Thursday, January 3, 2013

His world will go on turning...

Gah, this song. Makes me cry every time... Eponine :'(

Gah, that movie. I have never bawled so hard during a movie. Unbelievable.
It was like a spiritual experience to I think, idk, hard to explain. Just the entire story of grace and love and compassion through all these horrible times and moments in their life. And then at the end, triumphantly escaping the miserable world into the joy and victory of  heaven. I SOBBED VERY GROSSLY.

This week flew by; I hope next week doesn't, it's my last week on break :( But, it's been an amazing break in general, I can not complain. I've gotten to sleep a lot, I had the amazing cruise, I've hung out with friends and family and have just had time to rest and do what I want. I've had to do some homework for the Addy's, but it wasn't too much.

Is it sad sometimes I relate with this song quite often? Lolol it's like my go to sad song when stuff happens between me and Ethan. Or if I'm feeling lonely or forgotten. Pathetic, I know... but I'm always in my mind, imagining him next to me, or with me, because most of the time, he just isn't really there. "And now the night is here, and I can make believe he's here..."

Sometimes, I do think his world would go on turning without me. He seems to have all these other priorities that make him content and preoccupied... I just feel in the way or like an obligation. Idk if that's how it really is, but, of course, we all have our moments of being really down or sad or angsty. Sometimes I just feel like I'm on the outside looking in on his life, behind a window. I can't seem to really feel closer to him anymore; he's either pushing me away or not inviting me in. I don't really know how to explain it.

I just want to be noticed by him again. Feel special. I feel like Eponine, hiding in ragged clothes with dirt on my face, a hat shading my eyes, desperately wishing for that attention and compassion. 

': |

Sorry 'bout that emo-ness guys. 

But! I like to vent it all out here, to you all, as well as through drawing. Keeping it in has lead me down darker places before... but, putting it on here and getting it off my chest helps A LOT more. If you don't want to be down, just don't read some of my blogs lol :P 

I can't wait til the Christmas party to see everyone again :) I gotta' finish some shopping but I'm almost done. I'm so excited, I hope everyone likes their gifts! I hope I can finish all my drawings by then too~~

I hope you're all having a wonderful break/day/evening/whatever. Love you all! <3 p="p">

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