Trouble.

I totally love this song. I'm not gonna' lie. Freaking catchy and spicy, lolol. Taylor Swift is my guilty pleasure.

and I just loved this video O.O Mattie you'd like it, it also kinda' ended up just being Korra and Asami kicking Mako's butt essentially. Freaking jerk, haha.

Girl power D:<

too many conflicted feelings about that show, mygosh.



Today kinda' stunk...

You all know the story so I won't repeat it again lol. Gosh though. How unreliable are people?

Cherry topping on the cake was Ethan bailing on me too. I was going to a show tonight, but asked if he wanted to hang afterwards. He was like "sure! just let me know when you're ready" sooooo I did. No reply for like an hour. I was out with Lara and Cody and then a couple friend of theirs. Odd ball out, third wheel.. it was kinda' awkward but I figured I'd get to leave soon to see Ethan or he'd join us. He didn't say anything all night and then when I texted him again, he didn't seem too up to seeing me. Or driving out here. Fed up, I just said "Nevermind" and cancelled. He tried to make it better saying "Aww well we can hang out tomorrow"

Freaking listen to me every once and a while, and you'd know I work all day tomorrow.

Boys, freaking jerks.

Just, seriously. How hard is it to be dedicated, to care, to be on time, responsible, earnest. True to your word. I haaaate going back on a promise. Or letting anyone down. I get anxiety about it. Do I just care too much?

Mattie, I read your post about feeling lonely, and I do too. All the time. Even living here amongst tons of college kids, living with a bubbly roommate, working with nerdy co-workers, and going to school with fellow designers, I come home to my room and kinda' just sit down and it all sinks in on me.

Loneliness. I want to live with my parents again in that sweet solitude, having them constantly around, genuinely caring and respecting me. I want to live closer to y'all, getting to go to church more often, being closer to friends. I want to be able to go out on the patio and just sit there, my arms clinging to my dogs, taking in the trees. It's insanely lonely here in a sea of people. I can't seem to get over it. I think we just need a break from the "norms" we've built ourselves into (you being there in Maryland, me being here all the time).

This Christmas break shall be wonderful though! Let's keep looking forward to that.

Also, I hear you about feeling like you're losing yourself... I feel the same way. I honestly feel like I want a new warddrobe too, or a new way to express myself. Change somehow, physical change, can be good and healthy every now and then. Oh, and losing weight. Definitely losing weight will help me feel more... satisfied with myself. Cause right now I just feel gross.

We'll get there, where we want to be. These are hard times in our lives, but at the same time, great times. The best times. Let's make them count :)

Ugh, so today was just one of those days that stunk. I feel pooped, I hate being worked to death over the weekend... practically working for three people. That cruise... oh man, that cruise can't come soon enough...

Tomorrow's plan:
- sleeping <3 p="p">- Cleaning up my room (like, try to hardcore clean)
- Pack some stuff for winter break move out
- Draw
- Plan Christmas presents
- Work ... -___-;
- Laundry
- Maybe get some homework/studying done

Now... time to go to bed...