I literally felt punched in the gut. Why does this always end up happening to me? Your words are ringing in my head, unwanted but completely uncontrolled. I miss your warmth, I miss the days where we were so happy together. Where I saw that love in your eyes. The confusion you face with your feelings toward me is agonizing. Painful. Unbelievably painful. I thought you were the one; I saw us together, we've talked about us together time and time again... what happened? What did I do? What did I not do?
My feelings have not faded at all. If yours diminish and go away and you move on... I'll be entirely devastated. I honestly can't see myself with anyone else. Am I not meant for anyone, then? You were all I wanted all along. Just you, as you are.
I'm numb, I'm heartbroken, I'm terrified of what's to come. I'm terrified I'm too late, that you're long gone to me. That you wanted to be gone long ago. I honestly do not know what to do anymore but lean on God and just rest my spirit and heart in Him. Whatever happens, I know He will strengthen me up again. And if I'm not meant for anyone, God will slowly reshape my heart and mind and send me on my new path. It's so, so hard to say that though without tear-stinging eyes or a clenched jaw. This is not what I want; but if it's what God wants, that is all that I can do.
I could run, I could run for the life of me.
But where would that get me? Where would that lead?
And I’m a fool for waiting so long