Thursday, August 23, 2012

How old is your soul?

"When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
Well, there's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

Well, I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up." 

Tears brim her eyes again tonight. She curls up in her desk chair, ribbons of moonlight peeking through the window and falling on her face. Muffled laughter and conversation from outside fills her ears, and the giggling of the lovey-dovey couple permeates even through her locked and closed door. With a sigh, she tucks her legs under her arms and buries her head away, squeezing her eyes shut. Some tears escape, others just smother against her sweatshirt.

Another night today, surrounded by the people of this God-forsaken campus, yet never feeling more alone. Her heart was a town away; with her friends, her family, with him. She yearned for nothing more than summer again; it was a perfect three months of friendship, laughter and memories. But now? Now she just felt like a workhorse stuck at her desk, stuck in her room, living off what she could afford at the grocery store or fast food.

She sunk out of the chair and flopped onto her bed, clenching the blankets with her fist. One day, she knew, all this would be worth it. She'd be out eventually, away from here; living with her friends that actually respect her privacy and wishes. Or maybe she'd even be married, starting her life with him, even if it meant having to put up with a rough, small apartment complex that cost more. She'd be rolling back in her chair in her studio, feeling the warm sunshine of spring pour through the windows that lined the walls, as downtown sped by her. She'd travel, she'd explore, she'd finally live.

The city's train honked loudly, drunken college students hollered in the courtyard down below, and the couple outside her door were watching a movie rather loudly and continuously giggling. Her light was out, and her door closed, they probably just assumed she wasn't even there. Gone for the evening. Gone, but, where would she even go anyway?

Everyone in her life was leaving, or always busy anyway. She felt like everyone was ripping apart from one another, that there wasn't enough time held in a day to keep it going when they were all actually together. She rolled over on her back, and stared up at the dull ceiling. Squeezing her eyes shut, she remembered the summer: the warm days, the refreshing water of the pool, the weekend getaways and random hang-outs. Being enthralled with a hobby, whether stressed or excited; she remembered dancing, laughter, glorious starry evenings. She remembered formal dinners, birthday parties, good times that came easy. She remembered collapsing on her bed after a weekend of unforgettable moments.

All things must change, and she knew that this was something she needed to grasp, and get used to accepting.


Mattie Elizabeth said...


I'm sorry I can't be there for/with you because I would be, like, all the time. Leaves are starting to fall and it's like everything is starting to die. It's sad... summer is starting to die and fade away. :(

I keep telling myself these things too: everything will be worth it in the end. And yes, we are going to live together. ;D

I love you. Keep your head up.

Meghan said...

Sorry it's such an emo post XD;

I felt like venting in creative/poetic way. I know everyone has their own paths in life right now, but summer just felt so amazing, we were all together so often. But I know we'll all have that again soon :) It's being apart like this that makes those times together all the more sweeter.

I love you too dear! Thank you for your encouragement and sweet comments dear ^^ <3