Friday, January 25, 2013


So... you wouldn't believe what I'm watching.

Gossip Girl. Baaah!

It's Lara's new favorite show (she has to have some sort of show to watch all the time, lol) so it's on a lot and I'll be in the living room working on stuff/chilling so I'll watch it with her. It's soooo full of drama, my word. It's all about the rich and elite, and all their money and fashion and success and titles, but all the drama and crap that "goes on". Lol, it just goes to show you, money and all that status can not buy you happiness. All the drama is ridiculous but slightly addicting, lol. Like, this isn't in my life thank goodness so I'll watch all this other drama in their fictional lives.

Sure? Hahahaha.

I just want Once Upon a Time and Korra DDD:

I have tomorrow off! I'm so excited. These past couple of days were kinda' bleh, not the best. Work work work. I heard a scary story that the restaurant down the road from our VStock was robbed at gunpoint. :( Apparently it happened while they were taking the trash out which is scary because I used to do that like every night shift I worked... I never realized how dangerous it is since it's back alley kind of atmosphere. /shudders

I just gotta' pray for protection and safety... For myself, but mostly for all those I love and care for.

I'm so glad it's the weekend though! I'm gonna' hopefully get a lot done for cosplay tomorrow. As well as homework. Cause I work all day Sunday... gonna' work on some artwork too. :3 Busy busy!

To-Do list for this week:

- Grocery shopping!
- Laundry
- Catch up on 365 days :3
- Cosplay work
- Find a Bible study to start!! :)
- Clean up room and organize
- Homework and projects

Also can I just say.. I really love photography. I'm meant to be a photographer, some how, some way, I know it. I fit right in in that class, the whole thing is fascinating to me! Did you know you can make a camera out of pretty much anything? Well, an enclosed dark space, a controlled light-source, photo paper and something to use as your shutter. It's called pinhole photographer and it's wildly popular :) You can literally make one out of a soda can and capture the photo by using tape as your shutter! Gonna' be a summer break craft experiment for me :)

Once I learn even more, I'm gonna' try to take as many classes as possible. Possibly even one over the summer. I want to get better and better! And then y'all have to be my models for pictures mmkay? ;D

I hope you all had an amazing week and have a wonderful weekend! I can't wait to see y'all ladies next <3 p="">

My new favorite spring/summer look... baggy off the shoulder shirts with shorts. Gonna' thrift me some big t-shirts like these to mess with and make cute and comfy :)

This is pinhole photography :) cool huh?

This one as well. you can see the rim of the cup/can it's in! One of the clearer shots I've seen of pinhole photography. Some photographers dedicate their entire life's work to solely shooting like this :)

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Gonna' look forward in prayer!

Decided that having anxiety isn't necessarily good. Well, no. It's NOT good at all.

Instead, I'm gonna' be turning that anxiety into fuel for prayer. Fuel for positive thinking, and eventually, complete optimism. I'm mostly optimistic; but school and life has kinda' made me pessimistic and bitter. Even within a few minutes of just thinking of how GOD wants me to handle situations, I felt a lot more at ease.

Mainly talking about design (as always, haha) and handling the people. The rude people, the people that leave me out, the fake ones. Even my closest friends in design that I want to reach out to. I'm going to pray for them instead of be closed off. Instead of be bitter or insecure about how Jasmine's treating me, I'm going to pray for her. Maybe try to reach out when I feel confident enough again.

Y'all don't know how much she hurt me by just treating me coldly last semester :( I know you guys think from your POV that she was awful, rude, etc., but we literally hung out all the time. Even though she teased me a lot, was inappropriate and sometimes just out there and rude with her teasing, I considered her a friend. Heck, a close friend. I saw her more than I saw my parents, really, or even you guys and Ethan. We stayed up super late all the time working on projects. We were empathy partners essentially, pulling each other through. We opened up to one another about crazy deep stuff. The list goes on.

Instead of withdrawing, I need to reach out. Find a way, somehow... I have something in mind. Even if we're just on talking terms again, when I feel like she doesn't totally hate my guts for whatever reason, I'd be fine. I'm not expecting things to go back as they were but, I don't want to entirely give up either. I want God to use this to help me get stronger in my faith of people, friendships and what I can do to love my enemies. I think it's all meant to be a test, that I just need to take head on. I'll have other friends on campus to lean on in weak moments or vent to, or talk to if my reaching out to her totally fails.

But I can't just give up! What would Jesus do, right? :)

I'm feeling so much more at peace now about school starting just thinking through all this. Of course, I'm a little anxious still, but eh, once it starts, I'll be used to it in no time, like old times... I have a three day weekend every week so that's a bonus ;) plus, I'm only taking 4 classes, three of which are project/design based, one is a lecture. But I have that lecture class with Sable!! I'm so excited, it'll be fun to have a friend in class again :)

Guys, I'm really sorry if I get negative so often. Please don't worry too much, I just have horrible mood swings. They usually aren't nearly as bad as I make them out to be >.<;; I know regardless you'll probably still worry, but whatever XD I love you all so dearly and am so insanely blessed <3 p="p">
I got new clothes today! Part of my Christmas presents was a "shopping" day with my mom since, well, she is clueless what to get me clothes wise and she knew I needed new stuff to start school with. It's really nice actually having fresh new clothes >.< I love thrift store shopping/Goodwill shopping (trust me!!) but, it's nice having new items too!

- Cardigans galore! = mint, blue/black w/ zippers, red (bargained!), white w/ black collar/detailing.
- Simple fitted tank tops = gray, light blue and red
- New black ankle boots (bargained!)
- New black stockings
- Two dresses = black and white striped cotton dress, A-Line (actually got this with a gift-card I got from Ethan's family), and an asymmetric, short-long cotton dress with mint colored under-layer and seashell pattern detail
- Reddish-brown, faux-leather jacket (bargained!)
- A nice faux leather blouse with embroidery/zipper detail = it reminded me of something from Final Fantasy *___* (it was a bargain, too!)

Lol, half of that stuff was bargained/clearance/sale items, so, I guess it's almost like thrifting anyway. XD What can I say, I can never say no to bargains O.O

Also, the 365 days challenge is going swell! I'm a couple days behind, not too bad though. I may try to post an art dump of each month onto my blog, haha. We'll see though. XD

Fresh clothes, fresh attitude, fresh spirit, and fresh start to a semester. I can't wait to see what this semester has in store! :) Love you all and take care!

Friday, January 11, 2013


This blog was originally written very bitterly and kinda' pathetically sad. But now that I've vented that out to myself, I'm gonna' change it up and make it more optimistic, lol.

I do have anxiety about school though. My mom was talking to me earlier about it, and asked if I feel in constant turmoil there. Yes, and no. I love graphic design. I love illustration. The creativity, the liveliness, the fast-pace life style. I don't like the stress and sometimes, the people. Designers are a certain breed; a lot of them can be like me and Sable. Artsy, laid-back, mellow, friendly, insightful, hard-workers. Nerdy, geeky, goofy, creative, what have you. The rest I just notice, friendly or not, seem to only find fun in partying and drinking. Twice this week the design kids wanted to go to two different bars, and a drag show. Like, really? Why is that appealing? Drag shows are freaking dumb, and you probably won't even remember your Friday night 'cause you're hammered!

I think other things are fun, like: movie parties or marathons, laser tag, arcades, roller skating, bowling. Am I five, or am I more mature than they are? lol.

Honestly, I'm a little sad everyone's drifting or ending cosplaying :( I know it's y'all's life, but I guess i can't help but feel like it's bittersweet. I'm not ready to stop yet, I don't know when I will be. It's just... too much fun to me still, lol. I mean sure, it'll probably definitely slow down after this year. But I don't think I'll stop at all. Sable and I were discussing traveling to different cons to just go on Saturdays, just to see what they're like; and then spend the rest of the weekend or time there exploring the area. Like Colorado ice castles or mountains, or the beach :)

Once cosplaying does end though I def. want to focus on tables. Tables tables tables. I want to be a witness to this world, guys. It's such a lost world that others write off as unimportant. I want to be a witness within our community. I was so inspired by Vic that one Sunday at Izumicon, it was seriously a huge God moment for me. Through cosplay or not, somehow I am meant to witness with my talents and hobbies; and goodness sake, I'm gonna' do it. Tables will be the best way; but I'm also gonna' try harder through cosplay too. Just being genuinely nice. Idk, I'm going to pray about different ways to witness through cosplay and every day con goers.

I moved back into Edmond today, ewww. Being there just makes me anxious and thinking about school, and living with the "couple" again. I do like being on my own though, but, this will be nice to know it's my last semester.

I never did blog about the cruise, did I? that will need to be done eventually...

I'm so horrible at posting pics to FB I need to do that at some point.

- Plan cosplays for Naka & TnT
- Start on cosplays O.O
- Stay positive
- Pray, all the time
- Work harder in school
- Expand my talents
- Draw every day
- Post pics to FB: summer pics (NY, Florida, cons, etc...) as well as cruise pics and throughout the year stuff.
- Back-up computer
- Sort through files on computer/organize
- Clean up room, sell books, sell clothes, donate things
- Work-out every day, somehow...
- Thank God for all my blessings.
- Take NOTHING for granted.


I never thought I'd say it but....


Adventure Time is growing on me.


Thursday, January 3, 2013

His world will go on turning...

Gah, this song. Makes me cry every time... Eponine :'(

Gah, that movie. I have never bawled so hard during a movie. Unbelievable.
It was like a spiritual experience to I think, idk, hard to explain. Just the entire story of grace and love and compassion through all these horrible times and moments in their life. And then at the end, triumphantly escaping the miserable world into the joy and victory of  heaven. I SOBBED VERY GROSSLY.

This week flew by; I hope next week doesn't, it's my last week on break :( But, it's been an amazing break in general, I can not complain. I've gotten to sleep a lot, I had the amazing cruise, I've hung out with friends and family and have just had time to rest and do what I want. I've had to do some homework for the Addy's, but it wasn't too much.

Is it sad sometimes I relate with this song quite often? Lolol it's like my go to sad song when stuff happens between me and Ethan. Or if I'm feeling lonely or forgotten. Pathetic, I know... but I'm always in my mind, imagining him next to me, or with me, because most of the time, he just isn't really there. "And now the night is here, and I can make believe he's here..."

Sometimes, I do think his world would go on turning without me. He seems to have all these other priorities that make him content and preoccupied... I just feel in the way or like an obligation. Idk if that's how it really is, but, of course, we all have our moments of being really down or sad or angsty. Sometimes I just feel like I'm on the outside looking in on his life, behind a window. I can't seem to really feel closer to him anymore; he's either pushing me away or not inviting me in. I don't really know how to explain it.

I just want to be noticed by him again. Feel special. I feel like Eponine, hiding in ragged clothes with dirt on my face, a hat shading my eyes, desperately wishing for that attention and compassion. 

': |

Sorry 'bout that emo-ness guys. 

But! I like to vent it all out here, to you all, as well as through drawing. Keeping it in has lead me down darker places before... but, putting it on here and getting it off my chest helps A LOT more. If you don't want to be down, just don't read some of my blogs lol :P 

I can't wait til the Christmas party to see everyone again :) I gotta' finish some shopping but I'm almost done. I'm so excited, I hope everyone likes their gifts! I hope I can finish all my drawings by then too~~

I hope you're all having a wonderful break/day/evening/whatever. Love you all! <3 p="p">