Make it true.

I love, but also hate, the dreams where you wake up & reality is unfair.

The dreams that are so beautiful, perfect, wonderful that you want to be wrapped up in them and never let go. That you want to run away from consciousness and the world, and just keep falling into a wistful sleep if it means the dreams will always be alive.

You're surrounded with warm and comfort; the world is safe, perfect, whole, righteous. Everyone you love is there; everyone is happy. There is no stress, no anxiety, no sadness, no tears. Everyone is laughing, everyone is themselves, everyone is open. It's an oasis with lush greens and never-ending waterfalls, towering silver mountains, miles of flowers and greenery. The sky is a shade of beautiful purple as it slowly dawns a brilliant dusk and then nighttime, wearing a blanket of stars and a wane, yawning moon. The water glistens, the weather feeling like a perfect summer evening. Everyone is gathered in the crystal clear lakes and pools of water,  chatting and socializing. We are all elemental benders of some sort, sharing our skills and love for our spiritual connection with nature and those around us. We embrace the love, relaxation and comfort of the moment; we feel God's beaming glory all around us. Everything feels perfect.

I'm in the water, in the center pool, talking and singing with others around me. I start twirling the water around me, and it wraps around my waist, spinning me gracefully through the lake. My hair is long, curly, thick, and it billows around me in the water. I allow myself to sink more and steady my spinning, my singing growing into a chant that everyone else stops to listen to with soft smiles. I look like a goddess of water, a beautiful princess emerging from a happy ending. I'm slender, pale as night with dark hair and bright eyes. I appear inwardly happy and joyous, as if nothing in the world is pinching or holding my heart down. As I spin in the water, slowly, my hair turns from its dark brown hue into a silvery white, stealing the moon's beauty. The moon's light pours on me, my body energized with the power and grace.

My hair as pale as the moon, I continue spinning, dancing in the water, as it lifts and swirls around me effortlessly. I hear happy noises and clapping from my friends around me, for they love when I focus my energy and spirit in such a way to channel the moon's full strength. I'm putting on a small show for them, a demonstration of my training and progress. They are pleased, happy for me, encouraging me and some even start singing as well. I feel beautiful, powerful, wonderful.

Everything is great.

Everything is.. perfect.

Then, I wake up. I hear my buzzing fan, and then the muffled sound of talking and a movie playing through my door. It's warm and humid feeling, sticky almost. Daylight pours through my uneven blinds. My speckled ceiling above me is chipped and off yellow. My alarm clock blinks the incorrect time like a mindless robot. It's Sunday.

Just another ordinary day, in an ordinary and imperfect world.

Gyahh tchh pfft

Mattie will kinda' get this, what we were talking about earlier (who, specifically) but I'm gonna' rant

Girls who do revealing cosplays (boobs hanging out, revealing tons of skin, etc... you get the idea) and then get offended or annoyed with guys complimenting all the time, always mentioning their body/looks (sometimes even saying over the top things) ARE STARTING TO BUG ME. Not to mention, same girls that decided to always say they never feel like they are in shape, and tend to openly point it out every five seconds in really awful ways ("it's OBVIOUS I need to lose weight, omg" or "I just look like a total fat blob, ugguuu) and they are clearly like tinytinytiny, probably only 115 pounds, great bodies, clearly fit. 

I understand everyone has their self-esteem issues, but when you openly post things on Facebook how awful you think you look in an indirect "joking but really take me seriously and compliment me/pity me", with your 3,000+ fans, 3/4's of them dudes who are only lusting for you, when you KNOW you get complimented all the time by them anyway, you are clearly just asking for compliments and attention. 

Let's be real here.

I guess I just exploded after seeing this person post a picture of herself on dA, and she's in the picture all cute and smiley in cosplay, and then saying "it's clear I'm out of shape" when in fact I would kill to ever be her size. 

ON TOP OF THAT, just cosplayers in general that wear that kind of cosplay, the really freaking easy ones cause there is literally nothing really there clothing wise half the time, get more attention than cosplayers that have amazing amounts of craft and detail in their work and make everything themselves? Or people that DON'T do characters who are totally revealed in nearly every way? 

I'm really trying to change my mind with like being judgmental and stuff, but I can not help but be bothered by girls that just vie for that kind of attention and receive way more praise and attention for their "hard work" when other amazing cosplayers are easily passed over or not paid attention to at all. It boils my blood, where has modesty gone?

It's probably also just generated from the anime character design in general I guess, which is making me realize why I probably do like stuff like Avatar/Korra and what not, they're much more modest and practical when it comes to what the women/girls wear. Same with Final Fantasy (sometimes, haha) their outfits can be really amazing and awe-inspiring, detailed and beautiful, but still pretty modest. 

IDK, it's late, I'm ranting, I'm sorry 

But really. What the heck.

Titanium.

Sometimes I wish I could throw my phone away, like, texting and stuff will be the ruin of me. I think that's half the problem sometimes; always expecting replies, for him to talk to me, and then nothing all day. -sigh- It causes miscommunication, misunderstanding, tons of stuff.

But even a call here or there would be nice. Just to know he's thinking of me.. if he is at all.

:'/

Emo-ness aside, I've had a pretty good week. The 4th was super fun and felt like a true summer hang out day. I got to the interview stage of two potential photography/graphic design jobs on campus that will be great for my portfolio/future careers... crap has been going down at VStock lately, and after what has happened recently (which is still shocking and upsetting me slightly) none of us really feel secure there with how our manager is handling things.. I would stay working there through college or my internship if I could, I love it to an extent, but now it's just ... been frustrating and tiresome.

I'm hesitant to go somewhere else though, because VStock is full of nerds and people like me. It's nice being able to go into work and not feel judged for who you are. At Pink Swirls I was surrounded by girls that didn't really know me and I had to be fake around to even talk to them, bleh. I hate how you almost have to be fake or walk on eggshells at a job to survive. It's just not my style. I want to speak up or try to fix things,  but then I may lose my job. "It's not your place, Meghan"

It's dumb.

I decided to ditch efforts to finish Yuffie for TnT. My Rinoa stuff isn't here but I guess it's shipped already, but I'm still worrying.. in the meantime, I'm gonna' hardcore work on Korra this weekend and finish up the last of the Rinoa stuff I can do. I want to get Korra pretty much done by the middle of next week -as much as I can.

I can't wait to work more on the dance; it'll be fun to see it all together :)

I'm just in a mellow, neutral mood right now I guess. I've been journaling a lot in a journal I keep with me. Anytime I feel upset or distressed, angry or confused I write in it. It helps straighten out my thoughts and keeps me from becoming a basket case over things I don't need to be a basket case over.

Honestly, a day spent running away in a field in the sun, or of laughter and dancing in the rain sounds like heaven to me now. I want to fall, exhausted, into the Earth and stare up at the stars, breathe in the moonlight. I want to sit outside and watch day turn to dusk turn to night without a worry on my mind...

Hopefully sometime soon.

Progress update!

Korra:

- Make new, accurate shirt w/ collar
- Order leotard for under shirt
- Re-do suede fur skirt thing (new fur?)
- New shoes
- Re-do arm-bands/upper arm band
- New solution for hair accessories?

Rinoa: 

- Order fabric for duster and arm things
- Make duster and arm things @_@
- Buy shorts to modify (athletic shorts)
- Zippers for shorts, buttons for skirt
- Buy tank-top (sweetheart neckline)

- But material for skirt- Make skirt
- Find boots

- Order wig?

- Style wig- Rinoa's ring necklace?

Yuffie:

- Fix/brush through wig
- Take in vest

- Add details/hardware and finish up
- Add details/hardware to hip pouch thing
- White trim on socks
- Try everything on and figure out more adjustments if needed

Made a lot more progress on Rinoa stuff -- ordered fabric, wig, ring necklace, as well as got basic shirt and shorts. Now it's just on to the waiting for stuff to come in, modifying things, and then making the skirt and finally the duster/arm bands when the fabric comes in. OH, and finding the boots. Gah! BUT, even better -- I got the wig and ring necklace for under $25, combined! I'm so happy! (I just hope the quality is good on both though, haha, that's the only fear...) 

I need to get some Yuffie and Korra stuff done this week too and I feel really accomplished. Especially now since we've practiced/choreographed some of the dance already! Today has been super productive, which makes me super stoked and excited. It'll be a good night's sleep knowing I got stuff done.

Now to practice the tutting some more, and then go to bed to wake up to anoter productive day of studying for my Biology test, bleck.

Scream

But I'm just in a really stinky mood today for some reason... all of a sudden too, it just hit me. Idk what it is; maybe I was distracting myself a lot earlier. I think it's a mixture of being tired, and just other things I'm thinking about that are getting to me..

I basically just want to cry and scream into a pillow, or curl up and sleep and not wake up for a while.

"Swim for brighter days

... despite the absence of sun".

Probably my new favorite song, "Swim" by Jack's Mannequin.

Sorry for no serious posts for a while guys. I was gonna' try to do update ones about all my summer activities, post pics and all that jazz, but I got too lazy, lol. I like blogging, but I am not meant to be a blogger apparently. At least a serious one, I can blog and write for fun all I want xP Mainly just to talk to you guys and keep you updated.

Gosh, Legend of Korra, giving me so many feelings. I will probably write out a seperate blog before the finale just dumping them all out. Feelings about all the drama, the romance, the Mako-Korra hate. I've read a lot of good analysis on Tumblr and want to share it. Analysis from all sides, I'm trying to remain uber-neutral until I just can't be neutral anymore. I don't want to get biased cause that ruins things, haha~ (though I was always bias about Zutara vs. Kataang o.< but whatever!)

ALSO, trying to remind myself -- even though I love it, and it's amazing, it is just a television show. I should invest so much emotion and time and worry into it as much as I do, haha. Hopefully this gets fixed

After seeing Mattie's to-do blog, I decided to throw one up too. Oh dear, here we go.

Korra:

- Make new, accurate shirt w/ collar
- Order leotard for under shirt
- Re-do suede fur skirt thing (new fur?)
- New shoes
- Re-do arm-bands/upper arm band
- New solution for hair accessories?

Rinoa:

- Order fabric for duster and arm things
- Make duster and arm things @_@
- Buy shorts to modify (athletic shorts)
- Zippers for shorts, buttons for skirt
- Buy tank-top (sweetheart neckline)
- Make skirt
- Find boots
- Wig?
- Rinoa's ring necklace?

Yuffie:

- Fix/brush through wig
- Take in vest, add details/hardware and finish up
- Add details/hardware to hip pouch thing
- White trim on socks
- Try everything on and figure out more adjustments if needed

The ONLY way I can have a third one is cause Yuffie was more than 70% done anyway and has been sitting idly by, waiting to be finished.

Cosplays I'm thinking of wearing when:
Friday -- Yuffie
Saturday -- Rinoa
Sunday -- Korra.

If I don't bring anything, it'd be Yuffie, and only if I need to put more focus towards Rinoa and Korra. But if not, I'll probably re-wear Korra or something. I discovered from AKON not cosplaying isn't nearly as fun xP

I agree though Mattie -- I sometimes want to hesitate looking up pics of other cosplayers cause I'll just find amazing ones with amazing photographs that blow me out of the water. And I'm like "why try?" that's equivalent to the feeling I got seeing that other Korra at AKON. But we need to quit defeating ourselves and take that as motivation to make ourselves even better. Be the best we can be, and just have fun. We all want to make it into a contest to be the better one, but what does that title even give us? If we only stress out and freak out and worry over cosplay, even if we're the best, is that really the fun way to go about things?

IDK, I'm trying to think reasonably so we can all quit beating ourselves up. I know it's hard though, cause I definitely go through it too. :'/

Let's have fun guys and do our best!

All this drama makes me miss the original Gaang.

Those were the days...

I just want the Krew to figure everything out, and be happy. <3

I got you.

"Go ahead and make me cry,

I'll be alright.

And when you need a place to run to

For better or for worse, 

I got you."

"You must learn to let him go."