The lyrics.

Why can't you just hear the lyrics instead of focusing on the sound?
Can't you go deeper, just understand more?
It's beyond a simple song that sounds good, and is "catchy".
It's someone's heart being put into words, into music, making it vivid and clear for everyone else.
It's a story, it's a scene, it's heartbreak, or happiness, or speaking words you couldn't normally.
Sometimes, that song may be telling you something I feel,
it may be expressing a beautiful poem, or story,
It may be praising our God, and you can't get over the stupid SOUND....

I understand sound is important.
But this isn't just about music sometimes -- it's your outlook on life.
When you focus in on something as trivial as that, or only one component of an ENTIRE picture you'll miss out.
You'll let life go a little bit, and not enjoy it fully.
Not understand it or take it in for all that it is.

Quit focusing on the sound, and start hearing the lyrics.

Lunar eclipse.

I can't help but feel constantly inspired by the moon, and the night.

I think out of all things in nature, in God's glorious creation, the night sky is the one that will truly ALWAYS fascinate and inspire me the most.

Just a few dabblings of poetry to sooth my whirring, restless mind. As well as to document this night, the first time I've ever seen a total lunar eclipse!

Earth's shadow
Tonight, the moon dons a new shade,
a warm red, with a slight orange fade,
as the Earth's yawning shadow,
blankets it;
tucking it in,
grasping it tight,
shutting off the Moon's wane light.


The Lunar Eclipse
The moon relaxes and lets out a sigh
and ever so gently sits back in the sky.
Crawling slowly, the Earth's shadow tucks it in
as the sky then whispers, "Let the eclipse begin."

It's time to take grasp, and run.

Photo credit: Kitty Gallannaugh


Lately it's struck me that I need to work harder with a LOT of things; but, not only personal or relational things, but, in aspects of what I love to do -- as a career, or as interest.

As in, my hobbies and practically my lifestyle... art.

Being an avid member on deviantART for about four years now, my eyes soak up all the beautiful art and photography it displays, always of such a wide variety and complexity. However, just on this one site, I see so, so much talent that just blows my mind sometimes. With photography, I see so many amazing images and styles of photography that I always itch to have one of those cameras in my hand to toy with. With art, I see breathtaking digital AND traditional pieces that I just gawk at; how did they do that? What did they use? How long have they been drawing to achieve such beautiful work?

All of this has me coming to the conclusion of one thing; I'm in such awe not only because it's all just amazing in general, but also because I know inwardly I'm no where NEAR at this level. I have all the potential in the world to do so many awesome things with art since I have a passion for it, but, I don't pursue it enough, I don't follow through enough. I don't experiment enough, or draw enough, or take my camera and snap tons of pictures, mess with angles, lighting, read up or research things. I don't invest in mediums of art, or invest in a nice SLR camera or lenses. I don't go out and place myself to just draw for hours on end, I don't go out and explore my environment enough to be inspired and want to take even more pictures. I just sit around on the computer and gawk and wish and dream, but never pursue and chase.

That's changing today.

I don't want to be amateur anymore; I want to step it up. I want to do better, be better, be more. I've always loved taking pictures; I adore fashion, high fashion, editorial fashion; however, I'm not a tall, slender Amazonian like woman who can do modeling, haha, it just isn't going to happen. But being on the other side of the camera would be just as pleasing for me; I'd love to pursue that more and really dive into the world of professional photography. I need to invest in one of these professional cameras as a start, and develop my own style of photography that will set me apart from just the typical "point and shoot" type of photographers. I want to be dynamic and create interesting images.

I've been drawing for about eight years now, and I honestly feel like I've only truly progressed slightly, in the sense of the rendering of my pictures and ideas. I have so much inspiration and concepts; but technical skills, and putting them on paper, and finishing them is what separates my work from the beautiful work that is constantly popular on art sites. My style may be of the Japanese anime style, but, that doesn't mean it can't be taken just as seriously as realism. I need to mature it a bit more, work with new mediums, coloring styles, ways of drawing and rendering. I need to sketch, sketch, sketch, and practice, practice, practice. My hands need to be stained with graphite and cramped from holding a pencil.

I have tons of other passions in art too I need to work on; dancing and clothing construction/fashion being the other main two. I absolutely adore dancing, and have such a passion for it, but it's just not been convenient in my life to join a dancing studio, and I'm just now taking legit, professional classes. I'm way behind any dancers that are truly amazing now, but I can be truly amazing too. I need to stretch more, work out, keep myself healthy, keep searching for a way to maintain some sort of dance class even through college. I need to watch dancers and just enjoy practicing on my own, and actually practice; not just sit around. And with fashion and clothing construction, I need to learn my sewing machine; I need to be able to read patterns, understand them myself, build up my technical skills even better. I need to draw out designs, sketch out outfit ideas; try new styles and new stores, not be afraid to put something together that I may not normally wear, or that may not look good. I need to be more experimental and less cliche.

With all of these, I need to just go out and take grasp of them for all that they are. All of these, besides dancing to a sense, can be very beneficial to my future career/major pursuit as a graphic designer and illustrator. Pursuing these forms of art can really enhance my hobbies and my life when it comes to how I spend my time, and culturing myself. I want to be a fully developed person, not only in the sense of maturity, faith and spirituality, but also with what I love to do, my skills, my hobbies. I want to take grasp of the talents God has created with me, and run with them, clutching them tightly and only growing more adapt to them and grow with them.

This has always been on my mind, but now, it's time to take it somewhere and actually do something about it.

A way of learning.

The past couple of days I've sort of had an epiphany about something. Sometimes it's great to almost have an out of body experience to really sit and think about how things sort of go in the universe; and sometimes, how God let's things work out.

First of all, I believe we ALL learn things through personal experiences and occurrences; it's the best way to learn something, is by something happening, whether that be a good or bad thing. You can only learn so much through someone telling you to do this or not to do this; you can only learn so much by watching other people go through something. Until you've truly experienced something yourself, you can't really learn 100% of what you should.

This goes for nearly anything; for really hard times, like a near death experience teaching you to be careful, or for really simple things like being late to an appointment teaching you to be more careful with your time.

This all came to mind because of my roommate getting really upset because things didn't work out how they were supposed to mainly because of not paying attention and planning more accordingly. Because of this, her plans to go home early were sort of shot down and she had to stay at the dorms another night. She was upset for a good hour or two, and wouldn't really get over the fact that she was "stupid" and "an idiot". She kept calling herself that. After trying and trying again to tell her it's not true, "you're not an idiot", I just realized that even I have beat myself up over something like that that I felt like I did wrong. However, it's not the right reaction to beat yourself up over it and dread on it. Everyone has that right to be upset, don't get me wrong, but what good does it do to repeatedly be upset at yourself about something? It won't change the fact that it happened; it may gain you sympathy, but, what how long can sympathy salve a broken ego or the feeling of disappointment? The only reason those feelings of disappointment, embarrassment or shame last is because you allow them to.

I do this to myself all the time; dreading over things, getting easily disappointed or ashamed with myself for doing or for NOT doing something correctly. It's natural human instinct to want to be perfect, but, the beauty of it is that we're NOT, but God will still forgive us anyway. I know, I know, it's not like the daily human errors like being late to something is considered a sin, per say, but hear me out; isn't dreading and hating yourself over something like that a sin in itself? Doesn't God teach us to turn to Him to repent our sins so they're in the past, forgiven, forgotten?

So, wouldn't He gently guide us to do the same with our every day mess-ups like forgetfulness or carelessness? Don't you think He'd agree that we shouldn't hold onto those, but learn from them?

Sometimes I just think almost too deeply about things to really put them into words, but, hear me out; coming from someone that does this quite often, beating yourself up over past mistakes or sins won't take you anywhere new and refreshing in your life. It won't strengthen your spirit and it won't strengthen your walk with Christ. If anything, it's like jumping into a web and tangling yourself in it; it's keeping you from being the truly greatest you can be! I hope I can find a way to take my own advice this time, because, it truly is an epic epiphany in a sense -- one that may not be unique to the world, but, that's a pretty monumental one for me, haha. :)

Thanks for reading, and keep reaching high guys!

The ending of a year.

Wowww, I haven't been on here in FOREVER.
Cheryl's really pushing at me to blog again, and I want to myself, I just never think about it I guess... haha!

Well, I figured the year is practically over, so, I wanted to go back to my New Year's resolutions and see how I did.

1) Make someone smile everyday.
2) Grow closer to God and way stronger in my spirituality.
3) Witness, witness, witness...
4) Drink more water and tea.
5) Learn how to play the piano or guitar.
6) Read 25+ books.
7) Draw and write more.
8) Drink less soda.
9) Fill up my journal with poetry.
10) Stay fit.
11) Always maintain a dance class of some sort.
12) Get a job.
13) Tease and discourage less; encourage, compliment and lift up more.
14) New cosplay: Kairi from Kingdom Hearts II.
15) Learn how to sew.
16) Experiment with a new medium of art (watercolor or oil paints).
17) Maintain A's and B's through college; STRIVE for all A's.
18) Challenge myself with new ideas, and creative exercises.

Hrmm, looks like I got a lot more accomplished on this list than I thought.

Answers to my own resolutions being achieved, or, not being...

1) Seeing people smile and causing people's genuine smile or laughter is a great moment. It's not only them happy, it's you happy as well, which makes the world a little bit better.

2) Everyone struggles with spirituality and our relationship with God; especially going through this point in our lives. However, I HAVE grown in my spiritual walk from where I was at the beginning. I've relied on God for answers and waited patiently on Him for guidance; He's blessed my life and produced a miracle in my life, my brother surviving a horrendous accident... Only God, prayer and constant turning to Him really helped me.

3) Didn't do so well with this one... witnessing will always be a struggle for me; trying to abruptly talk to someone, stranger or close friend, about my faith is terrifying for the sake of THEIR reaction. It's something I'm working on, and am slowly pulling through.

4) Buhh, I've had more tea this year, but I never seem to drink enough water. Sometimes, soda or flavored drinks just sound... better. Any advice?

5) Never got around to this, but, if I do, I want it to be the piano instead of guitar. The piano is just so entrancing and beautiful, I'm mesmerized by its melodies and possibilities. The guitar is awesome too though, but, maybe some other time.

6) .. I'm very ashamed I didn't do better with this. :'( I planned on reading so so much and this year has been worse compared to any past year with my reading. I think it was a mixture of college stress + a job that really kept me from it, though, that's no excuse. So many unopened books, waiting for my eyes to see. *sigh*

7) I've STUFFED my art binder with drawings this year, which I'm very proud of. I've also written a lot of poetry due to short blogging time on Tumblr and what not. Less stories, but, I'm very fond of many haikus and free verse stuff I've written this year. :) Plus, I'm getting better at rhyming...!

8) I always seem to fail at this ;__; ... I at LEAST need to replace soda with something a bit better...

9) As stated before, I've written a lot of poetry this year. :)

10) Eh, I meant for this to be more along the lines of regularly go to the gym, not necessarily be fit by just relying on my dance classes. So I don't think this counts.

11) I didn't have one over the summer, but, I took hip-hop in the spring and beginning jazz in the fall. :) So it was a variety of dance, which always kept me active and learning more about dance. I love it so much. <3

12) Pink Swirls employee, right here!! Seasonally only though, I don't work during school. ><

13) I always tease people; it goes along with I feel like I never really lifted people up enough or made them smile. I tried harder this go around to replace teasing, possibly hurtful words with more encouraging ones. Or just shutting my mouth more in general -- I think I did a pretty decent job. :)

14) Yes! I got this cosplay! And cosplayed it twice actually, at Tokyo in Tulsa in the summer and Izumicon in the fall. :)

15) And I bought a sewing machine! And am currently learning on it, haha. It's going slowly, but, it's all good-- I'm glad I'm finally learning. :)

16) I experimented A LOT with watercolor, for personal drawing purposes, as well as for my Illustration class this fall. I really really love it, especially combined with ink and Copic, it's truly a beautiful medium, but takes time to master.

17) I've maintained A's and B's at least, and I DID strive for all A's -- not saying it's an impossible task, but, with design classes, it's extremely strenuous to get an A. It's like all focus would go towards that one class, and the others would fall through the roof. So, I tried to keep everything balanced. It worked out at least.

18) I didn't cross this one out, cause I don't really remember if I DID really challenge myself with creative thinking and different exercises beyond the typical design class ones. Once, I walked backwards with my roomate Lara from class all the way to our dorm. We were discussing being in ruts too often, and that's when this occurred. However, just once isn't really enough to be considered effective throughout the whole year. At least there's potential there, haha.

Starting the new year will be my 2011 resolutions, but, I figured I'd go ahead and answer back to this now. :) It's really interesting to see where life's come in a year... how much has changed, what all has happened, how much I've matured, everything. I can't wait to see what will happen from now on!

Thanks for reading everyone! <3