Sunday, December 26, 2010

The lyrics.

Why can't you just hear the lyrics instead of focusing on the sound?
Can't you go deeper, just understand more?
It's beyond a simple song that sounds good, and is "catchy".
It's someone's heart being put into words, into music, making it vivid and clear for everyone else.
It's a story, it's a scene, it's heartbreak, or happiness, or speaking words you couldn't normally.
Sometimes, that song may be telling you something I feel,
it may be expressing a beautiful poem, or story,
It may be praising our God, and you can't get over the stupid SOUND....

I understand sound is important.
But this isn't just about music sometimes -- it's your outlook on life.
When you focus in on something as trivial as that, or only one component of an ENTIRE picture you'll miss out.
You'll let life go a little bit, and not enjoy it fully.
Not understand it or take it in for all that it is.

Quit focusing on the sound, and start hearing the lyrics.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Lunar eclipse.

I can't help but feel constantly inspired by the moon, and the night.

I think out of all things in nature, in God's glorious creation, the night sky is the one that will truly ALWAYS fascinate and inspire me the most.

Just a few dabblings of poetry to sooth my whirring, restless mind. As well as to document this night, the first time I've ever seen a total lunar eclipse!

Earth's shadow
Tonight, the moon dons a new shade,
a warm red, with a slight orange fade,
as the Earth's yawning shadow,
blankets it;
tucking it in,
grasping it tight,
shutting off the Moon's wane light.

The Lunar Eclipse
The moon relaxes and lets out a sigh
and ever so gently sits back in the sky.
Crawling slowly, the Earth's shadow tucks it in
as the sky then whispers, "Let the eclipse begin."

Monday, December 20, 2010

It's time to take grasp, and run.

Photo credit: Kitty Gallannaugh

Lately it's struck me that I need to work harder with a LOT of things; but, not only personal or relational things, but, in aspects of what I love to do -- as a career, or as interest.

As in, my hobbies and practically my lifestyle... art.

Being an avid member on deviantART for about four years now, my eyes soak up all the beautiful art and photography it displays, always of such a wide variety and complexity. However, just on this one site, I see so, so much talent that just blows my mind sometimes. With photography, I see so many amazing images and styles of photography that I always itch to have one of those cameras in my hand to toy with. With art, I see breathtaking digital AND traditional pieces that I just gawk at; how did they do that? What did they use? How long have they been drawing to achieve such beautiful work?

All of this has me coming to the conclusion of one thing; I'm in such awe not only because it's all just amazing in general, but also because I know inwardly I'm no where NEAR at this level. I have all the potential in the world to do so many awesome things with art since I have a passion for it, but, I don't pursue it enough, I don't follow through enough. I don't experiment enough, or draw enough, or take my camera and snap tons of pictures, mess with angles, lighting, read up or research things. I don't invest in mediums of art, or invest in a nice SLR camera or lenses. I don't go out and place myself to just draw for hours on end, I don't go out and explore my environment enough to be inspired and want to take even more pictures. I just sit around on the computer and gawk and wish and dream, but never pursue and chase.

That's changing today.

I don't want to be amateur anymore; I want to step it up. I want to do better, be better, be more. I've always loved taking pictures; I adore fashion, high fashion, editorial fashion; however, I'm not a tall, slender Amazonian like woman who can do modeling, haha, it just isn't going to happen. But being on the other side of the camera would be just as pleasing for me; I'd love to pursue that more and really dive into the world of professional photography. I need to invest in one of these professional cameras as a start, and develop my own style of photography that will set me apart from just the typical "point and shoot" type of photographers. I want to be dynamic and create interesting images.

I've been drawing for about eight years now, and I honestly feel like I've only truly progressed slightly, in the sense of the rendering of my pictures and ideas. I have so much inspiration and concepts; but technical skills, and putting them on paper, and finishing them is what separates my work from the beautiful work that is constantly popular on art sites. My style may be of the Japanese anime style, but, that doesn't mean it can't be taken just as seriously as realism. I need to mature it a bit more, work with new mediums, coloring styles, ways of drawing and rendering. I need to sketch, sketch, sketch, and practice, practice, practice. My hands need to be stained with graphite and cramped from holding a pencil.

I have tons of other passions in art too I need to work on; dancing and clothing construction/fashion being the other main two. I absolutely adore dancing, and have such a passion for it, but it's just not been convenient in my life to join a dancing studio, and I'm just now taking legit, professional classes. I'm way behind any dancers that are truly amazing now, but I can be truly amazing too. I need to stretch more, work out, keep myself healthy, keep searching for a way to maintain some sort of dance class even through college. I need to watch dancers and just enjoy practicing on my own, and actually practice; not just sit around. And with fashion and clothing construction, I need to learn my sewing machine; I need to be able to read patterns, understand them myself, build up my technical skills even better. I need to draw out designs, sketch out outfit ideas; try new styles and new stores, not be afraid to put something together that I may not normally wear, or that may not look good. I need to be more experimental and less cliche.

With all of these, I need to just go out and take grasp of them for all that they are. All of these, besides dancing to a sense, can be very beneficial to my future career/major pursuit as a graphic designer and illustrator. Pursuing these forms of art can really enhance my hobbies and my life when it comes to how I spend my time, and culturing myself. I want to be a fully developed person, not only in the sense of maturity, faith and spirituality, but also with what I love to do, my skills, my hobbies. I want to take grasp of the talents God has created with me, and run with them, clutching them tightly and only growing more adapt to them and grow with them.

This has always been on my mind, but now, it's time to take it somewhere and actually do something about it.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

A way of learning.

The past couple of days I've sort of had an epiphany about something. Sometimes it's great to almost have an out of body experience to really sit and think about how things sort of go in the universe; and sometimes, how God let's things work out.

First of all, I believe we ALL learn things through personal experiences and occurrences; it's the best way to learn something, is by something happening, whether that be a good or bad thing. You can only learn so much through someone telling you to do this or not to do this; you can only learn so much by watching other people go through something. Until you've truly experienced something yourself, you can't really learn 100% of what you should.

This goes for nearly anything; for really hard times, like a near death experience teaching you to be careful, or for really simple things like being late to an appointment teaching you to be more careful with your time.

This all came to mind because of my roommate getting really upset because things didn't work out how they were supposed to mainly because of not paying attention and planning more accordingly. Because of this, her plans to go home early were sort of shot down and she had to stay at the dorms another night. She was upset for a good hour or two, and wouldn't really get over the fact that she was "stupid" and "an idiot". She kept calling herself that. After trying and trying again to tell her it's not true, "you're not an idiot", I just realized that even I have beat myself up over something like that that I felt like I did wrong. However, it's not the right reaction to beat yourself up over it and dread on it. Everyone has that right to be upset, don't get me wrong, but what good does it do to repeatedly be upset at yourself about something? It won't change the fact that it happened; it may gain you sympathy, but, what how long can sympathy salve a broken ego or the feeling of disappointment? The only reason those feelings of disappointment, embarrassment or shame last is because you allow them to.

I do this to myself all the time; dreading over things, getting easily disappointed or ashamed with myself for doing or for NOT doing something correctly. It's natural human instinct to want to be perfect, but, the beauty of it is that we're NOT, but God will still forgive us anyway. I know, I know, it's not like the daily human errors like being late to something is considered a sin, per say, but hear me out; isn't dreading and hating yourself over something like that a sin in itself? Doesn't God teach us to turn to Him to repent our sins so they're in the past, forgiven, forgotten?

So, wouldn't He gently guide us to do the same with our every day mess-ups like forgetfulness or carelessness? Don't you think He'd agree that we shouldn't hold onto those, but learn from them?

Sometimes I just think almost too deeply about things to really put them into words, but, hear me out; coming from someone that does this quite often, beating yourself up over past mistakes or sins won't take you anywhere new and refreshing in your life. It won't strengthen your spirit and it won't strengthen your walk with Christ. If anything, it's like jumping into a web and tangling yourself in it; it's keeping you from being the truly greatest you can be! I hope I can find a way to take my own advice this time, because, it truly is an epic epiphany in a sense -- one that may not be unique to the world, but, that's a pretty monumental one for me, haha. :)

Thanks for reading, and keep reaching high guys!

Monday, December 13, 2010

The ending of a year.

Wowww, I haven't been on here in FOREVER.
Cheryl's really pushing at me to blog again, and I want to myself, I just never think about it I guess... haha!

Well, I figured the year is practically over, so, I wanted to go back to my New Year's resolutions and see how I did.

1) Make someone smile everyday.
2) Grow closer to God and way stronger in my spirituality.
3) Witness, witness, witness...
4) Drink more water and tea.
5) Learn how to play the piano or guitar.
6) Read 25+ books.
7) Draw and write more.
8) Drink less soda.
9) Fill up my journal with poetry.
10) Stay fit.
11) Always maintain a dance class of some sort.
12) Get a job.
13) Tease and discourage less; encourage, compliment and lift up more.
14) New cosplay: Kairi from Kingdom Hearts II.
15) Learn how to sew.
16) Experiment with a new medium of art (watercolor or oil paints).
17) Maintain A's and B's through college; STRIVE for all A's.
18) Challenge myself with new ideas, and creative exercises.

Hrmm, looks like I got a lot more accomplished on this list than I thought.

Answers to my own resolutions being achieved, or, not being...

1) Seeing people smile and causing people's genuine smile or laughter is a great moment. It's not only them happy, it's you happy as well, which makes the world a little bit better.

2) Everyone struggles with spirituality and our relationship with God; especially going through this point in our lives. However, I HAVE grown in my spiritual walk from where I was at the beginning. I've relied on God for answers and waited patiently on Him for guidance; He's blessed my life and produced a miracle in my life, my brother surviving a horrendous accident... Only God, prayer and constant turning to Him really helped me.

3) Didn't do so well with this one... witnessing will always be a struggle for me; trying to abruptly talk to someone, stranger or close friend, about my faith is terrifying for the sake of THEIR reaction. It's something I'm working on, and am slowly pulling through.

4) Buhh, I've had more tea this year, but I never seem to drink enough water. Sometimes, soda or flavored drinks just sound... better. Any advice?

5) Never got around to this, but, if I do, I want it to be the piano instead of guitar. The piano is just so entrancing and beautiful, I'm mesmerized by its melodies and possibilities. The guitar is awesome too though, but, maybe some other time.

6) .. I'm very ashamed I didn't do better with this. :'( I planned on reading so so much and this year has been worse compared to any past year with my reading. I think it was a mixture of college stress + a job that really kept me from it, though, that's no excuse. So many unopened books, waiting for my eyes to see. *sigh*

7) I've STUFFED my art binder with drawings this year, which I'm very proud of. I've also written a lot of poetry due to short blogging time on Tumblr and what not. Less stories, but, I'm very fond of many haikus and free verse stuff I've written this year. :) Plus, I'm getting better at rhyming...!

8) I always seem to fail at this ;__; ... I at LEAST need to replace soda with something a bit better...

9) As stated before, I've written a lot of poetry this year. :)

10) Eh, I meant for this to be more along the lines of regularly go to the gym, not necessarily be fit by just relying on my dance classes. So I don't think this counts.

11) I didn't have one over the summer, but, I took hip-hop in the spring and beginning jazz in the fall. :) So it was a variety of dance, which always kept me active and learning more about dance. I love it so much. <3

12) Pink Swirls employee, right here!! Seasonally only though, I don't work during school. ><

13) I always tease people; it goes along with I feel like I never really lifted people up enough or made them smile. I tried harder this go around to replace teasing, possibly hurtful words with more encouraging ones. Or just shutting my mouth more in general -- I think I did a pretty decent job. :)

14) Yes! I got this cosplay! And cosplayed it twice actually, at Tokyo in Tulsa in the summer and Izumicon in the fall. :)

15) And I bought a sewing machine! And am currently learning on it, haha. It's going slowly, but, it's all good-- I'm glad I'm finally learning. :)

16) I experimented A LOT with watercolor, for personal drawing purposes, as well as for my Illustration class this fall. I really really love it, especially combined with ink and Copic, it's truly a beautiful medium, but takes time to master.

17) I've maintained A's and B's at least, and I DID strive for all A's -- not saying it's an impossible task, but, with design classes, it's extremely strenuous to get an A. It's like all focus would go towards that one class, and the others would fall through the roof. So, I tried to keep everything balanced. It worked out at least.

18) I didn't cross this one out, cause I don't really remember if I DID really challenge myself with creative thinking and different exercises beyond the typical design class ones. Once, I walked backwards with my roomate Lara from class all the way to our dorm. We were discussing being in ruts too often, and that's when this occurred. However, just once isn't really enough to be considered effective throughout the whole year. At least there's potential there, haha.

Starting the new year will be my 2011 resolutions, but, I figured I'd go ahead and answer back to this now. :) It's really interesting to see where life's come in a year... how much has changed, what all has happened, how much I've matured, everything. I can't wait to see what will happen from now on!

Thanks for reading everyone! <3

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Dilly-dally, I guess.

Wow, sorry I haven't posted on here in so long (if anyone is hardly even... following me, *cough*) I was inspired to update based of Cheryl's blog, she's always better at keeping up with these than I am, haha.

Life's been good lately, things have been going by so so fast.

I'm taking a summer class, Graphic Design I (for my major), which is Monday - Thursday for about 2 hours a day. It's not really that bad, since it'll help me not be so stressed when taking future classes during fall and spring semesters, but it still stinks to have your summer taken away. I guess that's what it feels like to me, but, what can I do? We all gotta' grow up sometime.
Not only that, I've gotten a summer job! I work at a self-serve, live culture frozen yogurt shop called Pink Swirls. It's delicious yogurt, and a fun job with cool people and managers, but for some reason it always seems to drag on forever and ever when I'm working. Maybe because it's simple and repetitive, but, I try to make the best of it. Sometimes I wish we could wear cute uniforms though, like frilly lacey lolita dresses with aprons or something....

"Hi, welcome to Pink Swirls!"

Wouldn't that be amazing?!

Ah, anyway...
When I'm not working or doing school, I'm currently taking karate classes at a dojo in small town Piedmont. :) It's really great and I love it -- a perfect way to vent, release stress, what have you. Also, it teaches me self defense just in case I ever need it. I feel really awesome doing it too haha!

And when I'm not doing THOSE classes, I'm trying to maintain my art, writing, reading, what have you... I'm currently redecorating my room because we moved into our new house a few months ago, and it's almost how I want it to be. It's themed around olden time/vintage, meshed with a modern vibe. I've dedicated the backside of my door to my crazy collage anime/cute things/colorful random things nerdiness so the rest of my room will "flow", I guess. haha.

That's all that's really going on... ah, well, Tokyo in Tulsa comes up this weekend. I'M SO EXCITED. We're actually staying in the hotel, all 3 days, the whole shebang. It's gonna' be loads of fun :) I'll have to post pictures and a blog over it whenever I get the chance.

If I fail at updating it's probably because of my hectic busy life. Sorry guys!

Monday, March 15, 2010

"Don't rain on my parade"

(so you can listen to the song) :)

Just sit and putter,
Life's candy and the sun's
A ball of butter.
Don't bring around a cloud
To rain on my parade

Don't tell me not to fly
I've simply got to.
If someone takes a spill,
It's me and not you.
Who told you you're allowed
To rain on my parade!

I'll march my band out,
I'll beat my drum,
And if I’m fanned out,
Your turn at bat, sir.
At least I didn't fake it.
Hat, sir, I guess I didn't make it!
But whether I’m the rose
Of sheer perfection,
Or freckle on the nose
Of life's complexion,
The cinder or the shiny apple of its eye,

I gotta fly once,
I gotta try once,
Only can die once, right, sir?
Ooh, life is juicy,
Juicy, and you see
I gotta have my bite, sir!

Get ready for me, love,
’cause I’m a "comer,"
I simply gotta march,
My heart's a drummer.
Don't bring around a cloud
To rain on my parade!

I'm gonna live and live now,
Get what I want I know how,
One roll for the whole shebang,
One throw, that bell will go clang,
Eye on the target and wham
One shot, one gun shot, and bam
Hey, Mister Arnstein, here I am!

I'll march my band out,
I will beat my drum,
And if I’m fanned out,
Your turn at bat, sir,
At least I didn't fake it.
Hat, sir, I guess I didn't make it.
Get ready for me, love,
'cause I’m a "comer,"
I simply gotta march,
My heart's a drummer.
Nobody, no, nobody
Is gonna rain on my parade!

For some reason, this song and the Glee cast version popped into my head. The original is from A Chorus Line (I believe? If not, correct me, haha!) It always puts me in a really good, jumpstart kind of mood ya' know? :)

To go along with this, I've been looking at lolita stuff lately, and have been really inspired. I would love to start owning some of my own lolita styles, even if that meant just one total outfit -- it would be a really fun hobby to start. The only thing getting in my way right now is money and expenses and making sure that I'm prioritizing how I spend that money. I figured though if I keep myself from buying other little things, or any other clothes, the money I use for those things can go to getting a lolita dress. However, I'm also trying to save up for various charities and what not so those will come first.

However! I can't keep myself from dreaming, of course...

Here are some of the lolita fashions I adore~

I realize I'm more drawn to the classic lolita style, though I like some of the punk/sweet looks.
Classic lolita has tons of beautiful prints and sillhouettes, while punk lolita can be much more youthful and fun -- however, classic is always and has always been more so of my style (mixing in some edge just shows some diversity).

Lolita is just such a beautiful statement and style, and even if I only ever had the confidence to wear it around my house, I'd love to buy one of these looks to have and wear anyway. <3

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Peter Pan complex and prayer request.

I guess you can call it a Peter Pan complex, not wanting to grow up... Maybe that's why I love that tale so much? They get to fly in the sky and never grow up and get to be among pixies and pirates and adventure. Their lives are always changing and interesting, yet, they never grow older, they get to stay themselves, happy and cheerful.

I know I am growing up though. Everyone is.

However, I just feel my life changing drastically, practically. We're moving into a new house March 12th, which seems to be the symbolic change that I'm going through. The wide-eyed change of going into college has already passed, but what else is next? Getting a job, preparing portfolios, interviews, moving out on my own eventually... It's all a head rush.

I think this all hit me when I realized the other day I'd have to be taking a college design class during the summer. This means that I wouldn't be going to my church summer camp, Falls Creek, I've been going to for the past 3 years; one I always look forward to, as well. I feel like this is a compromise that will help me in the long run, considering it will balance out my work load for the fall and spring semester, and keep me going on a consistent design path rather than not having any classes during the summer and getting behind. It seems weird having to compromise church for my future, yet, I'm sure this is all God's plan anyhow -- I sure hope it is. I want to follow Him, not this world.. it's really hard. Maybe I'm being too harsh on myself knowing I'll have to miss this amazing church camp because of design. I've had to miss church throughout the past two semesters because of design and working and projects, but this feels huge to me for some reason. I can't really get it off my mind... I know that's only a one week long church camp. But that church camp in the past has helped me come to know Christ, has strengthened my Christian walk, and has really opened my eyes to that God DOES work -- in a single week of the year, I feel like I learn so much to get me fueled and going through the rest of the year. what would happen if I didn't have that? Maybe it's a test of my strength to work with change and work with a routine being broken to strengthen my faith without depending on Falls Creek.

I feel like I'm not living my life enough as it is. I feel like I'm always coming home from my routine days and either doing homework, taking naps, or browsing on the computer. I'm spending a lot of time lately with design, but it's getting to the point of it being fun now instead of taxing and boring. I'm learning new things, working with other people, expanding my abilities of communication and thought process. I really like it, design, and hate it at the same time (haha!). However, there's still so much I want to do -- I want to learn how to sew, I want to learn the guitar, the piano, I want to buy a full-on Lolita outfit to call my own, I want to save a lot of money, get a great summer job, lose weight, tone down, take more dance classes, I want to draw more, read more, write more, publish a book, attend more anime conventions, book fairs, see the world, go on vacations with my parents, see my friends more than I do... SO many things...

I feel restless to learn more and develop my life and find out who I am. Yet, I feel very anxious to make all these decisions and plans regarding a future I'm not sure is even in God's will for me, you know? How will I be sure? Is design for me? Should I be where I'm at, or should I be way further along by now? Is that why I'm feeling restless all the time?

I feel like I'm growing up too fast, when I just want to sit around and be little ol' eighteen year old Meghan for just a while longer. I'm ready to embrace change and discover who I am, what I'm meant to do, where I'm meant to go, but at the same time, I want to be like Peter Pan and never grow old, and just continue flying with pixie dust in the diamond sky..

Oh, and the prayer request...
I've been sorta' worried about myself lately. I don't ... react to things well, no matter what the situation. I dread on things, worry SO so much, and constantly think about things that I really have no control over. I've been noticing when this happens, I literally make myself sick -- I feel nauseated and weak, like I'm about to throw up any second. I've had a loss of appetite lately, and have been eating very sporadically -- only in the mid-morning, to later at night. Hardly in between.

I'm wondering if I suffer slight panic attacks/anxiety. Panic attacks being the sudden feeling of nausea and sickness related to stress, over-thinking or worrying. Anxiety being long-term ways of handling situations, or looking into the future, that sort of thing. I don't think it's bad enough for medication, I honestly think I've had both symptoms for the longest time, I've just recently unearthed them because of design throwing a lot of stress on me... but, just be praying for me that I'll find a peace and rest instead of anxiety, and preparation and eyes on God instead of panic.

Thank you everyone. :)

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Design show surprise

So today there was a design student art showing in the Nigh Center of our university. It featured various picked work, the best work, from design students of the current year, in all classes. It was exciting to walk up the stairs into the very laid-back mood of the showing, eating my little finger foods and seeing some of my own work displayed --

no, it was behind exciting, it was an AMAZING feeling. I felt really honored. Because not only was my work picked to be displayed, it was picked because they figured it was among the BEST to be displayed, which was what was the best about it. It was also really inspiring and motivating to see future projects we'd be doing in classes, like book covers, portfolios, typography design, etc... I really felt in my element mingling and viewing all the work, especially when I saw my own up there.

Even though I feel like I'm flying under the radar in the design program, little moments of motivation and encouragement come along to excite me to keep pushing through it. Though I found out today that I'll probably be taking summer classes to keep on schedule with the program, and to be ahead of the game, I'm still really excited for even those classes. It'll keep me motivated and un-lazy during the summer when I really need that motivation the most.

Once I get digital copies of my projects, I'll just mass upload some of them on a blog. One of the projects posted in the show was the Cirque du Zombie poster that I had blogged about last October (it was only a small thumbnail, but still pretty awesome) for example.

Monday, February 22, 2010

God's not letting me give up on you.

With each prayer whispered to the Father
a rope ties around your wrist,
and with each prayer's echo,
you're tugged closer to Him
You find yourself drawn back into His arms,
or, you find yourself resisting.

I see you resisting.
Nails digging into the ground,
sweat beading your brow,
eyes frantic.
Your past inequities continue to bind you
to an evil world that doesn't care for you,
that regurgitates you,
and leaves you alone until you crawl back,
trying to find sanity and change through
the same motions.

I don't want to give up on you.
Your heart is real; your spirit wise,
I remember the way your blue eyes
lit up as you spoke of our Father,
and how He's always there, always saving,
always loving.
With each prayer I whisper for you, I pray
it draws your life closer to the Father
and instead of resisting,
you long to just drop the rope and run to Him,
to be there all the more sooner.

I'm not going to take this news as reason to be negative and sad about life. I'm taking the news I heard as a moment of God truly helping me reach out and further pray for this dear friend.

I've been frequently worrying about a friend, JP, I lost total contact with. He'd been doing well spiritually and his a Christian, but is known for slipping into phases where he totally abandons his faith and leans on drugs or rebellion or trouble to solve his problems or make himself feel better. He's genuinely a sweet, true person, with amazing talent, wisdom and intelligence beyond his years. I really admired him and look up to him...

The other day, I left him a comment on his Facebook profile, asking how he was doing and how I miss talking to him. Just today, a friend of mine sent me a message talking about how she had a friend in class that roomed with JP, and how he's had warrants for his arrest and has recently been arrested for theft. When she heard this, she remembered seeing me asking JP how he was and immediately felt the urge to tell me what she knew about JP so I could be updated and aware. I felt it was a blessing from God, that this friend I rarely talk to, thought of me and my concern for JP, to communicate back to me about him. Even if it wasn't good news, at least it was news. At least he's alive.

I hope...

So, this blog is asking for prayers for my friend JP. That he can be tugged closer to God and arrive back at His throne to give up all this stuff he's going through and just surrender himself... he can get very far in his life if he doesn't screw it up, and he needs to give this over to God before he can ever find peace and rest...

Even though I hardly talk to him and hardly see him, and probably don't know him as well as I know other friends, I feel spiritually connected to him in a way that's different from anyone else; it's a connection on the desire to help this brother in Christ who is struggling entirely too much. This brother in Christ who has given me so much advice and wisdom, and has affected my life to inspire me to be a better follower of Christ. Not being able to talk to him directly and see him is a test of my faith in God, I believe -- to still pray, ardently, and out of sight is NOT out of mind. God is always with JP, whether he sees it, and even thought I'm not there.

Thank you all for your prayers.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Live your life & love it.

I'm really trying to change my outlook on life. I've done this a lot lately, thinking more optimistically and looking on the blessings in my life and praising God for them, instead of being caught up in anything that may set me off or anything I may dread on. I'm trying for patience, to enrich my life with quiet times, reading, drawing, art, less Internet and mindless television. When I do all these things, and don't do these other things, I feel more at peace and refreshed day to day.

I'm going to be more optimistic and more hopeful.
I'm going to keep my eyes upward on God, on Heaven, on Jesus and His plans for me instead of trying to solve things in my life myself.

So, to influence my mood on my blog, I changed the layout entirely, and added some very feel good, sweet music that you all can enjoy as you read. I hope my optimism lifts up and encourages others as you read. I'm hoping to post more poetry and maybe some artwork or brief writings. Oh, and keep your eyes open for a book fair post coming up soon; you won't want to miss it~

God bless!

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Dear Meghan.

You're getting negative and pessimistic again.
Stop it.
Think on the happier things in life.
Think on things you know will cheer you up.
Most importantly think on God and His plan.
Worship Him in everything you do.
Do your quite times.
Quit getting caught up drama and sadness and anxiety.
It does nothing for you but bring you down further and cause you to be bitter towards people that are trying to help you; or people that you need to forgive.
Quit procrastinating and rationalizing.
Quit being fake in a moment you can be the Christian you are.
Quit wasting your time and do things with yourself that are for God's glory.

Relax. Be still, and know God is there.


Darwin Theory/Parallel theme song.

I always like having "theme" songs to go to my stories that I write. That way, when I hear the song, I'll be inspired for more of the story, or I'll just fall even more in love with what I'm writing because I can relate it to something else, and get pumped through the music. When I hear songs, I always like to close my eyes or just daydream a story to them, so finding a song to go with MY stories is even cooler. I'm even more excited now, because on the way home from grand ol' UCO, whilst daydreaming (I'm a safe driver, promise), I was smacked with Darwin Theory/Parallel's new theme song:

Walls by Manic Drive.

It's an amazingly upbeat song, with a techno/rock feel, yet it has that eerily awesome sort of feel to it also; a good guy's "we're coming after you, we're finishing this fight" antheml. It's the perfect song for a Christian themed, action/adventure story, with an edge of righteousness and fantasy. I'm so excited for this! Just so you can get the idea, here are the lyrics and a Youtube video of the actual song itself. Enjoy, and tell me what you think!

by Manic Drive
We are one but were not the same
For a thousand years weve played this game
And the tension rises up
Ya the passions given up

So our God reaches to unite
While amongst ourselves we fight
And Im sick of wasting time
Ya I got something on my mind

So lift your hands, move your feet
Get your, get yourself ready
Lift your flags, hit the streets
And charge

No you can never stop it from coming
Those against me can take off running
Cause theres something going down
Ya these walls are coming down
Cause the truth that has been said
Will unite us once again
Cause theres something going down
Ya these walls are coming down

Can we practice what we preach
And turn these fists into hands that reach
Embrace ourselves with open arms
Turn this hate into loving heart

What goes up, must come down
So Ill march towards this town
And undo what has been done
Tear down these bricks and stones one by one

So lift your hands, move your feet
Get your, get yourself ready
Lift your flags, hit the streets
And charge

No you can never stop it from coming
Those against me can take off running
Cause theres something going down
Ya these walls are coming down
Cause the truth that has been said
Will unite us once again
Cause theres something going down
Ya these walls are coming down
No you can never stop it from coming
No you can never stop

Saturday, January 30, 2010

The day it becomes a pumpkin.

((I didn't come up with this concept by myself; this poem was inspired from Ouran High School Host Club, actually, haha.

Everyone has a magical carriage we've cast a spell upon, that we don't want to turn into a pumpkin. That could be as simple as a little girl not wanting her tea party or daydreams with her stuffed animals to end because of bath time; or, as deep as contentment where we are in life now, not wanting anything to change, though we know it someday will. The concept really hit me recently, so, here's a poem about it.

I guess you can assume my carriage would be liking how life is now, yet feeling the constant tug of anxiety or stress or change happening, and how I don't want any of that to happen. I'm always in fear of extreme change, no matter what it is, because you never know where it will lead you.))

The day it becomes a pumpkin,
would be a somber day indeed.
A beautiful carriage, glossy and gleaming,
is more wistful and desired
than a plump, rotting vegetable
with too many a seed.

I cast a spell on that carriage,
it carried me smoothly as I sat cozily inside.
Along the way, though, the wheels hit rocks,
and as I got tossed and turned,
my fear of the little spell fading
was too hard for me to hide.

The door gave in, the carriage threw me out
and I was sent sliding across the ground
I watched the carriage, wildly out of control,
shrinking, distorting, morphing,
the wheels extending into vines.
Abrupt, it all vanished with out a sound.

Dark, haunting forest towered over me
the wane moon spilling it's light.
I wandered around, aghast, alone
my foot ramming into an obtrusion
spilling me over into the cold ground,
but as I lifted, turned, the pumpkin filled my sight.

I hung my head,
my fingers curling into the soil
An extravagant carriage is ideal,
but even spells have their due.
Once cruel change snags and steals you,
it may turn anyone's fairy tale into toil.

Friday, January 29, 2010

Dear God, on boys.

Dear God,

I know that you created the male gender as you did the female gender.
They're all beautiful creations of yours, as we all are.
Boys have faults, just as much as girls do, and You know that I totally understand and believe this...

However, I really just want to use this space (and some prayer time later on tonight...) to just VENT to You about how I feel about those boys at this moment. Because someone a long time ago told me to just let it out to You, whether we're angry or sad or happy, no matter what it is, just let You know.

Boys just ... FRUSTRATE ME, GOD.
They seem to do nothing but turn situations back on themselves, as the pity party.
They can't seem to fathom that they're acting entirely too jealous in a situation, instead of considerate or compassionate.
They hate that we girls talk about girly stuff, and they'll just randomly decide to leave if that's the case, however, they can all get away talking about cars and what not the entire night and us GIRLS never seem to leave.
God, why is it so that guys don't understand that they're dense, and that when they're "trying not to cause offense" they really are?!
Also, why do they feel the need to be all mysterious and never open up to us, yet, they ALWAYS want to know what's going on in our lives?! What if we don't want to tell them, God, what if we just want to talk to our girl friends about it? Why can't they see it doesn't affect them at all either way!
Oh, and God, why can't they understand that dating and relationships aren't all that matter? Sure, dating and having someone special is everyone's dream -- marriage is an ultimate goal. Who doesn't love romance and goo-goo-gushy stuff? I mean, come on, if You know me any better You created me with a heart totally weak for romance and chick flicks and anything of that sort.
That doesn't mean my views of dating and relationships are so skewed like guys can sometimes portray... How they think dating will solve all their problems, how they try to play matchmaker, how they can't just understand "friendship right now" and how they can't seem to understand "spiritual growth right now". And then some guys, upon retaining that relationship, don't even CARE about it, and it's dumped 3 days later! I literally talked to one of my guy friends this happened to and he just shrugged and said "Doesn't matter to me, it wasn't going to last anyway"

OHHH, I'm sure that's not all my thoughts on guys, really, it probably isn't.
You know my Heart God, and forgive me for all these feelings of disgust and anguish towards guys at the moment... but all I see around me, because of them, is drama, heartbreak and anonymity.
Why can't they just be good, godly men that respect us girls?
Why can't they just wait and see where You take them instead of trying to push relationships on us?
Why can't they listen and understand sometimes?

I don't really know. This blog is pouring nonsense probably, but I just need to get it all out.
*sigh* Thank you, God for being so forgiving. Cause in times like this, I really need it..


Goals + Resolutions updated

Gonna' update this as I go along. Eventually, at 6 months I hope to make a blog to talk about my progress. :)

1) Make someone smile everyday.
2) Grow closer to God and way stronger in my spirituality.
3) Witness, witness, witness...
4) Drink more water and tea.
5) Learn how to play the piano or guitar.
6) Read 25+ books.
7) Draw and write more.
8) Drink less soda.
9) Fill up my journal with poetry.
10) Stay fit.
11) Always maintain a dance class of some sort.
12) Get a job.
13) Tease and discourage less; encourage, compliment and lift up more.
14) New cosplay: Kairi from Kingdom Hearts II.
15) Learn how to sew.
16) Experiment with a new medium of art (watercolor or oil paints).
17) Maintain A's and B's through college; STRIVE for all A's.
18) Challenge myself with new ideas, and creative exercises.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

I've been thinking about you.

I've been thinking about you.

The sun hit the dusty dashboard and warmed my face as I turned into the college parking lot. Worship music filled the car, and I was singing without a care in the world. Another day at the school, another day where my mind was preoccupied with anything and everything. However, almost instantly, your face and your laugh and your smile snapped into my mind and I felt my stomach knot. Where were you? How were you doing? How come I hadn't thought of you again before now?

I parked the car, un-clicked my seatbelt, went through all the motions of getting my things together, however, my mindset of carefree was slightly blotted with the idea of you. I still went throughout my day as always, but you were in the back of my mind the entire time. And the only "you" that I kept thinking of, was the you I had last seen; the one with the crisp white shirt and shaggy blonde hair, and brilliant smile and attitude. The one talking about his faith and his trials and his struggles, but overcoming them through Christ. The one I opened up to about everything one night, the one that gave me such wisdom and advice. The one that asked for prayer requests, the one that trusted me with his own.

Why do you keep disappearing from my life?

Your enigmatic personality and charming disposition always attracted me, before I even knew you. But finally being able to have you in my life, at first as my boyfriend, then just a good friend, then a brother in a Christ, made me realized I had more reason to be blessed. I had felt almost complete that you had reentered my life after being gone; I felt like I had the chance to build up a friendship that could be potentially amazing and strong.

Now sitting here, I feel incomplete again. You have disappeared again, even though I know what happened to you this time; you spiraled down, you're living with bad influences, and who knows where your walk with Christ has gone in the past few months. Why, even though I try to communicate, I get no communication from you? It's almost like I'm stuck on the other side of a clear wall, and you're slowly walking away, and even though I beat and bang and holler and yell your name, you never seem to listen or turn around. Have you disappeared from my life, or am I being pushed out of yours?

I'm not giving up though. If there's anything you knew about me, it's that I"m stubborn. I'm hard-headed when it comes to relationships and friendships. I'm NOT going to give in so easily.

Obviously you keep coming back and forth into my mind for a reason; I believe God wants me to try to reach you, try to be the good influence still left in your life. Now, if only YOU'LL let me not disappear from your life. If you'll not push me away, but instead turn your head slightly, listen closely and see me calling out for you. See the smudges and distressed cracks on that clear wall between us and realize, I have in fact, been trying.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

The simple cure.

This picture perfectly portrays how I looked this morning while nibbling on the cookies my mom made. I felt like I had to be secretive when it was obvious I was taking more and more off the tray. Oh well!

Anyway, I've been working some more on my writing/poetry, and that means structured poetry as well.
Haikus are always a good, quick way to sharpen structural poetry skills, in my opinion. They're still a little freer, but also fun to figure out, while making them make sense.

This haiku was inspired from my own problem I'm working on. I find myself complaining a lot. And it wasn't really brought evident to me until in Sunday school today, when my Sunday school teacher asked "How was school going?" I answered saying I was stressed with design, but another friend said "YEAH, Facebook tells us all of that -- I log on and I always see 'agggghhhhhhh'." I felt slightly embarrassed and awkward, but, it brought to my attention I DO complain about school so much, and broadcast it out loud or on Facebook or something.

Negativity leaving your lips actually causes negativity in your life. I'm trying harder everyday now to be more optimistic and cheerful, rather than negative and stressed. It'll not only help me deal with stress, but it won't put that stress on other people. To go along with this goal of mine, I'm going to try to tease people less, and just talk to them and encourage them more. Even though my teasing means I'm close to them and am comfortable, sometimes when I'm teased, I don't like it -- sometimes it's too much. So, I'm going to keep that in mind also.

It's written objectively, so anyone can read it and take it as wisdom instead of my own personal story. :)

The simple cure.
Poison leave your lips,
But cleanse with Truth, and beauty
For the simple cure.

Cleansing with Truth is engaging in God's everlasting Word.
Cleansing with beauty is replacing negative, bitter comments with beautiful and encouraging ones.
The cure is simple, but we make it harder than it actually is.

Friday, January 22, 2010

To those so helplessly in "love"

For some reason, people who throw the word "love" around so easily really peeves me.

I can't go on Myspace or Facebook a DAY without hearing someone send out a declaration of "LOVE!!! LOVE LOVE" and "gushy gushy romance I LOVE YOU!" out like it's just a piece of cake. And then a week or so later, they are so crushed when things aren't "working out" and believe their lives are over because of it, and of course, they advertise that aspect of their lives all over Facebook as well.

Not only is it annoying to see any sort of over exaggerated anything, really, on Facebook, it's agitating to see people throw the word "love" around like it's so easy to retrieve back and use again without losing meaning.

The word LOVE is so, so strong, intentionally, but has totally lost meaning over time. People say it to their significant others like it's nothing. It's also culture's influence on our sponge like minds, how they portray love like it is extremely important to fall into so quickly, and any sort of relationship with someone you're attracted to is "love". Songs always sing about love like it's so easily lost yet so easily gained. How "a simple crush" could "be more" or "could be love". How it's not love until you've slept with the person, or how you can only express love through such strong physical measures. And lastly, how the phrases "falling in love" or "crazy in love" almost makes it seem acceptable to just be "in love" all the time. How falling in love is almost something uncontrollable by us because we're falling and falling and we can't really stop. Or now being crazy in love just means we're not mentally stable to understand what's going on, so it MUST be love. No. That's not it.

It's messing with the true meaning of love, and it even reflects in the accelerating amount of random marriages and divorces these days. All because throwing out the "L" word just "changes" things so much in a relationship. It makes it so "alive" and "sensational and true". We're trying to believe it's something so magical, when really, it's not anymore; we're painting love with what we daydream it to be, when in reality, after so much abuse and misuse, it's distorted to be something completely else.

Don't you think hitting a nail too hard with the same hammer will just drive the nail further into the wall, eventually not even retrievable?
Isn't that how the word love is?
It loses meaning.
It loses clarity.
It loses purpose.
It's meaning and existence is just as important as "envelope" or "carpet".

This rant also falls into line with these on and off again couples. I can't stand seeing this; seeing my friends get hurt by it, and seeing them be clueless and COMPLETELY insensible about it. They brush it off like it was nothing. I literally had a good friend of mine mention his 3-day relationship ending suddenly "not being that bad". His values of dating compared to mine are so warped, I don't even think I could talk on the subject with him, because I would sound so prude and alien. I just let the subject fall to the ground, and it fell so hard, I practically heard it shatter.

Love to me is truly getting past all that instant attraction. It's the utter comfort with them, it's being best friends, but never losing the chemistry. It's about wanting THEM to be nothing but happy; it's about putting them above yourselves. Like Jesus died for us, true love is practically a sacrifice: sacrificing your happiness for once, for the benefit of whom you love.

Is that so old school to think like that? Well, I don't think so, I appreciate and totally stand firm on my views of love and relationships right now.

My next relationship, I want it to be meaningful. If it doesn't last to be the man I marry, I sure as heck want it to be worth something. I want to be able to spend time with the person, anywhere, and feel 110% comfortable. I want to be their best friend first, someone they trust as more than just a potential girlfriend. I want to be able to be with them without having to feel like we have to be all over each other. I want them to understand that even in a relationship, being alone for too long or too often can bring across temptation; I want them to understand I'd feel more comfortable in a group than with just them, that saving time alone is something that should be just as special as the small affection of holding hands. I want them to understand all these little nuances of mine. And I'd do my ALL to give to them what they give to me, to truly cherish them and lift them up.

I may not even be in love in whatever relationship comes along next in the future, but, even then, I want the relationship to mean something. I want to be able to understand I'm not in love so I don't feel the need to just blurt that out or deceive myself into thinking that.

Because I'm sure, with these strong beliefs, I'll KNOW what love is when it hits me.
I want to be in a Christian relationship, not just a Christian in a relationship.

Maybe it's all just heavy duty dreaming, but, if a relationship or chance like that never comes on, maybe it's a sign it's not my calling to be with someone. I just hate how people feel like their only happiness comes from dating and "love", when they've murdered the true term of love anyway. Sure, it's a happiness that's a true blessing, but only when it's treated right, by God's standards -- NOT by our own.

"4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never ends."

- 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Stay gold.

"Stay gold."

I remember reading that in the quiet of the library, my eyes filling with tears. We'd been close friends for eleven years, and senior year of high school was practically done. My journal was packed with little scribbles from my friends, saying "Have a good summer!" and "Visit us when you're in college!". But the entry that stood out was from the one person I didn't think would write anything seriously sentimental at all. She talked about my strength of character, and how it truly influenced her life. She alluded to the story "The Outsiders", and to the character Ponyboy who was told to "stay gold" because of his strong, genuine and good heart. She told me these same words. I figured she and I would remain close friends. We'd continue to communicate and hang out and talk about anything and everything.

After a warped sense of "fixing" her problems, she fell into serious drug abuse (weed and smoking, and possibly alcohol), and started hanging out with the wrong crowd right at the start of our summer before college. I got her to attend a youth service at our church, and talked with her afterword, and she spilled with tears her feelings about everything going on, and how she felt detached from our friendship with not only each other, but another close friend of ours. I told her I knew of her bad influences, and bad habits, and didn't agree with it at all -- "I just really wanted to do something stupid before college started, but it'll end soon."

It never did.

Today when I was walking out of class, the smell of smoke instantly wafted in front of me, but that was expected on a college campus - smoking was allowed. However, I passed by this friend of mine who'd I'd just been musing on. Her eyes were sunken and baggy, her hair hardly maintained. The only reason she was dressed in black slacks and a white button up shirt was because she had a presentation due that day. Between her index finger and middle finger was a dwindling cigarette, the smoke trailing from her lips. We exchanged casual conversation; I didn't cast a judging gaze or condemning eyes, at least, I hoped. If anything, my persona probably read of disappointment and sadness.

Seeing her gave me a reminder of many things. Reflected in her dead-beat eyes was how I had failed as a friend to her. I wasn't spiritually strong when I was close friends with her; I wasn't headfirst in the Truth. She wasn't someone who was really bringing me down, but she was definitely not encouraging me and bringing me up like my friends now do. It was a dead friendship all throughout, only looking toward the goal of hobbies and interests. But even that was shot dead when her hobbies and interests trailed from safe to dangerous and drug-filled.

Walking past her and further to my car, I looked up to the sky and felt the warm sun and the soft breeze. It was all such a reminder that I need to be a friend to anyone and everyone who may need me. I felt like I failed her by not being the right sort of direct influence on her; however, that doesn't mean I need to disconnect and fail my other friends when they need me. However hard it may be, no matter how different they are, I feel like I'm stronger now to be honest about any problem they're going through, and adhere to God's Truth, not the truth of the world.

For them, I must stay gold.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Love like a battlefield.

For some reason, after listening to "Battlefield" by Jordin Sparks over and over and over, this image of Emmy and Damien came to my mind and further initiated some "Darwin Theory" story action. :D Emmy and Damien have a sort of strained relationship/tragic relationship, if you will at the beginning. "Battlefield" really applies to them in a lot of ways, IMO.

However, on the "Darwin Theory" note, I'm thinking of renaming this story to something like "Sense" or "The Parallel" or something like that. "Sense" is relevent, considering each one of the concrete main characters has a special "Sense" or power that is unique to only them. However, in the Parallel, Senses aren't like what the normal world have - they are extensions of one's self, based by strength of heart and character. There are 7 senses in all in Parallel, so seven concrete characters. All the details continuing with that are fuzzy, however. The "Darwin Theory" aspect hardly even remains anymore - I really branched off with this story and turned it into something entirely different, it seems.

Anywho, to here's a pretty intense scene between Emmy and Damien. Emmy is trying to convince Damien to join her, Dr. Hayes and Braden to help lead the Righteous of Parallel in the war. All of this is still very under-developed. It's very hard coming up with unique, easy to remember names and themes that match with the story style and setting. Due to that, concepts/names, etc may change.

The world of Parallel is very ... interesting.

However, on the snippet, and enjoy!

- - - - - - -

We stood there, motionless. His back was turned to me, and my eyes stared over his shoulder, stunned.

Did I really just see that?

With a twist of his wrist he took his sword out of the lifeless body. He lifted it up above his head, and it glinted in the red sunlight. The wind howled, the bare trees crackled, but silence was heavy between the two of us. "Damien," I breathed.

He was instantly behind me, and I felt a heavy, cold pressure on my collarbone. A muffled cry left my lips, my breath hitched in my throat. I glanced down, and stared right back at my mortified expression reflected in sword's blade. Everything died down, the silence was deafening.

I swallowed, clenched and unclenched my fingers. I had to be strong, I had to be stoic and emotionless. Damien fed on fear. "Why did you do it?" I asked calmly. "He was only an innocent messenger --"

"He was a messenger for the enemy and you know it, Emmy," he snarled in my ear. I resisted the part of me that begged to run away from this place, give up on finding my dad, give up on trying to help lead this war, giving up on everything and returning to my quiet life. Reflected in that blade, however, reminded me of all I didn't want to run back to - safety, comfort, superficiality. If I ran back now, my father would never be saved. I'd never get him back. And the entire planet of Parallel would be in ruin.
"... why are you so protective of such a weak, pathetic being?" he continued, pressing the sharpened steel tighter. It pierced skin, drew blood, and I noticed the red liquid already staining my tunic.

"Y-You must understand that killing anyone is nothing but senseless violence, brought out because of hatred or extreme emotion, Damien ..." I heard him growl angrily, but I continued on, growing more and more confident in my words, "you killed him not even knowing his purpose for being or his intentions. You're doing nothing but being selfish again, when you can hone your skills and Sense to use to help SAVE Parallel, not destroy it! Senseless killing and cruel minds are what the Enemy have, Damien, and the Righteous shouldn't have that at all!" I howled.

He grew silent, and finally, withdrew his sword. I stumbled forward a few paces, getting away from him as quickly as I could and then turned swiftly. He wasn't watching me, he had his gaze lifted to the sky, and something in his expression was somber and saddening. I followed his gaze, and it lead to a break in the black clouds, but only tainted sun spilt through. He grimaced, his eyes darkening, and in an instant, in a blink, he was behind me again, closer this time. "Damien," I started, unfazed, "Just listen to me. We need you ... the entire world of Parallel needs you.. I need you, too." I admitted it. Though I hated his attitude that reeked of arrogance and crudeness, I needed him. His strength, dexterity, and his special ability of fighting and Sense. I turned to face him.

It was quiet again, and I realized, this was the closest Damien and I had ever stood. Hatred and redemption radiated from his crimson eyes. I didn't know what was going on inside his mind, what he was thinking of. I stared at him, defiantly, strongly.

"I'm like those clouds," he whispered, all too quietly. "Dark, blackness, emotionless and hateful. Even when they break apart and allow light and sun in, it's only tainted light; it's only the red sun, not warmth, not health." I felt my heart slam against my chest, and he turned completely away from me. I felt the urge to reach out, for I felt he was about to leave, but I didn't. "Why help a world where it's done nothing but take advantage of my Sense all this time? When it's done nothing but use me, throw me out, expect more each time? No, it's not going to happen. I'm on my own."

I froze when I felt his presence instantly behind me again. His lips were at my ear: "You need to listen to me this time: you need to get away from me. Get far away, before any more damage comes to you. For I will bring it upon you myself, Emmy." And with a gush of wind, he was gone.

Friday, January 8, 2010

Joyfulness vs. joylessness

I can almost visibly see true, spiritual, Christ-like joy in people,
and at the same time, I can almost visibly tell if they're without it.

It's just from studying both sides on the spectrum, and being on both sides of the spectrum: joyful, and joyless. It's not seeing auras or reading minds, it's seeing body language; realizing how people talk, how people act. You can tell Christians with such joy in their hearts just have this glow about them; they smile more, they're genuine, they're true, pure. Even if they're troubled, or sad, there's a light of hope there for them that the lost don't seem to have yet..

Joyless people are just so grim and seem almost hopeless. They have a way of masking bitterness and joylessness, with witty, dirty or sarcastic comments, or a facade that's as thick as mud. They think they have a security in their life, but they truly don't. They seem to shrug off any sort of spiritual or eternal type conversation, or they try to have an answer for everything to seem like they're not concerned, not worried.

Joyful people don't have worry or panic in the same sense that joyless people do.
Joyful people know where their eternity lies.

Just some musings on the idea. I just feel like I can just sense the joylessness in some people; whether they show it, or not.

Friday, January 1, 2010

15 New Year's Resolutions

1) Make someone smile everyday.
2) Grow closer to God and way stronger in my spirituality.
3) Witness at any possible moment.
4) Drink more water and tea.
5) Learn how to play the piano or guitar.
6) Read 25+ books.
7) Draw and write more.
8) Drink less soda.
9) Fill up my journal with poetry.
10) Stay fit.
11) Always maintain a dance class of some sort.
12) Get a job.
13) Tease and discourage less; encourage, compliment and lift up more.
14) New cosplay: Kairi from Kingdom Hearts II.
15) Quiet time or Bible reading of some sort EVERY DAY.