Sunday, December 26, 2010
Why can't you just hear the lyrics instead of focusing on the sound?
Can't you go deeper, just understand more?
It's beyond a simple song that sounds good, and is "catchy".
It's someone's heart being put into words, into music, making it vivid and clear for everyone else.
It's a story, it's a scene, it's heartbreak, or happiness, or speaking words you couldn't normally.
Sometimes, that song may be telling you something I feel,
it may be expressing a beautiful poem, or story,
It may be praising our God, and you can't get over the stupid SOUND....
I understand sound is important.
But this isn't just about music sometimes -- it's your outlook on life.
When you focus in on something as trivial as that, or only one component of an ENTIRE picture you'll miss out.
You'll let life go a little bit, and not enjoy it fully.
Not understand it or take it in for all that it is.
Quit focusing on the sound, and start hearing the lyrics.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
I can't help but feel constantly inspired by the moon, and the night.
I think out of all things in nature, in God's glorious creation, the night sky is the one that will truly ALWAYS fascinate and inspire me the most.
Just a few dabblings of poetry to sooth my whirring, restless mind. As well as to document this night, the first time I've ever seen a total lunar eclipse!
Tonight, the moon dons a new shade,
a warm red, with a slight orange fade,
as the Earth's yawning shadow,
tucking it in,
grasping it tight,
shutting off the Moon's wane light.
The Lunar Eclipse
The moon relaxes and lets out a sigh
and ever so gently sits back in the sky.
Crawling slowly, the Earth's shadow tucks it in
as the sky then whispers, "Let the eclipse begin."
Monday, December 20, 2010
Lately it's struck me that I need to work harder with a LOT of things; but, not only personal or relational things, but, in aspects of what I love to do -- as a career, or as interest.
As in, my hobbies and practically my lifestyle... art.
Being an avid member on deviantART for about four years now, my eyes soak up all the beautiful art and photography it displays, always of such a wide variety and complexity. However, just on this one site, I see so, so much talent that just blows my mind sometimes. With photography, I see so many amazing images and styles of photography that I always itch to have one of those cameras in my hand to toy with. With art, I see breathtaking digital AND traditional pieces that I just gawk at; how did they do that? What did they use? How long have they been drawing to achieve such beautiful work?
All of this has me coming to the conclusion of one thing; I'm in such awe not only because it's all just amazing in general, but also because I know inwardly I'm no where NEAR at this level. I have all the potential in the world to do so many awesome things with art since I have a passion for it, but, I don't pursue it enough, I don't follow through enough. I don't experiment enough, or draw enough, or take my camera and snap tons of pictures, mess with angles, lighting, read up or research things. I don't invest in mediums of art, or invest in a nice SLR camera or lenses. I don't go out and place myself to just draw for hours on end, I don't go out and explore my environment enough to be inspired and want to take even more pictures. I just sit around on the computer and gawk and wish and dream, but never pursue and chase.
That's changing today.
I don't want to be amateur anymore; I want to step it up. I want to do better, be better, be more. I've always loved taking pictures; I adore fashion, high fashion, editorial fashion; however, I'm not a tall, slender Amazonian like woman who can do modeling, haha, it just isn't going to happen. But being on the other side of the camera would be just as pleasing for me; I'd love to pursue that more and really dive into the world of professional photography. I need to invest in one of these professional cameras as a start, and develop my own style of photography that will set me apart from just the typical "point and shoot" type of photographers. I want to be dynamic and create interesting images.
I've been drawing for about eight years now, and I honestly feel like I've only truly progressed slightly, in the sense of the rendering of my pictures and ideas. I have so much inspiration and concepts; but technical skills, and putting them on paper, and finishing them is what separates my work from the beautiful work that is constantly popular on art sites. My style may be of the Japanese anime style, but, that doesn't mean it can't be taken just as seriously as realism. I need to mature it a bit more, work with new mediums, coloring styles, ways of drawing and rendering. I need to sketch, sketch, sketch, and practice, practice, practice. My hands need to be stained with graphite and cramped from holding a pencil.
I have tons of other passions in art too I need to work on; dancing and clothing construction/fashion being the other main two. I absolutely adore dancing, and have such a passion for it, but it's just not been convenient in my life to join a dancing studio, and I'm just now taking legit, professional classes. I'm way behind any dancers that are truly amazing now, but I can be truly amazing too. I need to stretch more, work out, keep myself healthy, keep searching for a way to maintain some sort of dance class even through college. I need to watch dancers and just enjoy practicing on my own, and actually practice; not just sit around. And with fashion and clothing construction, I need to learn my sewing machine; I need to be able to read patterns, understand them myself, build up my technical skills even better. I need to draw out designs, sketch out outfit ideas; try new styles and new stores, not be afraid to put something together that I may not normally wear, or that may not look good. I need to be more experimental and less cliche.
With all of these, I need to just go out and take grasp of them for all that they are. All of these, besides dancing to a sense, can be very beneficial to my future career/major pursuit as a graphic designer and illustrator. Pursuing these forms of art can really enhance my hobbies and my life when it comes to how I spend my time, and culturing myself. I want to be a fully developed person, not only in the sense of maturity, faith and spirituality, but also with what I love to do, my skills, my hobbies. I want to take grasp of the talents God has created with me, and run with them, clutching them tightly and only growing more adapt to them and grow with them.
This has always been on my mind, but now, it's time to take it somewhere and actually do something about it.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
First of all, I believe we ALL learn things through personal experiences and occurrences; it's the best way to learn something, is by something happening, whether that be a good or bad thing. You can only learn so much through someone telling you to do this or not to do this; you can only learn so much by watching other people go through something. Until you've truly experienced something yourself, you can't really learn 100% of what you should.
This goes for nearly anything; for really hard times, like a near death experience teaching you to be careful, or for really simple things like being late to an appointment teaching you to be more careful with your time.
This all came to mind because of my roommate getting really upset because things didn't work out how they were supposed to mainly because of not paying attention and planning more accordingly. Because of this, her plans to go home early were sort of shot down and she had to stay at the dorms another night. She was upset for a good hour or two, and wouldn't really get over the fact that she was "stupid" and "an idiot". She kept calling herself that. After trying and trying again to tell her it's not true, "you're not an idiot", I just realized that even I have beat myself up over something like that that I felt like I did wrong. However, it's not the right reaction to beat yourself up over it and dread on it. Everyone has that right to be upset, don't get me wrong, but what good does it do to repeatedly be upset at yourself about something? It won't change the fact that it happened; it may gain you sympathy, but, what how long can sympathy salve a broken ego or the feeling of disappointment? The only reason those feelings of disappointment, embarrassment or shame last is because you allow them to.
I do this to myself all the time; dreading over things, getting easily disappointed or ashamed with myself for doing or for NOT doing something correctly. It's natural human instinct to want to be perfect, but, the beauty of it is that we're NOT, but God will still forgive us anyway. I know, I know, it's not like the daily human errors like being late to something is considered a sin, per say, but hear me out; isn't dreading and hating yourself over something like that a sin in itself? Doesn't God teach us to turn to Him to repent our sins so they're in the past, forgiven, forgotten?
So, wouldn't He gently guide us to do the same with our every day mess-ups like forgetfulness or carelessness? Don't you think He'd agree that we shouldn't hold onto those, but learn from them?
Sometimes I just think almost too deeply about things to really put them into words, but, hear me out; coming from someone that does this quite often, beating yourself up over past mistakes or sins won't take you anywhere new and refreshing in your life. It won't strengthen your spirit and it won't strengthen your walk with Christ. If anything, it's like jumping into a web and tangling yourself in it; it's keeping you from being the truly greatest you can be! I hope I can find a way to take my own advice this time, because, it truly is an epic epiphany in a sense -- one that may not be unique to the world, but, that's a pretty monumental one for me, haha. :)
Thanks for reading, and keep reaching high guys!
Monday, December 13, 2010
Wowww, I haven't been on here in FOREVER.
Cheryl's really pushing at me to blog again, and I want to myself, I just never think about it I guess... haha!
Well, I figured the year is practically over, so, I wanted to go back to my New Year's resolutions and see how I did.
3) Witness, witness, witness...
4) Drink more water and tea.
5) Learn how to play the piano or guitar.
6) Read 25+ books.
8) Drink less soda.
10) Stay fit.
18) Challenge myself with new ideas, and creative exercises.
Hrmm, looks like I got a lot more accomplished on this list than I thought.
Answers to my own resolutions being achieved, or, not being...
1) Seeing people smile and causing people's genuine smile or laughter is a great moment. It's not only them happy, it's you happy as well, which makes the world a little bit better.
2) Everyone struggles with spirituality and our relationship with God; especially going through this point in our lives. However, I HAVE grown in my spiritual walk from where I was at the beginning. I've relied on God for answers and waited patiently on Him for guidance; He's blessed my life and produced a miracle in my life, my brother surviving a horrendous accident... Only God, prayer and constant turning to Him really helped me.
3) Didn't do so well with this one... witnessing will always be a struggle for me; trying to abruptly talk to someone, stranger or close friend, about my faith is terrifying for the sake of THEIR reaction. It's something I'm working on, and am slowly pulling through.
4) Buhh, I've had more tea this year, but I never seem to drink enough water. Sometimes, soda or flavored drinks just sound... better. Any advice?
5) Never got around to this, but, if I do, I want it to be the piano instead of guitar. The piano is just so entrancing and beautiful, I'm mesmerized by its melodies and possibilities. The guitar is awesome too though, but, maybe some other time.
6) .. I'm very ashamed I didn't do better with this. :'( I planned on reading so so much and this year has been worse compared to any past year with my reading. I think it was a mixture of college stress + a job that really kept me from it, though, that's no excuse. So many unopened books, waiting for my eyes to see. *sigh*
7) I've STUFFED my art binder with drawings this year, which I'm very proud of. I've also written a lot of poetry due to short blogging time on Tumblr and what not. Less stories, but, I'm very fond of many haikus and free verse stuff I've written this year. :) Plus, I'm getting better at rhyming...!
8) I always seem to fail at this ;__; ... I at LEAST need to replace soda with something a bit better...
9) As stated before, I've written a lot of poetry this year. :)
10) Eh, I meant for this to be more along the lines of regularly go to the gym, not necessarily be fit by just relying on my dance classes. So I don't think this counts.
11) I didn't have one over the summer, but, I took hip-hop in the spring and beginning jazz in the fall. :) So it was a variety of dance, which always kept me active and learning more about dance. I love it so much. <3
12) Pink Swirls employee, right here!! Seasonally only though, I don't work during school. ><
13) I always tease people; it goes along with I feel like I never really lifted people up enough or made them smile. I tried harder this go around to replace teasing, possibly hurtful words with more encouraging ones. Or just shutting my mouth more in general -- I think I did a pretty decent job. :)
14) Yes! I got this cosplay! And cosplayed it twice actually, at Tokyo in Tulsa in the summer and Izumicon in the fall. :)
15) And I bought a sewing machine! And am currently learning on it, haha. It's going slowly, but, it's all good-- I'm glad I'm finally learning. :)
16) I experimented A LOT with watercolor, for personal drawing purposes, as well as for my Illustration class this fall. I really really love it, especially combined with ink and Copic, it's truly a beautiful medium, but takes time to master.
17) I've maintained A's and B's at least, and I DID strive for all A's -- not saying it's an impossible task, but, with design classes, it's extremely strenuous to get an A. It's like all focus would go towards that one class, and the others would fall through the roof. So, I tried to keep everything balanced. It worked out at least.
18) I didn't cross this one out, cause I don't really remember if I DID really challenge myself with creative thinking and different exercises beyond the typical design class ones. Once, I walked backwards with my roomate Lara from class all the way to our dorm. We were discussing being in ruts too often, and that's when this occurred. However, just once isn't really enough to be considered effective throughout the whole year. At least there's potential there, haha.
Starting the new year will be my 2011 resolutions, but, I figured I'd go ahead and answer back to this now. :) It's really interesting to see where life's come in a year... how much has changed, what all has happened, how much I've matured, everything. I can't wait to see what will happen from now on!
Thanks for reading everyone! <3
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Life's been good lately, things have been going by so so fast.
I'm taking a summer class, Graphic Design I (for my major), which is Monday - Thursday for about 2 hours a day. It's not really that bad, since it'll help me not be so stressed when taking future classes during fall and spring semesters, but it still stinks to have your summer taken away. I guess that's what it feels like to me, but, what can I do? We all gotta' grow up sometime.
Not only that, I've gotten a summer job! I work at a self-serve, live culture frozen yogurt shop called Pink Swirls. It's delicious yogurt, and a fun job with cool people and managers, but for some reason it always seems to drag on forever and ever when I'm working. Maybe because it's simple and repetitive, but, I try to make the best of it. Sometimes I wish we could wear cute uniforms though, like frilly lacey lolita dresses with aprons or something....
"Hi, welcome to Pink Swirls!"
Wouldn't that be amazing?!
When I'm not working or doing school, I'm currently taking karate classes at a dojo in small town Piedmont. :) It's really great and I love it -- a perfect way to vent, release stress, what have you. Also, it teaches me self defense just in case I ever need it. I feel really awesome doing it too haha!
And when I'm not doing THOSE classes, I'm trying to maintain my art, writing, reading, what have you... I'm currently redecorating my room because we moved into our new house a few months ago, and it's almost how I want it to be. It's themed around olden time/vintage, meshed with a modern vibe. I've dedicated the backside of my door to my crazy collage anime/cute things/colorful random things nerdiness so the rest of my room will "flow", I guess. haha.
That's all that's really going on... ah, well, Tokyo in Tulsa comes up this weekend. I'M SO EXCITED. We're actually staying in the hotel, all 3 days, the whole shebang. It's gonna' be loads of fun :) I'll have to post pictures and a blog over it whenever I get the chance.
If I fail at updating it's probably because of my hectic busy life. Sorry guys!
Monday, March 15, 2010
(so you can listen to the song) :)
Just sit and putter,
Life's candy and the sun's
A ball of butter.
Don't bring around a cloud
To rain on my parade
Don't tell me not to fly
I've simply got to.
If someone takes a spill,
It's me and not you.
Who told you you're allowed
To rain on my parade!
I'll march my band out,
I'll beat my drum,
And if I’m fanned out,
Your turn at bat, sir.
At least I didn't fake it.
Hat, sir, I guess I didn't make it!
But whether I’m the rose
Of sheer perfection,
Or freckle on the nose
Of life's complexion,
The cinder or the shiny apple of its eye,
I gotta fly once,
I gotta try once,
Only can die once, right, sir?
Ooh, life is juicy,
Juicy, and you see
I gotta have my bite, sir!
Get ready for me, love,
’cause I’m a "comer,"
I simply gotta march,
My heart's a drummer.
Don't bring around a cloud
To rain on my parade!
I'm gonna live and live now,
Get what I want I know how,
One roll for the whole shebang,
One throw, that bell will go clang,
Eye on the target and wham
One shot, one gun shot, and bam
Hey, Mister Arnstein, here I am!
I'll march my band out,
I will beat my drum,
And if I’m fanned out,
Your turn at bat, sir,
At least I didn't fake it.
Hat, sir, I guess I didn't make it.
Get ready for me, love,
'cause I’m a "comer,"
I simply gotta march,
My heart's a drummer.
Nobody, no, nobody
Is gonna rain on my parade!
For some reason, this song and the Glee cast version popped into my head. The original is from A Chorus Line (I believe? If not, correct me, haha!) It always puts me in a really good, jumpstart kind of mood ya' know? :)
To go along with this, I've been looking at lolita stuff lately, and have been really inspired. I would love to start owning some of my own lolita styles, even if that meant just one total outfit -- it would be a really fun hobby to start. The only thing getting in my way right now is money and expenses and making sure that I'm prioritizing how I spend that money. I figured though if I keep myself from buying other little things, or any other clothes, the money I use for those things can go to getting a lolita dress. However, I'm also trying to save up for various charities and what not so those will come first.
However! I can't keep myself from dreaming, of course...
Here are some of the lolita fashions I adore~
I realize I'm more drawn to the classic lolita style, though I like some of the punk/sweet looks.
Classic lolita has tons of beautiful prints and sillhouettes, while punk lolita can be much more youthful and fun -- however, classic is always and has always been more so of my style (mixing in some edge just shows some diversity).
Lolita is just such a beautiful statement and style, and even if I only ever had the confidence to wear it around my house, I'd love to buy one of these looks to have and wear anyway. <3
Thursday, March 4, 2010
I guess you can call it a Peter Pan complex, not wanting to grow up... Maybe that's why I love that tale so much? They get to fly in the sky and never grow up and get to be among pixies and pirates and adventure. Their lives are always changing and interesting, yet, they never grow older, they get to stay themselves, happy and cheerful.
I know I am growing up though. Everyone is.
However, I just feel my life changing drastically, practically. We're moving into a new house March 12th, which seems to be the symbolic change that I'm going through. The wide-eyed change of going into college has already passed, but what else is next? Getting a job, preparing portfolios, interviews, moving out on my own eventually... It's all a head rush.
I think this all hit me when I realized the other day I'd have to be taking a college design class during the summer. This means that I wouldn't be going to my church summer camp, Falls Creek, I've been going to for the past 3 years; one I always look forward to, as well. I feel like this is a compromise that will help me in the long run, considering it will balance out my work load for the fall and spring semester, and keep me going on a consistent design path rather than not having any classes during the summer and getting behind. It seems weird having to compromise church for my future, yet, I'm sure this is all God's plan anyhow -- I sure hope it is. I want to follow Him, not this world.. it's really hard. Maybe I'm being too harsh on myself knowing I'll have to miss this amazing church camp because of design. I've had to miss church throughout the past two semesters because of design and working and projects, but this feels huge to me for some reason. I can't really get it off my mind... I know that's only a one week long church camp. But that church camp in the past has helped me come to know Christ, has strengthened my Christian walk, and has really opened my eyes to that God DOES work -- in a single week of the year, I feel like I learn so much to get me fueled and going through the rest of the year. what would happen if I didn't have that? Maybe it's a test of my strength to work with change and work with a routine being broken to strengthen my faith without depending on Falls Creek.
I feel like I'm not living my life enough as it is. I feel like I'm always coming home from my routine days and either doing homework, taking naps, or browsing on the computer. I'm spending a lot of time lately with design, but it's getting to the point of it being fun now instead of taxing and boring. I'm learning new things, working with other people, expanding my abilities of communication and thought process. I really like it, design, and hate it at the same time (haha!). However, there's still so much I want to do -- I want to learn how to sew, I want to learn the guitar, the piano, I want to buy a full-on Lolita outfit to call my own, I want to save a lot of money, get a great summer job, lose weight, tone down, take more dance classes, I want to draw more, read more, write more, publish a book, attend more anime conventions, book fairs, see the world, go on vacations with my parents, see my friends more than I do... SO many things...
I feel restless to learn more and develop my life and find out who I am. Yet, I feel very anxious to make all these decisions and plans regarding a future I'm not sure is even in God's will for me, you know? How will I be sure? Is design for me? Should I be where I'm at, or should I be way further along by now? Is that why I'm feeling restless all the time?
I feel like I'm growing up too fast, when I just want to sit around and be little ol' eighteen year old Meghan for just a while longer. I'm ready to embrace change and discover who I am, what I'm meant to do, where I'm meant to go, but at the same time, I want to be like Peter Pan and never grow old, and just continue flying with pixie dust in the diamond sky..
Oh, and the prayer request...
I've been sorta' worried about myself lately. I don't ... react to things well, no matter what the situation. I dread on things, worry SO so much, and constantly think about things that I really have no control over. I've been noticing when this happens, I literally make myself sick -- I feel nauseated and weak, like I'm about to throw up any second. I've had a loss of appetite lately, and have been eating very sporadically -- only in the mid-morning, to later at night. Hardly in between.
I'm wondering if I suffer slight panic attacks/anxiety. Panic attacks being the sudden feeling of nausea and sickness related to stress, over-thinking or worrying. Anxiety being long-term ways of handling situations, or looking into the future, that sort of thing. I don't think it's bad enough for medication, I honestly think I've had both symptoms for the longest time, I've just recently unearthed them because of design throwing a lot of stress on me... but, just be praying for me that I'll find a peace and rest instead of anxiety, and preparation and eyes on God instead of panic.
Thank you everyone. :)
Thursday, February 25, 2010
no, it was behind exciting, it was an AMAZING feeling. I felt really honored. Because not only was my work picked to be displayed, it was picked because they figured it was among the BEST to be displayed, which was what was the best about it. It was also really inspiring and motivating to see future projects we'd be doing in classes, like book covers, portfolios, typography design, etc... I really felt in my element mingling and viewing all the work, especially when I saw my own up there.
Even though I feel like I'm flying under the radar in the design program, little moments of motivation and encouragement come along to excite me to keep pushing through it. Though I found out today that I'll probably be taking summer classes to keep on schedule with the program, and to be ahead of the game, I'm still really excited for even those classes. It'll keep me motivated and un-lazy during the summer when I really need that motivation the most.
Once I get digital copies of my projects, I'll just mass upload some of them on a blog. One of the projects posted in the show was the Cirque du Zombie poster that I had blogged about last October (it was only a small thumbnail, but still pretty awesome) for example.
Monday, February 22, 2010
a rope ties around your wrist,
and with each prayer's echo,
you're tugged closer to Him
You find yourself drawn back into His arms,
or, you find yourself resisting.
I see you resisting.
Nails digging into the ground,
sweat beading your brow,
Your past inequities continue to bind you
to an evil world that doesn't care for you,
that regurgitates you,
and leaves you alone until you crawl back,
trying to find sanity and change through
the same motions.
I don't want to give up on you.
Your heart is real; your spirit wise,
I remember the way your blue eyes
lit up as you spoke of our Father,
and how He's always there, always saving,
With each prayer I whisper for you, I pray
it draws your life closer to the Father
and instead of resisting,
you long to just drop the rope and run to Him,
to be there all the more sooner.
I'm not going to take this news as reason to be negative and sad about life. I'm taking the news I heard as a moment of God truly helping me reach out and further pray for this dear friend.
I've been frequently worrying about a friend, JP, I lost total contact with. He'd been doing well spiritually and his a Christian, but is known for slipping into phases where he totally abandons his faith and leans on drugs or rebellion or trouble to solve his problems or make himself feel better. He's genuinely a sweet, true person, with amazing talent, wisdom and intelligence beyond his years. I really admired him and look up to him...
The other day, I left him a comment on his Facebook profile, asking how he was doing and how I miss talking to him. Just today, a friend of mine sent me a message talking about how she had a friend in class that roomed with JP, and how he's had warrants for his arrest and has recently been arrested for theft. When she heard this, she remembered seeing me asking JP how he was and immediately felt the urge to tell me what she knew about JP so I could be updated and aware. I felt it was a blessing from God, that this friend I rarely talk to, thought of me and my concern for JP, to communicate back to me about him. Even if it wasn't good news, at least it was news. At least he's alive.
So, this blog is asking for prayers for my friend JP. That he can be tugged closer to God and arrive back at His throne to give up all this stuff he's going through and just surrender himself... he can get very far in his life if he doesn't screw it up, and he needs to give this over to God before he can ever find peace and rest...
Even though I hardly talk to him and hardly see him, and probably don't know him as well as I know other friends, I feel spiritually connected to him in a way that's different from anyone else; it's a connection on the desire to help this brother in Christ who is struggling entirely too much. This brother in Christ who has given me so much advice and wisdom, and has affected my life to inspire me to be a better follower of Christ. Not being able to talk to him directly and see him is a test of my faith in God, I believe -- to still pray, ardently, and out of sight is NOT out of mind. God is always with JP, whether he sees it, and even thought I'm not there.
Thank you all for your prayers.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
I'm going to be more optimistic and more hopeful.
I'm going to keep my eyes upward on God, on Heaven, on Jesus and His plans for me instead of trying to solve things in my life myself.
So, to influence my mood on my blog, I changed the layout entirely, and added some very feel good, sweet music that you all can enjoy as you read. I hope my optimism lifts up and encourages others as you read. I'm hoping to post more poetry and maybe some artwork or brief writings. Oh, and keep your eyes open for a book fair post coming up soon; you won't want to miss it~
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Friday, January 29, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
"4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never ends."
- 1 Corinthians 13:4-8