My mood is caused by a combination of:
- Post-convention blues...
- Wanting to have time to severely clean my room, car and organize, but not being able to
- Not being able to start or finish personal projects
- Feeling constantly scheduled or busy
- Too much homework
- Anxiety about the future
- Freaking cold weather
- Never feeling good enough..
- Stuck in the same ol' dumb rut of behavior and flaws
- Wanting change, but nothing happening
Like Mattie said, is it too late to go to Neverland?
Lara invited me to join her during a Thanksgiving dinner with her and her friends but eh. I'd be there with her and Cody and another couple they're friends with. I doubt Ethan can go, and even if he did, we'd both feel out of place cause we're so different from them. It'd just be awkward and I'd have to force my fake, "normal" side out to keep up with their athletic, sporty and preppy sides.
Plus, I can hardly be in the same room with Cody anymore without feeling annoyed or wanting to hit something. I'm tired of that guy always being here.
As I write, the two are badly singing "A Whole New World" in the living room and Cody is making up his own lyrics about blowing his brains out cause he hates the song. Like really? It hurts my feelings, cause Ethan and I seriously love that song, and sing it together all the time. And Cody even made fun of people once that still sing or listen to Disney music. : |
Mmm, seriously considering moving back as early as next semester. Thing is, we only get half the money back from housing.. so that's paying $1600 for me to not even stay there. ://// uggggh. If that's the case, I need to have another serious conversation with Lara about things that need to change if I'm going to put up with another semester. We'll see.
Izumicon was super fun, a nice break from the mundane... but now it's back to reality. Gah, I hate the sudden switch. Being with friends all weekend, getting to be as nerdy and goofy as possible, dressing up to... homework, projects, grown-up decisions and dealing with responsibilities again. I need to dig through photos and make slideshows and start planning for Naka to make the blues go away >.<
I also have a family reunion my parents want me to go to this Saturday and I just gaaah don't want to go. It's with the side of my family that a lot of my cousins went awry and astray and those I don't respect anymore. Everyone else seriously disconnected from us a long time ago. So now it just feels awkward to be around them all again. I really miss my family that I bond with more.. *sigh*
Personal projects I want to work on :3
- My summer 2012 scrapbook
- Izumicon and TnT 2012 slideshow/memory videos
- My Journal Junkies project, starting an artistic personal journal
- Organizing through my computer/sorting files and pictures
- Back up everything to my hard-drive
- Finish linework and drawings for 2012 ://// I have hardly anything in my art binder...
- Compete in the TnT 2013 artwork theme contest ($1,000 cash prize or a fully paid for TnT 2013 trip!)
Hopefully things slow down enough and I can start on these projects >.<
Turn the negative into a positive:
- Regardless of what I think, I am a beautiful and bright young woman. I need to stop doubting myself so much.
- There will always be more conventions, and it's time to look back on the fun memories now!
- I can pick up my room little by little, and organize as I go, to help make it feel more organized.
- Personal projects will always be there when I want to start them; they're a great way for me to de-stress and relax, so it's good I have so many in mind.
- I'd rather be busy than bored with nothing to do!
- I'm grateful for the opportunity I have to have homework and be in class; this is all working towards my future career
- I need to take one day at a time, and accept change as it comes
- Cold weather means many great things follow: fireplaces, coffee, hot cocoa, snow, Thanksgiving and Christmas, break from school, winter fashion, time with family and friends. Snowball fights, days inside warm and reading, cozily napping in a warm bed. And tons more!
- Regardless of what I don't feel good enough for, I need to be proud in my own accomplishments and give myself more grace than I do.
- I need to continue positive encouragement that I can't change myself drastically; however, I need to keep trying day after day to be the best me.
- Change will happen when it's meant to; until then, enjoy the moment you're in.
And now, a ton of pics that help cheer me up and warm my soul. Enjoy!