Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Not some floor mat.

On someone's status today, they were quoting some Disney song. But then one of their friends made a really crude, perverted comment about it. And something instead of me just ticked.

I commented on it saying "Way to make something totally innocent, stupid". I'm sure I should've just ignored it and passed on, but I am SO TIRED of seeing and hearing such vulgar stuff day in and day out. Through school, through work. I just got really furious. It's like I can't avoid seeing it anyway, so it's so hard to ignore -- I just wanted to say something so I did.

But then this genius, catty girl was doing the whole "OMG, that was so rude, uhh, (insert name here) since when was your name "Meghan"? This is YOUR page not hers, lololol, she could've just ignored it" or something along those lines. I preceded to stand up for myself and address her calling me out like she did, and also mentioning she didn't have to say something like that and post it on his status either so she was contradicting herself. She preceded to tell me that I have a "stick up my butt" and that I need to "freaking shut up" and was cussing and stuff (so exchange most of those words for curse words). When I commented back saying I had not once cursed towards her, and how she was acting classless and tacky, the guy who posted the status originally messaged me saying it should have stopped way back, and that I was the one that started it.

I'm just annoyed right now. I know, I shouldn't have said anything. But as I mentioned earlier, I am tired of seeing that crap. The right thing to do would've been turn my cheek or ignore it. But didn't Jesus flip tables and get angry and make a statement towards those using His temple for sin and greed? In the Bible it says we can get angry, just not enraged. I guess since it wasn't something along the lines of what Jesus saw, it wasn't as bad, but sometimes, I'm tired of being some push over who never says anything.

I'm tired of being someone who is always stepped on, too. In class, and at work, a lot of my "friends" tease me and make me feel stupid. Like I don't know anything or everything I say is invalid. They make some huge deal if I haven't seen some movie or read some book that they have and apparently "everyone" else has too. They try to attack me based on my beliefs or that I'm "naive" or whatever. They even joke that I'm going to get kidnapped or raped because I'm so "clueless", I am not even kidding you.

Ugh, I really just want to get away from everything.. I'm always alone at the apartment anyway it seems. I want to see Ethan, to be held by him, to laugh with him and be taken away for a while in his inspiration and encouragement; or I want to see you girls and laugh and be with people that love me for how I am instead of constantly trying to change me; who don't tease me all the time or make me feel inferior. I just fall asleep in warmth, stay asleep forever. I'm starting to get hit with the tiredness of school it seems and just laziness of not wanting to do anything as well I really need to get myself out of it...

Well from now on, I know for sure, I'm done with it. I am done being the push over, the clueless girl, naive, whatever, to them. If they say something I don't like, I won't react to give them the satisfaction. I'm going to be cool and collected, and show them that I'm not someone to be walked on. I'm going to stand up for what I believe and think, and not be so passive anymore.

This is the start of a new me.


Cheryl said...

Meghan I read this yesterday, but I didn't get a chance to reply. Meghan I am so so proud of you. I have the same problem, people say stuff all the time thats inappropriate, vulgar, and stupid, that I just want to call them out on, and stand up for whats right. But then I always chicken out. But the fact that you did stand up, im so proud of you. It takes guts. I just get so passive and don't stand up, but you really inspired me, and after I read this yesterday morning before class, at FT one of the guys in my group I was telling you about, well he cusses some times, and I called him out on it yesterday. And he got defensive with me back, but I just tried to stay calm, but not let him walk over me and make me feel dumb, because he's always saying im like a 5 year old because I dont like cussing and that I dont cuss. -_- but yeah, like just reading what you wrote it like really stirred me up to want to not be so passive anymore either. And like at church we have been doing bible studies over being more firm in your faith too, and actually calling out people who claim to be Christian but aren't living the life style. And thats so true about Jesus getting angry in the temple with all the sin that was going on; he wasn't passive about it, he took action and stood up for what was right. I think we do need to not be so passive, because I think thats what has happened to the church now and days, and why now so many people are falling away and thinking they can do what ever they want, but then still profess to be Christians. and I think thats because other Christians became too passive and didn't tell them otherwise.

Thanks for sharing this Meghan, you really inspired me. Lets do our best and stand firm in our faith, and stand up for God, and not let people walk over us or make us feel less, because we are PCOG's and daughters of Christ. I'll be praying for you. Love you Meghan! hugs!

Meghan said...

;__; Thanks Cheryl!

Another thing about this whole story that happened after I posted the blog, the girl sent me a message apologizing for how she had been acting towards me and we got to talk about it all in a very calm manner. I respected her a lot for it, but at the same time, I felt like it was a sign that I wasn't totally in the wrong for what I did. I feel bad about where and how it happened I guess, but at the same time, I don't regret it either.

I'm going to try harder at work too to stand up for what I believe, or just not let people walk all over me. I have a lot of adult contemporary and some Christian music on my station at work, and the guy I work with last night was complaining and saying how my music taste sucks and he was like, "well some people just don't like good music, and that's okay" normally I'd react, get annoyed, whatever, but I just remained quiet and ignored him, and he noticed it and got annoyed cause it was "no fun" anymore.

Sometimes you just gotta' realize people act like that to get a rise or a reaction out of you... I've been realizing that all my life. Nothing pleases them more than getting a reaction because then they feel justified in how they're acting. But if they start teasing you or calling you out, and you're just quiet or ignore them? Then THEY look like the jerks, and they'll eventually stop and talk to you normally.

But when it does come to matters of the faith, I think it's good to start standing up for things more, and I'm going to do that. Like I've stated, I am SO tired of being told I'm "inexperienced" or "missing out" or "stupid" just cause of my beliefs. I've never had so much criticism since college, but it's really helping me step up spiritually and see where I really belong and what I really believe; and what I really believe is Christ is all that matters. You don't need the vulgar crap of this world to enjoy it, you just need Him and his light and guidance. I just feel pity for people now when they talk or indulge in that stuff a lot, thinking it's the only way to be happy and experience things.

Sure, I don't have "experience". I'll admit to that. But not having that does NOT mean that I can't enjoy life to its fullest.

I love you honey!! And am very proud of how you stood up to that guy too. That's a definite shine of your faith right there, so even if he teases you, just ignore him and make him feel like the jerk. You'll look like the stronger person in everyone else's eyes too, while he just looks like a cursing five year old who calls people names. :)