Monday, December 5, 2011

I want to help you.

I wish I could help you feel motivated, or that I could inspire you or guide you. I desire to be your muse or to lift your spirits, or guide your mindset even just a nudge. I want God to talk through me to you, I just want to feel like I'm helping you somehow, because I desire for your happiness so much. But I just feel like I can't be there for you enough or help you enough. I just feel either closed off from you, or that I don't know what to do anymore.

I'm sorry, I'm going to try harder..

Right now in my own personal life, I feel like curling up and dozing off like a cat in the sun. I want to get lost in a book or get lost capturing moments in time with just me, my camera and my thoughts. I want to spin around slowly and fall down and just soak in the Earth, the sky, the fresh air, no matter how cold and crisp it is. I want to close my eyes with no worries about tomorrow or pressures of deadlines bursting in my mind. I want to be sunken into a warm river of the purest water that will swallow me and let me drift in dreams, where the water carries me gently and sings me to sleep. I want to feel warm when I hold his hand or when I'm held in his arms without the anxiety of other stress keeping me from soaking all that warmth in. I want to be surrounded by no one else but my family and friends, the ones I love, my dogs, a fireplace, crisp air and God's presence.

1 comment:

Cheryl said...

Meghan.... ;____; that was soooo beautiful! Meghan you are seriously an amazing writer. I could visualize all that so well! ;__; hugs... I'm sorry things have been so hard meghan, and Im sorry about all the Ethan stuff... only one more week and you are done! hang in there sweetie! maybe after finals you and Ethan can do something really special together. ^^ maybe you two could go drive through the Yukon lights? they are so pretty! I love you Meghan and I'm praying for you! <333