Instead, I'm gonna' be turning that anxiety into fuel for prayer. Fuel for positive thinking, and eventually, complete optimism. I'm mostly optimistic; but school and life has kinda' made me pessimistic and bitter. Even within a few minutes of just thinking of how GOD wants me to handle situations, I felt a lot more at ease.
Mainly talking about design (as always, haha) and handling the people. The rude people, the people that leave me out, the fake ones. Even my closest friends in design that I want to reach out to. I'm going to pray for them instead of be closed off. Instead of be bitter or insecure about how Jasmine's treating me, I'm going to pray for her. Maybe try to reach out when I feel confident enough again.
Y'all don't know how much she hurt me by just treating me coldly last semester :( I know you guys think from your POV that she was awful, rude, etc., but we literally hung out all the time. Even though she teased me a lot, was inappropriate and sometimes just out there and rude with her teasing, I considered her a friend. Heck, a close friend. I saw her more than I saw my parents, really, or even you guys and Ethan. We stayed up super late all the time working on projects. We were empathy partners essentially, pulling each other through. We opened up to one another about crazy deep stuff. The list goes on.
Instead of withdrawing, I need to reach out. Find a way, somehow... I have something in mind. Even if we're just on talking terms again, when I feel like she doesn't totally hate my guts for whatever reason, I'd be fine. I'm not expecting things to go back as they were but, I don't want to entirely give up either. I want God to use this to help me get stronger in my faith of people, friendships and what I can do to love my enemies. I think it's all meant to be a test, that I just need to take head on. I'll have other friends on campus to lean on in weak moments or vent to, or talk to if my reaching out to her totally fails.
But I can't just give up! What would Jesus do, right? :)
I'm feeling so much more at peace now about school starting just thinking through all this. Of course, I'm a little anxious still, but eh, once it starts, I'll be used to it in no time, like old times... I have a three day weekend every week so that's a bonus ;) plus, I'm only taking 4 classes, three of which are project/design based, one is a lecture. But I have that lecture class with Sable!! I'm so excited, it'll be fun to have a friend in class again :)
Guys, I'm really sorry if I get negative so often. Please don't worry too much, I just have horrible mood swings. They usually aren't nearly as bad as I make them out to be >.<;; I know regardless you'll probably still worry, but whatever XD I love you all so dearly and am so insanely blessed <3 p="p">
I got new clothes today! Part of my Christmas presents was a "shopping" day with my mom since, well, she is clueless what to get me clothes wise and she knew I needed new stuff to start school with. It's really nice actually having fresh new clothes >.< I love thrift store shopping/Goodwill shopping (trust me!!) but, it's nice having new items too!
- Cardigans galore! = mint, blue/black w/ zippers, red (bargained!), white w/ black collar/detailing.
- Simple fitted tank tops = gray, light blue and red
- New black ankle boots (bargained!)
- New black stockings
- Two dresses = black and white striped cotton dress, A-Line (actually got this with a gift-card I got from Ethan's family), and an asymmetric, short-long cotton dress with mint colored under-layer and seashell pattern detail
- Reddish-brown, faux-leather jacket (bargained!)
- A nice faux leather blouse with embroidery/zipper detail = it reminded me of something from Final Fantasy *___* (it was a bargain, too!)
Lol, half of that stuff was bargained/clearance/sale items, so, I guess it's almost like thrifting anyway. XD What can I say, I can never say no to bargains O.O
Also, the 365 days challenge is going swell! I'm a couple days behind, not too bad though. I may try to post an art dump of each month onto my blog, haha. We'll see though. XD
Fresh clothes, fresh attitude, fresh spirit, and fresh start to a semester. I can't wait to see what this semester has in store! :) Love you all and take care!