Saturday, July 28, 2012

You treat me like a stranger

I feel like I'm about to fall apart. I want something to change in my life, something for the better, something... I've done nothing for myself this summer that I can say I'm just proud of. I mean, I've had a lot of fun, vacationed and what not, but I need something for myself now. An accomplishment. Something..

I keep watching wedding and homeowner shows. I can't help for long for that sometimes. It's always been a dream of mine to have a family and own my own home. Vacation and travel with my family, start my own life. I feel like I'm living in between who I once was as a child and who I'm becoming as an adult and it's driving me crazy. I'm tired of being on the journey and just want to get there already. I'm tired of being in school and only working crappy part time jobs. Even the "graphic design job" I have now is just because they were desperate... she didn't even look at my work.

I just feel tired and anxious, never knowing what's going to come..

alone even though I have so many surrounding me.


The Bible study had me so cheerful and content afterwards, I loved it. Today has just been so tense and awful... I want to go fall asleep and dream it all away, but I have to go to work instead. Let's pray there aren't any spoiled, snappy or needy customers or I may just walk out.

I want to fly, but I feel chained to ground.

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