Friday, May 17, 2013

I could use somebody.

I love this song... Such a perfect song for my mood todayyy.

I woke up today around 1:00.. I'm mad at myself for sleeping in but I just feel so tired from this past school semester. I think my body is trying to make up for it, but still. I need to get up at a normal hour tomorrow and then the next day.

My parents want to know what I want to do for my birthday and I'm just like "meh, I don't really care". I honestly don't anymore, it's kinda' funny, how when I was little I always wanted a party or something big to happen. I guess that's a symptom of growing older. I also just don't like attention on me too much.

I just really want my room to be finished. >.<

I'm waiting to get my TV installed and then some shelving for my desk/study area so I can store stuff. I'm going to hang my pretty lights up today and keep unpacking and organizing. Eventually I want an area rug, new sheets/comforter, and hang up some new decorations. Some of which are past convention art I've bought I just really love among other things. :)

I really want to make my room into a mini-sanctuary to just relax in. I"m storing a lot of stuff in the attic and man.. it's nostalgia going through some of it. It also feels good packing unnecessary stuff away so my room feels clean and organized. It does make me realize just how much I hold on to stuff, it's almost pathetic lol. But, also worth it when I'm going through my memory box and I come across something from elementary school that warms my heart. No regrets.

What else is new... well, I've done nothing much else this week but sleep and unpack/organize, I guess. I worked two evenings, which was nice to have so many days off, including this entire weekend. Especially since that job is driving me nuts. I worked pretty hard on Tuesday, working circles around the two people there who went on smoke breaks together leaving me alone. Yet, the next day I get a text from the morning opener saying how we "didn't get anything done". Really? Even if he was joking, it was kind of a slap in the face. Jerk... Yep, ready to leave now especially. No respect there.

I've been watching America's Next Top Model like non-stop. Oiiii.

Hopefully, I can make the most of next week of it. Who knows what next week brings, and then the next is school again...

I need to do something to cheer myself up today. :'// I'm just in a down mood for some reason and I can't figure out why... Probably thinking too much.

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Now that I see you...


Today's been kinda' disappointing.

All I really did was lounge around, and then went to work. Work can be fun but still, I get home and am tired. I usually work circles at that place. And still am having to train people... I hope when I transfer to the OKC store I can work with Sable more.

I got home and just wanted to watch my new Moulin Rogue blu-ray and pack/organize/clean... but our blu-ray player wouldn't play it, said it needed "an upgrade". I got so frustrated cause I spent like $13 on it. >:( I hope I can get it to play cause it's only blu-ray option so... yeah. I ended up just vegging on FB and kinda' pouting the rest of the night.

Ethan got my hopes up this weekend, twice, about hanging out. I really, really hate that. Dude, just don't say anything to me don't let me get my hopes up. Or, here's a wild idea: surprise me and show up anyway. You know I always love your company, and would rather be WITH people than alone any day... Why be so distant thinking I "want that space"?

UGH. I HATE MEN. -_- He just doesn't get me at all and it's getting really annoying...

During work, on my Pandora station, "Part of Your World" came on. The Broadway version (BEAUTIFUL, btw). I lovvvvvvee love love that song. Well, of course people kinda' snorted when it came on. And when I said "don't you dare skip it!" I turned back to finish giving change to my customer and he was smirking and said "Oh, I'm only judging you just a bit, but honestly, judging you."

I know he was being sarcastic, but it kinda' pissed me off.

I mean, come on. What is so freaking wrong with loving Disney? Or cartoons? Or shows like My Little Pony? What's wrong with embracing innocence and childhood and dreams? People at school tease me, I feel like I have to hide who I am half the time... like people will pick up my key lanyard, see MLP on it, giggle a bit or sing the song or snort and joke about it. Like really? Get over yourselfs. Sorry I don't watch flesh-rotting zombies or incestual sex for entertainment (I'm looking at you, Walking Dead & Game of Thrones). Sorry that I enjoy bright colors, beautiful animation, lovely stories, powerful morals,  life lessons, innocence, beloved songs, treasured memories... Sorry I daydream or sing while I work or hum "Go the Distance" or "A Whole New World" while I go place to place. Sorry my idea of fun is creating costumes from scratch, drawing, reading comics or watching animated movies from Pixar or Disney.

Actually no, not sorry, they are the sorry ones. Losers.

I'll just quit everything and be a character-actor, or even a janitor, at Disneyworld. I'd be totally fine with that... I'd belong there.

*SIGH*, people suck.

I got a 100 on my photography project (the Disney one, ironically lol). And my teacher said it was clear  I was passionate about it... yeah, I really, really was. It was so fun. I felt like I was engaging in these stories I love so much... Part of me wonders if graphic design is right for me. I pray and hope it leads me to the job meant for me, my dream. Concept illustration for shows like Korra, or movies like Disney, high-end fashion/costuming photography for Disney or conventions...

I'm starting to embrace I won't really ever grow out of all this that I love. Disney, childhood stories, cartoons, animation, comics, drawings, innocence, theatricality... And I'm okay with that.

I AM FINALLY MOVED OUT. And living with my parents. I'm so happy to be in a peaceful setting... a sleepy setting, they go to bed so early and it's so relaxed here I want to go to bed way early too lol. That's good though.

I'm gonna' try to jog/walk/run every morning this summer. Or at least get up and work-out somehow... just to stay active and start losing weight. I need to get back in shape. It's gotten bad.

Ladies... never let go of your dreams. Or your youth. Don't let haters hate. Be yourself. Who cares what they think? We'll never see them again, most likely, and if we do, well, they'll just grow to love us or they don't need to be our friends. What matters is your opinion of yourself, and your friendships you already have. I'm tired of feeling like I have to put up a front, or that I can't be myself because I'm worried about what other people think. I'm so, so sick of that. I'm going to try to change that. I don't want anything to hold me back from being all I can be.

Friendship is magic.

Stay forever young.

Change your own fate.

Find your new dream.

Discover who you truly are...

Have a barrage of Disney and Big Four pics. Love you all.