Monday, November 26, 2012

Slow me down...

His lost love haunted him regularly in dreams. 

He would wake up in terror, shaking, sweating, hearing her screams, her crying. He'd hear over and over again, Why? Why did you abandon me? before her voice faded into nothing. Sometimes she'd sound more deluded, depressed, distant.. these were the dreams when he faced her directly in darkness, having to stare into her empty eyes as thick tears rolled down her cheeks... other times, she'd be in a frenzy, almost psychotic and terrifying. Screaming in anger, hatred, jealousy. This was when he watched afar, watched as she battled and screeched at the Siren, only to lose every time. Any chance he had to save her, he was blocked by a flurry of wind, and the Siren's piercing gaze.

He shot up in bed again, panting, desperately grasping for reality. He was in his room; it was dark, nighttime still, maybe around four in the morning. Everyone else was sleeping. His fingers curled around the comforter and he hung his head. Squeezing his eyes shut, he tried to rid this recent nightmare; he saw his lost love, alone, far away, her back turned towards him. No matter how quickly he ran to her, she always drifted away. Further, further, further away... 

"NO!" he cried. When she finally turned, her eyes were blackened and crying, and her entire body collapsed before vanishing. With an inaudible cry, he collapsed to his knees and held up his hands, blood seeping out of the pores. Her blood. Her blood is on my hands. The nightmare ended with the familiar, curling peaceful fog and the beautiful hum of the Siren... but he still awoke in terror.

"It is what you wanted though," he heard the Siren's voice. Startled, his eyes shot open and he looked around in a panic. "You wanted Me, you wanted peace, contentment, wonderful nights full of sleep and dreaming..."

He closed his eyes; he remembered the beginning, when he was first enchanted by the Siren, by her beauty and her luring voice. He remembered the first time she lulled him to sleep, the most restful sleep he'd ever experienced, the most vivid and beautiful dreams he ever could imagine... but now it was nothing but endless nights of sleep, haunted by what he sacrificed.

"Is this the point? The catch? I lost her, and now, I must live with it through what I chose over her?" He  clenched his jaw and his nostrils flared in anger. "Well, I don't want this anymore! I want her back!" his voice cracked, and he choked back tears. He could help but imagine her alive, healthy, smiling at him. How had he never seen it in the moment? How alive she made him feel? He wanted her back.

The Siren appeared. She sat on his desk, fog curling around her. She appeared in a more physical form; long, slender, sweeping, a goddess bound by no constraints of the mortal world, beautiful in every fantastic and unimaginable way. Icy exotic eyes, flowing robes, long locks of curling silver hair, porcelain skin. A voice as breathy and chiming as an angel, or soothing and seductive as a temptress. As stunning as she appeared, she was devious and cruel. Enchanting you, trapping you, then torturing you.

"I am only doing what my subject wished," she cooed nonchalantly. She lifted off the desk and floated towards him, curling her fingers around his chin and staring into his eyes. He began to feel sleepy again, his body relaxed and less tense. "This is what you want. You will forget her in time. Now.. sleep." The Siren finished the spell with her lips pressed against his, and then, she released him and vanished. He fell back into his bed, his eyes drifting close and his consciousness fading away to dreams, or possibly, nightmares.

= = = = 

Idk guys, I kinda' like this idea. It started as an extreme metaphor for a certain situation, but now, I think I can work with it. Make it like a horror/suspense/fantasy kinda' thing. Who knows.

Feeling kinda down... break is over, school isn't though. Two weeks or so, but it's gonna' be stressful. You guys can probably guess what my past two writings have been about. Sometimes I don't even feel like a priority to him. He'd rather sit around with his guy friends talking about swords and cars, he'd rather go to bed. What if something happened to me? Would he notice?

I'm being really pessimistic. I'm sorry. I'm just bitter and kinda' depressed.. I have anxiety constantly... ugh. I hate posting about it all the time, but I never really get to talk to you guys about it... so I guess this is my way of doing that.. of letting it out, but letting you guys know.

I'm going on that cruise with him and his family soon, mid-December. I'm really excited, but, idk how it will go... I just hope it's not a week of him being distant towards me. Or just like we're practically friends, not like we've been in a relationship for two freaking years. I want him to be excited, I want him to be happy to spend time with me, I want it to feel SPECIAL... we'll see I guess.. I really love him. And enjoy my time with him, I want this to work out for us.. but idk how that will be if he doesn't try a little hard too. Or make it known he cares about me.

I can't wait to live back with my parents again and be away from Edmond and UCO more. It's helped refuel my sanity, this past Thanksgiving break..

I miss you ladies constantly.. I've been feeling like a bad friend lately, and I'm sorry...

I hope things start looking up..


Cheryl said...

I love you!! and I'm praying for you!! I'm sorry about Ethan... :( I think when you guys go on the cruise that will be a really good time for you two to have together, to talk and have lots of free time to spend just with each other. ^__^ and Meghan! you aren't a bad friend! You are an amazing friend!! Love ya soooo much! ^___^

Cheryl said...

Ohhh!!! and Meghan, while I was reading these short stories they really made me think of a short story by Hans Christian Anderson called the Snow Queen. I think you would really like it. Its kind of a similar story. I have the book if ya wanna borrow it. ^_^