I want to help you.

I wish I could help you feel motivated, or that I could inspire you or guide you. I desire to be your muse or to lift your spirits, or guide your mindset even just a nudge. I want God to talk through me to you, I just want to feel like I'm helping you somehow, because I desire for your happiness so much. But I just feel like I can't be there for you enough or help you enough. I just feel either closed off from you, or that I don't know what to do anymore.

I'm sorry, I'm going to try harder..

Right now in my own personal life, I feel like curling up and dozing off like a cat in the sun. I want to get lost in a book or get lost capturing moments in time with just me, my camera and my thoughts. I want to spin around slowly and fall down and just soak in the Earth, the sky, the fresh air, no matter how cold and crisp it is. I want to close my eyes with no worries about tomorrow or pressures of deadlines bursting in my mind. I want to be sunken into a warm river of the purest water that will swallow me and let me drift in dreams, where the water carries me gently and sings me to sleep. I want to feel warm when I hold his hand or when I'm held in his arms without the anxiety of other stress keeping me from soaking all that warmth in. I want to be surrounded by no one else but my family and friends, the ones I love, my dogs, a fireplace, crisp air and God's presence.