Tuesday, January 31, 2012

All of me.

So, I'm feeling a slight tension and ache in my heart.
But at the same time, I know I need to let it go.

Ethan was really down today, and I tried to ask him why. He finally told me that he's just sick of seeing the world how it is; he feels hopeless sometimes that anything will change within America, how he wants to just sometimes leave and go to some smaller country where there are less problems. He said more too, how he wants to change the world somehow but he knows he doesn't have nearly that sort of power and even if he did, he couldn't change the hearts of humanity. He said though that it would be worth dying for if he could.

I was really touched with how passionate he was about it; so I asked him, "Do you feel like it's a conviction for a call to action somehow?" Like maybe he's being called into missionary work or something to reach people. He said he hadn't thought about that, that he mainly feels like he has a better understanding of what's important. But that it is for a reason, he just doesn't know what that reason is yet. I told him to just pray about it whenever he can, and truly decipher where these strong feelings stem from, and why God is placing them on his heart; and whatever it is he feels called to, I will be here encouraging and supporting him all the way. He said "Thank you :) I had a feeling you would be." And then how he'll do just that, just follow that path since that's all he can do.

I had this tugging feeling in my heart though the whole time like, "What would happen if he was taken from me? To do mission work somewhere, or move somewhere else to pursue another desire?" What if I'm not in the right path for him, or in God's plan for him after-all? I thought about it for a while and felt an ache in my heart, but prayed about it a little bit too. Prayed that if that's the plan, all I can do is support Ethan and follow God's plan too and quit fighting for everything so hard. I need to quit holding onto things so tightly with me and Ethan. I don't want to feel like I'm suffocating him and make him feel like he has to stay here and not follow what he knows he needs to because it would mean devastating me or something.

I need to grow up and accept that that could be God's will.

I feel sad about it; I mean it may not even be that at all. I don't want to think too far into one way or another. I mean, it's mainly sad cause I don't really see myself with anyone else but Ethan. I think about other guys, and it just ... doesn't seem right. I know we've had our problems we've gone through, but I don't want to be with anyone else either. It's just hard to picture and imagine, and I don't think that's coming from a "well we've just been together for so long it's all I know" place. It's coming from an honest, core, gut, heart feeling. We're just compatible in so many ways and would make great partners I think in the future. Maybe it's less of not being together but just waiting until any sort of "future" is started, per say.

Idk, it'd still be great though to do something like getting married but then doing missions together or something for a while or traveling before truly "settling down". But I'm not even sure if Ethan wants that at all. We never really talk about it. Maybe I'm always thinking about things too seriously too soon. I hate being a girl sometimes, lol.

I better get to studying though... I just need to give all over to God, all of this. Whatever happens, happens. I can't expect or hope for too much, really, unless I've been given that sign or that lead. Sometimes I just wish it was all laid out so there was no mystery, haha.. but I guess that's the point of faith.

I'm not letting go of loving him though; if anything, I'm going to love him more.
See more of what is in his better interest.
Do all I can to make him smile, or laugh, or be peaceful and happy.
Protect his purity.
I'm going to give him all of me, cause that's what he deserves.

Sunday, January 29, 2012

You only get one shot.

Mood: Content & excited.
Music: "I've Had the Time of My Life" -- Glee cast version, haha
Reading: Rose and the Beast

Sooo, this weekend was pretty ... interesting.

It started off awesomely, then spiraled into rocky and sad and confusing, and then ended awesomely. Haha

The "rocky" part isn't anything super serious now, just .. some stuff happened. Let's just say my self-esteem was somewhat shot when I found out something I shouldn't have really known in the first place. However, I talked myself through everything and talked to others about it and got some encouragement and wisdom, and I feel better now. C: I also learned that you cannot allow one person to control your self-esteem or confidence. Only YOU can allow yourself to feel ugly, or beautiful, or whatever. I'm still sort of recovering from the blow, but it's actually really encouraging me to work harder.

Which leads me to my new decision: I'm gonna' try to work out everyday, whatever that means. I'm gonna' take stairs more, play fitness or dance games on the KINECT, walk more, go to the gym and work out, or even just do short 15-30 minute sessions in my room in the morning or before bed. Whatever it takes, I WILL get to my target weight goal, which is around 135-140 pounds >o< It's gonna' be hard, but I'm gonna' do it! I don't really have a set "goal" time, but by mid-summer it'd be pretty cool to see those numbers on the scale. I'm also gonna' eat better, portion better, and drown myself in water. After the fast I sort of binged a little and ate whatever I felt like sounded good, or that I missed, and now I'm having headaches and feel more bloated than anything, haha. So I'm gonna' reel back some and control things more, and little by little, I'll start shedding the weight. I don't want to rush myself at all or else I won't accomplish anything, but I want to definitely accomplish something. C:

I mainly want to work on abs/waist, and then legs. Tonight I did some crunches and then some core/hip isolation that I REALLY felt. I also did some push-ups and planking. All of it was in small bits, but I want to work myself up. I want to slim down, but also, become leaner. I might even try lifting weights (LIKE A BOSS) at the gym. haha, with all those buff sweaty guys that would probably think I'm weak sauce compared to them. Who knows! I even have some takers on work out buddies at UCO, so that will help me be accountable too.

I was joking with Sable how I want to sort of slowly work up to a mini-transformation; losing weight, and then when my hair is the right length to donate away, cutting my hair short. And that how she wants to have a girls day where we get all dolled up and dress me up or something and then I go out on a date with Ethan and am just like, "BA-BAM" bombshell or something. XD HAAHAHA. Knock his socks off. But then be as coy and hard to get as possible -- "make the boy work!" LOL. It was a very interesting conversation. Oh goodness.

I visited my parents today! Which was so nice. They won airline tickets (two different sets) that they get to use this summer, but they have to be used before certain dates. So we're planning some vacationing, which I am beyond stoked about. I haven't had a nice family vacation in a while it feels like (that didn't last more than 2 days at least). I screamed instantly, "THE OCEAN! OR A BEACH!" and then thought more and said "DISNEY WORLD! FLORIDA! BEACHES!!1!1!!" They probably thought I was a little insane, but I don't care. Haha. I played the "guilt" card of "I've never been and I'm going to be 21 and never have been to Disneyworld and ;alkjdf;d" and they were like "*SIIIGH* okay, fine" so it's under consideration.

Bahah! In seriousness though, I'm honestly up for any sort of vacation with a beach. I NEED a beach. Some lapping waves, the sand tickling my toes, a perfect climate that hugs me like a welcoming blanket. I want to sprawl out lazily and read for hours, or draw. I want to feel the sun gently warming my face; I want to have the waves crash against my legs and I want to find a cute swimsuit to wear and prance around in. I want to take my Nikon out and snap pictures and capture the dancing movement of the water, or the atmosphere of the shore. I want to pick up seashells and see the ocean in early morning light, when it's a pale purple outside with a touch of blushing pink. I want to walk along some harbor shops in a cute summer dress, boots, and a hat, with the smell of the sea in the air. And when we leave, I want to look back at the glinting sea in the setting sun, smiling and waving goodbye with water and foam and a yawning sun.

-SIGH- I must be channeling my inner Katara or something.

Speaking of which, making mild progress on cosplays, only Yuffie so far though. I need to get both done though that I want to do by May at the latest -- mainly cause the end of May/beginning of June is when this vacation would be, ending a couple days before we'd depart for AKON. So, I gotta' get movin'! I don't want to rush, but I don't want to procrastinate last minute and stress. I need to get my passes for the summer and start saving up. I have a lot to save up for, traveling and convention wise. And just saving in general. Which means, I need to suck it up and sacrifice some free time to get some more shifts at work. I need at least 3-4 a week for a good while to save up for everything and be secure about it.

I just want to hop-skip jump to summer. It's such a magical time, full of warmth, friends, memories and possibilities.

I'm very excited!

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Not some floor mat.

On someone's status today, they were quoting some Disney song. But then one of their friends made a really crude, perverted comment about it. And something instead of me just ticked.

I commented on it saying "Way to make something totally innocent, stupid". I'm sure I should've just ignored it and passed on, but I am SO TIRED of seeing and hearing such vulgar stuff day in and day out. Through school, through work. I just got really furious. It's like I can't avoid seeing it anyway, so it's so hard to ignore -- I just wanted to say something so I did.

But then this genius, catty girl was doing the whole "OMG, that was so rude, uhh, (insert name here) since when was your name "Meghan"? This is YOUR page not hers, lololol, she could've just ignored it" or something along those lines. I preceded to stand up for myself and address her calling me out like she did, and also mentioning she didn't have to say something like that and post it on his status either so she was contradicting herself. She preceded to tell me that I have a "stick up my butt" and that I need to "freaking shut up" and was cussing and stuff (so exchange most of those words for curse words). When I commented back saying I had not once cursed towards her, and how she was acting classless and tacky, the guy who posted the status originally messaged me saying it should have stopped way back, and that I was the one that started it.

I'm just annoyed right now. I know, I shouldn't have said anything. But as I mentioned earlier, I am tired of seeing that crap. The right thing to do would've been turn my cheek or ignore it. But didn't Jesus flip tables and get angry and make a statement towards those using His temple for sin and greed? In the Bible it says we can get angry, just not enraged. I guess since it wasn't something along the lines of what Jesus saw, it wasn't as bad, but sometimes, I'm tired of being some push over who never says anything.

I'm tired of being someone who is always stepped on, too. In class, and at work, a lot of my "friends" tease me and make me feel stupid. Like I don't know anything or everything I say is invalid. They make some huge deal if I haven't seen some movie or read some book that they have and apparently "everyone" else has too. They try to attack me based on my beliefs or that I'm "naive" or whatever. They even joke that I'm going to get kidnapped or raped because I'm so "clueless", I am not even kidding you.

Ugh, I really just want to get away from everything.. I'm always alone at the apartment anyway it seems. I want to see Ethan, to be held by him, to laugh with him and be taken away for a while in his inspiration and encouragement; or I want to see you girls and laugh and be with people that love me for how I am instead of constantly trying to change me; who don't tease me all the time or make me feel inferior. I just fall asleep in warmth, stay asleep forever. I'm starting to get hit with the tiredness of school it seems and just laziness of not wanting to do anything as well I really need to get myself out of it...

Well from now on, I know for sure, I'm done with it. I am done being the push over, the clueless girl, naive, whatever, to them. If they say something I don't like, I won't react to give them the satisfaction. I'm going to be cool and collected, and show them that I'm not someone to be walked on. I'm going to stand up for what I believe and think, and not be so passive anymore.

This is the start of a new me.

Monday, January 23, 2012

"When's it my turn? Wouldn't I love..."

"... love to explore the world up above..!"

OMG guys sorry for the double post this evening.
But this one is to litter my blog of renewed Little Mermaid love.


Holy goodness, I forgot how amazing this movie was! It's just so visual and dynamic and beautiful, and being a designer and visual person I ate it up! Wayyy more than when I was a kid. I was just entranced with the movement of everything, the lighting in certain scenes, and enraptured with Ariel's voice. I forgot just how beautiful it was. *sigh* I love Disney so much, it's so hard to pick a favorite movie. I have a love for each one in a different way.

I've decided though, I think Prince Eric is my favorite Prince. XD Like, I love Beast, he'll always hold a place in my heart, but in realistic terms from the classic Disney princes, Eric would be the one I'd want to marry (though all bets aside, I'd probably marry Flynn Rider above all, bahahaha). I forgot how sweet and adorable he is. Those blue eyyyyes <3 And dark hair! Aah!

And Ariel! Omg, I'm probably gonna' draw 398538+ pictures of her now haha. She's got a simple character design that's easy to remember and sketch, and I have so much fun drawing her hair cause it can be flowy and billowing and all over the place, I LOVE IT. I have this enamor with red headed characters too (I always seem to cosplay them or want to cosplay them) so I think that's another reason why I love Ariel so much. I think she's the prettiest of the princesses, also because of her cute, curious personality throughout the whole movie. She's just charming and adorable.

PLUS, the whole story is just about adventuring out there and taking chances; truly seeking after what you are curious about, what you're passionate about, and sticking through to the end. As well as fighting for what you love and for what you want. It's a great moral really (despite the fact she's 16 and got married after knowing him for only 3 days... bahaha) and just an insanely adorable and lovely movie all around. *sigh* <3

And I got back from Ted's this evening! And had a wonderful time! It was sooo, so great to get caught up with Lara again. I really missed our roomie time! Plus, I got more delicious food, mmm <3 But I couldn't finish it all, so I ended up taking half of it home. Eh, gives me a meal later for half the price, right? Right!

Stay beautiful ladies!

I'm not home yet.

Mood: Tired but happy!
Music: "Where I Belong" -- Building 429
Reading: Rose & the Beast, and To-ra-do-ra (manga)

Aah! I have an amazing song stuck in my head. It's one I've been hearing on Christian radio a lot recently, and I LOVE it.

It's called "Where I Belong" by Building 429. It's so good! The lyrics are so empowering:

"Sometimes it feels like I'm watching from the outside
Sometimes it feels like I'm breathing but am I alive
I won't keep searching for answers that aren't here to find

All I know is I'm not home yet
This is not where I belong
Take this world and give me Jesus
This is not where I belong

So when the walls come falling down on me
And when I'm lost in the current of a raging sea
I have this blessed assurance holding me.

All I know is I'm not home yet
This is not where I belong
Take this world and give me Jesus
This is not where I belong

When the earth shakes I wanna be found in You
When the lights fade I wanna be found in You."

The melody and whole sound of the song is great too. It's very uplifting and motivating, constantly pushing forward in determination that THIS is not where we belong. I always feel like that; I'm constantly picked on in class for being naive or innocent, or whatever. People tell me I'll never survive the real world, or big cities, or being out on my own because I'm not "experienced". I laugh and am like "whatever" but honestly, it hurts my feelings. A lot. And when I have defended myself in my reasonings why I am why I am (ie: I'm waiting for sex 'til marriage cause of my Christian believes, that's why I'm a virgin, etc...) they just laugh it off or think it's an invalid, close-minded statement. I mean literally, people are telling me this to my face. It stings.

But at the same time, I can just curl under the covers at night and close my eyes, and be taken away in a dream knowing that this isn't my permanent home. Sometimes it's easy to get caught up in the good things of the world and idolize them (or the bad things even :/) but at the same time, when bad things happen or we are ridiculed, we just know that this is all only temporary.

We're not where we belong, but we'll be there soon!

So today was an okay day; I had class from 9 til 6 (roughly; 3 hour gap in-between but I did homework). I got a lot done though so I'm pretty content with spending my evening not working on homework. I have nearly all day tomorrow anyway. I'm taking Lara out tonight to Ted's for her birthday (now that I can eat Ted's, lol). I've been a little tense at the apartment cause well, long story short, Lara's boyfriend has to be living here for a little bit since he has no where else to go until he can move into his new apartment (he's waiting on the person to move out first). So he's been staying here, and sometimes is here when Lara is in class so I'll walk out into the living room or kitchen and he walks out too or is there. It's just sort of weird, idk. I didn't sign up to live with my roommate and her boyfriend, or a dude for that matter .___.

Also, they've been newly dating, so they're in that whole infatuation phase where they want to spend every living moment together. I hardly ever see Lara now -- and I'm actually at the apartment a lot, she's just always out or they're always together. I haven't seen just HER without him around in a while it feels like. And I love 'em both to death, but they're verrry, very different from me. I'm quiet, laid back, chill. They're very loud and outgoing separately, so when they're together, it's booming. Literally, I locked myself into my room multiple times because I couldn't concentrate or relax they were being so loud. Obviously we're into totally different things, so they like sports and all these TV shows and movies, while I like to spend my time creatively (like doing cosplay or drawing or reading or something). So we don't have a lot in common to really talk about. Cody also is still acting like he has to talk to me all the time if I'm there and he's there so he can get to know me and be comfortable, but it's almost more uncomfortable cause I hatehatehate feeling forced to talked to someone if I feel like THEY don't GENUINELY want to talk to me first. It's weird I know, lol.

On top of that, I'm worried about Lara. She literally went from her 3-year, wreck of a relationship, first boyfriend break up, to another boy drama/relationship situation right into dating Cody. She hasn't had a good chunk of time where she was single with no boy drama or boy in her life to focus on. She's been doing well spiritually I think, like praying and being really devoted, but at the same time, I thought she was going to stay single longer and hold off. Allow herself to be happy single and then prepare herself for another relationship. I know that's what I had to do... but idk, people are all different so she may NOT need to do that to be ready to date again.

Sooooo all in all, I just hope that tonight I can have a good evening alone with Lara to catch up. I don't want to sound like I'm judging or complaining; I guess just when you're living with someone that's not your parents, and especially if you are friends with them, they can take advantage of the fact that "all is okay" and will just let, like, their boyfriends stay weeks at a time. Or have alcohol sitting in the fridge just cause they turned 21 recently. Or stay up and watch movies and talk loudly while you're trying to sleep. *sigh* No boundaries sometimes, lol. It can be difficult. I just needed to let it out.

Tonight shall be swell though!

Man, I really wish I could go to that Chinese New Year Celebration thing :( I really need to work though, I need the hours. I'm only working 2 shifts a week, so if I were to get someone to cover me I'd only have like 7 hours of money coming in this week. Which is not nearly enough to get groceries and supplies and everything I need. Gaaaah responsibilities. They suck sometimes, but it will all be worth it. I'll just see you ladies at future girl hangouts when I can ask off ahead of time and still get some shifts in. :3

Man, I've been practically doing a blog a day -- I hope I'm not tiring y'all out. It's weird to have a little more spare time nowadays to spend relaxing a little; but, it is REALLY nice to, I am NOT complaining. Last semester was awful, so I needed a little break. I'm off to go clean my room though and go get ready for the dinner tonight.


Sunday, January 22, 2012

Let's never have this end!

I mean, seriously, today has been so awesome!

This morning, Ethan treated me to breakfast at IHOP before work, to sort of celebrate me making it through the fast and sticking to it as much as I could :D I got biscuits and gravy with eggs, and mmm, it was so delicious <3 I seriously appreciated it tons. However, I didn't eat AS much so I wouldn't overload my system right off the bat. But it was such a pleasant treat, and it was Ethan's idea too. He just surprises me with how spontaneous, generous or romantic he can be. One minute I'm thinking a certain way and the next he's just surprising me. Constantly. Haha, it never really gets too boring, we can say that.

Then today at work I got to work with people I liked, we had a good steady flow of customers, and no really rude customers or bad experiences. We also kept on top of everything so we weren't stressing out. It was amazing! Plus the work area was so clean and nice from our recent holiday-recovery. So glad the retail holiday season is over though -- that was sheer insanity.

And then, to make the night EVEN BETTER, I knew I was gonna' need some caffeine/energy to stay up to work on homework tonight, so I stopped by Starbucks before going back to my apartment. I pull into the drive through to get my drink and pay, and the guy told me the person in front of me paid for my drink also so I was good to go. I was stunned! It was SOOO generous, I sort of almost cried but I was just really happy too. It was just a small little blessing, and those things seriously make my day.

It doesn't take much to really make me feel happy and blessed, simple things matter a lot to me... So, Ethan treating me to something new, like going out for breakfast together, where he drove all the way to Edmond in the morning (he's not a morning person at all) just to do that? It was so sweet. And then just things going smoothly at work, to the person paying for my drink. It's just all great, small blessings that add up for a wonderful day. On top of that, my parents also came into work and it was so good to see and talk to them since I haven't been able to much since school started. I seriously almost shouted, "Mommy! Daddy!" when they talked in, bahaha. Then I had to maintain myself.

Me and Ethan have been watching through his Lazytown collection I got him for Christmas; that show freaking rocks! My kids are totally watching Lazytown. It's just so funny and entertaining, with great morals and great music. Sure some parts are kinda' corny, but at the same time, it's all done in such a charming way that's uniquely Lazytown. Ethan burned me some of the music and now it's stuck in my head, haha XD We're also thinking about, get this, cosplaying as Stephanie and Sportacus! BAHAHAHAHAHAHA, I'm not sure entirely if that's happening, but, it'd be freaking great. Ethan's already working on his Icelandic accent and awesome superhero moves and I need to get started on my dancing and bubbly personality.

Let's go!

ALSO, I've been thinking about our epic FF gals group. I'm making more progress on Yuffie right now, however, I think since it's gonna' be for TnT, I may start progress on Rinoa, that way Final Fantasy VIII can be represented, and since it's my favorite Final Fantasy game thus far anyway and she's my favorite FF gal! :3 I'm getting stoked too, if I can convince Ethan enough he may be my Squall. Which would officially fulfill all fangirl dreams of mine, since I've fangirled over Squall, like, forever. *______* Something about bad boys with scars having soft spots... Which reminds me something funny Ethan said recently. I was talking about my love for Zuko's character or something randomly as I flipped through that Zuko's Story book he had. I mentioned, "I just have this thing for bad boys, idk what it is." And then Ethan was quietly like, "... yeah, and then I came along. Third time's a charm, right?" I kinda' lost it in laughter for a little bit. It was awesome.

Haha, let's hope the rest of the week is this pleasantly surprising and just content. I know design may be stressful this week, but at the same time, I'm ready to take it on now with a positive attitude. I just wish I wasn't so tired right now, but I guess that's where caffeine can help. Gotta' get to sketching and planning and morphing animals together... don't ask. Oddly enough, yes, that last one is a legit project. Oy vey.

Ta lovelies! I love you all <3

PS: Sorry if this blog seems annoyingly happy. I guess that's just what I am right now, lol. Which is very nice. XD

Thursday, January 19, 2012

The gifts you gave.

Mood: Inspired and thoughtful.
Music: "The First Time I Ever Saw Your Face" - Leona Lewis

So this evening was the design trip to Tulsa! We heard an AMAZING graphic designer, Michael Bierut, lecture for about an hour; that may not sound like the BEST way to spend your evening, but it truly was amazing! He was so entertaining but professional, and very knowledgeable about field and his career. They call him a "rock star" in the design world, and really, he is; he's designed Guitar Hero's logo, the logo for Saks Fifth Avenue, the HUUGE sign on the New York Times Building, the New World Symphony identity, and tons of other stuff for architects and other big companies. He works at a design studio in New York City called Pentagram, which is a HUUUGE design studio; they get all the major jobs, obviously, considering the ones he's worked on. His design style is sooooo slick, modern and classy, and it all seems so simple to come up with when he talks about it, it's amazing. I just feel so reaffirmed and inspired now as a designer!

Thinking about it all though, I'm also feeling motivated to try, at some point in my life, being a designer in a big city; like Dallas, Chicago, New York City, etc... now, I'm not entirely sure of that, considering it's an insanely hard and competitive market out there, and I'm not entirely sure if I could even survive in a big city like that, but at the same time, it'd be so cool to affect the world with design on a national or even global level -- and that is the ONLY way really, to work in a big city and get your stuff out there. I'd definitely be working locally after I graduate for a while, but making it in the big time with design would be really great.. it could be a great ministry opportunity as well, and the design world needs that terribly.

Also, this trip was a refreshing little trip with some of the design students; it was weird cause it felt semi like high school trips, but at the same time, not, haha. We had a charter bus and even stopped at McDonald's on the way back. ._. I was like, really?! Haha, but whatevs. AND THE PHILBROOK MUSEUM OF ART, OMG. It was SOOO beautiful. Cheryl, Mattie, we MUST go back sometime -- you guys would LOVE it there. It's an old mansion they bought and turned into a museum, but it has SUCH beautiful Baroque/Victorian inspired architecture, furniture and decorating it's just gorgeous. They have tons of old, legit paintings too, as well as some rooms with artifacts and retro furniture, dishware or electronic items. I took pics on my iPhone, I'll have to show you :D And we couldn't really see it that well since it was nighttime, but they have this amazing garden and outside walking area that just sounds amazing; and from what I COULD see, it looked amazing. I wish I had my Nikon with me, man, I would've had a field day taking even MORE pictures than I already did.

Aah so lovely though. <3

I'm kind of a little bummed though, Ethan's been acting cold and rude to me all day it seems like. He randomly just stopped texting me and then only texted me to ask me something totally random unrelated to what I had sent a few hours earlier. I was sort of annoyed so I was being short with him and then he almost cut off the conversation quickly so I asked why he was being cold. And he said he was just "in a weird mood" and that my messages were short too. But I told him they were like that because of how he was acting, and then went on this spiel about him acting ignorant and rude to me in general lately, and he was like really rude saying "Okay, okay, yes I got distracted and didn't text you back. I'm sorry." So I didn't reply, then he apologized an hour or so later, so then I asked him if he needed his space and he said "well it doesn't really matter cause I'm going to bed soon anyway" then he tried asking me about my trip but I just took that message so coldly anyway I was so put out, I didn't reply. He just gets in this moods where he just ... is so cold and rude for no reason. I also feel like he'd always rather sleep or nap than talk to me.

It just really bothers me. I'm learning to not be so weak to him though and just wait on hand and foot for his replies, and feel the need to reply all the time and so quickly. I'm tired of it, ya' know? You gotta' show me the same interest for me to give it to you, that's all I'm saying. And maybe being a little cold back will get his attention. I make it way, WAAAY too easy on him to "have me". I gotta' make it a little harder so he has something to pursue. I also feel bad, but when I came back to the apartment Cody (Lara's boyfriend) was here -- and I swear he might as well live here, he's here all the time -- and they were insanely flirty and giggly and I just locked myself in my room, lol. Is that totally bitter? I guess it probably is. Baah. I have a lot to work on.


But anyway!

I'm generally in a good mood. I'm gonna' pass out soon though cause I gotta' get some stuff done tomorrow and need the morning and afternoon as much as possible. I can't wait for our decorating parties, and we need to get together to plan AKON sometime soon too! That'd be fun as well :D

I love you all! Mwah!

PS: The last few images are some of Bierut's work. He's so amazing!

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

A little me time.

Mood: Whimsy and peaceful
Music: Florence & the Machine - "What the Water Gave Me", from Ceremonials
Reading: The Rose and the Beast - Francesca Lia Black

Today has been long, but tonight has been lovely so far!

I mean, overall the day wasn't awful or anything, just long. All of my classes went pretty well actually; I got good feedback/critique in my design classes, managed to stay productive, optimistic and energetic, and History of Graphic Design II was so fascinating! We learned all about the Industrial Revolution and the Victorian style. We saw a lot of posters from the era, included wood print posters (posters made with type that was made from wood and printed with; it allowed it to have a lot more decoration and a more ornate feel to it). Even though it's a three hour note taking only lecture class, I've been really enjoying it lately; plus I'm in it with some of my good design friends, so that's always good too :)

The only downside today has been I've been sort of achey feeling and yucky feeling, with a migraine; kind of those onset symptoms of being sick or something. :( I really HOPE I'm not sick, for I have so much planned this weekend! The decorating party Saturday, time with Ethan Friday night, and working Sunday all day (well that wasn't "planned", but I DO need the money, haha). It may have been onset from the other day I didn't really eat much, I just got preoccupied and forgot to, on-top of getting crummy sleep two days in a row and constantly going. I'm just taking it easy tonight and am going to rest up as much as I can.

Speaking of things planned, tomorrow afternoon/evening some of the design students are taking a bus to Tulsa to hear a really famous graphic designer speak -- Michael Beirut! I've never really seen his stuff necessarily, but if he's famous and has made his name in design, I'm VERY curious. He'll be really inspiring to hear from, and will help motivate all our spirits I think. :) Also, a bus ride/field trip to Tulsa with some of the coolest cats on campus? I'm down with that. :D

So I'm excited for our binder decorating party! I've also been catching up on the 365 Days project. I'm way behind, but I am DETERMINED to not fail this year. I can already tell a difference though in how I improve just by drawing everyday; it's a lot less intimidating to sit at a blank piece of paper, and I feel like my technique is enhanced more. I'm stoked to see what 2012 holds for me drawing and illustration wise. I'd really, really love to be good enough one day to do concept art for video games, or illustrated book covers or album artwork or even children's books. That'd be such a fun side gig to design! <3

Right now I'm also working on reading a lot of my books I got from the book fair BEFORE the NEXT book fair that's coming up, uh, next month. xP I doubt I'll get them all read, but I'm really gonna' try to incorporate more reading into my daily schedule. Not only books, but just straight Scripture too from the Bible; I SERIOUSLY need to read the Bible more regularly than I do. :(

Well, I'm gonna' go off and finish the rest of my evening -- I had an amazing, hot bath earlier, soaking my muscles and bones and just letting them relax. It felt wonderful <3 Now I'm drinking some fresh cold water, and eating some grapes while I watch the new episode of Glee and paint my toenails and nails, and I'll probably read and draw before bed too. I'm just enjoying some restful me time before bed so I can sleep soundly and peacefully tonight. I seriously need to do this more. D:

Ta' lovelies! Thanks for reading. <3