Little treasures!

So the antique fair this weekend was amazing! I found so many things, I'm so excited <3 I can't wait to go again whenever that is, haha.

Nothing better than finding good finds. I thought I'd share with you guys what it was I got!



I was super proud of finding those cameras! And excited that Andrew helped me haggle them down a bit. A Polaroid camera and a vintage Bentley SLR for just $10! Now, I'm gonna' try to see if I can get them to actually work, but if not, they'd make great decorations. I want to start collecting vintage cameras I think, I love them so much! <3



I also found a cute, vintage candy tin that has a carousel on it! As well as some fun jewelry/craft bags for $1 a piece that had some really cute things in it :)






The following pieces are some of my favorites; I got the bracelet for fifty cents, and then that peacock necklace for $4. The various pins and other things shown were for roughly 25 cents to - $1 a piece. :)





Overall, the vintage fair was so fun! I'm looking forward to the book fair next, and then the medieval fair, and then before we know it it will be summer time and conventions! It will be amazing. And then spring and summer weather! Aaaah, so ready.

I've decided I'm doing the Fab Ab February! Even though I'm starting late I'm gonna' try to catch up. Or just hang over a little into March to get the accurate amount of days. I think it's a great idea to slowly progress yourself up. I'm also trying to cook more food at the apartment and eat out less so I can have a healthier diet. It's also helping with budgeting and saving money and what not.

I'm slowly getting caught up on 365 days! Mattie, I drew those suggestions of yours and I love them! Haha. I'm gonna' try to experiment drawing some realism as well as landscapes or environmental illustrations too, so I can practice drawing other things than just people.

I'm working on Ethan's Valentine's Day gift; it's gonna' be a poster of a collage of images of us from our past year and a half together. I'm also going to burn him a CD and draw him something :) I'm not thinking that we're gonna' do something huge on Valentine's Day, if we just get to hang out and have a nice evening together that will be enough for me. I don't want to pressure Ethan into thinking he has to have some huge V-Day plan for me or anything. I need to quit putting him on some sort of pedestal. I just can't wait to see him! We're doing a lot better now, and I'm very excited. I'm getting better at giving him his space and not getting worked up or emotional; I'm dealing with only getting to see him on the weekends, but when we do see each other it's like we never want to leave, haha. So I guess it's worth it.

I'm off to work though -- I sure hope today goes well. As far as I know, I'm not working with "that guy" again... but I just hope the next time I do that we can be cool again. I may have to talk to him about it just so work isn't so tense. We'll see.

I love you all! <3 Stay lovely!

Feelin' better.

So today has been a lot better. Man, I had a lot on my chest I just needed to tell Ethan. I was so terrified he'd be angry with me or upset, or never trust me again -- but he wasn't even angry at all. I know I never really explained the story, but it's all resolved now so I feel a lot better. And there's no more tension there between us anymore. He's truly an amazing guy, absolutely forgiving and patient with me. Which is what I need, cause I'm a mess. D:

Anywhoodle.

I'm feeling a little better but I still have a throat tickly thing, or just upper respiratory bug. It's nothing super serious, just a crummy little bother thing. I've been drinking extra water all day to get plenty of fluids, and I'm going to bed early tonight to get enough rest. I can recover from things pretty well luckily.

So I'm so glad it's getting warmer and closer to spring! I can't wait to not have to worry about wearing tons of layers or jackets, or freezing. Don't get me wrong, I love winter fashion, but I love spring and summer warmth more! As well as all they entail: blossoming gardens and flowers, blue skies, beautiful climate, spring break and summertime, swimming, free time, memories and friends. I'm so excited!

Also, I randomly had a goal I set for myself.. I WANT to buy a lolita dress. At least one, this year. I don't care if it's name brand or not, as long as it really looks and feels like a lolita one. Sure, I can always make one -- but honestly, when will I ever find time? Between making cosplay making, work, school and other things, I don't think I'd want to try to tackle a lolita dress too. Besides, there are some already beautifully made lolita dresses that I just ogle everytime I see them.

I want a classical lolita style dress, simple and elegant. I'd probably wear it to church or tea-parties, or fancy events. I'd never be able to afford being a full-on lolita, but it'd be fun to have a couple dresses or something to indulge in every now and then :) They're just too pretty to pass up!

-coughs-

Guhh, I hate feeling sick, but I think I'm starting to come down with something. Mainly just a throat thing I guess. My throat feels tickly-ish and I've been coughing some. Headaches on and off, but nothing like body aches or just exhaustion. So maybe its's a weird throat thing. Huh. Anyway, I'll probably get some Emergen-C at the store today and just take it easy all day. Luckily I'm off, but I do work Friday and Saturday so I need to keep my energy up.

Yesterday was good, but when I got home I was sort of stupid and kept making myself sad. Ethan had talked to me hardly at all all day, except when I texted him a little in the morning. I'm getting used to giving him space I guess, I haven't been nearly as clingy but I don't even think he's noticing. He hasn't talked about hanging out at all this weekend, so we probably won't see each other just us until we see each other with the whole group on Sunday.. whatever, I guess. If that's what he wants.

I can't help but be down sometimes, but I tried to not post any depressing stuff yesterday. I hate burdening everyone with my problems, and Ethan doesn't like when I post negative, angry or sad stuff on Facebook all the time, so I'm trying to stop that too. I do that a lot though so it is a habit I need to end.

I just can't wait to see friends. I've been feeling lonely again, it probably doesn't help that Lara is never here either and when she is she's either locked away in her room or all over her boyfriend. I'm not as outgoing as they are, and it's really uncomfortable when they're boyfriend-y girlfriend-y I'm just a third wheel, so I just lock myself in my room. It sucks, I miss having evenings where we just hang out her and I, doing whatever.

I hope today feels like a better day. Yesterday probably didn't help cause it was so long, with a big test right at the end of it and two deadlines before that, plus homework to do in between. Today should be a lot more lax.

I started watching Clannad last night, I really like it! Key Animation has such beautiful work, it feels cinematic while I'm watching it. C: I also love the small dashes of humor they add to it, the whole series feels very real with how they incorporate the characters interactions with one another. It's a really cute anime, and I'm sure since I loved AIR so much, I'll adore this one too. <3

Here's to the weekend being soon! I can't wait to see you guys at on Sunday! I seriously need my girls! It will give me something to look forward to to get through work C:

All of me.

So, I'm feeling a slight tension and ache in my heart.
But at the same time, I know I need to let it go.

Ethan was really down today, and I tried to ask him why. He finally told me that he's just sick of seeing the world how it is; he feels hopeless sometimes that anything will change within America, how he wants to just sometimes leave and go to some smaller country where there are less problems. He said more too, how he wants to change the world somehow but he knows he doesn't have nearly that sort of power and even if he did, he couldn't change the hearts of humanity. He said though that it would be worth dying for if he could.

I was really touched with how passionate he was about it; so I asked him, "Do you feel like it's a conviction for a call to action somehow?" Like maybe he's being called into missionary work or something to reach people. He said he hadn't thought about that, that he mainly feels like he has a better understanding of what's important. But that it is for a reason, he just doesn't know what that reason is yet. I told him to just pray about it whenever he can, and truly decipher where these strong feelings stem from, and why God is placing them on his heart; and whatever it is he feels called to, I will be here encouraging and supporting him all the way. He said "Thank you :) I had a feeling you would be." And then how he'll do just that, just follow that path since that's all he can do.

I had this tugging feeling in my heart though the whole time like, "What would happen if he was taken from me? To do mission work somewhere, or move somewhere else to pursue another desire?" What if I'm not in the right path for him, or in God's plan for him after-all? I thought about it for a while and felt an ache in my heart, but prayed about it a little bit too. Prayed that if that's the plan, all I can do is support Ethan and follow God's plan too and quit fighting for everything so hard. I need to quit holding onto things so tightly with me and Ethan. I don't want to feel like I'm suffocating him and make him feel like he has to stay here and not follow what he knows he needs to because it would mean devastating me or something.

I need to grow up and accept that that could be God's will.

I feel sad about it; I mean it may not even be that at all. I don't want to think too far into one way or another. I mean, it's mainly sad cause I don't really see myself with anyone else but Ethan. I think about other guys, and it just ... doesn't seem right. I know we've had our problems we've gone through, but I don't want to be with anyone else either. It's just hard to picture and imagine, and I don't think that's coming from a "well we've just been together for so long it's all I know" place. It's coming from an honest, core, gut, heart feeling. We're just compatible in so many ways and would make great partners I think in the future. Maybe it's less of not being together but just waiting until any sort of "future" is started, per say.

Idk, it'd still be great though to do something like getting married but then doing missions together or something for a while or traveling before truly "settling down". But I'm not even sure if Ethan wants that at all. We never really talk about it. Maybe I'm always thinking about things too seriously too soon. I hate being a girl sometimes, lol.

I better get to studying though... I just need to give all over to God, all of this. Whatever happens, happens. I can't expect or hope for too much, really, unless I've been given that sign or that lead. Sometimes I just wish it was all laid out so there was no mystery, haha.. but I guess that's the point of faith.

I'm not letting go of loving him though; if anything, I'm going to love him more.
See more of what is in his better interest.
Do all I can to make him smile, or laugh, or be peaceful and happy.
Protect his purity.
I'm going to give him all of me, cause that's what he deserves.

You only get one shot.

Mood: Content & excited.
Music: "I've Had the Time of My Life" -- Glee cast version, haha
Reading: Rose and the Beast

Sooo, this weekend was pretty ... interesting.

It started off awesomely, then spiraled into rocky and sad and confusing, and then ended awesomely. Haha

The "rocky" part isn't anything super serious now, just .. some stuff happened. Let's just say my self-esteem was somewhat shot when I found out something I shouldn't have really known in the first place. However, I talked myself through everything and talked to others about it and got some encouragement and wisdom, and I feel better now. C: I also learned that you cannot allow one person to control your self-esteem or confidence. Only YOU can allow yourself to feel ugly, or beautiful, or whatever. I'm still sort of recovering from the blow, but it's actually really encouraging me to work harder.

Which leads me to my new decision: I'm gonna' try to work out everyday, whatever that means. I'm gonna' take stairs more, play fitness or dance games on the KINECT, walk more, go to the gym and work out, or even just do short 15-30 minute sessions in my room in the morning or before bed. Whatever it takes, I WILL get to my target weight goal, which is around 135-140 pounds >o< It's gonna' be hard, but I'm gonna' do it! I don't really have a set "goal" time, but by mid-summer it'd be pretty cool to see those numbers on the scale. I'm also gonna' eat better, portion better, and drown myself in water. After the fast I sort of binged a little and ate whatever I felt like sounded good, or that I missed, and now I'm having headaches and feel more bloated than anything, haha. So I'm gonna' reel back some and control things more, and little by little, I'll start shedding the weight. I don't want to rush myself at all or else I won't accomplish anything, but I want to definitely accomplish something. C:

I mainly want to work on abs/waist, and then legs. Tonight I did some crunches and then some core/hip isolation that I REALLY felt. I also did some push-ups and planking. All of it was in small bits, but I want to work myself up. I want to slim down, but also, become leaner. I might even try lifting weights (LIKE A BOSS) at the gym. haha, with all those buff sweaty guys that would probably think I'm weak sauce compared to them. Who knows! I even have some takers on work out buddies at UCO, so that will help me be accountable too.

I was joking with Sable how I want to sort of slowly work up to a mini-transformation; losing weight, and then when my hair is the right length to donate away, cutting my hair short. And that how she wants to have a girls day where we get all dolled up and dress me up or something and then I go out on a date with Ethan and am just like, "BA-BAM" bombshell or something. XD HAAHAHA. Knock his socks off. But then be as coy and hard to get as possible -- "make the boy work!" LOL. It was a very interesting conversation. Oh goodness.

I visited my parents today! Which was so nice. They won airline tickets (two different sets) that they get to use this summer, but they have to be used before certain dates. So we're planning some vacationing, which I am beyond stoked about. I haven't had a nice family vacation in a while it feels like (that didn't last more than 2 days at least). I screamed instantly, "THE OCEAN! OR A BEACH!" and then thought more and said "DISNEY WORLD! FLORIDA! BEACHES!!1!1!!" They probably thought I was a little insane, but I don't care. Haha. I played the "guilt" card of "I've never been and I'm going to be 21 and never have been to Disneyworld and ;alkjdf;d" and they were like "*SIIIGH* okay, fine" so it's under consideration.

Bahah! In seriousness though, I'm honestly up for any sort of vacation with a beach. I NEED a beach. Some lapping waves, the sand tickling my toes, a perfect climate that hugs me like a welcoming blanket. I want to sprawl out lazily and read for hours, or draw. I want to feel the sun gently warming my face; I want to have the waves crash against my legs and I want to find a cute swimsuit to wear and prance around in. I want to take my Nikon out and snap pictures and capture the dancing movement of the water, or the atmosphere of the shore. I want to pick up seashells and see the ocean in early morning light, when it's a pale purple outside with a touch of blushing pink. I want to walk along some harbor shops in a cute summer dress, boots, and a hat, with the smell of the sea in the air. And when we leave, I want to look back at the glinting sea in the setting sun, smiling and waving goodbye with water and foam and a yawning sun.

-SIGH- I must be channeling my inner Katara or something.

Speaking of which, making mild progress on cosplays, only Yuffie so far though. I need to get both done though that I want to do by May at the latest -- mainly cause the end of May/beginning of June is when this vacation would be, ending a couple days before we'd depart for AKON. So, I gotta' get movin'! I don't want to rush, but I don't want to procrastinate last minute and stress. I need to get my passes for the summer and start saving up. I have a lot to save up for, traveling and convention wise. And just saving in general. Which means, I need to suck it up and sacrifice some free time to get some more shifts at work. I need at least 3-4 a week for a good while to save up for everything and be secure about it.

I just want to hop-skip jump to summer. It's such a magical time, full of warmth, friends, memories and possibilities.

I'm very excited!

Not some floor mat.

On someone's status today, they were quoting some Disney song. But then one of their friends made a really crude, perverted comment about it. And something instead of me just ticked.

I commented on it saying "Way to make something totally innocent, stupid". I'm sure I should've just ignored it and passed on, but I am SO TIRED of seeing and hearing such vulgar stuff day in and day out. Through school, through work. I just got really furious. It's like I can't avoid seeing it anyway, so it's so hard to ignore -- I just wanted to say something so I did.

But then this genius, catty girl was doing the whole "OMG, that was so rude, uhh, (insert name here) since when was your name "Meghan"? This is YOUR page not hers, lololol, she could've just ignored it" or something along those lines. I preceded to stand up for myself and address her calling me out like she did, and also mentioning she didn't have to say something like that and post it on his status either so she was contradicting herself. She preceded to tell me that I have a "stick up my butt" and that I need to "freaking shut up" and was cussing and stuff (so exchange most of those words for curse words). When I commented back saying I had not once cursed towards her, and how she was acting classless and tacky, the guy who posted the status originally messaged me saying it should have stopped way back, and that I was the one that started it.

I'm just annoyed right now. I know, I shouldn't have said anything. But as I mentioned earlier, I am tired of seeing that crap. The right thing to do would've been turn my cheek or ignore it. But didn't Jesus flip tables and get angry and make a statement towards those using His temple for sin and greed? In the Bible it says we can get angry, just not enraged. I guess since it wasn't something along the lines of what Jesus saw, it wasn't as bad, but sometimes, I'm tired of being some push over who never says anything.

I'm tired of being someone who is always stepped on, too. In class, and at work, a lot of my "friends" tease me and make me feel stupid. Like I don't know anything or everything I say is invalid. They make some huge deal if I haven't seen some movie or read some book that they have and apparently "everyone" else has too. They try to attack me based on my beliefs or that I'm "naive" or whatever. They even joke that I'm going to get kidnapped or raped because I'm so "clueless", I am not even kidding you.

Ugh, I really just want to get away from everything.. I'm always alone at the apartment anyway it seems. I want to see Ethan, to be held by him, to laugh with him and be taken away for a while in his inspiration and encouragement; or I want to see you girls and laugh and be with people that love me for how I am instead of constantly trying to change me; who don't tease me all the time or make me feel inferior. I just fall asleep in warmth, stay asleep forever. I'm starting to get hit with the tiredness of school it seems and just laziness of not wanting to do anything as well I really need to get myself out of it...

Well from now on, I know for sure, I'm done with it. I am done being the push over, the clueless girl, naive, whatever, to them. If they say something I don't like, I won't react to give them the satisfaction. I'm going to be cool and collected, and show them that I'm not someone to be walked on. I'm going to stand up for what I believe and think, and not be so passive anymore.

This is the start of a new me.

"When's it my turn? Wouldn't I love..."

"... love to explore the world up above..!"

OMG guys sorry for the double post this evening.
But this one is to litter my blog of renewed Little Mermaid love.

SERIIIIOUUSSSLLYYY.

Holy goodness, I forgot how amazing this movie was! It's just so visual and dynamic and beautiful, and being a designer and visual person I ate it up! Wayyy more than when I was a kid. I was just entranced with the movement of everything, the lighting in certain scenes, and enraptured with Ariel's voice. I forgot just how beautiful it was. *sigh* I love Disney so much, it's so hard to pick a favorite movie. I have a love for each one in a different way.

I've decided though, I think Prince Eric is my favorite Prince. XD Like, I love Beast, he'll always hold a place in my heart, but in realistic terms from the classic Disney princes, Eric would be the one I'd want to marry (though all bets aside, I'd probably marry Flynn Rider above all, bahahaha). I forgot how sweet and adorable he is. Those blue eyyyyes <3 And dark hair! Aah!

And Ariel! Omg, I'm probably gonna' draw 398538+ pictures of her now haha. She's got a simple character design that's easy to remember and sketch, and I have so much fun drawing her hair cause it can be flowy and billowing and all over the place, I LOVE IT. I have this enamor with red headed characters too (I always seem to cosplay them or want to cosplay them) so I think that's another reason why I love Ariel so much. I think she's the prettiest of the princesses, also because of her cute, curious personality throughout the whole movie. She's just charming and adorable.

PLUS, the whole story is just about adventuring out there and taking chances; truly seeking after what you are curious about, what you're passionate about, and sticking through to the end. As well as fighting for what you love and for what you want. It's a great moral really (despite the fact she's 16 and got married after knowing him for only 3 days... bahaha) and just an insanely adorable and lovely movie all around. *sigh* <3

And I got back from Ted's this evening! And had a wonderful time! It was sooo, so great to get caught up with Lara again. I really missed our roomie time! Plus, I got more delicious food, mmm <3 But I couldn't finish it all, so I ended up taking half of it home. Eh, gives me a meal later for half the price, right? Right!

Stay beautiful ladies!