Wednesday, February 22, 2012

These tired eyes.

This week has just been one of "those" weeks. Just up and down I guess. Monday was crummy, Tuesday was great, today's just been dragging on forever. We had a huge test and I'm pretty sure I did awful. It's just so much information and we literally do not know what's on the test, we're not told, so we have to study everything; and even that may not do us any good, cause if we study the wrong stuff, we only get so much credit for writing it down in the bonus section. It's just stressful I guess. These big tests stress me out.

I've also just been feeling lonely. I can't wait to see you guys. Lara is always gone or with Cody, as usual. So I'm by myself a lot. And I'm giving Ethan space, so even talking to him I'm holding back on. So seeing him is very rare now, at least for a while. And if anything it's only on the weekends. The only people I see anymore are those in design, and that's it. And in general that's a very rushed, stressed atmosphere so it's not always the most uplifting, encouraging, fun kind of atmosphere I'd like to be around. Idk.

I also just feel like all my stuff is so bleh, average, boring, not spectacular. I mean, I'm surrounded by amazing designers and illustrators and I just feel like I fade into the back. I've also been so lax about working out and eating right cause I've been stressed and just lonely, I tend to go to food for comfort; I'm sure I've gained weight, so now I just feel ugly and fat. I really need to get on working out consistently and losing weight cause I hate feeling like this. It also doesn't help that I'm always struggling financially and sinking it feels like; paycheck to paycheck. I can never seem to keep enough in savings. I need to cut out a lot of stuff to really save up and keep from living paycheck to paycheck. Idk. I'll figure it out.

I hope tomorrow is better. Cause right now I'm just down and tired and I hate it. -sigh-

But this weekend will be amazing, I'm excited for the book fair :) I hope to find a lot of good stuff. Even though I shouldn't spend too much money; you can still find great stuff for great deals. I can't wait 'til payday next week; hopefully the check will be bigger, so I can put more back into savings >.<

The weather has been beautiful too. I can't wait for spring and just the fullness of it. The warmth, the flowers, the blue skies. Even a little spring thunderstorm, warm, with relaxing rain and rolling thunder sounds so nice right now.

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