Atka, trial post

Suspended in the air, she awaited the embrace.

Her body cut through the water silently, and the arms of the ocean rocked her, took her in, nuzzled her. Curling into herself, she allowed her body to float, bob and sway with the rhythm of the ocean. Swirling, dancing, twirling and frolicking, she allowed her body to be donned with the finest cloak, the most soothing garment. She sunk further and further, letting her fingers sift through bubbles, opening her eyes to glance up at the surreal reflections of the world above. Reflections of a world she lived in, yes, but here she truly felt at home.

Oh, how she loved the water.

Up, up, up, bubbles and salt and critters passed her as she swam up and back up into the air, gasping for breath with laughter. The sun broke through the wintry clouds, warming her cold cheeks. The water was freezing, considering it was the Northern Water Tribe's lands, but her body was apt to the cold water and trained well enough, it felt snug, casual, like hugging a long lost best friend. It'd been a while since she truly just submerged, sunk, and felt her element truly all around her. No temperature would keep her away.

A shriek pierced the air. "Atka, you're going to FREEZE to death!" Panic splashing followed, then a more smooth gradient of pushing and pulling the water. She was greeted by her younger sister, who's panic-stricken eyes were evidence enough Atka should get out. Atka sloshed some of her wild hair away from her eyes and smirked at her sister.

"C'mon, where's the fun in that?" she asked.

"Seriously," the little girl said with a small lisp, "We need to go; mom's worried!" 

"Okay, okay fiiiine. Two more minutes." Her sister's groans of protest were muted as Atka pulled herself back in, submerging all the way to the point her toes touched the sand of the bottom. Her heart sighed in contentment, her body felt exfoliated, her soul cleansed, like all troubles were submerged with her, but as she broke and felt the light of the sun, the rest of her problems sunk and floated away.

Well, if only it could be that easy.

When they broke to shore, waterbending the water from their clothes, the sisters were met with a frowning mother tapping her foot. "I know you are a waterbender, Atka -- but seriously, you can't risk being out in so deep in the waters right now... What with all the recruitment going on.."

"I know, I KNOW," Atka reassured, resting her hands on her mother's shoulders. Atka was slightly taller than her mother, well-toned and stately, but her mother was more petite and gentle. She had sweet, loving brown eyes and the beautiful Inuit skin, her hair braided down to her waist. She had a spark of youth in her still, but the war and recruitments of the Northern Water Tribe were wearing on her day by day.

Atka was always rumored to be a top recruitment from the Northern Water Tribe. More stealthy in her style of waterbending, she could easily fight offensive, and passed flawlessly as a stealth-assassin fighter. She had minor training in healing, but considering their original home being the Southern Water Tribe, Atka took up the spirit of offensive fighting and waterbending to keep her loved ones safe. Defending her mother and younger sister felt not only like her job, but her calling. Fate's chance hadn't ripped Atka away yet, but at this point in the game, no one knew what would happen next.

Plopping down on in her wolf-skin hammock, Atka hung sopping clothes up and quickly changed into freshly dried garments, traditional water-tribe wear -- woven tunics, arm guards and bracers, sheepskin and wolf-pelt accents. Atka preferred functional wear, anything that she could bend and fight in. She saw no purpose in clothing that was only made for style. It was hard being at the Northern Water Tribe, the bigger of the two tribes, considering most of the girls were all about being charming and beautiful here. The Northern Water Tribe's history naturally had women healing and being guarded by the warrior men, so of course they had time for more frivolous things. Only few Northerners she noticed stood out to her as different; however, she missed being home, where she could rough-house, explore and be herself, not feeling inferior in her looks or appearance. She heaved a sigh.

As she dressed, she caught herself in an ice-bent mirror. Atka's appearance held potential, and she had natural beauty, but in an understated, plain way. She was nothing near delicate, little and fragile -- she had more muscle to her, more curve in her hip, more strength in her waist and arms. She naturally held good posture, her feet firm but ready to move. Her eyes were an ice blue, her skin a softer tone of the Inuit tan, and her hair was choppy and short, asymmetrically hanging around her face. She got tired of the traditional water-tribe woman's hair style, and short hair was more functional and easy to manage. She left enough length for a small braid here and there, so she didn't seem totally barbaric and odd. Though honestly, the traditions within the water-tribe confused even her sometimes -- why did it all matter so much?

"Who knows," she breathed, and then tugged her jacket hood over her hair, exiting her tent.

= = = = = =

LOLOL. It's like all fanfic and what not XD

But Mattie's post inspired me. <333

I want to work more on my character. I already have a good chunk of her personality and appearance down in mind. I'm really excited to start working on our story more! I need to get sketches of Atka done first though so you guys have reference of what she looks like. I think this will be a super fun and unique way to keep our creative juices flowing, as well as keep in touch beyond just blogging and Facebooking :3

Take care! and thanks for reading, haha!

You treat me like a stranger

I feel like I'm about to fall apart. I want something to change in my life, something for the better, something... I've done nothing for myself this summer that I can say I'm just proud of. I mean, I've had a lot of fun, vacationed and what not, but I need something for myself now. An accomplishment. Something..

I keep watching wedding and homeowner shows. I can't help for long for that sometimes. It's always been a dream of mine to have a family and own my own home. Vacation and travel with my family, start my own life. I feel like I'm living in between who I once was as a child and who I'm becoming as an adult and it's driving me crazy. I'm tired of being on the journey and just want to get there already. I'm tired of being in school and only working crappy part time jobs. Even the "graphic design job" I have now is just because they were desperate... she didn't even look at my work.

I just feel tired and anxious, never knowing what's going to come..

alone even though I have so many surrounding me.

/sigh

The Bible study had me so cheerful and content afterwards, I loved it. Today has just been so tense and awful... I want to go fall asleep and dream it all away, but I have to go to work instead. Let's pray there aren't any spoiled, snappy or needy customers or I may just walk out.

I want to fly, but I feel chained to ground.

Make it true.

I love, but also hate, the dreams where you wake up & reality is unfair.

The dreams that are so beautiful, perfect, wonderful that you want to be wrapped up in them and never let go. That you want to run away from consciousness and the world, and just keep falling into a wistful sleep if it means the dreams will always be alive.

You're surrounded with warm and comfort; the world is safe, perfect, whole, righteous. Everyone you love is there; everyone is happy. There is no stress, no anxiety, no sadness, no tears. Everyone is laughing, everyone is themselves, everyone is open. It's an oasis with lush greens and never-ending waterfalls, towering silver mountains, miles of flowers and greenery. The sky is a shade of beautiful purple as it slowly dawns a brilliant dusk and then nighttime, wearing a blanket of stars and a wane, yawning moon. The water glistens, the weather feeling like a perfect summer evening. Everyone is gathered in the crystal clear lakes and pools of water,  chatting and socializing. We are all elemental benders of some sort, sharing our skills and love for our spiritual connection with nature and those around us. We embrace the love, relaxation and comfort of the moment; we feel God's beaming glory all around us. Everything feels perfect.

I'm in the water, in the center pool, talking and singing with others around me. I start twirling the water around me, and it wraps around my waist, spinning me gracefully through the lake. My hair is long, curly, thick, and it billows around me in the water. I allow myself to sink more and steady my spinning, my singing growing into a chant that everyone else stops to listen to with soft smiles. I look like a goddess of water, a beautiful princess emerging from a happy ending. I'm slender, pale as night with dark hair and bright eyes. I appear inwardly happy and joyous, as if nothing in the world is pinching or holding my heart down. As I spin in the water, slowly, my hair turns from its dark brown hue into a silvery white, stealing the moon's beauty. The moon's light pours on me, my body energized with the power and grace.

My hair as pale as the moon, I continue spinning, dancing in the water, as it lifts and swirls around me effortlessly. I hear happy noises and clapping from my friends around me, for they love when I focus my energy and spirit in such a way to channel the moon's full strength. I'm putting on a small show for them, a demonstration of my training and progress. They are pleased, happy for me, encouraging me and some even start singing as well. I feel beautiful, powerful, wonderful.

Everything is great.

Everything is.. perfect.

Then, I wake up. I hear my buzzing fan, and then the muffled sound of talking and a movie playing through my door. It's warm and humid feeling, sticky almost. Daylight pours through my uneven blinds. My speckled ceiling above me is chipped and off yellow. My alarm clock blinks the incorrect time like a mindless robot. It's Sunday.

Just another ordinary day, in an ordinary and imperfect world.

Gyahh tchh pfft

Mattie will kinda' get this, what we were talking about earlier (who, specifically) but I'm gonna' rant

Girls who do revealing cosplays (boobs hanging out, revealing tons of skin, etc... you get the idea) and then get offended or annoyed with guys complimenting all the time, always mentioning their body/looks (sometimes even saying over the top things) ARE STARTING TO BUG ME. Not to mention, same girls that decided to always say they never feel like they are in shape, and tend to openly point it out every five seconds in really awful ways ("it's OBVIOUS I need to lose weight, omg" or "I just look like a total fat blob, ugguuu) and they are clearly like tinytinytiny, probably only 115 pounds, great bodies, clearly fit. 

I understand everyone has their self-esteem issues, but when you openly post things on Facebook how awful you think you look in an indirect "joking but really take me seriously and compliment me/pity me", with your 3,000+ fans, 3/4's of them dudes who are only lusting for you, when you KNOW you get complimented all the time by them anyway, you are clearly just asking for compliments and attention. 

Let's be real here.

I guess I just exploded after seeing this person post a picture of herself on dA, and she's in the picture all cute and smiley in cosplay, and then saying "it's clear I'm out of shape" when in fact I would kill to ever be her size. 

ON TOP OF THAT, just cosplayers in general that wear that kind of cosplay, the really freaking easy ones cause there is literally nothing really there clothing wise half the time, get more attention than cosplayers that have amazing amounts of craft and detail in their work and make everything themselves? Or people that DON'T do characters who are totally revealed in nearly every way? 

I'm really trying to change my mind with like being judgmental and stuff, but I can not help but be bothered by girls that just vie for that kind of attention and receive way more praise and attention for their "hard work" when other amazing cosplayers are easily passed over or not paid attention to at all. It boils my blood, where has modesty gone?

It's probably also just generated from the anime character design in general I guess, which is making me realize why I probably do like stuff like Avatar/Korra and what not, they're much more modest and practical when it comes to what the women/girls wear. Same with Final Fantasy (sometimes, haha) their outfits can be really amazing and awe-inspiring, detailed and beautiful, but still pretty modest. 

IDK, it's late, I'm ranting, I'm sorry 

But really. What the heck.

Titanium.

Sometimes I wish I could throw my phone away, like, texting and stuff will be the ruin of me. I think that's half the problem sometimes; always expecting replies, for him to talk to me, and then nothing all day. -sigh- It causes miscommunication, misunderstanding, tons of stuff.

But even a call here or there would be nice. Just to know he's thinking of me.. if he is at all.

:'/

Emo-ness aside, I've had a pretty good week. The 4th was super fun and felt like a true summer hang out day. I got to the interview stage of two potential photography/graphic design jobs on campus that will be great for my portfolio/future careers... crap has been going down at VStock lately, and after what has happened recently (which is still shocking and upsetting me slightly) none of us really feel secure there with how our manager is handling things.. I would stay working there through college or my internship if I could, I love it to an extent, but now it's just ... been frustrating and tiresome.

I'm hesitant to go somewhere else though, because VStock is full of nerds and people like me. It's nice being able to go into work and not feel judged for who you are. At Pink Swirls I was surrounded by girls that didn't really know me and I had to be fake around to even talk to them, bleh. I hate how you almost have to be fake or walk on eggshells at a job to survive. It's just not my style. I want to speak up or try to fix things,  but then I may lose my job. "It's not your place, Meghan"

It's dumb.

I decided to ditch efforts to finish Yuffie for TnT. My Rinoa stuff isn't here but I guess it's shipped already, but I'm still worrying.. in the meantime, I'm gonna' hardcore work on Korra this weekend and finish up the last of the Rinoa stuff I can do. I want to get Korra pretty much done by the middle of next week -as much as I can.

I can't wait to work more on the dance; it'll be fun to see it all together :)

I'm just in a mellow, neutral mood right now I guess. I've been journaling a lot in a journal I keep with me. Anytime I feel upset or distressed, angry or confused I write in it. It helps straighten out my thoughts and keeps me from becoming a basket case over things I don't need to be a basket case over.

Honestly, a day spent running away in a field in the sun, or of laughter and dancing in the rain sounds like heaven to me now. I want to fall, exhausted, into the Earth and stare up at the stars, breathe in the moonlight. I want to sit outside and watch day turn to dusk turn to night without a worry on my mind...

Hopefully sometime soon.