Sunday, January 29, 2012

You only get one shot.

Mood: Content & excited.
Music: "I've Had the Time of My Life" -- Glee cast version, haha
Reading: Rose and the Beast

Sooo, this weekend was pretty ... interesting.

It started off awesomely, then spiraled into rocky and sad and confusing, and then ended awesomely. Haha

The "rocky" part isn't anything super serious now, just .. some stuff happened. Let's just say my self-esteem was somewhat shot when I found out something I shouldn't have really known in the first place. However, I talked myself through everything and talked to others about it and got some encouragement and wisdom, and I feel better now. C: I also learned that you cannot allow one person to control your self-esteem or confidence. Only YOU can allow yourself to feel ugly, or beautiful, or whatever. I'm still sort of recovering from the blow, but it's actually really encouraging me to work harder.

Which leads me to my new decision: I'm gonna' try to work out everyday, whatever that means. I'm gonna' take stairs more, play fitness or dance games on the KINECT, walk more, go to the gym and work out, or even just do short 15-30 minute sessions in my room in the morning or before bed. Whatever it takes, I WILL get to my target weight goal, which is around 135-140 pounds >o< It's gonna' be hard, but I'm gonna' do it! I don't really have a set "goal" time, but by mid-summer it'd be pretty cool to see those numbers on the scale. I'm also gonna' eat better, portion better, and drown myself in water. After the fast I sort of binged a little and ate whatever I felt like sounded good, or that I missed, and now I'm having headaches and feel more bloated than anything, haha. So I'm gonna' reel back some and control things more, and little by little, I'll start shedding the weight. I don't want to rush myself at all or else I won't accomplish anything, but I want to definitely accomplish something. C:

I mainly want to work on abs/waist, and then legs. Tonight I did some crunches and then some core/hip isolation that I REALLY felt. I also did some push-ups and planking. All of it was in small bits, but I want to work myself up. I want to slim down, but also, become leaner. I might even try lifting weights (LIKE A BOSS) at the gym. haha, with all those buff sweaty guys that would probably think I'm weak sauce compared to them. Who knows! I even have some takers on work out buddies at UCO, so that will help me be accountable too.

I was joking with Sable how I want to sort of slowly work up to a mini-transformation; losing weight, and then when my hair is the right length to donate away, cutting my hair short. And that how she wants to have a girls day where we get all dolled up and dress me up or something and then I go out on a date with Ethan and am just like, "BA-BAM" bombshell or something. XD HAAHAHA. Knock his socks off. But then be as coy and hard to get as possible -- "make the boy work!" LOL. It was a very interesting conversation. Oh goodness.

I visited my parents today! Which was so nice. They won airline tickets (two different sets) that they get to use this summer, but they have to be used before certain dates. So we're planning some vacationing, which I am beyond stoked about. I haven't had a nice family vacation in a while it feels like (that didn't last more than 2 days at least). I screamed instantly, "THE OCEAN! OR A BEACH!" and then thought more and said "DISNEY WORLD! FLORIDA! BEACHES!!1!1!!" They probably thought I was a little insane, but I don't care. Haha. I played the "guilt" card of "I've never been and I'm going to be 21 and never have been to Disneyworld and ;alkjdf;d" and they were like "*SIIIGH* okay, fine" so it's under consideration.

Bahah! In seriousness though, I'm honestly up for any sort of vacation with a beach. I NEED a beach. Some lapping waves, the sand tickling my toes, a perfect climate that hugs me like a welcoming blanket. I want to sprawl out lazily and read for hours, or draw. I want to feel the sun gently warming my face; I want to have the waves crash against my legs and I want to find a cute swimsuit to wear and prance around in. I want to take my Nikon out and snap pictures and capture the dancing movement of the water, or the atmosphere of the shore. I want to pick up seashells and see the ocean in early morning light, when it's a pale purple outside with a touch of blushing pink. I want to walk along some harbor shops in a cute summer dress, boots, and a hat, with the smell of the sea in the air. And when we leave, I want to look back at the glinting sea in the setting sun, smiling and waving goodbye with water and foam and a yawning sun.

-SIGH- I must be channeling my inner Katara or something.

Speaking of which, making mild progress on cosplays, only Yuffie so far though. I need to get both done though that I want to do by May at the latest -- mainly cause the end of May/beginning of June is when this vacation would be, ending a couple days before we'd depart for AKON. So, I gotta' get movin'! I don't want to rush, but I don't want to procrastinate last minute and stress. I need to get my passes for the summer and start saving up. I have a lot to save up for, traveling and convention wise. And just saving in general. Which means, I need to suck it up and sacrifice some free time to get some more shifts at work. I need at least 3-4 a week for a good while to save up for everything and be secure about it.

I just want to hop-skip jump to summer. It's such a magical time, full of warmth, friends, memories and possibilities.

I'm very excited!


Mattie Elizabeth said...

This opportunity comes once in life time *continues to hum the song*

I hope everything's okay. Just remember that I think you're BEAUTIFUL and amazing. No one else's opinion matters. Unless it's a good one. :D I have a hard time with that too though.. listening to what others think, or dress baggy so that I "hide" myself. I'm working on it though.

I don't really have a said goal weight, but I'd really like to loose more inches off of my waist and thighs. lol

I want a beach too! My fam is planning for Florida and I told them yesterday "I'm cool with not even going to disney world, but could we maybe plan for a disney world trip in a couple of years?" They thought that was a good idea! I am so excited for the beach, I want a vintage swimsuit this year too. MEGHAN let's go swimsuit shopping when we look bombshell. >.<

Meghan said...

I know right? It's easy to just dress baggy and not feel good about yourself. But it always pays off for me when I try harder to show confidence and feel confidence >.< It also actually helps my motivation with working out too!

And yes! I want a beach so bad it's not even funny. Vintage swim suit bombshell shopping sounds uh-may-zing! :D <3