to give up. I don't know. I hate to sound pathetic, but, I'm just being honest.
I want to do something for myself to feel more confident... I KNOW my confidence and self-esteem should be rooted in God. Trust me. That's another thing I fight all the time, this negativity and stress of this earthly battle, but then also the positivity and light that God doesn't see me for what I look like but instead for my soul, spirit and heart. I'm a phenomenal creation by Him. I understand that, but sometimes it gets hazy.
I'd like to do this for myself though. Get a little bit of that confidence back, that will then motivate me. But as stated before, my confidence and self-assurance should be in God. So, I'm gonna' start by praying about it first and then we'll see from there...
Obviously this will be included with diet and exercise >.< There's NO way to effectively lose weight otherwise than just freaking hard work. :) But that's okay because it's super rewarding. I just gotta' get something to get me started you know?
I do want your opinions though!
http://www.hourglassangel.com/supreme-panty-shaper-by-amia
That was what I was thinking of getting to start. :) Yeah they are expensive, but, they're great quality with great reviews, plus, I've always wanted one as nice as this. They'd do the job! So I believe it will be worth it. :)
I'm thinking of getting some body slimming wear... Like, shapers for torso/abdomen and hips, but they're a little bit more hardcore in the sense of they help assist weight loss. The ones I'm looking into are nude latex/spandex, but thicker, so almost like a thicker, second skin that holds everything in place and smooths, while cinching in your waist and slimming your tummy. It's not like corseting at all, nothing THAT extreme, but over the course of time there's long-term slimming. Losing about 1-4 inches in 30 days. Something about activating heat within those areas and "locking" everything to keep it engaged and always burning/tensing/working out. Like when you stand up straight and engage your abs when you walk, if you did that everyday all day you'd over time slim more and more. But it's really hard to constantly think to do that throughout a day. These just make that process faster and keep you engaged all day cause it's what you wear without having to really think about it.
This will also help with my back. I've had horrible back/neck problems because of sitting at a computer all day. This helps keep my posture really tightened and accurate so my back problems won't be as bad. And so I won't have such horrible neck pain that almost immobilizes me.
On top of that, I think it will help motivate me into losing the drastic amount of weight I want to... Like, I want to lose 50-60 pounds. I'm the biggest I've ever been, gaining drastic weight since college, even since like summer 2011... I've had no confidence in myself lately, guys. I know what you'll all say, "You're wonderful! Stop doubting! Great as you are! God's creation!" but I don't really hear it anymore. I don't believe it anymore. I just hear the negative voices my own mind is creating. I hear the stress and frustration telling me to eat my feelings away. I see all these pretty, petite thin girls and want to give up. I don't know. I hate to sound pathetic, but, I'm just being honest.
I want to do something for myself to feel more confident... I KNOW my confidence and self-esteem should be rooted in God. Trust me. That's another thing I fight all the time, this negativity and stress of this earthly battle, but then also the positivity and light that God doesn't see me for what I look like but instead for my soul, spirit and heart. I'm a phenomenal creation by Him. I understand that, but sometimes it gets hazy.
I'd like to do this for myself though. Get a little bit of that confidence back, that will then motivate me. But as stated before, my confidence and self-assurance should be in God. So, I'm gonna' start by praying about it first and then we'll see from there...
Obviously this will be included with diet and exercise >.< There's NO way to effectively lose weight otherwise than just freaking hard work. :) But that's okay because it's super rewarding. I just gotta' get something to get me started you know?
I do want your opinions though!
http://www.hourglassangel.com/supreme-panty-shaper-by-amia
That was what I was thinking of getting to start. :) Yeah they are expensive, but, they're great quality with great reviews, plus, I've always wanted one as nice as this. They'd do the job! So I believe it will be worth it. :)
Spring cleaning.
Oh, there's so much I want to do now that spring is here!
I want to organize and clean out my room... get ready to move out to my parent's house. I want to work on cosplay, shop for some cute spring/summer clothes, clear out my closet and knick-knacks, sell/donate some stuff to get some money.. Spring cleaning everywhere. :3
School has been ugh so stressful. What else is new? I feel like this semester has been the worst, but, every semester feels like that. There are just times I feel so defeated. But then other times, so successful and accomplished. Like Wednesday and Thursday were awesome. Wednesday I turned in a project and got a lot of other stuff done. I studied with Sable really hard, and our test on Thursday, we both DOMINATED it. It was so easy, I retained so much info D:
I was so happy and relieved. We rewarded ourselves with killing time at the mall and eating some yummy Chinese food. Then I found out my poster I designed was chosen for the production out of three options. I was so excited! And felt so proud. Tons of work was worth it. It pays off to work hard.
But now I'm back to "eh, down and defeated" mode.. there's this project due on Monday, animating two 30 second videos in After Effects. Thing is, the freaking teacher doesn't teach us anything. So not only are we responsible for doing the project, we're responsible for teaching ourselves the material. Plus the turn around on this was insanely short. We got it the class before Spring Break. Yeah. Dumb. There's no way we want to work on stuff over Spring break, and even if we did, we couldn't get far cause we'd have to check in with her first. So then we still only had about two week turn around time, which isn't enough honestly. For classes and the homework they assign and check-ins they require... ugh. Everyone is extremely stressed about it. Not just me. D: It's an elective class... so I just hope that if I totally bomb it, it won't blow up in my face and mess up everything... Uggggggh, please just let me get a C. I'd be totally happy and content with a C. Is that sad? lol
I CAN'T WAIT 'TIL THIS SEMESTER IS OVERRRRR.
I'll be taking summer classes but they shouldn't be as bad as these. I hope. LOL.
If anything, I'll have a break after this semester for about a month and then before next semester for about a month. Which is better than nothin'!
I'm so excited for so many things! Warmth, summer, swimming, hanging out with friends, bonfires, cosplay work, Tokyo in Tulsa, sleeeeeeeping in <3 and="" back="" cleaning="" div="" dresses="" life="" losing="" making="" memories="" moving="" my="" nbsp="" nights="" organizing="" parents="" shorts="" summer="" together="" weight="" with="">
So many things guys! We're almost there! We can all hang out together again soon! <3 div="">
"When can I see you again?" :)
OMG, I'm watching Adventure Time. Why did I never watch it before? It's so funny and ridiculous, hahahaha. Some parts are like, "eh, okay weird xP" but overall it's really funny haha.
Friday, March 29, 2013
Magnet.
She stood there watching him, as angry as a storm but as fragile as glass. He hunkered over his work table, fists clenching the sides until his knuckles turned white. He was silent, as always; his breathing slow, deep, hollow. The wind howled outside, the door rattled: it was cold, even for spring. She was frozen, paralyzed with concern.
His work was strewn across the table, sawdust dusting his clothes. Bandages patched up his scarred, torn hands: it had been another long day, she knew that -- but even in his normal silence, this silence was piercing. Heavy. As if his simple, peaceful mind was troubled with gray clouds and snarling lightning.
She stepped forward, gently placing a hand on his shoulder. He flinched and shrugged away, his gaze snapping to her from over his shoulder. His gaze was troubled, angered, annoyed, as if her fingers touched a raw wound, but they hadn't. It was meant to be a comforting touch: why did he act like it burned? She withdrew her hand, hurt. His gaze lingered away from her, and he straightened his posture with a blunt sigh.
"What's wrong?"
He didn't answer.
Why was he acting like this? He started cleaning up his work table, dusting off the saw dust, organizing his tools. The shop was a messy place anyway, but as always, he organized and found order within the chaos. This went on for a while, in silence, as always. She leaned in the open doorway, hugging herself to keep warm. Her eyes watched him; guarded, cautious, swift. As if cleaning up and organizing was plucking away the thorns of frustration in his side. But why couldn't she? Why couldn't talking to her remedy him? Why couldn't her comforting touch and open heart calm his nerves, his frustrations?
She pressed her lips together, remaining quiet. But as she watched him in the workshop this cold spring night, the scene morphed into something more -- a car on a road on a beautiful, warm summer day; green grass and spring scenery flying by, open blue sky above. He and she sat together in the car, laughing, talking, reveling in youth.
He snuck a side glance towards her, she caught his eyes; they were happy, peaceful, content. In love. She laughed, "What's that look for?" she asked, smirking.
"Oh, it's .. nothing," he brushed off with a breathy laugh. He always did this! She scoffed and folded her arms. Though frustrated, it was in a playful way. She remained smiling.
"Seriously, what? Come on!" She continued to whine, poke, prod, bother.
He laughed and then sighed looking back over at her. "You're just... really beautiful." As he said this, his eyes were lit with the sun, and their beauty and warmth mocked nature's blue summer sky. His hair was whipping around his face from the open window, his smile soft and sweet. And she fell in love all over again.
A blush crept across her face and warmed her cheeks, but her smile never faded. She simply leaned in and pressed her lips sweetly to his cheek, and with a laugh pulled back and they continued driving, hands entwined with the sun smiling down on them.
Like a crash, her mind and soul returned to her body. It was cold again, night. Th
eir hands were not entwined, he was not looking at her with warm blue eyes, but instead, his eyes were dark, hardened as ice. He was bitter and silent still, finishing up and turning off the light.
With a sigh he passed by her and only muttered. "Don't worry about it. Let's just go do something else."
Even so, he kept walking, as if she weren't truly there. As if he didn't want to wait for her, as if he was okay if she never followed him. As if he was okay if she turned the other way, into her car and drove away, never to see him again. As if when she were gone, his universe would go on.
And even so, as the magnetism between them were so great, she followed. Pulled in and drawn into his gravity, wondering if she may never escape.
His work was strewn across the table, sawdust dusting his clothes. Bandages patched up his scarred, torn hands: it had been another long day, she knew that -- but even in his normal silence, this silence was piercing. Heavy. As if his simple, peaceful mind was troubled with gray clouds and snarling lightning.
She stepped forward, gently placing a hand on his shoulder. He flinched and shrugged away, his gaze snapping to her from over his shoulder. His gaze was troubled, angered, annoyed, as if her fingers touched a raw wound, but they hadn't. It was meant to be a comforting touch: why did he act like it burned? She withdrew her hand, hurt. His gaze lingered away from her, and he straightened his posture with a blunt sigh.
"What's wrong?"
He didn't answer.
Why was he acting like this? He started cleaning up his work table, dusting off the saw dust, organizing his tools. The shop was a messy place anyway, but as always, he organized and found order within the chaos. This went on for a while, in silence, as always. She leaned in the open doorway, hugging herself to keep warm. Her eyes watched him; guarded, cautious, swift. As if cleaning up and organizing was plucking away the thorns of frustration in his side. But why couldn't she? Why couldn't talking to her remedy him? Why couldn't her comforting touch and open heart calm his nerves, his frustrations?
She pressed her lips together, remaining quiet. But as she watched him in the workshop this cold spring night, the scene morphed into something more -- a car on a road on a beautiful, warm summer day; green grass and spring scenery flying by, open blue sky above. He and she sat together in the car, laughing, talking, reveling in youth.
He snuck a side glance towards her, she caught his eyes; they were happy, peaceful, content. In love. She laughed, "What's that look for?" she asked, smirking.
"Oh, it's .. nothing," he brushed off with a breathy laugh. He always did this! She scoffed and folded her arms. Though frustrated, it was in a playful way. She remained smiling.
"Seriously, what? Come on!" She continued to whine, poke, prod, bother.
He laughed and then sighed looking back over at her. "You're just... really beautiful." As he said this, his eyes were lit with the sun, and their beauty and warmth mocked nature's blue summer sky. His hair was whipping around his face from the open window, his smile soft and sweet. And she fell in love all over again.
A blush crept across her face and warmed her cheeks, but her smile never faded. She simply leaned in and pressed her lips sweetly to his cheek, and with a laugh pulled back and they continued driving, hands entwined with the sun smiling down on them.
Like a crash, her mind and soul returned to her body. It was cold again, night. Th
With a sigh he passed by her and only muttered. "Don't worry about it. Let's just go do something else."
Even so, he kept walking, as if she weren't truly there. As if he didn't want to wait for her, as if he was okay if she never followed him. As if he was okay if she turned the other way, into her car and drove away, never to see him again. As if when she were gone, his universe would go on.
And even so, as the magnetism between them were so great, she followed. Pulled in and drawn into his gravity, wondering if she may never escape.
"... let me recklessly love you, even if I bleed... you're worth all of me."
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Fire and Water.
Hello guys!
How's everyone doing? Easter is soon! I can't wait! I love Easter time. Going to church, soaking in the story of Jesus' resurrection and being reminded just yet again of His love. <3 and="" as="" at="" being="" break="" cold="" family="" friends="" hope="" i="" least="" m="" of="" p="" shows="" sick="" soon="" spring.="" spring="" the="" this="" up="" weather.="" well="" with="">
I got paid today... nice paycheck! >:0 but, alas, it goes so fast... A good chunk went to fill my car up with fuel. Another chunk is gonna' go to groceries. And then I bought some boots I'd been wanting and searching for, and budgeting for. Still, they were like... $78 after shipping /sigh, I'm nervous cause I just want them to fit alright so it won't be a headache. And if they're durable and good quality they'll last a while so it'll be worth the money. I haven't spent good money on shoes/clothes in a while, so it feels nice. I just want them to be here already. :P
So I have almost 1/3 of my paycheck to last me two weeks... I just gotta' budget and be tight with money. I can't wait to live with my parents again, ugh, saving will be so much easier. I don't have to chunk money towards groceries every week and a half, or eating out to get by when I don't have groceries... I still have to return the incorrect CD that Amazon store owner shipped me when I tried to order my FFVIII soundtrack, so, that'll get me about $20.... I'm such a penny pincher now >.<
I may also try to sell some clothes/books/movies/etc... get some cash, put it into savings.
/SIGH
I have so much I have to do. Between homework, work, and my other graphic design job, I'm being run thin... I always have stuff going, or stuff I should be doing, I don't honestly ever get a break where I can TRULY relax. I think the last time I had that was the cruise. I feel like I haven't slept well in a month or more. I just nee da day to crash, relax, rejuvenate, treat myself and get my mind off everything. OR, get everything done I need to get done and then just have a heck of a time relaxing and having fun until the next round of stress boots up.
I need to finish things outside of that too: birthday presents I owe people (not because I feel I have to, but because I WANT to, dangit), drawings, favors for people they've asked me, things I've promised, etc...
I get so behind, I'm sorry guys :'// You all KNOW I love you, so if I can't pull through with plans or something like a birthday present right away, it's not because I'm avoiding you or just don't care, but because I'm genuinely THAT busy and overwhelmed or broke, lol. I may get one evening I'm allowed to have "open" and that's usually spent trying to recover/sleep....
I can't WAIT until summer though. Even if I have class, I'll have a lot more open time.. so that'll be spent rejuvenating and being with friends and family.
A lot has been going on; things changing soon. I'll be moving out, me and Lara won't be living together anymore. She broke up with Cody, that was pretty emotional and rough... I'll be moving into my senior year after this semester. Enrollment is happening next week, I gotta' figure out financial aid/FAFSA stuff. I just wanna' be a little kid again with no responsibility when everyone else takes care of you and you just have fun and be wild and imaginative. Ah well. I guess there are benefits to being an adult too, obviously. :P
Ethan and I were kinda' insecure earlier this week... well, at least I was feeling insecure. Long story, but after Lara and Cody's break-up I got anxious and felt worried and started questioning Ethan's feelings. When I talked to him about it, he made me feel a lot better. He mentioned our chemistry, how it blended well and worked well together. Sure there were things we both want to change or work on, however, he's still happy just as I am.
He mentioned our chemistry like fire and water, ironically, haha. However, he believes he's more like water and I'm more like fire. But this is what he said..
Well... I guess I better get to work before going to bed... I love you all and I hope everyone is feeling blessed in their lives!
How's everyone doing? Easter is soon! I can't wait! I love Easter time. Going to church, soaking in the story of Jesus' resurrection and being reminded just yet again of His love. <3 and="" as="" at="" being="" break="" cold="" family="" friends="" hope="" i="" least="" m="" of="" p="" shows="" sick="" soon="" spring.="" spring="" the="" this="" up="" weather.="" well="" with="">
I got paid today... nice paycheck! >:0 but, alas, it goes so fast... A good chunk went to fill my car up with fuel. Another chunk is gonna' go to groceries. And then I bought some boots I'd been wanting and searching for, and budgeting for. Still, they were like... $78 after shipping /sigh, I'm nervous cause I just want them to fit alright so it won't be a headache. And if they're durable and good quality they'll last a while so it'll be worth the money. I haven't spent good money on shoes/clothes in a while, so it feels nice. I just want them to be here already. :P
So I have almost 1/3 of my paycheck to last me two weeks... I just gotta' budget and be tight with money. I can't wait to live with my parents again, ugh, saving will be so much easier. I don't have to chunk money towards groceries every week and a half, or eating out to get by when I don't have groceries... I still have to return the incorrect CD that Amazon store owner shipped me when I tried to order my FFVIII soundtrack, so, that'll get me about $20.... I'm such a penny pincher now >.<
I may also try to sell some clothes/books/movies/etc... get some cash, put it into savings.
/SIGH
I have so much I have to do. Between homework, work, and my other graphic design job, I'm being run thin... I always have stuff going, or stuff I should be doing, I don't honestly ever get a break where I can TRULY relax. I think the last time I had that was the cruise. I feel like I haven't slept well in a month or more. I just nee da day to crash, relax, rejuvenate, treat myself and get my mind off everything. OR, get everything done I need to get done and then just have a heck of a time relaxing and having fun until the next round of stress boots up.
I need to finish things outside of that too: birthday presents I owe people (not because I feel I have to, but because I WANT to, dangit), drawings, favors for people they've asked me, things I've promised, etc...
I get so behind, I'm sorry guys :'// You all KNOW I love you, so if I can't pull through with plans or something like a birthday present right away, it's not because I'm avoiding you or just don't care, but because I'm genuinely THAT busy and overwhelmed or broke, lol. I may get one evening I'm allowed to have "open" and that's usually spent trying to recover/sleep....
I can't WAIT until summer though. Even if I have class, I'll have a lot more open time.. so that'll be spent rejuvenating and being with friends and family.
A lot has been going on; things changing soon. I'll be moving out, me and Lara won't be living together anymore. She broke up with Cody, that was pretty emotional and rough... I'll be moving into my senior year after this semester. Enrollment is happening next week, I gotta' figure out financial aid/FAFSA stuff. I just wanna' be a little kid again with no responsibility when everyone else takes care of you and you just have fun and be wild and imaginative. Ah well. I guess there are benefits to being an adult too, obviously. :P
Ethan and I were kinda' insecure earlier this week... well, at least I was feeling insecure. Long story, but after Lara and Cody's break-up I got anxious and felt worried and started questioning Ethan's feelings. When I talked to him about it, he made me feel a lot better. He mentioned our chemistry, how it blended well and worked well together. Sure there were things we both want to change or work on, however, he's still happy just as I am.
He mentioned our chemistry like fire and water, ironically, haha. However, he believes he's more like water and I'm more like fire. But this is what he said..
"My even temper is like the water to your fire, but the fire keeps the water from becoming cold, unfeeling ice."
:')
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Bright young women, sick of swimmin'.
Today... was great. The weather was fantastic and beautiful. I slept in (through church unfortunately :'//), but, I feel rested finally, the first time this week. I almost finished laundry, I got groceries and ran errands. I finally got mini-Moleskins so I can FINALLY have a portable to-do list to check off and keep adding to. Is it dorky this totally excites me?!
Naka-kon in two weeks or so. I'M SO READY. I'm ready for a con, for a weekend away with friends. For spring break in general, it's gonna' be fantastic. I asked for the day off after Naka as well, so I can have recovery time cause I assume I'm gonna' be working a lot over Spring Break. Ah well, money is good to have. :)
I can't wait 'til summer either... <3 a="" about="" and="" annoying="" are="" as="" at="" be="" but="" career="" college="" create.="" d:="" design="" do:="" do="" draw="" get="" graduating="" guys="" i="" it="" just="" last="" ll="" love="" m="" many="" me.="" my="" nbsp="" next="" o.o="" p="" paid="" pricey="" ready="" real="" s="" same="" so="" spring.="" start="" student.="" summer="" tedious.="" terrifying="" the="" things="" think="" time.="" to="" what="">
I'm really excited this year is just gonna' be a personal development one. Over summer I plan on taking portfolio development class, possibly some Francis Tuttle digital painting classes/Photoshop classes, either hip-hop dance class or join the karate studio again. I can't wait to swim a lot, hang out with friends, go to Tokyo in Tulsa, take photos, learn more, experience more, all at home. I want to lose weight, get fit, be more seasoned and all ready for my final year as a student. :)
Today was great, as stated, but I GOT NOTHING FOR SCHOOL DONE. O.O I just had no drive, haha. I ended up relaxing and taking it easy cause I haven't had a nice day like that. I'm just gonna' write up my to-do list and start fresh tomorrow. Ah, well. I'll just take each day as it hits me and not stress about anything. Something I'm trying to do more often. Give it all to God who will take care of me and keep pushing me.
Ethan and I watched Breaking Dawn pt. 2 together, haha. It reminded me of our evening out with the girls when we saw it XDD And how we were all freaking out. I snapped my head to him after it finishe and asked, "Well... WHAT DID YOU THINK?!" in our guy friends' typical style, he just kinda' sighed and smiled peacefully and laughed quietly and said "It was awesome..." Which is probably equivalent to "OMG IT WAS SO AMAZING AND I LOVEDDD ITTTT" to us girls. :3
I hope next week treats me well.. I gotta' do community service for that stupid alcohol incident -.-; Seriously irritated, but whatevs. I also have work for both jobs, and an upcoming project. I hope to get cosplay work done. I'm gonna' try going to bed at a decent time each night though to avoid being so behind on sleep again, and to rest my neck better.
I can't wait to cosplay Ariel. O.O I may do her instead of Snow White for our princess group. IDK yet haha, I just relate to her the most I think. Her hoarding of collectables and memories, her fascination, her daydreaming, her stubbornness, her desire to just love and be in love, to be a part of something grander than herself. :3 Ethan said he may be my Eric <3333 boy.="" fangirling="" gigglesnort="" i="" love="" p="" that="">
That's what's new in my book :)
Love you ladies! <3 p="">
Naka-kon in two weeks or so. I'M SO READY. I'm ready for a con, for a weekend away with friends. For spring break in general, it's gonna' be fantastic. I asked for the day off after Naka as well, so I can have recovery time cause I assume I'm gonna' be working a lot over Spring Break. Ah well, money is good to have. :)
I can't wait 'til summer either... <3 a="" about="" and="" annoying="" are="" as="" at="" be="" but="" career="" college="" create.="" d:="" design="" do:="" do="" draw="" get="" graduating="" guys="" i="" it="" just="" last="" ll="" love="" m="" many="" me.="" my="" nbsp="" next="" o.o="" p="" paid="" pricey="" ready="" real="" s="" same="" so="" spring.="" start="" student.="" summer="" tedious.="" terrifying="" the="" things="" think="" time.="" to="" what="">
I'm really excited this year is just gonna' be a personal development one. Over summer I plan on taking portfolio development class, possibly some Francis Tuttle digital painting classes/Photoshop classes, either hip-hop dance class or join the karate studio again. I can't wait to swim a lot, hang out with friends, go to Tokyo in Tulsa, take photos, learn more, experience more, all at home. I want to lose weight, get fit, be more seasoned and all ready for my final year as a student. :)
Today was great, as stated, but I GOT NOTHING FOR SCHOOL DONE. O.O I just had no drive, haha. I ended up relaxing and taking it easy cause I haven't had a nice day like that. I'm just gonna' write up my to-do list and start fresh tomorrow. Ah, well. I'll just take each day as it hits me and not stress about anything. Something I'm trying to do more often. Give it all to God who will take care of me and keep pushing me.
Ethan and I watched Breaking Dawn pt. 2 together, haha. It reminded me of our evening out with the girls when we saw it XDD And how we were all freaking out. I snapped my head to him after it finishe and asked, "Well... WHAT DID YOU THINK?!" in our guy friends' typical style, he just kinda' sighed and smiled peacefully and laughed quietly and said "It was awesome..." Which is probably equivalent to "OMG IT WAS SO AMAZING AND I LOVEDDD ITTTT" to us girls. :3
I hope next week treats me well.. I gotta' do community service for that stupid alcohol incident -.-; Seriously irritated, but whatevs. I also have work for both jobs, and an upcoming project. I hope to get cosplay work done. I'm gonna' try going to bed at a decent time each night though to avoid being so behind on sleep again, and to rest my neck better.
I can't wait to cosplay Ariel. O.O I may do her instead of Snow White for our princess group. IDK yet haha, I just relate to her the most I think. Her hoarding of collectables and memories, her fascination, her daydreaming, her stubbornness, her desire to just love and be in love, to be a part of something grander than herself. :3 Ethan said he may be my Eric <3333 boy.="" fangirling="" gigglesnort="" i="" love="" p="" that="">
That's what's new in my book :)
Love you ladies! <3 p="">
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