Sunday, October 30, 2011

Quiet righteousness.

I know this is a double post, but seriously, the day is finally over and I'm relieved.

I'm reposting this as a slight rant on people and how rude they can be, as well as a deepened admiration and love for Ethan's character that I'm sometimes blindsided by.

He came over earlier, to keep me company while I worked on design. I had to go to the Mac lab and do some scanning/printing, so we walked down there together obviously. While we were walking, these two black guys were walking in front of us/towards us. They were kind of laughing and I had that weird feeling like they weren't too good or something, but I passed it off, not wanting to be judgmental based on how they were acting or looking at us. Me and Ethan were just talking, when suddenly, one of the guys just rammed right into Ethan, really intentionally, like shoulder first, really pushing him. Ethan sort of bumped into me in ricochet, and made a noise of shock, and had a stunned look on his face. The black guys started laughing and we just stared at them, and he was like "OH, man, I'm totally sorry, he pushed me (he was referencing to his friend with him) you should totally (pardon my French, this is merely a quote) kick his ass, man". And they were laughing and staggering away.

I felt this sudden rush of terror and anger and I was trembling I wanted to yell and scream at them so badly. Probably something I would've regretted. I looked to Ethan and asked if he was okay, and he seemed fine, and said he was, but I was so, so bothered by it. All through printing I was, I just felt really angry and then really scared at the same time; they were purposely trying to hurt Ethan, or start a fight. What if one of them had a knife? They would've, and could've, severely stabbed him and tried to mug him. Even though it was on campus, it was dark outside, not many witnesses... it could've turned into something way serious. Those basic intentions were there; any drunker, and any angrier, they could've seriously hurt Ethan and I.

And that scared the crap out of me, and made me even angrier.

I started regretting NOT saying something. On our way to get some food, we were talking about it more and I was just ranting and spilling my guts. However, I totally saw God in Ethan when we stopped and he just said "You just have to be the better person; starting a fight wouldn't have done anything." Basically, he showed them grace; he could've been easily angered, he could've said something, done something, felt something. But he just brushed it off and kept walking, making them look like fools. He said that himself "if anything, I made them feel embarrassed by not reacting". I just stared at him in awe; here I was, ranting and complaining and being sort of rude and insulting towards them because they hurt him, and Ethan's not saying one word bad about them.

In that moment, I just sort of gazed at him in awe, in a small, still silence, and felt this peace and contentment I hadn't felt in a while. Sometimes I feel like being "righteous" means being a great leader and standing up for what's right; fighting back and all that jazz. However, there's a quiet, still righteousness that few possess; the ability to be totally shoved, and even though you're stunned and offended, you don't do anything back and just continue walking. Choosing your battles, thinking intellectually over just raw emotions. It's something I needed to learn; something I needed to take in.

Something I know Ethan can teach me.

It was a sort of scary experience, but at the same time, I felt like it was a God thing; seeing that happen, seeing how Ethan reacted, everything he said, and feeling how I do now... it's all like a lesson learned. A revelation of sorts; there must be patience in this world. Giving others grace, giving yourself grace; having that quiet righteousness to choose your battles, but let others slide. Not instantly snapping in reaction with anger or emotion, but thinking things through; understanding tomorrow is another day. Ethan's constantly saying he always has things he's grateful for, that he has everything he needs; he's truly not greedy, or needy. He's content, he's peaceful, he loves solitude; these are all such beautiful things about him that I never really thought of until now.. well, I knew them, but God is constantly reminding me.

*sigh* God really knows what to use to teach you; I think He's been trying to tell me this for so long, but I've been not understanding or realizing it. So He uses Ethan because He knows that He can get to me, through him. I think that's really cool though when you can learn from a relationship from one another; that it's on a deeper level than just having fun, or intimacy. It gives me peace in my heart. How God can use certain situations that we never thought He'd speak in, and make them really impacting.


Mattie Elizabeth said...

Whoa, I was totally on the edge of my seat! That is a God thing!

We sing a song in church and you kinda of reminded me of it, it goes:

"Hide me now
Under Your wings
Cover me
Within Your mighty hand

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father you are King over the flood
I will be still and know You are God

Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know His power
In quietness and trust

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father You are king over the flood
I will be still and know You are God"

I love the I will be still and know you are God, it's hard and sometimes we need to just stop and listen. Love you guys! :D

Meghan said...

Yes! I love, love, love that song. It's so true, sometimes it's about the stillness and quietness in all things that you can see God the most. It's so awesome. :)

Mattie Elizabeth said...

I know I can get so busy and frustrated sometimes and there are signs of God all around me. I need to get better at just stoppping for a few moments and give glory to God.