Friday, December 28, 2012

Review time! [December]

Helloooo ladies!
This was inspired from Cheryl's blog XD Cause I'm a copy cat
But hey, product reviews are uber helpful! I love reading when y'all post them, haha. So I'll try to remember to do some too XD

Pantene Ice Shine Shampoo/Conditioner


First I want to start off with my new favorite brand of jeans; JAG! I usually buy Gap since I'm picky with jeans and want good quality; however, I went with JAG this time, and I'm pretty impressed. They're slightly cheaper (in the $30-$40 range) so that's always a bonus. They fit perfectly if you get your right size, and flatter curves nicely; the kind I bought were pull-ons, so they don't have buttons or a zipper. They're essentially like jeggings, just way thicker, so they're not just tights. They have a control waist top which is GREAT for controlling the muffin top we all get sometimes XD


I try to mix up shampoos here and there, and I love the Pantene Brand. I went from moisturizing shampoo to this stuff, and I really like it! My hair feels super shiny and soft, and feels like it looks cleaner over a long span of time (I usually have to shower every day or else my hair seems oily; but this allows me to not have to wash my hair except every other day if necessary). I'm also starting to only use conditioner on the ends of my hair, which has helped a LOT with not having build up and gunk at my roots :)


I try to mix and match mascara here and there, Maybelline seems to do me well. I don't notice a huge difference between mascaras, but, I like Maybelline's because they have a huge variety of difference kinds depending on if you want volume or lengthening. I usually like to pair this with fake eyelashes for a super dramatic effect :)


Cheryl, this is the eyeliner I was telling you about -- I SWEAR by this stuff. Love, love, love it. I haven't used a different eyeliner since. I personally like the smokey brown or the charcoal black. Very deep, rich dark colors that last pretty much all day; I usually only reapply once and that's if necessary (for like cosplays/conventions with photos taken etc...) It seems to dry very well and doesn't smear. The only thing is, if worn day and day again it may "stain" a little bit; as in, not totally wash off. I've noticed even after a shower + using eye make-up remover, plus again in the morning, I'll still have some residue left. It usually doesn't both me too much; because when I want eyeliner, I KNOW it will stay on with this stuff.


I'm pretty sure Mattie did a product review of this once XD
But yes! Oh man. I lvoe this stuff. I'm a girl that never likes to wear foundation or concealer; I HATE having too much make-up on my face, some days, I just wear none at all. However, since this stuff entered my life, my goodness, I love it. I love that I can just brush it on and blend it in and it doesn't need foundation underneath, it matches my skin so perfectly and blends so smoothly. It literally does erase dark-marks too, and acne/acne scars. I honestly have no complaints except that I wish it was a tad cheaper :P


I love this magazine! I honestly just picked it up because Kaley Cuco of Big Bang Theory was on it; however, I tore through it during bath and tea time. It has tons and tons of great tips for weight lost and healthy dieting, as well as practical and realistic dieting. It contains a diet plan that EVEN includes fast food/out to eat options (including Wendy's/Taco Bell, etc...) for the normal, every day diet, breakfast, lunch and dinner (obviously, the fast food options are only if you have to -- but it's cool they provide that option for lives on the go). There's also tons of weight loss tips, exercise routines step by step, and encouraging/inspiration facts and tidbits and testimonials to keep your mindset healthy a well. They also have segment on healthy financial living. It's all about being the best self you can be. 

Downside is it is a "hip, trendy" magazine, so there is an article in there about sex and how it can keep you healthy, etc... as well as other cheeky stuff like that here and there. However, it's not bad at all compared to other magazines nowadays. I mainly just invest in the health/exercise portions.


This is probably my new favorite book (well so far, haha) it's so funny! But also, informative. I'm not all the way through it, however, I can tell how the rest will be just by the first few pages. The formula is a "sin or virtue a day" kind of thing, with small commentary on the overall problem. However, the sarcastic tongue in cheek style of writing is charming, and the first sentence in the forward is about being a graphic designer who dropped out of school after four weeks; however, he wrote this ENTIRE book of advice just from his personal experience. It's all about the basics of type, what to do and not to do. Some contradict each other, but that's what graphic design is all about; following and breaking the rules.

It's a neat little guide to have, even for non-designers, to use type and type design as effectively as possible, or as it's meant to be used. :) It is a little heavy on design lingo/terminology, but, I think it's worth a read for anyone into the subject.

Thanks for reading everyone! :D

Wednesday, December 26, 2012



Ugh, I've been sick. It's been worse today; hopefully, this is as bad as it gets. It's stuffy nose, swollen head, sinuses inflamed, body aches, coughing, etc... Not enough to incapacitate you to a bed to keep you from work, but just enough to be totally annoying throughout your day.

I swear, my boss gave me the hours this holiday season he did as "payback" for being gone a week for the cruise. Black Friday, Christmas Eve, AND the day after Christmas. Like seriously? Worst days ever, guh. D: Oh well. The cruise was TOTALLY worth it. Uggh I miss the water, and the service, the fun, and feeling like a million dollars. I'm gonna' blog more about it later though, after I'm done editing my pics and sifting through all... 700 + of them. LOL!

Break is nice though, but of course, gotta' do some design work :P I'll rest when I'm dead, lol. They want us to submit for an awards show, so I have to go up to UCO and print on Saturday. After that, me and Ethan are going to Manheim Steamroller. My parent's got us tickets for Christmas. :) Just gotta' get through one more shift at work and then printing/finishing this stuff and Saturday night shall be wonderful!

I talked to Lara about my living situation, and she didn't seem as upset as I thought she would when I told her this next semester would be my last on campus. She was really understanding. I'm ready for a new start, and ironically enough, going back to my parents may help. It helps get the focus off of "crap, I need groceries and this house item and this house item" it gets rid of the temptation to eat out, it's quiet here, it's not so far away from everyone. I'll probably start looking for internships next summer and really get started growing up. I'm excited, but nervous! >.<

Christmas was so wonderful! Kinda' chaotic, I had my brother, his wife and my niece here. She's an adorable baby though, smiles and laughs all the time. Super cute. :) It was so great to have a big happy family here for the holidays; that's the first time in a while.

I got some really good, practical gifts this year: graphic design and illustration books/magazines, giftcards to Target and other stores for clothes/house stuff, etc... as well as things like socks, make-up, toothbrushes, nail-polish, etc. And some fun things of course, like a Wonder Woman lunchbox, a vinyl laptop skin and the Avengers on blu-ray :D Mainly just blessed for a loving family, fantastic friends, a wonderful boyfriend, a roof over my head and for Christ. Christmas really reminds me of all I cherish.

Things to look forward to:
- New Years!
- Manheim concert :)
- A day off tomorrow @_@
- Sleeping in :D
- Drawing more!
- Christmas party with FRIENDSSS!!!
- More hours = bigger paychecks = present buying and clothes shopping and then saving for me :)
- Quality time at home, in quiet, rejuvenating

Friday, December 14, 2012

What an off day...

Today has serviced a huge array of emotions.

First, feeling rather tired and stressed from moving out and finishing my last two finals for my online class. I literally didn't eat until four when I got at work, and even then, it was scarfing down stuff just to have energy.

Next, hearing the news of the Conneticut elementary school shootings... My heart sunk and I felt numb. The first thing I thought of was the terror on the children's faces... they're so young, they don't understand that. They shouldn't have to yet. They should be innocent and carefree; now they'll be traumitized and terrified. Next, I thought of the horror the parents must've felt, not knowing if their child was alive or not. That's probably the hugest fear of mine: knowing a loved one is somewhere of potential danger, like a shooting, and not knowing if they made it or not. I've had nightmares about it, woken up crying, had anxiety. Stuff like this doesn't change.

My heart is truly with all of them... my prayers as well. Honestly, the first thought I imagined was "there has to be a certain place in hell for this guy" or anyone who would do that to children. Then I felt sick, and upset with myself; I should be forgiving, right? How, how though... how easily can it be to forgive such a horrid, horrid man? I fought with myself all day about it; what is God's plan for this? I wanted to be just as angry and hateful and spiteful against this man, but another half of me drew me back. Fighting with myself on and off was exhausting.

I just pray that these shootings can be prevented in the future. Metal detectors in schools, more security in schools, etc. I'm sure there's always a way around things; but the harder we make it for the lunatics and criminals, the less likely they'll feel the need to fight back. Thus keeping children, and everyone, safe...

It makes me want to homeschool my future children though. Idk. I'd been considering it before, but now this, this... has almost pushed me over. It's comforting the idea of being able to be home with them, or have someone at my home or at a small church teaching them, not a public school with tons temptation, influence and apparently, threats of shootings. I know you can't withhold your children from danger forever, but... homeschooling seems like a good alternative. Rather than living with that constant anxiety and fear of "will they return to me today from school?"

As depressing as that sounds. Sorry guys. Just.. tons of emotions.


On the upside of the day (I guess?) I'm finally done with school. I'm beyond annoyed how awful and badly this semester ended class wise; doing horrible on all my finals really set me off, and then having to work so much which kept me from studying. And the customers, oh, the customers.. I had to pray everyday before work and random times throughout JUST to remain semi-normal tolerancy. I can never finish a task or have a break without customers buggingbuggingbugging me, and honestly, most are kinda' snuffy/huffy/impatient. Very few seem thankful. Just cause we don't have something, they'll have a disgusted look on their face or like it's OUR fault. Good Lord. I'm a few bad customers away from walking out, seriously. I'm tired of it. I can't wait for retail Christmas season to be done.

The week couldn't have drug on MORE. I feel totally wiped after this semester. I hope my cruise will be relaxing and bring me rejuvenation to start again..

I feel like EVERYONE around me is getting engaged, is married, or is having babies. I just learned today Heather Maloney is engaged; like for real. I've been dating Ethan longer than those two are together. Everyone else is getting engaged or graduating finally or having babies and starting a family. And me? I just feel stuck. Stuck in college. Stuck with my living situation. Stuck in my relationship. I don't even know if Ethan wants to marry me; so what's the point, right? We're both still very happy; but it doesn't seem to be progressing at all. I just.. have so many questions. And feel confused.

I feel like Rapunzel; "When will my life begin?" I feel like Ariel, wanting to explore and find so much more beyond where I am.

I just want to break free. Be new. Recharge, refresh and break this cycle. Maybe this next year will be it for me, maybe, I will finally break free somehow.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

One thing at a time

Mattie, I'm watching Nanny Diaries and it totally makes me think of you... the sweet, smart, loyal and creative nanny of the spoiled rich people. Practically raising the child. XD It makes me miss you so freaking much D': I'm just like "OMG! This is what she's going through D:" and I want to FaceTime you or fly out and rescue you, haha.

It may be a more exaggerated version of your life, haha (considering you're in Maryland and not NY, and your rich couple you work for actually have important jobs, and many other differences @.@) but still.... Hey, you end up with Captain America too cause Chris Evans is the love interest ;D Cap x Black Widow?!?! Shwwatt?

But seriously, I freaking love this movie. I'd seen it long time ago but re-watching it is fun. Scarlett Johansson is becoming one of my new favorite actresses. She's so cute and quirky in this movie, and then she can be hardcore and awesome as Black Widow.

This movie makes me want to not be afraid to find myself. Learn more about myself. "being thrown in an unfamiliar world to truly understand our own"

Tomorrow is really my only day off this week, and I'm going to make it count.

- Getting up early... unfortunately
- Wrapping gifts for family
- Compiling notes for Personal Finance and History finals
- Studyinggg D:
- Working on finishing up my online class stuff... I sure hope I don't fail that dang course .-.
- Working on scholarship posters for business department
- Submitting business hours
- Maybe even get some stuff moved out

I hope within all that I can have some down time and fun time. I really want to work on my Christmas drawings I'm doing for everyone, as well as maybe have some roomie time with Lara... I'm going to try to talk to her about everything with her and Cody and how this past semester felt for me. I feel like honesty is the only way to get things to change if I'm going to be living here another semester. I shouldn't quietly put up with it and expect change.

Tonight at work was my first night closing and running the store at night by myself! It's a lot more steps and a lot more to remember, and a lot more responsibility than opening in the morning honestly. Everything went well though! It didn't blow up, haha, so that's good. :P There were a few quirks with customers and complaints, however, that's normal. It's weird but kinda' cool finally being in charge. I deserve it; I've been there long enough.

Even though work is overworking me, I guess it's time to embrace change. Getting at least a few months in a leadership position at work will make it look good on a job resume, if anything. Also, now I can do "anything" there really, in the compass of calling shots and being in charge. I hated how he'd hire brand new people as the shift leaders and I had to technically work "under" them, but I trained them most of the time. It was so annoying :P

I can't wait to hang out again with everyone.. I am in so need of a friends day. Big party, hang out, whtaever. Whether it's the Christmas party or a girl's day in the future (I sure hope sooner than the Christmas party though) it will be well needed <3 p="p">
I bought an amazing formal dress today from Goodwill for $10! First one I walked up to and first one I tried on, omg, it fit me like a glove like it was meant to be. It's simple and long, to the floor, a nice fitting green dress. The back has a pretty bow, it almost makes me think of Sailor Jupiter, haha. I'm gonna' wear it for the formal dinner on the cruise.

I can't wait, one week from now, I'll be drifting sweetly to sleep to the sound of the ocean entirely around me. In my element, out on the sea... school will be done, regardless of grades, I'll be FREAKING DONE for the semester and on my vacation.



I'm now trying to watch all the Chris Evans movies I can. He's like my new favorite @_@ /fans


Saturday, December 8, 2012


I totally love this song. I'm not gonna' lie. Freaking catchy and spicy, lolol. Taylor Swift is my guilty pleasure.

and I just loved this video O.O Mattie you'd like it, it also kinda' ended up just being Korra and Asami kicking Mako's butt essentially. Freaking jerk, haha.

Girl power D:<

too many conflicted feelings about that show, mygosh.

Today kinda' stunk...

You all know the story so I won't repeat it again lol. Gosh though. How unreliable are people?

Cherry topping on the cake was Ethan bailing on me too. I was going to a show tonight, but asked if he wanted to hang afterwards. He was like "sure! just let me know when you're ready" sooooo I did. No reply for like an hour. I was out with Lara and Cody and then a couple friend of theirs. Odd ball out, third wheel.. it was kinda' awkward but I figured I'd get to leave soon to see Ethan or he'd join us. He didn't say anything all night and then when I texted him again, he didn't seem too up to seeing me. Or driving out here. Fed up, I just said "Nevermind" and cancelled. He tried to make it better saying "Aww well we can hang out tomorrow"

Freaking listen to me every once and a while, and you'd know I work all day tomorrow.

Boys, freaking jerks.

Just, seriously. How hard is it to be dedicated, to care, to be on time, responsible, earnest. True to your word. I haaaate going back on a promise. Or letting anyone down. I get anxiety about it. Do I just care too much?

Mattie, I read your post about feeling lonely, and I do too. All the time. Even living here amongst tons of college kids, living with a bubbly roommate, working with nerdy co-workers, and going to school with fellow designers, I come home to my room and kinda' just sit down and it all sinks in on me.

Loneliness. I want to live with my parents again in that sweet solitude, having them constantly around, genuinely caring and respecting me. I want to live closer to y'all, getting to go to church more often, being closer to friends. I want to be able to go out on the patio and just sit there, my arms clinging to my dogs, taking in the trees. It's insanely lonely here in a sea of people. I can't seem to get over it. I think we just need a break from the "norms" we've built ourselves into (you being there in Maryland, me being here all the time).

This Christmas break shall be wonderful though! Let's keep looking forward to that.

Also, I hear you about feeling like you're losing yourself... I feel the same way. I honestly feel like I want a new warddrobe too, or a new way to express myself. Change somehow, physical change, can be good and healthy every now and then. Oh, and losing weight. Definitely losing weight will help me feel more... satisfied with myself. Cause right now I just feel gross.

We'll get there, where we want to be. These are hard times in our lives, but at the same time, great times. The best times. Let's make them count :)

Ugh, so today was just one of those days that stunk. I feel pooped, I hate being worked to death over the weekend... practically working for three people. That cruise... oh man, that cruise can't come soon enough...

Tomorrow's plan:
- sleeping <3 p="p">- Cleaning up my room (like, try to hardcore clean)
- Pack some stuff for winter break move out
- Draw
- Plan Christmas presents
- Work ... -___-;
- Laundry
- Maybe get some homework/studying done

Now... time to go to bed...

Tuesday, December 4, 2012


I should be studying but I can't focus and I'm going to do horrible on this test anyway
this class I may even fail, I don't even care at this point it's been a waste of time and I've learned nothing

This week has been rise and fall, roller coaster of emotions

All this crap with Jasmine is the third time in my life I've just been ignored/disposed of without really any thought or explanation. First it was by an entire group of my "best" friends (maybe 4-5 people, maybe even more), next it was by my second boyfriend JP, and now, by Jasmine, and yes, she was never the best company anyway (negative, angry, bitter) but there were times when I confided in her about a lot and she gave me good, honest advice. Like we WERE friends, it wasn't just her trying to pick on me all the time, she had moments she showed she cared.

And now what?

She hasn't talked to me but maybe once or twice this entire semester.

I came into the print lab once and she was there and I said hi, how's it going and her "hello" was so quiet and cold it wasn't even audible. No eye contact.

She actually never really looks at me anymore. If we're in a group, she doesn't even act like I'm there. I'm invisible to her or something.

The worse yet was today, I think. She was standing in the doorway at the end of class waiting on someone and I needed to get through. I said "excuse me", I was polite, but she didn't even move or look at me. I literally had to go through the small gap between her and the door, pressing myself against the freaking door to get through like she wasn't even a human there but an inanimate object.

Like seriously? With all of my being, I hate being ignored. It probably comes from childhood as ironic as that sounds: the traumatizing experience of my entire group of friends ignoring me, going behind my back, faking nice to me and then just dropping me all together. Ignoring me as if we were never friends, as if they could erase our friendship or even erase me from everything. Even though they've all apologized and we're "civil" now, and "friends" the scar is still there. I'd probably be closer friends with them now had that never happened. But honestly, I can't trust them.

So now, this. I don't even feel comfortable going to the print lab anymore. I don't like walking in and seeing her there, being negative and bitter in general, but on top of that, ignoring me. If I have other friends there, it's fine. But still. She'll talk to everyone else in front of me, but me. She goes OUT OF HER WAY to make me feel ignored and invisible. Honestly, I'd rather put up with being teased or messed with over this. At least with teasing, it's someone's weird way of showing you they like having you around; being ignored, they don't even want you to exist because that's how they're treating you.

Guys it's seriously taking over my head... Back of my mind all semester, this invisible, worthless feeling. Forgotten and ignored, directly fed by how Jasmine is treating me, rebirthed from events of the past. Which is probably a huge factor in my mood swings and severe bitterness to situations; Lara and Cody always third wheeling me, not getting to see my friends as often,  Ethan not replying to me or trying to hang out with me, choosing his guy friends over me all the time, falling asleep when we're hanging out like I'm not even there.

It's all slowly contributing to that idea and I'm about to snap.. I don't know.

I've been trying to rely on God, like in prayer and stuff, but it's so hard because He is so quiet. I don't hear from Him right away, or at all. I'll sometimes feel that peace and strength to tackle something, or take on something with His help, but I'm at rock bottom again. Sometimes all I need and want is just loving arms to hold me or hug me. A reason why physical intimacy, and physical touch, is my language of love. It shows me that they know I'm there, that I exist to them, that I matter. That I'm not something invisible, or easily ignored.

I try to be a pleasant, sweet, friendly person. I try to not hurt others, I try to be honest, I try to be genuine and true to myself and others. How can that affect someone else into treating me like this? What the heck did I even do? I know I have true friends and family that love me, but it's hard when all I know throughout the week is design and school, and it's a constant reminder of feeling forgotten.

Part of me just wonders if I never showed up again if anyone would even notice.

Monday, November 26, 2012

Slow me down...

His lost love haunted him regularly in dreams. 

He would wake up in terror, shaking, sweating, hearing her screams, her crying. He'd hear over and over again, Why? Why did you abandon me? before her voice faded into nothing. Sometimes she'd sound more deluded, depressed, distant.. these were the dreams when he faced her directly in darkness, having to stare into her empty eyes as thick tears rolled down her cheeks... other times, she'd be in a frenzy, almost psychotic and terrifying. Screaming in anger, hatred, jealousy. This was when he watched afar, watched as she battled and screeched at the Siren, only to lose every time. Any chance he had to save her, he was blocked by a flurry of wind, and the Siren's piercing gaze.

He shot up in bed again, panting, desperately grasping for reality. He was in his room; it was dark, nighttime still, maybe around four in the morning. Everyone else was sleeping. His fingers curled around the comforter and he hung his head. Squeezing his eyes shut, he tried to rid this recent nightmare; he saw his lost love, alone, far away, her back turned towards him. No matter how quickly he ran to her, she always drifted away. Further, further, further away... 

"NO!" he cried. When she finally turned, her eyes were blackened and crying, and her entire body collapsed before vanishing. With an inaudible cry, he collapsed to his knees and held up his hands, blood seeping out of the pores. Her blood. Her blood is on my hands. The nightmare ended with the familiar, curling peaceful fog and the beautiful hum of the Siren... but he still awoke in terror.

"It is what you wanted though," he heard the Siren's voice. Startled, his eyes shot open and he looked around in a panic. "You wanted Me, you wanted peace, contentment, wonderful nights full of sleep and dreaming..."

He closed his eyes; he remembered the beginning, when he was first enchanted by the Siren, by her beauty and her luring voice. He remembered the first time she lulled him to sleep, the most restful sleep he'd ever experienced, the most vivid and beautiful dreams he ever could imagine... but now it was nothing but endless nights of sleep, haunted by what he sacrificed.

"Is this the point? The catch? I lost her, and now, I must live with it through what I chose over her?" He  clenched his jaw and his nostrils flared in anger. "Well, I don't want this anymore! I want her back!" his voice cracked, and he choked back tears. He could help but imagine her alive, healthy, smiling at him. How had he never seen it in the moment? How alive she made him feel? He wanted her back.

The Siren appeared. She sat on his desk, fog curling around her. She appeared in a more physical form; long, slender, sweeping, a goddess bound by no constraints of the mortal world, beautiful in every fantastic and unimaginable way. Icy exotic eyes, flowing robes, long locks of curling silver hair, porcelain skin. A voice as breathy and chiming as an angel, or soothing and seductive as a temptress. As stunning as she appeared, she was devious and cruel. Enchanting you, trapping you, then torturing you.

"I am only doing what my subject wished," she cooed nonchalantly. She lifted off the desk and floated towards him, curling her fingers around his chin and staring into his eyes. He began to feel sleepy again, his body relaxed and less tense. "This is what you want. You will forget her in time. Now.. sleep." The Siren finished the spell with her lips pressed against his, and then, she released him and vanished. He fell back into his bed, his eyes drifting close and his consciousness fading away to dreams, or possibly, nightmares.

= = = = 

Idk guys, I kinda' like this idea. It started as an extreme metaphor for a certain situation, but now, I think I can work with it. Make it like a horror/suspense/fantasy kinda' thing. Who knows.

Feeling kinda down... break is over, school isn't though. Two weeks or so, but it's gonna' be stressful. You guys can probably guess what my past two writings have been about. Sometimes I don't even feel like a priority to him. He'd rather sit around with his guy friends talking about swords and cars, he'd rather go to bed. What if something happened to me? Would he notice?

I'm being really pessimistic. I'm sorry. I'm just bitter and kinda' depressed.. I have anxiety constantly... ugh. I hate posting about it all the time, but I never really get to talk to you guys about it... so I guess this is my way of doing that.. of letting it out, but letting you guys know.

I'm going on that cruise with him and his family soon, mid-December. I'm really excited, but, idk how it will go... I just hope it's not a week of him being distant towards me. Or just like we're practically friends, not like we've been in a relationship for two freaking years. I want him to be excited, I want him to be happy to spend time with me, I want it to feel SPECIAL... we'll see I guess.. I really love him. And enjoy my time with him, I want this to work out for us.. but idk how that will be if he doesn't try a little hard too. Or make it known he cares about me.

I can't wait to live back with my parents again and be away from Edmond and UCO more. It's helped refuel my sanity, this past Thanksgiving break..

I miss you ladies constantly.. I've been feeling like a bad friend lately, and I'm sorry...

I hope things start looking up..

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Nothing can keep me from sleeping.

"No... Please, no please, come back to me! I'm--"

He was being lifted into the air, his eyes glazed, his lips wearing a content smile. The Siren was seducing him, her long graceful frame pressed against his, her robes wrapping and swirling in the air, dancing like ribbons on a breeze. A fog curled around the two, and it made it impossible for her to see. I coughed and stumbled, continuing to run, but tears threatened to blind my vision. My clothes were raggedy and poor compared to the garments of the Siren, in all shades of blue and white and gray. Her eyes were a piercing, icy blue, her hair a beautiful flowing silver. She was like a piece of artwork, an unreal goddess that was breathed into and brought to life. Her perfect lips parted and a sweet song cooed at him, drawing him in further.

"NO!!" I cried, my words cracking with my tears. I finally was close enough and dove for his hand before he was too far to reach. I tried tugging him down, crying and screaming, "Please, come back to me!" His eyes flashed and he looked down at me sleepily, confused. He slowly started to be tugged down, he slowly started to come back to me... but that Siren snatched him again, winding his face back hers with her slender fingers on his chin.

"Drift away, my love.." she whispered, their eyes now locked and her lips hovering over his. He smiled contently again, and rose into the air. I cried out but clung onto his arm squeezing my eyes shut.

"I WON'T GIVE IN!" I cried. With him still under her spell, the Siren's eyes snapped to me, her gaze hateful and burning. I glared up at her, but with just a raise of her hand and a flick of her wrist I was yanked off and threw down to the ground. Plucked off like a rotten apple from a tree, she tossed me aside. My head impacted the concrete violently, and my body grew numb and cold. The last image my eyes saw was the Siren gently cradling his head as their lips pressed against one another.

I had lost him.

And then, I blacked out.

= = = = = = =

He didn't remember much, but when his eyes opened, he felt rested, at peace, content. He was lying on a bed of the coziest clouds, with swirling fog all around him. The Siren was no longer there, however, her sweet and soothing song still rung in his ears. He sat up and looked around; he was in a complete white room, and appeared to be floating. A blanket of clouds pooled around his waist and he pushed them aside. He hadn't felt so rested and at peace in a while. He continued to smile as he started to make his way down, the clouds slowly lowering to let him to the ground.

And that's when he saw her.

His heart stopped in his chest, and his entire body almost froze. The room he was in as he drifted down had faded from a beautiful and peaceful ivory paradise, into a stale, gray and concrete jail, flickering lights and disturbing rust as the only decor. She lie there like a crumpled heap, her clothes tattered and her body completely still. He stumbled off the cloud, landing ungracefully but he gathered himself and darted over to her. Skidding to a stop and throwing himself down next to her, he rolled her over.

His heart caught in his throat. Her body was cold as ice, her expression pale. Her eyes were closed, her eyelashes holding remnants of tears. He gently lifted her head, almost crying out when he felt the dried blood on his fingers. She had been lying in a pool of it, a bleeding head injury. He wrapped his arms around her and pressed his ear to her chest, desperately trying to hear her heart.


He cried out. "No, no, no... Come back to me, c-come, come back!" he shook her, staring desperately at her face, waiting to see those bright hazel eyes pop open and her lips smile at him. All a joke, just messing with him, they could leave together. But that was not the reality. Her body was lifeless, her heart not beating, there had been so much blood.

He grew dizzy with the realization, almost falling over, almost running away... But he couldn't let go of her, no, he was afraid once he did she'd disappear from him. Instead he clung to her and buried his head in her neck, his body racking with sobs. He cradled her, rocked with her, kissed her cheek, forehead, lips. He stayed like that for a while, desperately wishing she'd come back to him like all the lost loved ones do in fairytales.

But this was no fairytale; she was gone. No true love's kiss would bring her back.

"Had only you stayed awake to be her knight, she may still be alive," he heard whisper in his ear. His heart sank into his stomach, and he felt his vision start to black out. "But, as you've said so yourself, my dear: nothing can keep you from sleeping."

Sunday, November 18, 2012

I'm going to be amazing.

"Well, I just feel like problems exist to be fixed and overcome through hard work and discpline. Through doing this consistently, we continually become stronger, smarter and better and more confident in ourselves. I'm sorry you're feeling down right now, but you really have so much potential to solve your problems and make life the way you want it to be. You are strong, smart, and beautiful. So, don't let your troubles defeat you...

.... just solve one thing at a time, and never quit."

Just watch me.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Cosplay Appreciation Day

I'm sure all of this is a day late, but!


What I love most about cosplay is the excitement, inspiration and creativity it enables. It opens up your reality to be a whole new persona, a whole new character, whatever you feel like being. It's fun to be apart of the fandom and express your love for a show or video game or story by dressing up as the characters and just having a blast with your friends.

Cosplay has helped me become more confident, more self-aware. Sometimes it can turn more negative, however, it's caused me to achieve a self-image that I want. Sure, to "be like that character", however, it ends up benefiting me entirely. Cosplay has given me determination to achieve goals and work harder. To fit the image I work out and eat healthier; I can paste pictures up and push myself to achieve that goal. And even if I don't look as "skinny" or whatever, I'm usually always happy with myself because it's a goal I achieved, it's progress I'm making; cosplay is just a way of helping me get there as well!

I even felt inspired by characters and their personality traits; like Katara's compassion, Korra's confidence, Cadence's love and magic, Kairi's loyalty, Kagura's passion, Kiki's determination, Photo Finish's spunk, Rinoa's feisty but giving nature. They all contained traits that I admired in some way, that affected me in my own life. Even characters I don't cosplay -- like Twilight Sparkle in my studies and homework, for example -- inspire me to push through procrastination to get priorities done.

Cosplay may not be something I'm going to do forever; however, it's made a huge impact in my life. It's allowed me to escape reality for just a smackeral of time, for a weekend at a time. It's helped me develop a whole new skill set -- sewing and crafting -- which in turn has improved and honed my creativity. It's essentially added to my inspiration and desire to be a photographer, preferably in the cosplay or fashion world, and has helped me branch out more.

Despite the stresses and downfalls, cosplay has been an amazingly fun hobby and created tons of amazing experiences and memories with tons of people I love. I feel like myself, I feel free, I feel totally accepted within the cosplay community, which is something I deem as very important. Always embrace your differences and who you TRULY are, and in there, you will find happiness :D