Friday, March 29, 2013


She stood there watching him, as angry as a storm but as fragile as glass. He hunkered over his work table, fists clenching the sides until his knuckles turned white. He was silent, as always; his breathing slow, deep, hollow. The wind howled outside, the door rattled: it was cold, even for spring. She was frozen, paralyzed with concern.

His work was strewn across the table, sawdust dusting his clothes. Bandages patched up his scarred, torn hands: it had been another long day, she knew that -- but even in his normal silence, this silence was piercing. Heavy. As if his simple, peaceful mind was troubled with gray clouds and snarling lightning.

She stepped forward, gently placing a hand on his shoulder. He flinched and shrugged away, his gaze snapping to her from over his shoulder. His gaze was troubled, angered, annoyed, as if her fingers touched a raw wound, but they hadn't. It was meant to be a comforting touch: why did he act like it burned? She withdrew her hand, hurt. His gaze lingered away from her, and he straightened his posture with a blunt sigh.

"What's wrong?"

He didn't answer.

Why was he acting like this? He started cleaning up his work table, dusting off the saw dust, organizing his tools. The shop was a messy place anyway, but as always, he organized and found order within the chaos. This went on for a while, in silence, as always. She leaned in the open doorway, hugging herself to keep warm. Her eyes watched him; guarded, cautious, swift. As if cleaning up and organizing was plucking away the thorns of frustration in his side. But why couldn't she? Why couldn't talking to her remedy him? Why couldn't her comforting touch and open heart calm his nerves, his frustrations?

She pressed her lips together, remaining quiet. But as she watched him in the workshop this cold spring night, the scene morphed into something more -- a car on a road on a beautiful, warm summer day; green grass and spring scenery flying by, open blue sky above. He and she sat together in the car, laughing, talking, reveling in youth.

He snuck a side glance towards her, she caught his eyes; they were happy, peaceful, content. In love. She laughed, "What's that look for?" she asked, smirking.

"Oh, it's .. nothing," he brushed off with a breathy laugh. He always did this! She scoffed and folded her arms. Though frustrated, it was in a playful way. She remained smiling.

"Seriously, what? Come on!" She continued to whine, poke, prod, bother.

He laughed and then sighed looking back over at her. "You're just... really beautiful." As he said this, his eyes were lit with the sun, and their beauty and warmth mocked nature's blue summer sky. His hair was whipping around his face from the open window, his smile soft and sweet. And she fell in love all over again.

A blush crept across her face and warmed her cheeks, but her smile never faded. She simply leaned in and pressed her lips sweetly to his cheek, and with a laugh pulled back and they continued driving, hands entwined with the sun smiling down on them.

Like a crash, her mind and soul returned to her body. It was cold again, night. Th

eir hands were not entwined, he was not looking at her with warm blue eyes, but instead, his eyes were dark, hardened as ice. He was bitter and silent still, finishing up and turning off the light.

With a sigh he passed by her and only muttered. "Don't worry about it. Let's just go do something else."

Even so, he kept walking, as if she weren't truly there. As if he didn't want to wait for her, as if he was okay if she never followed him. As if he was okay if she turned the other way, into her car and drove away, never to see him again. As if when she were gone, his universe would go on.

And even so, as the magnetism between them were so great, she followed. Pulled in and drawn into his gravity, wondering if she may never escape.

"... let me recklessly love you, even if I bleed... you're worth all of me."

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Fire and Water.

Hello guys!

How's everyone doing? Easter is soon! I can't wait! I love Easter time. Going to church, soaking in the story of Jesus' resurrection and being reminded just yet again of His love. <3 and="" as="" at="" being="" break="" cold="" family="" friends="" hope="" i="" least="" m="" of="" p="" shows="" sick="" soon="" spring.="" spring="" the="" this="" up="" weather.="" well="" with="">
I got paid today... nice paycheck! >:0 but, alas, it goes so fast... A good chunk went to fill my car up with fuel. Another chunk is gonna' go to groceries. And then I bought some boots I'd been wanting and searching for, and budgeting for. Still, they were like... $78 after shipping /sigh, I'm nervous cause I just want them to fit alright so it won't be a headache. And if they're durable and good quality they'll last a while so it'll be worth the money. I haven't spent good money on shoes/clothes in a while, so it feels nice. I just want them to be here already. :P

So I have almost 1/3 of my paycheck to last me two weeks... I just gotta' budget and be tight with money. I can't wait to live with my parents again, ugh, saving will be so much easier. I don't have to chunk money towards groceries every week and a half, or eating out to get by when I don't have groceries... I still have to return the incorrect CD that Amazon store owner shipped me when I tried to order my FFVIII soundtrack, so, that'll get me about $20.... I'm such a penny pincher now >.<

I may also try to sell some clothes/books/movies/etc... get some cash, put it into savings.


I have so much I have to do. Between homework, work, and my other graphic design job, I'm being run thin... I always have stuff going, or stuff I should be doing, I don't honestly ever get a break where I can TRULY relax. I think the last time I had that was the cruise. I feel like I haven't slept well in a month or more. I just nee da day to crash, relax, rejuvenate, treat myself and get my mind off everything. OR, get everything done I need to get done and then just have a heck of a time relaxing and having fun until the next round of stress boots up.

I need to finish things outside of that too: birthday presents I owe people (not because I feel I have to, but because I WANT to, dangit), drawings, favors for people they've asked me, things I've promised, etc...

I get so behind, I'm sorry guys :'// You all KNOW I love you, so if I can't pull through with plans or something like a birthday present right away, it's not because I'm avoiding you or just don't care, but because I'm genuinely THAT busy and overwhelmed or broke, lol. I may get one evening I'm allowed to have "open" and that's usually spent trying to recover/sleep....

I can't WAIT until summer though. Even if I have class, I'll have a lot more open time.. so that'll be spent rejuvenating and being with friends and family.

A lot has been going on; things changing soon. I'll be moving out, me and Lara won't be living together anymore. She broke up with Cody, that was pretty emotional and rough... I'll be moving into my senior year after this semester. Enrollment is happening next week, I gotta' figure out financial aid/FAFSA stuff. I just wanna' be a little kid again with no responsibility when everyone else takes care of you and you just have fun and be wild and imaginative. Ah well. I guess there are benefits to being an adult too, obviously. :P

Ethan and I were kinda' insecure earlier this week... well, at least I was feeling insecure. Long story, but after Lara and Cody's break-up I got anxious and felt worried and started questioning Ethan's feelings. When I talked to him about it, he made me feel a lot better. He mentioned our chemistry, how it blended well and worked well together. Sure there were things we both want to change or work on, however, he's still happy just as I am.

He mentioned our chemistry like fire and water, ironically, haha. However, he believes he's more like water and I'm more like fire. But this is what he said..

"My even temper is like the water to your fire, but the fire keeps the water from becoming cold, unfeeling ice."


Well... I guess I better get to work before going to bed... I love you all and I hope everyone is feeling blessed in their lives!

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Bright young women, sick of swimmin'.

Today... was great. The weather was fantastic and beautiful. I slept in (through church unfortunately :'//), but, I feel rested finally, the first time this week. I almost finished laundry, I got groceries and ran errands. I finally got mini-Moleskins so I can FINALLY have a portable to-do list to check off and keep adding to. Is it dorky this totally excites me?!

Naka-kon in two weeks or so. I'M SO READY. I'm ready for a con, for a weekend away with friends. For spring break in general, it's gonna' be fantastic. I asked for the day off after Naka as well, so I can have recovery time cause I assume I'm gonna' be working a lot over Spring Break. Ah well, money is good to have. :)

I can't wait 'til summer either... <3 a="" about="" and="" annoying="" are="" as="" at="" be="" but="" career="" college="" create.="" d:="" design="" do:="" do="" draw="" get="" graduating="" guys="" i="" it="" just="" last="" ll="" love="" m="" many="" me.="" my="" nbsp="" next="" o.o="" p="" paid="" pricey="" ready="" real="" s="" same="" so="" spring.="" start="" student.="" summer="" tedious.="" terrifying="" the="" things="" think="" time.="" to="" what="">
I'm really excited this year is just gonna' be a personal development one. Over summer I plan on taking portfolio development class, possibly some Francis Tuttle digital painting classes/Photoshop classes, either hip-hop dance class or join the karate studio again. I can't wait to swim a lot, hang out with friends, go to Tokyo in Tulsa, take photos, learn more, experience more, all at home. I want to lose weight, get fit, be more seasoned and all ready for my final year as a student. :)

Today was great, as stated, but I GOT NOTHING FOR SCHOOL DONE. O.O I just had no drive, haha. I ended up relaxing and taking it easy cause I haven't had a nice day like that. I'm just gonna' write up my to-do list and start fresh tomorrow. Ah, well. I'll just take each day as it hits me and not stress about anything. Something I'm trying to do more often. Give it all to God who will take care of me and keep pushing me.

Ethan and I watched Breaking Dawn pt. 2 together, haha. It reminded me of our evening out with the girls when we saw it XDD And how we were all freaking out. I snapped my head to him after it finishe and asked, "Well... WHAT DID YOU THINK?!" in our guy friends' typical style, he just kinda' sighed and smiled peacefully and laughed quietly and said "It was awesome..." Which is probably equivalent to "OMG IT WAS SO AMAZING AND I LOVEDDD ITTTT" to us girls. :3

I hope next week treats me well.. I gotta' do community service for that stupid alcohol incident -.-; Seriously irritated, but whatevs. I also have work for both jobs, and an upcoming project. I hope to get cosplay work done. I'm gonna' try going to bed at a decent time each night though to avoid being so behind on sleep again, and to rest my neck better.

I can't wait to cosplay Ariel. O.O I may do her instead of Snow White for our princess group. IDK yet haha, I just relate to her the most I think. Her hoarding of collectables and memories, her fascination, her daydreaming, her stubbornness, her desire to just love and be in love, to be a part of something grander than herself. :3 Ethan said he may be my Eric <3333 boy.="" fangirling="" gigglesnort="" i="" love="" p="" that="">

That's what's new in my book :)

Love you ladies! <3 p="">