Friday, January 22, 2010

To those so helplessly in "love"

For some reason, people who throw the word "love" around so easily really peeves me.

I can't go on Myspace or Facebook a DAY without hearing someone send out a declaration of "LOVE!!! LOVE LOVE" and "gushy gushy romance I LOVE YOU!" out like it's just a piece of cake. And then a week or so later, they are so crushed when things aren't "working out" and believe their lives are over because of it, and of course, they advertise that aspect of their lives all over Facebook as well.

Not only is it annoying to see any sort of over exaggerated anything, really, on Facebook, it's agitating to see people throw the word "love" around like it's so easy to retrieve back and use again without losing meaning.

The word LOVE is so, so strong, intentionally, but has totally lost meaning over time. People say it to their significant others like it's nothing. It's also culture's influence on our sponge like minds, how they portray love like it is extremely important to fall into so quickly, and any sort of relationship with someone you're attracted to is "love". Songs always sing about love like it's so easily lost yet so easily gained. How "a simple crush" could "be more" or "could be love". How it's not love until you've slept with the person, or how you can only express love through such strong physical measures. And lastly, how the phrases "falling in love" or "crazy in love" almost makes it seem acceptable to just be "in love" all the time. How falling in love is almost something uncontrollable by us because we're falling and falling and we can't really stop. Or now being crazy in love just means we're not mentally stable to understand what's going on, so it MUST be love. No. That's not it.

It's messing with the true meaning of love, and it even reflects in the accelerating amount of random marriages and divorces these days. All because throwing out the "L" word just "changes" things so much in a relationship. It makes it so "alive" and "sensational and true". We're trying to believe it's something so magical, when really, it's not anymore; we're painting love with what we daydream it to be, when in reality, after so much abuse and misuse, it's distorted to be something completely else.

Don't you think hitting a nail too hard with the same hammer will just drive the nail further into the wall, eventually not even retrievable?
Isn't that how the word love is?
It loses meaning.
It loses clarity.
It loses purpose.
It's meaning and existence is just as important as "envelope" or "carpet".

This rant also falls into line with these on and off again couples. I can't stand seeing this; seeing my friends get hurt by it, and seeing them be clueless and COMPLETELY insensible about it. They brush it off like it was nothing. I literally had a good friend of mine mention his 3-day relationship ending suddenly "not being that bad". His values of dating compared to mine are so warped, I don't even think I could talk on the subject with him, because I would sound so prude and alien. I just let the subject fall to the ground, and it fell so hard, I practically heard it shatter.

Love to me is truly getting past all that instant attraction. It's the utter comfort with them, it's being best friends, but never losing the chemistry. It's about wanting THEM to be nothing but happy; it's about putting them above yourselves. Like Jesus died for us, true love is practically a sacrifice: sacrificing your happiness for once, for the benefit of whom you love.

Is that so old school to think like that? Well, I don't think so, I appreciate and totally stand firm on my views of love and relationships right now.

My next relationship, I want it to be meaningful. If it doesn't last to be the man I marry, I sure as heck want it to be worth something. I want to be able to spend time with the person, anywhere, and feel 110% comfortable. I want to be their best friend first, someone they trust as more than just a potential girlfriend. I want to be able to be with them without having to feel like we have to be all over each other. I want them to understand that even in a relationship, being alone for too long or too often can bring across temptation; I want them to understand I'd feel more comfortable in a group than with just them, that saving time alone is something that should be just as special as the small affection of holding hands. I want them to understand all these little nuances of mine. And I'd do my ALL to give to them what they give to me, to truly cherish them and lift them up.

I may not even be in love in whatever relationship comes along next in the future, but, even then, I want the relationship to mean something. I want to be able to understand I'm not in love so I don't feel the need to just blurt that out or deceive myself into thinking that.

Because I'm sure, with these strong beliefs, I'll KNOW what love is when it hits me.
I want to be in a Christian relationship, not just a Christian in a relationship.

Maybe it's all just heavy duty dreaming, but, if a relationship or chance like that never comes on, maybe it's a sign it's not my calling to be with someone. I just hate how people feel like their only happiness comes from dating and "love", when they've murdered the true term of love anyway. Sure, it's a happiness that's a true blessing, but only when it's treated right, by God's standards -- NOT by our own.

"4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never ends."

- 1 Corinthians 13:4-8


Cheryl said...

AMEN Sister!! All the way! =D That is sooo true, all of it! You are so amazing and strong!! ^^ I feel the same way, its like, i dont want to lower my standards, and if no guy comes along, maybe it isn't my calling to get married either. *hugs* Im so happy I have a best friend who feels the same as I do about dating. Its so awesome to have such a wonderful friend and acountability partner, I am so blessed! ^^ Meghan, we are going to find awesome Christian b/f's some day, and well even if that dosent happen, we've had him all along, Jesus. ^^ love you girl! ^^ <3

Meghan said...

It just hit me lately with all these posts of people on Myspace and Facebook and I'm just like GOODNESS PEOPLE! Haha, and had to let the slight rant out in writing. XD

But yeah, Jesus is an amazing boyfriend as well, the best actually. ;D Tee hee. <3

Johanna said...

I get disgusted :<
You know what love is to me? Looking into the person's eyes and meaning it when you say "We can work through anything. We WILL work through anything, we need to persevere so we can enjoy what God has given us."
God doesn't like divorce, and to the people sleeping outside of marriage (.....) it's just like divorce if you break up the next day. God will take ANYTHING in your life and make it for the better. So TRUST him on that. If you're in a deep relationship and a few [or many] problems come along, as long as it's not ABUSE to you, you can GET THROUGH IT TOGETHER. And it just makes you closer.