Dilly-dally, I guess.

Wow, sorry I haven't posted on here in so long (if anyone is hardly even... following me, *cough*) I was inspired to update based of Cheryl's blog, she's always better at keeping up with these than I am, haha.

Life's been good lately, things have been going by so so fast.

I'm taking a summer class, Graphic Design I (for my major), which is Monday - Thursday for about 2 hours a day. It's not really that bad, since it'll help me not be so stressed when taking future classes during fall and spring semesters, but it still stinks to have your summer taken away. I guess that's what it feels like to me, but, what can I do? We all gotta' grow up sometime.
Not only that, I've gotten a summer job! I work at a self-serve, live culture frozen yogurt shop called Pink Swirls. It's delicious yogurt, and a fun job with cool people and managers, but for some reason it always seems to drag on forever and ever when I'm working. Maybe because it's simple and repetitive, but, I try to make the best of it. Sometimes I wish we could wear cute uniforms though, like frilly lacey lolita dresses with aprons or something....

"Hi, welcome to Pink Swirls!"



Wouldn't that be amazing?!

Ah, anyway...
When I'm not working or doing school, I'm currently taking karate classes at a dojo in small town Piedmont. :) It's really great and I love it -- a perfect way to vent, release stress, what have you. Also, it teaches me self defense just in case I ever need it. I feel really awesome doing it too haha!

And when I'm not doing THOSE classes, I'm trying to maintain my art, writing, reading, what have you... I'm currently redecorating my room because we moved into our new house a few months ago, and it's almost how I want it to be. It's themed around olden time/vintage, meshed with a modern vibe. I've dedicated the backside of my door to my crazy collage anime/cute things/colorful random things nerdiness so the rest of my room will "flow", I guess. haha.

That's all that's really going on... ah, well, Tokyo in Tulsa comes up this weekend. I'M SO EXCITED. We're actually staying in the hotel, all 3 days, the whole shebang. It's gonna' be loads of fun :) I'll have to post pictures and a blog over it whenever I get the chance.

If I fail at updating it's probably because of my hectic busy life. Sorry guys!

"Don't rain on my parade"

(so you can listen to the song) :)

Just sit and putter,
Life's candy and the sun's
A ball of butter.
Don't bring around a cloud
To rain on my parade

Don't tell me not to fly
I've simply got to.
If someone takes a spill,
It's me and not you.
Who told you you're allowed
To rain on my parade!

I'll march my band out,
I'll beat my drum,
And if I’m fanned out,
Your turn at bat, sir.
At least I didn't fake it.
Hat, sir, I guess I didn't make it!
But whether I’m the rose
Of sheer perfection,
Or freckle on the nose
Of life's complexion,
The cinder or the shiny apple of its eye,

I gotta fly once,
I gotta try once,
Only can die once, right, sir?
Ooh, life is juicy,
Juicy, and you see
I gotta have my bite, sir!

Get ready for me, love,
’cause I’m a "comer,"
I simply gotta march,
My heart's a drummer.
Don't bring around a cloud
To rain on my parade!

I'm gonna live and live now,
Get what I want I know how,
One roll for the whole shebang,
One throw, that bell will go clang,
Eye on the target and wham
One shot, one gun shot, and bam
Hey, Mister Arnstein, here I am!

I'll march my band out,
I will beat my drum,
And if I’m fanned out,
Your turn at bat, sir,
At least I didn't fake it.
Hat, sir, I guess I didn't make it.
Get ready for me, love,
'cause I’m a "comer,"
I simply gotta march,
My heart's a drummer.
Nobody, no, nobody
Is gonna rain on my parade!

For some reason, this song and the Glee cast version popped into my head. The original is from A Chorus Line (I believe? If not, correct me, haha!) It always puts me in a really good, jumpstart kind of mood ya' know? :)

To go along with this, I've been looking at lolita stuff lately, and have been really inspired. I would love to start owning some of my own lolita styles, even if that meant just one total outfit -- it would be a really fun hobby to start. The only thing getting in my way right now is money and expenses and making sure that I'm prioritizing how I spend that money. I figured though if I keep myself from buying other little things, or any other clothes, the money I use for those things can go to getting a lolita dress. However, I'm also trying to save up for various charities and what not so those will come first.

However! I can't keep myself from dreaming, of course...

Here are some of the lolita fashions I adore~
















I realize I'm more drawn to the classic lolita style, though I like some of the punk/sweet looks.
Classic lolita has tons of beautiful prints and sillhouettes, while punk lolita can be much more youthful and fun -- however, classic is always and has always been more so of my style (mixing in some edge just shows some diversity).

Lolita is just such a beautiful statement and style, and even if I only ever had the confidence to wear it around my house, I'd love to buy one of these looks to have and wear anyway. <3

Peter Pan complex and prayer request.

I guess you can call it a Peter Pan complex, not wanting to grow up... Maybe that's why I love that tale so much? They get to fly in the sky and never grow up and get to be among pixies and pirates and adventure. Their lives are always changing and interesting, yet, they never grow older, they get to stay themselves, happy and cheerful.

I know I am growing up though. Everyone is.

However, I just feel my life changing drastically, practically. We're moving into a new house March 12th, which seems to be the symbolic change that I'm going through. The wide-eyed change of going into college has already passed, but what else is next? Getting a job, preparing portfolios, interviews, moving out on my own eventually... It's all a head rush.

I think this all hit me when I realized the other day I'd have to be taking a college design class during the summer. This means that I wouldn't be going to my church summer camp, Falls Creek, I've been going to for the past 3 years; one I always look forward to, as well. I feel like this is a compromise that will help me in the long run, considering it will balance out my work load for the fall and spring semester, and keep me going on a consistent design path rather than not having any classes during the summer and getting behind. It seems weird having to compromise church for my future, yet, I'm sure this is all God's plan anyhow -- I sure hope it is. I want to follow Him, not this world.. it's really hard. Maybe I'm being too harsh on myself knowing I'll have to miss this amazing church camp because of design. I've had to miss church throughout the past two semesters because of design and working and projects, but this feels huge to me for some reason. I can't really get it off my mind... I know that's only a one week long church camp. But that church camp in the past has helped me come to know Christ, has strengthened my Christian walk, and has really opened my eyes to that God DOES work -- in a single week of the year, I feel like I learn so much to get me fueled and going through the rest of the year. what would happen if I didn't have that? Maybe it's a test of my strength to work with change and work with a routine being broken to strengthen my faith without depending on Falls Creek.

I feel like I'm not living my life enough as it is. I feel like I'm always coming home from my routine days and either doing homework, taking naps, or browsing on the computer. I'm spending a lot of time lately with design, but it's getting to the point of it being fun now instead of taxing and boring. I'm learning new things, working with other people, expanding my abilities of communication and thought process. I really like it, design, and hate it at the same time (haha!). However, there's still so much I want to do -- I want to learn how to sew, I want to learn the guitar, the piano, I want to buy a full-on Lolita outfit to call my own, I want to save a lot of money, get a great summer job, lose weight, tone down, take more dance classes, I want to draw more, read more, write more, publish a book, attend more anime conventions, book fairs, see the world, go on vacations with my parents, see my friends more than I do... SO many things...

I feel restless to learn more and develop my life and find out who I am. Yet, I feel very anxious to make all these decisions and plans regarding a future I'm not sure is even in God's will for me, you know? How will I be sure? Is design for me? Should I be where I'm at, or should I be way further along by now? Is that why I'm feeling restless all the time?

I feel like I'm growing up too fast, when I just want to sit around and be little ol' eighteen year old Meghan for just a while longer. I'm ready to embrace change and discover who I am, what I'm meant to do, where I'm meant to go, but at the same time, I want to be like Peter Pan and never grow old, and just continue flying with pixie dust in the diamond sky..


Oh, and the prayer request...
I've been sorta' worried about myself lately. I don't ... react to things well, no matter what the situation. I dread on things, worry SO so much, and constantly think about things that I really have no control over. I've been noticing when this happens, I literally make myself sick -- I feel nauseated and weak, like I'm about to throw up any second. I've had a loss of appetite lately, and have been eating very sporadically -- only in the mid-morning, to later at night. Hardly in between.

I'm wondering if I suffer slight panic attacks/anxiety. Panic attacks being the sudden feeling of nausea and sickness related to stress, over-thinking or worrying. Anxiety being long-term ways of handling situations, or looking into the future, that sort of thing. I don't think it's bad enough for medication, I honestly think I've had both symptoms for the longest time, I've just recently unearthed them because of design throwing a lot of stress on me... but, just be praying for me that I'll find a peace and rest instead of anxiety, and preparation and eyes on God instead of panic.

Thank you everyone. :)

Design show surprise

So today there was a design student art showing in the Nigh Center of our university. It featured various picked work, the best work, from design students of the current year, in all classes. It was exciting to walk up the stairs into the very laid-back mood of the showing, eating my little finger foods and seeing some of my own work displayed --

no, it was behind exciting, it was an AMAZING feeling. I felt really honored. Because not only was my work picked to be displayed, it was picked because they figured it was among the BEST to be displayed, which was what was the best about it. It was also really inspiring and motivating to see future projects we'd be doing in classes, like book covers, portfolios, typography design, etc... I really felt in my element mingling and viewing all the work, especially when I saw my own up there.

Even though I feel like I'm flying under the radar in the design program, little moments of motivation and encouragement come along to excite me to keep pushing through it. Though I found out today that I'll probably be taking summer classes to keep on schedule with the program, and to be ahead of the game, I'm still really excited for even those classes. It'll keep me motivated and un-lazy during the summer when I really need that motivation the most.

Once I get digital copies of my projects, I'll just mass upload some of them on a blog. One of the projects posted in the show was the Cirque du Zombie poster that I had blogged about last October (it was only a small thumbnail, but still pretty awesome) for example.

God's not letting me give up on you.

With each prayer whispered to the Father
a rope ties around your wrist,
and with each prayer's echo,
you're tugged closer to Him
You find yourself drawn back into His arms,
or, you find yourself resisting.

I see you resisting.
Nails digging into the ground,
sweat beading your brow,
eyes frantic.
Your past inequities continue to bind you
to an evil world that doesn't care for you,
that regurgitates you,
and leaves you alone until you crawl back,
trying to find sanity and change through
the same motions.

I don't want to give up on you.
Your heart is real; your spirit wise,
I remember the way your blue eyes
lit up as you spoke of our Father,
and how He's always there, always saving,
always loving.
With each prayer I whisper for you, I pray
it draws your life closer to the Father
and instead of resisting,
you long to just drop the rope and run to Him,
to be there all the more sooner.


I'm not going to take this news as reason to be negative and sad about life. I'm taking the news I heard as a moment of God truly helping me reach out and further pray for this dear friend.

I've been frequently worrying about a friend, JP, I lost total contact with. He'd been doing well spiritually and his a Christian, but is known for slipping into phases where he totally abandons his faith and leans on drugs or rebellion or trouble to solve his problems or make himself feel better. He's genuinely a sweet, true person, with amazing talent, wisdom and intelligence beyond his years. I really admired him and look up to him...

The other day, I left him a comment on his Facebook profile, asking how he was doing and how I miss talking to him. Just today, a friend of mine sent me a message talking about how she had a friend in class that roomed with JP, and how he's had warrants for his arrest and has recently been arrested for theft. When she heard this, she remembered seeing me asking JP how he was and immediately felt the urge to tell me what she knew about JP so I could be updated and aware. I felt it was a blessing from God, that this friend I rarely talk to, thought of me and my concern for JP, to communicate back to me about him. Even if it wasn't good news, at least it was news. At least he's alive.

I hope...

So, this blog is asking for prayers for my friend JP. That he can be tugged closer to God and arrive back at His throne to give up all this stuff he's going through and just surrender himself... he can get very far in his life if he doesn't screw it up, and he needs to give this over to God before he can ever find peace and rest...

Even though I hardly talk to him and hardly see him, and probably don't know him as well as I know other friends, I feel spiritually connected to him in a way that's different from anyone else; it's a connection on the desire to help this brother in Christ who is struggling entirely too much. This brother in Christ who has given me so much advice and wisdom, and has affected my life to inspire me to be a better follower of Christ. Not being able to talk to him directly and see him is a test of my faith in God, I believe -- to still pray, ardently, and out of sight is NOT out of mind. God is always with JP, whether he sees it, and even thought I'm not there.

Thank you all for your prayers.

Live your life & love it.

I'm really trying to change my outlook on life. I've done this a lot lately, thinking more optimistically and looking on the blessings in my life and praising God for them, instead of being caught up in anything that may set me off or anything I may dread on. I'm trying for patience, to enrich my life with quiet times, reading, drawing, art, less Internet and mindless television. When I do all these things, and don't do these other things, I feel more at peace and refreshed day to day.

I'm going to be more optimistic and more hopeful.
I'm going to keep my eyes upward on God, on Heaven, on Jesus and His plans for me instead of trying to solve things in my life myself.

So, to influence my mood on my blog, I changed the layout entirely, and added some very feel good, sweet music that you all can enjoy as you read. I hope my optimism lifts up and encourages others as you read. I'm hoping to post more poetry and maybe some artwork or brief writings. Oh, and keep your eyes open for a book fair post coming up soon; you won't want to miss it~

God bless!

Dear Meghan.

You're getting negative and pessimistic again.

Stop it.

Think on the happier things in life.

Think on things you know will cheer you up.

Most importantly think on God and His plan.

Worship Him in everything you do.

Witness.

Do your quite times.

Quit getting caught up drama and sadness and anxiety.

It does nothing for you but bring you down further and cause you to be bitter towards people that are trying to help you; or people that you need to forgive.

Quit procrastinating and rationalizing.

Quit being fake in a moment you can be the Christian you are.

Quit wasting your time and do things with yourself that are for God's glory.

STOP. GETTING. CAUGHT. UP. IN. EVERYTHING.

Relax. Be still, and know God is there.

Sincerly,

Meghan.