Valentine's Day + humility lesson.

So today was our first critique day in photography. I go in feeling entirely confident, probably almost smug. I put my pictures up and feel like top dog, mine and maybe a couple other's have the best in the class, but I felt mine were just really dynamic and intriguing.

I sit down, lean back, and put my hands behind my head, almost smirking. Critique would be a cinch for me -- I'd give the best critique in class, I'm used to this already, going through this process. I get it all the time in design in the harshest of ways sometimes. Critique rolls around and I'm speaking up, using big terms and pointing out things, giving critique the correct way.

My teacher slows me down. "We haven't really discussed that yet so I'm not grading on things like composition." It stung -- I'm trying to give critique, they KNOW what composition is right? I kinda' held my tongue the rest of that person's work. I finally roll around and I felt like my critique was empty. He mainly talked about how I should print on glossier paper, and not at Kinko's. He didn't really say much good about my pieces, just asked me why I shot in certain ways. Others didn't speak up much either except for "I like it". I didn't know how to feel. My face felt flushed and red and as we moved on to the next person, I felt defeated.

A handful of people who I thought had mediocre photos got better critique and praise. I felt defeated, but then, ashamed of how prideful I was acting and feeling. I lost all humility and got too attached with my work that it affected me personally. I'm so used to being detached from my work with design/illustration, but photography has been like my source of art recently. This is truly the first "critique" I've gotten. I've learned from it though -- I can't be too attached, I have to be critical and always making myself better.

*SIGH* God will smack ya' down if you have too much pride, you know?

I'm happy it's Valentine's Day -- a day to show love to EVERYONE not just your relationship partner. Keep that in mind, folks: it's about spreading love to everyone around you, your friends and family, not just boyfriend or girlfriend. I'm gonna' try to do that today, at work, when I'll be REALLY tempted to be bitter... I'm just bummed I have to work tonight. My co-worker told me there's a lot to do, because as usual, the morning crew did nothing. I'm really irritated. I'm considering turning my two weeks notice in soon.

Transfer to the OKC store and work with Sable. >:P Screw this Edmond store, it sucks.

Anyway on Valentine's Day, Lara left me a cute little gift -- a cupcake, cute socks in a cute little box and a handmade V-Day card :3 She's such a sweet roomie. Despite all my little problems here and there, I'm super blessed by her. Her consistent optimism and compassionate personality is inspiring. I wish I had time and energy and thought to do stuff like that for her and others -- I need to work harder on that kind of language of love with other people, gift giving and hand-made thngs. They mean so much!

I can't wait 'til tomorrow~ I have the whole day off, which will be soooo nice <3 :="" a="" all="" and="" apartment.="" around="" as="" but="" can="" cleaning="" clue.="" cosplay="" crazy="" day="" did="" do="" done="" down="" drawing="" enjoying="" ethan="" for="" get="" getting="" got="" gotta="" have="" holds="" homework="" i="" in="" insane="" it="" just="" last="" like="" little="" m="" may="" maybe="" my="" myself="" night="" no="" nothing="" off="" on="" or="" our="" p="" plan="" probably="" room="" since="" sleeping="" slowed="" so="" some="" stuff="" t="" the="" then="" thing="" this="" through="" to="" tomorrow="" too.="" treat="" v-day="" wait="" want="" was="" week.="" week="" weekend="" well="" whatever="" work.="" work="">
Naka-kon a month away! AAH! I can't wait! <3333 p="">

You all are fantastic and I love you! Have an amazing Valentine's Day. <333 p="">


These next two are two of the five pictures I had to turn in today :) They're the ruins out by Ethan's house.